Thursday, 10 December 2009

The things I miss...

Oops, been a bit between blogginess lately, I've been busy with work is my excuse and I'm sticking to it!
Although I do have 4 students now, and getting out of the house is so good, if I've learnt one thing from this whole having baby experience, it's that a good stay at home housey wifey type, I am not.
We're paying SIL 500 yen an hour to look after Ash while I'm working which pisses me off because I'm incredibly cheap. Is 500 yen average?? High?? Low??? Not up with usual babysitting rates but fuck me she's got nothing better to do, but I won't get into that little caper...

I miss a lot of things about pre-baby life. I miss being on my own, I miss not having to worry about anyone else unless I wanted to, I miss going out on a whim, I miss having the energy to dance and drink all night, I miss going to work after one of those nights and stumbling through the day and then falling into bed, I miss working for that matter, I miss dressing up, I miss being totally selfish... I miss lots of things but fuck me the thing I miss the most, is sleep.

And you know something, I never appreciated bastard sleep when I was single, I used to bitch and moan that I was an "insomniac"!!!! God I was a fucking dick. But now I can't sleep properly, I daydream about having a full 10 hours, even 4 would be good at the moment.
I can safely say that Ash has never slept through the night. Ever. EVER! he's almost 1 people!
I know some babies are better sleepers than others but it just seems ridiculous. Now the western approach leans towards independent sleeping and in a routine, if this helps him sleep I'm all for it but of course the 'Kawaisous' could be heard all over the place when i mentioned trying to let Ash cry it out for a short amount at a time to get him used to getting to sleep by himself. I researched it, I got some great advice from Sassymoo, and i even convinced Ryota that we needed to at least try something different. He got partially on board, but after the first night trying, Ryota went to get Ash after a crying spell and Ryota just couldn't hack it.
I must admit, I blamed Ryota for quitting, but secretly I was dying inside too, Ash was shaking and just looked sooooo scared, I don't think I could have lasted much longer.

We've had some horror nights lately, with him waking up every hour and going right off and there was one night where I just sobbed and howled right along with him, I couldn't help it. He's still sleeping with us and he's still waking up a lot, but the only thing he's done the last few nights has gone to sleep (laying on top of me!) by himself, fairly quietly. It's got to be a step in the right direction!

Sleep deprivation can do things to your head, I've felt like a walking zombie lately and am seriously considering not having any more kids, don't think I could go through another sleepless year!


  1. WOW totally the same as us this week!!

    On monday i got sick of it.

    She had woken up like 8 times the night before and i was a human zombie. I just wanted to stare at the wall all day, like i couldnt clean up (and you know how much J-hubbies like that!!) plus i felt so bad coz i wasnt really playing with her, just kind of staring at the wall.

    I eventually cracked and did something called "controlled Crying" where basically you go in every 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, then 20 etc and give a little "daijoubou" and pat them on the back but dont pick them up ... it REALLY sucked, so bad.

    I did it on my own coz hubby was working (plus i know he would have chickened out too!) and it was horrible. She cried on and off for 2 hours (i felt so guilty)


    that night she slept from 9pm until 6am with 0 wake ups.

    Tuesday she cried for 20 minutes and went from 8-7 with no wake ups.

    Last night was 10 minutes and 9-7 and i dreamfed her once.

    and tonight shes fallen asleep after like 7 minutes ... and all is well.

    My sis recommended this to me like 6 months ago and im soooo regretting not doin it before. If you can hack the first night, its definitely, definitely worth it.

    Gambatte! It sucks so bad - and i can totally understand. If i can help in some way let me know :)

  2. Random lurker here. No offense meant but I have to take sides with your SIL in this case. If it were me I would definitely be pissed if my brother or sister randomly decided I had nothing better to do than to look after their kids just because I'm at home. It's not my job. They decided to have kids not me. So if I do it it's because I want to help out not because someone thinks I should. As you know babysitting little kids means lots of stress and responsibility. While once in a while is perfectly fine (as long as I'm asked politely) I wouldn't appreciate it if someone took me for granted just because I'm there. So I think it's only fair if you pay her a little. 500 Yen is not much. She's just being the selfish person that you would like to be again.

    Hope the times of no sleep will be over soon for you.


  3. I hear ya on the pain of sleep deprivation. I think I went slightly batty when Joey was Ash's age. On the bright side, it DOES get better, I just can't say when. I think for me, Joey didn't really sleep properly until we moved back to the UK and even now he still wakes up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. Which is fine except that they have taught him to ask before he goes to the toilet at school so he wakes me up to ask permission in the middle of the night which drives me CRAZY!!

    SO looking forward to him being old enough to move out so I can finally sleep! LOL! (Although by that point I will be sad because my baby is all grown up- we mothers just can't win!!)

  4. Hey I'm on the other side of the Pacific "pond" and after one jet lagged induced coma-like sleep we are back to 5:30 wake ups yay!!!!!

    I think after I get back and Sakura is 6-7 months we are going to try a bit of what Fi suggested above. However Sakura is sleeping in the same room as us now and what I read said that when trying the controlled crying the baby should be in another room.. and Niigata is too damn cold and we are too damn poor to pay for heating in two bedrooms... so until it warms up I will suffer through sleeping.

    And I am sure I will be doing it all on my own as for Ryohei it will be super kawaisou. He thinks a parent should stay with the baby until they are asleep every night.. but right now that person is me.

    Anyways I miss pre-baby life too but I'm still happy Sakura is around 85% of the time. Its a rough time but I remember being in elem. school and being zonked out by 8pm so it eventually does end. Just never feels like it will

  5. Is it possible to give your husband a week of staying with the baby to get him to sleep every night and then see if he still wants to do co-sleeping after that? Maybe he doesn't really get how hard it is for you. After a week of no sleep for himself, maybe he will be more on board with it all.

  6. Ditto the things you miss bit - getting dressed up! Hell, I can't even fit the clothes to get dressed up in. Sleep - something I have decided will get returned to me in a year or two. I don't think have had had more than five hours in a row since Shou was born. I tried controlled with Shou and it worked. I should probably try it again as now we are back at square one with him anyway - having to stay with him till he sleeps. And he is THREE.

    Oh, and 500 yen an hour - cheap as. Good deal eventhough she is family and it would be nice if she did it out of the kindness of her heart.

  7. I think it's totally reasonable to pay your sister.

    My son didn't sleep through the night until he was like 10 years old!!! He went through a stage of waking me at like 2 am to tell me random cricket facts. I went from being all caring mummy to "I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ARSE WHAT SCORE ALLAN BORDER GOT IN LAST ASHES TEST!!!" very quickly.

    Ha, now he's old enough to have hangover and revenge is very, very sweet.

    Also, they stop wanting to sleep in your bed when they hit puberty. lol.

  8. sorry, not much help here..we put A to bed at nine every night..lie down with her until she is asleep (usually 10-20mins) then put her in the cot next to our bed. Then have some `me` time...but lately I`ve been falling asleep too! Must be the cold weather.
    Alex wakes up once in the night(usually sometime btw 1-5), just plop her between the both of us and go back to sleep..she`s gotten used to late wake ups (730-8) which I am soo thankful for :)

  9. I think you are getting a Cheap deal with your SIL for babysitting- if it was only occasionly then I would say no need to pay her (like once or twice a month) but it is fairly often right? I used to get $20 an hour 8 years ago for babysitting so I am sure the going rate is more expensive now. I used to charge only $60 a night if the kids were already asleep when they wanted me to babysit, even if I had to sleep over- but during the day or if kids are awake then definitely expected more than that. 500yen is CHEAP!

    Sorry to hear you are having sleep issues with Ash- I hope things improve. I have no idea how I will cope with sleep deprivation and hub won`t be much help since honestly he can sleep through ANYTHING. Once he slept through a building evacuation alarm and I had to physically shake him awake and he just rolled over sniffed the air and said "don`t smell smoke" and went back to sleep. He will not be waking up to put baby back to sleep unless I wake him up by shaking him awake first (hubs, not the baby, I promise!)

    I am trying to get as much sleep as possible now before the baby arrives sometime in the next week or so. I am sure give me a month or so and I will be blogging about how little sleep I am getting too...

    I have been told by many though that it does get better- maybe once he hits the one year mark things will improve! I hope so, for the sake of your sanity!

  10. There will come a day when you can't get Ash to get out of bed! Hang in there. It does get easier.

    The babysitting thing - How much would you expect to be paid if you were asked to babysit for someone? It's a huge responsibility looking after someone's kids, especially one so young.