Saturday 11 December 2010

Seriously, do not mess with a girl craving calories!

I successfully had the biggest fight I've ever had in Japan today, well, with a stranger anyway.

I'm more of a lover than a fighter, I don't usually stir shit for the sake of it and am pretty tolerant, but the horrible man who got in my way today (quite literally) just pushed me way over the edge. He didn't even do anything that bad, you know, in comparison to say, wanking on my door or shouting racist slurs at me or anything. (Both of which have happened to me incidentally!) But it was just his pure stubborn rudeness that fucked me right off!

The day started out with an annoyance. I woke up and Ryota was gone, and because the space in the genkan was suspiciously empty exposing my lack of dusting it was quite obvious he'd pissed off surfing. He'd mentioned it a few days before so I wasn't that upset, I Christmas shop way better without him anyway. Then, as I was leaving I couldn't find my ipod, not a disaster, but planned on going to the big shopping centre about half an hour away and it was either half an hour of hearing Ash saying "CAR!!!" every time he saw one, or, cranking up some good bad music and singing really loud, freaking out all surrounding traffic. After frantically looking EVERYWHERE and even breaking the golden rule of going beyond the genkan with shoes on (I was wearing boots, who can be fucked!?) to have one last look, the tiny little bastard was nowhere to be found. I also checked my handbag at least 4 times but it wasn't until the 5th time that I found it in a side pocket. So major annoyance was avoided, music was cranked, and off we went on our final Christmas shopping adventure. This was my 3rd trip this week, I've discovered that when you have small children, doing shopping in dribs and drabs is much more effective than trying to do a mammoth day, they just get too tired. All I had to get were a few bits and pieces to fill out the family box and Ryota's present. He said he doesn't want anything because he bought his wetsuit earlier in the year but he totally knows I'm a gaijin sucker who would never not get him anything for Christmas. So I ended up getting him the G-shock surfing watch that he's wanted for ages, hopefully he'll like it.

I'm getting side tracked... Oh yeah, annoying fucker!!! So shopping went awesome, Ash sat and ate his lunch like a little angel, went around the shops with me like a trooper and only got tired just as we were about to leave, car sleep- perfect!!! It wasn't until we got to our little dirt path house that the trouble began. Basically, the road that runs off our dirt path (which is an actual road, although narrow as all fuck) is a two-way street that only fits one car. Go figure... So if there is a battle of the cars, usually the car closest to a street to back in to will do the right thing and let the other car pass. Now I have no problem with backing up for people, I usually volunteer, I drive a midget car after all. But a bit of appreciation is always nice, a friendly horn beep, a bow, a wave, anything is nice. I always make all of these gestures if someone backs up for me and I expect the same in return.

As I swung into the narrow road today, I was confronted with a black car coming the other way. Now, in my mind, it was logical for him to back-up, he was closest to the back-up streets as I couldn't back out on to the main road, but the arrogant fuck stick just sat there waiting for me to make a move. I think this is what gets me the most, sometimes in this situation, I have no intention of moving, but I at least look like I'm making an attempt!! This sit out went on for mere seconds but was already enough to piss me off, but seeing as though fucker wasn't going to move I figured, no biggie, just back in to the first street I could, let him pass, then drive easily out facing front. So I revved the engine a bit to demonstrate I was cheesed off and discovered he'd crept forward just enough so it was impossible for me to back in. I got as close as I could to his car which usually prompts the other driver to back up a bit, but noooo, not this arse. He just sat there!!! I revved a bit more before losing it and making wild hand gestures trying to say I was going to back in but I needed more room to get in. He didn't get it.
he then put his indicator on, so I thought he must have reconsidered his miserable existence and decided to do the right thing and back-up for me, but no, as I backed up, he just drove further, completely blocking me from doing anything. About 2 minutes of hand gestures later and the cunt was still just sitting there. (Sorry for using cunt but I'm getting angry again just thinking about it!)

I couldn't take it any longer I got out of the car and yelled at him to move back as there was no way I was backing out on to the main road. He then muttered something and I really lost it. I don't know if it was 6 years of Japan frustration, the diet pills pulsing through my veins, my body starved for fatty food and beer... (that will be taken care of tonight!) But I actually went off my tree, and in English too which is quite rare for me as I like to break the "me no speaky Japanesey" stereotype. I think my screeching rant went something like this:


It was possibly the exploding vein in my forehead, the tone of my voice or the amount of obscenities, but the coward just rolled up his window and looked at me, dazed and stupefied. I think he was thinking 'Oh fuck, I've messed with a mental gaijin, are her biker friends going to come and beat me senseless soon!?'

I got back in the car and really revved my engine then, I had visions of 10 things I hate about you and Fried green tomatoes where the characters just go mental and ram the fuck out of the arsehole car in question, but alas, my life isn't a movie and my insurance definitely does not cover "Ooops!" He backed up but still not far enough for me to back-in. I could hardly believe it but gave in for fear of actually having a stress-related heart attack and drove in at wild speeds while giving him the finger and another bout of insults. I'm sure he's watched enough American movies to know the meaning of the finger. I also jotted down his licence plate and Ryota assures me if he sees his car he'll be vandalising appropriately.

Fuck me I really need a drink!!!


  1. christ. I think I need a drink. Glad to hear you stood your ground. big black car - wasn't a crown was it? he might have jotted your number down too and be getting his wannabe biker friends with stupid fuckwit flags and lights on their bike to come and drive five aside at 10km an hour down your tiny street :) Kampai.

  2. Good for you! I started to get really angry myself while reading. One of my dreams has now been lived out vicariously through you. Thank you! and thank you for blogging about it so I could feel the satisfaction too! And like GW, I hope he's not coming after you next time.

  3. Oh, that sucks.

    While reading your post, I couldn't help but think of this:

    Sounds like you narrowly avoided an even worse explosion of mad. I probably would have just kept yelling at that ass.

  4. sheesh-you are scaring me...I see a lot of me in that post...I might have done worse-I'm menopausal

  5. Good for you! I'd have considered just parking my car in the middle of the street and walking off, even if just for a few minutes, to fuck with him myself. ;)

  6. Nice post. Glad you gave him what for ;)