Monday, 23 December 2013

2013 the stye

I have a stye, as in one of those annoying little fuckers on your eyelid. I've never had one before but they're really annoying! Kind of painful, itchy, not that big of a deal but still irritating enough to make you a cranky cow.

And I realised this is a perfect way to end 2013, because that was 2013 has been like for me, a stye. Personally, it's been a good year for me, two healthy kids, a decent enough marriage, good job, friends, family... But for people around me it seems to have been a really shit one, hence why this year is a stye, not that big of a deal, but not that good either.

I can think of at least 10 people I know that have lost close family members, my sister's house burned down, my dad was diagnosed with a nerve condition, my mum had both her eyes operated on, Grandma was in and out of hospital, dog fucker remained a right fucker, little brother almost died... All just crappy things that I felt pretty much helpless as I watched on.

The worst thing to happen this year was definitely earlier this month. I'm not sure if I've mentioned him on here before but about 3 years ago I had a 2 year old boy named Hayate start at the school, he'd been coming to lessons for about 2 years when he suddenly stopped for a month because they discovered cancer in his eye and he had to have his eye taken out. He came back to lessons with a patch but a few months later had to stop because he needed chemo. I went to visit him in the hospital in summer and it was heartbreaking then to see him all hooked up to tubes and with no hair, but I thought he'd pull through, he was talking, laughing, I was quizzing him on the ABC... Then I got a mail from his mum saying he'd died. Just gone, the same age as Ash, a happy, smiley, genki little boy, just gone. I went to the funeral and I just couldn't stop crying for days. Which made me feel guilty, I have no fucking right to be so upset when his mum is going through hell, but I just couldn't stop the emotion spilling out of me, I'd be jogging and think of him or his mum and dad and just have tears flowing.

So yeah, rather depressing stuff! I'm hoping 2014 won't be so shitty for everyone around me, and that this bastard stye pisses off just in time for me to drink a lot of alcohol and lounge around for new year! How was your 2013, stye-ish...?

Thursday, 5 December 2013


I'm even too lazy to think of a title.

I always get a comment when I haven't blogged for a while telling me to get off my lazy arse and blog. Like a lot of people, I get all my frustrations out on social media and just tend to have not much to say anymore. Sad really.

Although my facebook page is TOTALLY censored because my parents check it daily. They may read my blog too but at least it's an unsaid thing and there is still some hope that they don't know every painful and horrible detail of my life. I write that like I live in a prison camp or something, actually I have it pretty damn good these days!
I'm working hard, got the house routine down like a pro housewife minus the cheating on my husband and eating bon bons, play on the weekends, jog every morning. Pretty damn normal!

There has been one thing that is really stressful lately though, and that is the fact that Ryota just needs to suck it the fuck up and deal with what he has to do. So Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I work through from 3-8, not that long, but over the pick/up/dinner/witching hours. Ryota has to pick the kids up from 2 different kindies, get them home and feed them the dinner which I've already cooked, so just heat up basically. But without fail, every time I get home, he looks like he's just run a marathon, in a hurricane... with no shoes on and two small people attacking him. OK, the last one about 2 small people attached to him and attacking with toys/chopsticks/any sharp object is probably true, but fuck me he needs to get over it, 2 hours watching kids is not that fucking hard if you're organised about it. Of course, it's hard to say thing directly, because he goes on a rant about how he's been working hard all day and then has to look after the kids by himself, and it's a valid point, but again, no fucking bon bon eating here, I'm working!

So we got into it the other night because I tried to give him some advice, I basically told him the kids would be grumpy if they were hungry, so first priority should be to fill bellies, after that, snacks, TV, anything to keep them quiet is fine. I also suggested that he clean things as he goes, because the house that I've cleaned in the day is just a complete mess whenever I get home. I asked him why I manage to keep some kind of order when I look after the kids and he got really pissed off and told me I should finish work at 6pm, we need me to be a good mother more than the money. Which really fucking stung, and it shouldn't of, it should've just made me pissed. We don't need the fucking money?! Well not now because I earn enough! So I left the room, took some deep breaths and forgot about his comments until the next day when I calmly explained that I didn't want to go there girlfriend, but if you want to start your own business, we need my income to be stable, so please not to go spouting shit from your mouth in an argument about me working too much and neglecting my family. Which he actually listened to and apologised for (I'm getting so much fucking better at this marriage thing!).

So the night routine thing is a bit of a sore subject for us at the moment, I'm sure they'll be a big blow up in the near future, but seriously, 2 hours of kid watching 2 days a week and he's walking around like he's a single dad 24/7, fucking drama queen twat he is.