International marriage fucking blows.
I hate being married in Japan sometimes. To a Japanese guy. To my Japanese guy?
So, this is how it went down this morning:
All was fine, Ryota has been helping me at home, a lot this week as I felt like I was going to die from a tummy bug on Wednesday and Thursday, but brownie points or not, this morning cleared them all. We get on to conversations on work, my work. Next year I'm changing the school system so I get public holidays and some extra time off, I worked my bum off this year and it just ain't gunna happen next year, I'll be dead by I'm 30. I'm excited about the new system, it's a good system but the extra holidays may mean that some students quit. I'm prepared for this and said to Ryota that we just had to accept that next year will not be a huge money-making year for the school because a) The new system will probably mean some drop-outs. b) I'm not going to do any advertising campaigns due to having small human inside belly. And c) I'm going to have to pay a teacher for at least a while to cover some, if not all of my lessons during baby pushing-out time.
This was a reasonable statement I think, I've accepted this, but like always, Ryota turns into a fucking mental case whenever we talk about money.
So after I said we'd just have to accept next year wasn't going to be that financially good, he said "So you're telling me I can never quit my job??" And as soon as he said it I knew he just wanted a fight. That wasn't what I was saying, but honestly, I wanted to. For him to quit his job any time soon is absolutely fucking insane to me. And to answer some comments, he wants to start his own landscaping business when he quits his job, and I support this, just not now. When my business, the main salary of the house, is also going to be shitty for a while. Once the bub goes to kindy, I can go back to working my arse off and have a stable income and THEN I want him to follow his fucking pipe dreams, it won't matter if he fails then. If he fails now, we're fucked.
The reason he wants to quit his job? Is because he doesn't get along with people, but how the fuck do you tell someone nicely that it's not everyone else, it's him that's the fucker?? Not always, but I can't believe that it's ALWAYS everyone elses's fault either. I'm sure working in a Japanese workplace is horrid, but he needs to man up and do it like every other person, no?? Am I being unreasonable?? Should I just let him quit if that's what he wants to do??
Anyway, I knew he wanted to fight, sometimes I think he needs to fight to get rid of stress but it just stresses me out more, so he kept asking "When can I quit??" "You don't think I can start my own business??" To which I answered in Japanese, "Dekiru toomou yo" (No, I think you can do it.) To which he WENT OFF, saying 'don't talk to me like a fucking kid!! What the fuck is that!?' Which really fucking upset me, I wasn't being cheeky, maybe I made a mistake in Japanese but fuck me he makes mistakes and uses stupid English all the time and I never say anything, because that's what you do in an international marriage, you fucking just understand what the other person is trying to say.
I'm so upset.
Then he asks me where the lighter is because he's going to start smoking again, he wanted me to stop him but I just didn't have the energy but it made me realise I've married a man with total mental weakness, he can't handle stress so he takes it out on others or other things. So disappointing that I've married a fucking mental case.
So at lunchtime he sends me this message:
"you dont wanna say sorry"
I replied with a massive rant that the only thing I could say sorry for was not being able to make him happier, because only he could do that.
Then he replied with:
"Why should I have to work next year? Us right?"
Ummmmm what the fuck, he wants to have the fucking baby?? Go ahead buddy!!! Be my guest, get fat, give birth, have to give up a job you actually like. Fucking cunt.
I sent him a reply to this effect that his tiny mind could comprehend and he replied with:
"you made me so angly im enught done i gave to u chance! done"
See what I mean about not tearing his fucking engrish to pieces, I would never belittle him and do that! (well except on my blog, but he already did the damage!!) I replied that he needn't come home tonight, he should stay at his Dad's house because after working 11 hours today I don't need an argument or the silent treatment. He said "got it. see you." So who fucking knows what that means most likely he'll come home and be a complete prick anyway but I really hope not.
Isn't this a horrible thought I just had, maybe if he came home and we had such a big argument that I had a miscarriage it would solve our problems.
Fucking messy, sorry for the horrible darkness, but I need some way to let it out!