Monday 15 February 2010

Occupy your bitch and Valentine vomit.

Like so many other parents, I rely (heavily) on TV to distract my child.
Despite always thinking what crappy parenting it was before having a kid, I now rarely have anything but The Wiggles in the DVD player. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last 15 years, (or are possibly just not Australian or don't have kids...) the Wiggles are an Australian group of 4 blokes who all wear a different coloured T-shirt, dance and sing and are incredibly genki and wholesome. Kids under about 5 or 6 are mesmerised by them for some reason. I like to justify plonking Ash in front of them because it's in English and it's also Australian English, so my son won't grow up mimicking the yankee accent that so many toys and TV shows adopt. MIL suggested that he watch Okaasan to issho, but Okaasan to isshyo can blow me because he hears Japanese 24/7 and totally doesn't need any more exposure.

The Wiggles songs are all icredibly catchy, I seriously find myself singing them ALL the fucking time now, and Ryota, good proactive Daddy that he is is, also goes round the house (sometimes naked) dancing and singing Wiggles stuff. It's funny to watch, but even funnier when he fucks up the lyrics..

Real Lyrics to Rockabye your bear:
Hands in the air!
Rockabye your bear!
Bear is now asleep.
Shh. Shh. Shh.
Bear is now asleep.
Shh. Shh. Shh.


Ryota's version of Rockabye your bear:
Hands in the air!
Occupy your bitch!
Bitch is now asleep.
Shh. Shh. Shh.
Bitch is now asleep.
Shh. Shh. Shh.

I loved it even more when he asked me what occupy meant and he told me how it means big tits in Japanese. Gold, pure international marriage gold.

So yesterday was Valentine's day. I think most people think Valentine's day is a big pile of steaming crap, no? If you really love someone, you're not just going to wait for one day to buy them something right?? Ryota was very wary about Valentine's day, and specifically asked me if there was going to be any crying or hissy fits involved if I didn't infact get a present. I assured him that I didn't want/ need a present and he had a free pass for this one but Mother's day was not negotiable and there would indeed be many a hissy fit if nothing was arranged.
So no surprises, he took the free pass and did fuck all.
I did remind him however that if we were going to go Japanese style with V-day I did expect something on white day, to which he groaned and tried to tell me that we would do Valentine's the Japanese way and March would be the western way. Cheeky fucker.

I came through with the Japanese housewife goods and made a fucking awesome four layered cake with cream, strawberries and chocolate icing and also made some strawberry truffles, of course I scoffed a few, but that is beside the point, I did my chocolate duties!
I also went as far to buy a little card and write it, I won't go into details of the message I wrote as I don't want to be liable for potential law suits involving keyboard damage due to vomitting. The reaon I got the card though, was the pre-written message had an evil air bout it, it said ずっといっしょにいよ!❤(Let's be together forever)
I thought it had a nice "You did the crime (knocking up the gaijin) you pay the time" (never getting rid of said gaijin) ring to it. Nothing says I love you more than a card purchased with evil intent.

We went shopping and did see some sickeningly cute gift giving going on, one girl had made this fucking awesome looking chocolate and gave it to her boyfriend at the table of a restaurant. He went bright red and muttered thanks, his embarrassment was probably not helped by Ryota and I giggling at them. Then on the way home I saw a girl dropping off some choccies to her boy, he didn't kiss her goodbye or anything but they both looked well chuffed as she rode away on her bicycle screeching "Baaaaaiiiiiii baaaaaaiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ahhh, young, innocent love, it's all fun and games till someone gets pregnant...

Hope the love was shared around your parts! (Of the world that is.. eww... unintended dirty pun, meh, I'll take it.)

5 comments:

  1. omg i miss you. the secretly evil card sounds fantastic lol!!!

    happy v-day heres hoping mothers day is a bit more exciting

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  2. Don't you find it weird that when the Japanese "borrow" a foreign holiday/festival they seem to fuck it up big time. A day to celebrate love, relationships, couples and marriage and whatnot yet they set it up so that only one half of the couple gets to enjoy it! Plain weird, if you ask me. Loses its purpose really. I know there is White Day, but it's just the same thing a month later on a lesser scale.

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  3. V-day in Japan was introduced to the country by the guy who owned the biggest chocolate/cookie company. (I think it was Morozoff) He basically was in the US during V-day and realised what a HUGE amount of money-making potential he was missing so the concept of giving chocolate on V-day and cookies on "White Day" was born. Completely genius marketing if you think about it! ;-)
    I HATED V-day in Japan as a result, despite quite enjoying it growing up. This year I kind of wanted Mal to make a fuss but not too much of one (because balance is important! LOL!) and I think he got it just right! ;-)

    I LOVE your card message. Classic.

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  4. Um, my son is not even 2 months old and I have wiggles going on the tv in the background as I write this- Noah`s poppy brought it over! Oh and I alrady had other baby dvds purchased before his birth- I had no misconceptions that my child was going to be a tv watcher. HAHAHAHA!

    THe card message is awesome! Nothing like a bit of evil on valentines day. Oh and the cake you made sounds amazing. Wish you could send me a slice but I doubt it would travel well in the post!

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  5. Oh dear, the Wiggles, they would drive me crazy hearing their songs for hours a day. Being in a car with them on continuous loop for just 10 minutes was enough to drive me nuts.

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