Thursday 25 August 2011

Hands off my undies...


The bitch I’m referring to? An 83 year old Japanese woman who I happen to have been saddled with!

So we got back from Australia on Tuesday night and I have to say, it’s fucking shite to be home. This is the first trip where I really haven’t felt good to be back in Japan (although the heat thing still stands, I’ll take humid and sweaty over cold and dry skin any day!). Usually I feel a great sense of relief when I come back to Japan but not this time. All I felt was that I wanted to go back to Australia, the land of grass, beautiful beaches not crowded with dumb fucks who can’t swim sporting fucking floaties (Ooo harsh!), fish and chips, supermarkets that aren’t crowded with fish encrusted shit and… the list could go on.

I’ve realized that things are way more predictable in Japan and there is a part of me that likes this, but then I think more of me likes a bit of variety. It’s hard to explain, but for example, people. People in Japan are generally predictable in behavior: Normal until proven nice. Does that even make sense?? Of course I’m ruling out complete whack jobs like dog-fucker, but generally you know how people are going to act in Japan. Where as in Australia: No fucking idea. Good examples, I went in to a liquor store on the day of my friend’s wedding, (as you do at 9:30am) we all had hair done and my friend already had her veil on, so you think the store clerk may have said something, “congrats” perhaps or “good luck,” you know, something that would make us feel less weird for buying bottles of champers at brekky time with hair nets on! But no, solemn face, must have had her rags or something, not a word!
Then… on the other hand, the day we were leaving I went to a bakery to buy cakes for all my family as a little goodbye token, the guy behind the counter heard me speaking Japanese, got told our life story and not only wished us a safe trip home, but threw in 2 free meat pies and rounded the price down 2 dollars because I didn’t have any change. That would NEVER happen in Japan, not in a city anyway.

But back to my fucking in-laws. They have been a MAJOR contributing factor to the bitterness I’m feeling about being back in Japan. For a start, BIL and SIL met us at the airport, 2 people I really don’t like, so not a great start. They then informed us that they had no money for parking or petrol and that they hadn’t had any dinner, not that this is their fault, I was grateful for them coming to pick us up, but it just made me angry that they both have no job/life. Then, we get home and they are all just chattering away in Japanese and it just fucked me off. OK, totally MY hang-up here, we are in Japan after all, but after a week of English, they all just sounded horrible to me, I could see the English Ash had picked up just draining away. The dog-fucker then started speaking fucking awful English to him when I mentioned how sad I was he was going to forget the English he’d learned until I snapped at her to not bother, I didn’t want him learning that type of pronunciation.
MIL was nowhere to be seen, we assumed she was still at work, until the next day when we went to go shopping and discovered that she was still not home and had taken our car (her air-con is broken). Great, shopping in the 30 degree heat with no air-con because MIL claimed she was working but I think she’s actually shagging. I like MIL but I really wish she would think about this kind of shit more, Ash didn't sleep at all because he was too hot. She’s still not back after 3 days away and I’m getting fucking pissed off as I want to do a Costco run and her phone has no battery. Also just discovered that even if I were to brave the car with no air-con, BIL or SIL (can’t be bothered to check which one isn’t sleeping) has fucked off in that car so can’t go anywhere anyway. Mother-fuckers!!!!

And finally, Grandma. Oh Grandma, I feel sorry for her in a way, while her 2 youngest grand-children are sleeping or wanking off their dog or whatever, she is sweating like a bastard putting out all their washing. It fucking disgusts me how much she still does around their house while those 2 lazy cunts waste the air they breathe, but it occurred to me that perhaps doing the washing is what keeps the old bird going, she seems to like doing it! Why do I know this? Because she meddled with my washing while I was away!
OK, I say meddled, she actually did a big load for me, which was nice. I thanked her and admittedly, it was a big help, we’d accumulated a heap of dirty washing just before we left including Ash’s kindy sheets, so even though she didn’t ask me if I wanted it doing or anything, I was happy.
Emphasis on the word ‘was.’ When I discovered the washing on the sofa I was pleased, yet it felt kind of weird that Grandma had been handling my undies and stuff… Then, I go upstairs to discover that my washing lines on the veranda have ever so slightly been shuffled around a bit, just a little mind you, but enough so that those of us that don’t resemble hobbits smack their head on the pole… The mysterious appearance of foreign pegs… And finally, my washing powder had been changed.. Err… what the fuck? Grandma wasn’t shy in telling me that I had in fact been doing everything wrong in the washing department and she had taken the liberty of making all the necessary changes. Well thanks Grandma, but fuck you! I really don’t need another fucking busy body criticizing my house keeping efforts or lack thereof.

Fuck knows I get enough of that from her Grandson!

On a happier note… here are some lovely photos from my lovely trip home!


  1. Hey that green dress suits you very nicely! That washing story is really enerving, there is no "close your eyes and count to ten" that works, just walk out, take a stroll and cool I would be raging as you did.

  2. I so want a counter meal... and champagne.

    The laundry thing is weird but old people are like that. I'd be pissy too though.

  3. I seriously wonder what you are still doing in Japan? It just doesn't seem... right?

  4. My MIL does the same with me about laundry. It pisses me off but I'm kinda happy when she unexpectedly washes,dries and folds my know the feeling. BTW, you look killer in that dress!

  5. Gorgeous! you look fabulous :)
    Hate anyone touching anything in my house (MIL, even my mum) and doing it `their way` cos it`s better...gah.

  6. My friend's MIL always makes her rehang the laundry according to MIL's insane rules. How insane? Rule #1, underwear must be hung facing to the west. Seriously. Doesn't everyone except her incompetent DIL know that rule?

    Can't these women find better things to do with their lives?

    I always hate coming back to Japan in the summer.


  7. nice pics! you look stunning in those wedding pics, and omg, Ash is getting so big!!

    aah, it's always weird when you go home... sometimes, i'm really happy to be back in japan, and other times really depressed. it's just cuz it's SO different, really.

    i'm sorry that your inlaws have been contributing to the annoyingness... i'd be pissed off too if people meddled with my shit! even if they mean well... MINE!

  8. Oh man onion rings and double cheeseburgers.

    I'd feel way too uncomfortable if someone other than me handled my laundry. It's just kind of... weird I guess. Especially underpants.

  9. Welcome back to the house of fun. Gotta love it when they throw in a freebie at the bakery/milk shop, puts a bit of faith back in humanity.

    Did you get a custard tart? I don't miss the meat pies that much but I love a good custard tart and maybe a lamington too. Not to mention a fancy steak somewhere. And a cheap thick crusted pickup pepperoni pizza with soggy garlic bread.

  10. Oops, I meant milk bar.

  11. I moved out of home at 19 and have taken vow never to live with parents or in-laws ever. I would rather sleep on the street than put up with that shit.

  12. I would be annoyed that she came in my house and messed with stuff. Going in to out milk and essentials for when you got back, yes, moving stuff around, no. But then, at least she was trying to be helpful. I guess that wasn't genetic, judging by her grandchildren.
    The bridesmaid dress looks gorgeoud, by the way, green really suits you.

  13. I was going to say wow you are stunning in that dress, so I wrote it but LOL with the last boner block pic XD

  14. Ughhh my grandmother is like that with laundry too, she kept coming in and doing mine and crap until she ruined all my color clothes with bleach. Then she stopped. >_>

    I feel bad that granny still does all that stuff, I bet no one thanks her.

  15. Man, she does sound German to me! lol Telling you how wrong you've been and all. Never realizing it could piss you off.
    I'm exactly the same.

  16. I'm glad you had an awesome trip!