Hate is a tricky word to use, I teach kids to use the word talking about fucking capsicum or mushrooms, but when you actually have to use it with all it's power, it gets hard. There are things that you can say and never take back.
I know I've said them, witnessed people say them, and had them say them to me. You forgive them but it's like your brain has a cheapo eraser, you can never quite get the faint pencil lines of what was said to disappear. If I had to pick my top few that have stuck in my mind, it would be my Dad screaming at my mum, calling her a cunt (among every other name) and then telling her not use me as her "fucking little lackey" after she told him to lower his voice because I could hear. I didn't really know what it meant at the time, but it stung, and I'll never forget it.
Another is Ryota when he said to me: "You're a bad mother" Doesn't pack quite the same punch as "cunt" but to a mother who actually gives a fuck, it really is the worst insult. I'll NEVER ever forget him saying that, and probably never forgive him totally either.
And finally there would be Ryota's sister, I can't actually remember her exact words but when she started going off at me because she said I 'mouth-off' too much, (about Kimutaku remember!) that event will also never be totally gone either. No matter how close we get, I'll always be wary.
And I realised I'll never totally trust any of these people, who will have totally forgotten what they said, and will probably never know the effect they've had. It was also then that I realised these 3 very different people in my life have something in common, they are all quite difficult to hate.
On separate occasions I've hated all of them, but then they do something redeeming, sweet, thoughtful... And it's like the hate game goes into over-time and I'm not done with them, i can't totally obliterate them from my life. Maybe I'm attracted to these types?? Daddy issues?? Who fucking knows, just something to ponder I guess.
Classic example was last night, after the last post, the money thing with SIL was still bugging me and I was on the edge of enrolling Bailey in kindy starting from this April, when last night SIL saw how tired I was and that Bailey wasn't sleeping for me, and she offered to take him and play with him until he fell asleep so I could get some rest. What the fuck?! Maybe she felt guilty about the money too??? For a sleep deprived mother whose husband has a broken finger (another story...) and can't help you, this is literally the best thing that anyone could do. And I realised if she would do things like that for me then I'm a cunt for caring about a few extra thousand yen!
Is it just me who has these kinds of people around them, so God damn hard to hate, it makes me hate them even more!!
I guess no one can be 100% cunt 100% of the time - well most people anyways. We all say and do things we regret if we have an ounce of empathy. SIL probably did feel bad and wanted to make up for it. Much better than a Japanese apology too.ReplyDelete
ps I need to know the broken finger story.
"I need to know the broken finger story."Delete
Maybe he's finally pulled it out?
The broken finger story isn't half as interesting as it should be!! hehe I like the pulling his finger out though... :DDelete
Yeah the whole Japanese bow just doesn't do it for me!
This is just the perfect kind of almost feel good post that I find hard to hate. Even if I kind of want to...that's what I hate.ReplyDelete
Always good to have the word 'cunt' in a feel-good post!Delete
It's really hard to hate her, much like this post, I agree.
I'M gonna hold MIL down so you can kick her in the face if she says....ReplyDelete
"actually....you must have forgot when you were tired that time?....you owe her for that too...I'm just saying..."
You want me to pin her legs or hands ;)
Oh God I'll be giving some kicks to the face too if that happens, Friday is her pay day so we'll see if it happens anyway!Delete
I think that the Japanese have a hard time having close personal relations so they resort to things like business and work and responsibility because they are so brain washed on the black and white of what should be expected and what shouldn't be. I'm hoping SIL does feel bad for messing up and perhaps is trying to figure out that charging for caring for one's family isn't right because that's family not work and that you paying her is a kindness you are bestowing on her.ReplyDelete
Course I have no clue if she has thought deeper then a puddle...but here's hoping.
I honestly think she is quite shallow, but it may have been a subconscious thing eating away at her. Who knows with that one!Delete
Hating depends on the person. It's easy for some to do and hard for others. I found that I can hate people deeply, but only for some time. It'll go away on its own.ReplyDelete
It's only bad for you to hate someone. So it's just fine, if you find it hard to hate. Even better when people have good sides, too. :-)
I think I'd be a good(?!) candidate for domestic abuse, I really do try and see the good in people!!!Delete
I have to admit my first thought was the same as Chris' - will she expect to be paid for doing that favour? I hope not.ReplyDelete
As for hating people you love - I suspect it happens to all of us, especially those close to us know exactly what cuts the most.
Looking forward to the broken finger story - bet if your finger was broken you would still have to look after the house & kids because "it's only a finger".
I honestly hope she doesn't ask, I'll flip I think!!!Delete
Yeah the broken finger story isn't really that good! I wish it was!! But although I've no doubt it's painful, he really is taking advantage, and fair play, I would too!
"You forgive them but it's like your brain has a cheapo eraser, you can never quite get the faint pencil lines of what was said to disappear." Love that line...it just so perfectly captures it. As does this one. "...then they do something redeeming, sweet, thoughtful... And it's like the hate game goes into over-time and I'm not done with them." I won't comment on hate much because as you know I have my hate issues with virtually anyone who exhibits the qualities of the people here...and I always manage to whip out the Cheapo and Go into Overtime all the time smhReplyDelete
Thanks for the shout out Loco, means a lot coming from you, although you're the master on capturing hate issues. Such a tough issue!Delete
A nice post! It's hard to be stop being hateful to a person but sometimes you just can't help it.ReplyDelete
By the way, I have my own blog which focuses on Asian culture and entertainment such as video games and I wonder if it is possible for you to view it and tell me what you think please: http://nynyonlinex.wordpress.com
It's probably a good sign that you can't hold on to the hate, it'd eat you up if you did. I'm curious to know if she asked for extra money, and can't help but think there'd be more than a broken finger in the family if she did.ReplyDelete
It's called stepping back, looking at the wider picture, and understanding you, as an individual, are nothing special or important.ReplyDelete
Not letting go is tough but it is also a level of self-handicapping that goes well beyond immaturity. Another level altogether.