Friday 12 November 2010


As you were all getting your panties in a twist wanting a link to the ugly J-girl transformation, I had planned to post it but can't find the bastard. Do you know how many J-girl make-up tutorials there are on You Tube!? Fucking thousands, and none of them as good as the one Ryota was watching. I could ask him, but that would lead to him asking me what I wanted it for and would then lead to me making a convoluted lie that would end up biting me in the arse at some point. I hate lying, my memory is too bad to do it well!

So general update it is. Sorry!

Work- Same, busy, good.

Diet- Great!!!! 5kgs down and 8cms off the old beer gut. Very fucking happy!!!!

In-laws- Meh. SIL ended up giving me a massage last night, which was very awkward for me. I had a horrible knot of some description in my shoulder and was getting stabbing pains in my skull as a result so SIL just came up behind me and started pummelling my neck. Now I had to admit it felt quite good, but it was the height of awkwardness for me, getting a massage from someone you've openly insulted is just, weird. Plus who knows which of the dog's orifices those hands have been exploring!

Marriage- Sweet, as can be. Ryota was being super nice to me last week, I knew he was up to something and sure enough after his wetsuit was paid for he went back to his usual 'sometimes nice, sometimes a big wanker' mode. He had a big wanker moment last night when he forgot to take his coffee from our house to the in-laws' house and then looked at me and said "where's my coffee??" Of course I scurried off and got it for him, warming it up over the stove to just-drinkable temperature and fanned him with a fucking feather afterwards. HA!!!! No, I told him it may be up his arse, or it would be if I got to it before him. He then skulked off to get it, no doubt thinking he should have married a Japanese servant wife.

Yesterday was BIL's birthday and being a good and thoughtful Onesan (who forgot to get him anything...) slaved over a hot oven and icing bag and made him 18 vanilla cupcakes complete with vanilla butter icing and spelled his name out with blue icing. Of course, the effort was totally wasted on my fucking in-laws. I swear if it isn't bought, it just isn't good enough. Grandma then told me they were too sweet, BIL picked at his then left it on the table all pathetic and half-eaten, MIL claimed diet and didn't eat any, SIL sniffed and said "Ooooo so sweet!" and Ryota said he liked his but he didn't like the silver balls on top. Lucky he still has any balls. Fucker. I am DONE making anything for that lot, my efforts are not only unappreciated but wasted on tongues that have been exposed to bland Japanese food for 80 odd years. (in Grandma's case)

And that's about it really! I hope everyone has a more exciting weekend than me, as I will be working, trying to get rid of cupcakes without actually eating them and watching toy story for the 50 millionth time no doubt. Oh the joy that is my life!


  1. Awww that poor inapropriate-dog-loving weirdo, She's probably trying to appologise. Thho having dog sack germs spread all over your neck-EWWWW!

    About the link (I'm still not ready to give it up sorry LOL) Have you tried the browser search history, or do you remember anything about the title, was it on youtube? (yeah I'm creepy like that) I just really want to see it.

    Anyway hope there are more weird/funny SIL stories on the horizon.
    Take care

  2. THanks Corrine. Is great to laugh at someone else's expense :) Am looking forward to reading on Monday that your weekend has been fun packed full of inlaw antics and perhaps a proper massage - where you can at least pretend you don't know where the hands have been. Classic.

  3. Give the cupcakes as rewards to kiddy students who pay attention. Surely Japanese kids (like all kids around the world) love all things sweet too? Would it help sell them if they were "Australian cupcakes". Though the parents may not want you feeding their precious kiddies strange gaijin food...

  4. Well, if your weekend ends up sucking take some solace in the fact that mine will too. I'm working all weekend. Oh and watch them SIL's hands this weekend. ;)

  5. Wouldn't having a massage from SIL make the pain worse? Oh, and any cakes that they don't want will be gratefully received in Matsuyama, there's no such thing as too sweet in my house.

  6. Nice to hear that cupcakes were a miss before i slaved over the stove making any for Christmas offerings for MY in laws. Will stick with some spiced cookies :P

  7. OMG, am I glad I found your blog, I laughed so hard I almost sprayed my entire computer screen with coffee when I read your comment where you suggested Ryotas coffe might be up his arse! Priceless!!!

  8. me too! BIG laugh from up here in Sapporo - what IS it with criticism in this country...something just can't be enjoyed for what it is in the has to be too sweet/not cooked enough/too delicious/too hot/too cold...I think J-people are hardwired to NOT enjoy something.

  9. Har har I play them at their own game. I always say that japanese food is too sweet. This completely brain f+"ks them. I might explain that I don't like sugar in scrambled eggs, nor do I like sugar/ mirin/ alchol in my main dish as it makes it too sweet! I do like my pudding to be sweet though. :)P.S. love your blog very funny.