Saturday, 12 May 2012

A look inside dog-fucker's psyche...

So all the family is back together again, that's Grandma, MIL, Ryota, Dog-fucker, BIL, Ash, my growing belly, the (fucked) dog and our little cat. Now for me, this means more people to deal with, more drama and generally just having to co-exist with nice enough people but people who none the less never really cut it because they just aren't my own family. For dog-fucker, this is her heaven.

I guess for people with very few friends (not that I should brag, not exactly a social butterfly myself) family is VERY important. I never realised just how important for dog-fucker until last night when we were all sprawled out in the living room watching Ash do something that we all think is cute but you'd probably think is obnoxious, when I heard the "click! click!" sounds of a camera and looked up to see dog-fucker with tears in her eyes taking pictures.

I was in my pyjamas doing stretched to try and get the damn baby in my belly to get his head down and bum up (he's still breech), Ryota was sweaty and doing sit-ups after going for a run, (or shagging perhaps, who knows?!) MIL was going through receipts to see how much BIL's medical bills were going to cost, and Grandma and BIL were just lounging around, not a pretty picture, but obviously significant to dog-fucker?? When we asked her what the fuck she was doing, well actually the first words out of my mouth were "OI! NO FACEBOOK I'M FAR TOO FAT FOR FACEBOOK!!!" She said that she thought it was a nice picture to see us all together and relaxed...

It was nice to see a soft side of her, but Ryota read my mind and said "Jesus, you need to get a life!!"

We got along quite well when it was just us for the week, although she has vowed never to go to her father's house again because all the family there were giving her shit for not being able to get married when we had a BBQ during golden week. Her Dad and his brother were horribly pissed and I did join in and had a bit of a dig too, but I was sober enough to see the dark cloud wash over her face as she got more and more pissed off with their taunting. She'll be 27 next month, which is considered getting old and definitely to marrying age in Japan, which I would usually say is ridiculous, I wanted to get married any time after 28. But dog-fucker is 27 and has never had a relationship, of any kind. She's barely had friendships, and I'd say with 90-100% certainty that she's never kissed a guy. Only dogs...

I don't think 27 is too late by any standards, but you gotta have some kind of platform, no?? Maybe I'm being old-fashioned. Besides, if she's happy fornicating with dogs for the rest of her life, who is anyone else to interfere? I just hope we don't get stuck with her spinster arse at some later stage!

I wish there was more juicy gossip to dig but sadly dog-fucker has been quite mentally stable the last few months. I'm sure with enough marriage teasing she will be pushed over the edge.

Tomorrow is Mother's day, I'm just waiting for Ryota to spectacularly disappoint me like every other year, I'll let you know!

16 comments:

  1. I'm not sure why, but the dog-fucker posts are my favourite :-p It is your duty to drive her over the edge for our entertainment!

    We have an agreement on Mother's/Father's day - we ignore it, at least for each other. We go out and have a good time often enough anyway without worrying about dates etc although I think we may be taking that too far - we both forgot our anniversary this year! (Usually it is her).

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  2. If you didn't critique your hubs abs recently then he's got a saucy mistress on the side.

    aaaanyway...moving right along ;)

    **cough**

    I feel sorry for women who get that pressure. They call unmarried women over 25 "Makei Inoos" which means dirty dogs or something?.....don't think they have an equivalent for men over 25 and unmarried besides Playboys or Mommas boys?

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  3. Does she speak english? Maybe she could come and be Joey`s au pair for the summer and I could introduce her to Mal`s brother who is 28, somewhat of a hermit and has never had a proper girlfriend and still lives with his parents. They might be a match made in heaven!! :-) (Although he has also never had a proper job... which might be a black mark against him!!!) Would solve both our problems!! ;-)

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  4. But dog-fucker is 27 and has never had a relationship, of any kind. She's barely had friendships, and I'd say with 90-100% certainty that she's never kissed a guy.

    Wat. How did that happen? I've seen pictures and she isn't hideous or anything, looks like your average big city Japanese woman to me. Did she go to an all girl's school or something? Now granted I was like this when I was 21, but of course I'm fat, don't wear make up, and completely unfashionable.

    D-F posts are my fav. too honestly haha.

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    1. I concur. She looks pretty. I reckon she's an evolved being, and sees the bullshit out there with the modern guy. Good on her. Maybe she stays happy with sex toys.

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  5. "But dog-fucker is 27 and has never had a relationship, of any kind. She's barely had friendships, and I'd say with 90-100% certainty that she's never kissed a guy."

    I too would like to know how and why this happened. Things like this are so fascinating to me.

    No boyfriend (or girlfriend?) at all EVER? Not even a little fling? A date? Hugs? Hand holding? NOTHING?! Has she really been that loony her whole life?

    Or maybe she's asexual and not interesting in relationships at all?

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  6. Poor dog fucker. A friend's sister didn't have a relationship until she was in her 30s (we all thought she was a lesbian) then she met a guy and it was full on, married with kids within 2 years. There's hope yet.

    Maybe she needs to go to more gokons. Maybe you need to go along too to document it. Can you go to gokons if you are married and obvs pregnant?

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  7. As much as we enjoy her crazy side, you gotta admit it's pretty sweet. She was pointing out that despite the drama, fights, meltdowns you guys are family and it's possible for you to be peaceful and relaxed with each other. Real hope that everything will turn out ok in the end.

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  8. "Jesus, you need to get a life!!" Wait a minute, doesn't Ryota know that He gave his life and all about the second part of the story? No wonder Ms. DF was crying. I'd be confused too...especially if people were laying around all relaxed and not at least arguing. Just a little toooo peaceful.

    Oh no. Just read the last part and realized that it was Mother's Day yesterday. I'm gonna have some explaining to do. Christ!

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  9. I'm new to the blog, why is she nicknamed "dog fucker"???? Sorry if my question seems stupid lol.

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  10. hook her up with my step brother it would solve both of are problems!!

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  11. Probably just a paternalizing comment of mine, but drinking while being pregnant ain't the best idea for development of the little bun.
    During breastfeeding either, even if there's ways around that of course.

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    1. The French may disagree :) But just for the record, I joined in the digging at SIL, not the drinking, sorry I worded it badly! :D

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  12. Hope your mother's day went okay! :)

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  13. It's great things seem to be working out for your BIL :)
    That's so sad, though - with your SIL. Relationships can be tricky but it's the good moments in them that brighten up life. Maybe you could introduce your SIL to someone nice.

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  14. She sounds like a really sweet girl-maybe a little young for her age. I predict she will find her niche in life and be fine. Her appreciation of family is priceless. Does she have her own pet to love? I hope so.

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