Do you ever go through those periods in your life where you're just willing for something exciting to happen?? It's kind of ridiculous but that's how I feel now, like I want a big event (good or bad, preferably good) to shake things up. I shouldn't feel like this, my life is actually pretty exciting in comparison to others: I live in Japan, the capital of weird shit, I have kids who are constantly surprising me, a troop of in-laws to keep me entertained, a fuckwit husband who annoys me on a daily basis, and my own business, which is always exciting in itself. But I don't know, I just can't shake the feeling of... boredom...? I don't even know what it is! I've been having lots of 'weird' feelings lately, like something morbid is going to happen but I can't quite put my finger on what it is... Bizarre.
I've also been looking for motivation to lose all this fucking baby weight I have (OK mostly I'm a fat-lazy-fucking cow weight rather than "baby" weight, but what are kids for if you can't blame them for the bad things in your life?!) and I'm such a bad person, I thought to myself the other day, 'Hmmm I need motivation to lose weight...'.... and then I thought, 'I know!!! I'll lose weight so I can have a steamy affair with a really hot guy!!' And I was actually serious! Again, bad person, but surely admitting it counts for something.
What else....? I've booked a trip for us to go to Tokyo/Disneyland next month, I've decided that there's no point having all this money if we can't enjoy it, we could save it for retirement but we may very well be dead by that time, I'd rather live well while I can than have a shitload of money while I'm bed-ridden... Again, so demonstrative of my mood lately- just kind of not giving a fuck! Maybe I'm depressed?? Although I'm generally happy most of the time, just...restless... Much like this post. Or it could be the sleep-deprivation. Fucking sleep is so underrated, I would kill for a full night's sleep, I may just kill one of the little boys who wakes me up hourly or more likely the big boy who sleeps so soundly while I wake up and want to tear my eyeballs out from sheer crazy tiredness.
Or it could be the fantasies I've been having lately about going back to Australia for a year so Ash can go to primary school there for a year before he starts Japanese primary school. I would LOVE to do that but it would mean giving up the school and I just don't think I can do it. We were talking about how Ash's English is so shit the other night and Ryota was like, "Well, maybe you should just teach in the mornings and then you can look after the kids at night..." Like that is the solution to all our problems. It pisses me off that despite my job bringing in way more money than his, that I should be the one to give it up, well I can understand it from an English-speaking point but fuck, this is my work I don't just want to give up what I've built! So I said that if I did that I'd rather just go the whole hog and give it up completely, go to Australia for a year and then be a good little housewife when we came back. NEVER going to happen, but it's always nice to think about different ways our life could go I guess.
Anyway, I have to wonder if I have some kind of psychic tendencies and this is a curse that something bad is going to happen to me, if it is at least I blogged it so I have proof!
Sleep deprivation will drive you nuts. That's why they used it as tortue on prisoners of war! And baby weight... I'm still blaming my son and he turns 26 on Monday!
ReplyDeleteI don't think a family trip to Disneyland is going to mean you'll be eating pet food in your old age. Have a great time.
haha, I think I will be when my sons are in their 20's too! Stress related eating counts too!!
DeleteThanks, I'm totally being a crazy Disney fan freak and researching how to get on stuff quicker!
Careful what you wish for, eh?
ReplyDeleteI know people who've been through a lot less than you have and ended up with depression. Is there a history of it in your family? Without wanting to seize on a single throw-away line and blow it all out of proportion, it's not something I'd rule out completely.
Might be tricky getting a reliable diagnosis over here, doctors just don't seem to recognise it as much as they do back home. You imagine it'd bankrupt the health insurance if they had to prescribe for everyone who needed it though, so there might be a reason for that...
Either way, hope things pan out more to your satisfaction sooner rather than later.
My Dad has suffered with depression and honestly it was a jokey-line but it kind of half scares me. I think luckily I'm similar to my mum and just a bit too slow (in a nice way!) to think too much about things but definitely is a very real danger.
DeleteThank you for the concern!
I fuck for free on the first date.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'
Send your kid to me. I will teach him English and he will learn it. He will recite a "My mommy is the most beautiful and special Mommy in the whole world" morning greeting...at no extra charge. ;)
hehe Thanks I'll keep that in mind, but I don't think I'm at all in a fuckable state at the moment sadly!!!
DeleteI seriously would love to send him to your school of hard knocks, and I'm liking the greeting benefits!! :D
I don't think you should completely discount the idea of a year at home in the future, it could be good for all of you!!
ReplyDeleteYou should also be careful what you wish for- I was wondering what the next exciting thing for us would be and then my period was late! ;-)
I would totally do it if I didn't have the school, I think it would be so good for all of us!
DeleteYeah, not wishing for any more babies this year at least!!! Congrats again by the way, so excited for you!!
hahaha... you watch woman, something crazy is gonna happen and then you're gonna complain and be like "where's my quiet life?!?!"
ReplyDeleteDisney with the kids sounds fun! ^_^
And if you wanna try to lose some weight, why not try some workout dvds? I've lost 20lbs in the last 3 months just by doing Jillian Michaels dvds and eating well and cutting the rice! besides, you managed to slim down quite a bit before, didn't you? you can do it again! good luck!
I know, I'm totally tempting life to come and bitch slap me with this!!!
DeleteLooking forward to Disney, not too much though because I know the crowds are just going to piss us all off!
Work out dvds are great for someone who can actually be arsed getting up and turning them on, but honestly I'm so bad with motivating myself. I did do it before, so I know I can do it again though!!
@ Chris - you offer too much shit for free man. And asking for a child to be sent after you've just said you fuck on the first date might not be the best idea but I might just be silly - I still think you're christmas after you posted about your English shop. Bloody fabulous. Love it. Working well.
ReplyDeleteAnd Corinne, enjoy the quiet for the moment because as soon as you have two boys that are up and moving and playing and fighting and bad mouthing and all sorts - you'll be wanting those quiet moments.
And besides I very much doubt, that with your track record and in-laws and what not, that life will be boring for long :)
That aside, I got the go ahead from hub to do six months back home :)
gaijinwife
hehehe You and you're morals GW!
DeleteActually after I wrote this Bailey started crawling and I was kind of regretting bitching already!!
True, life is bound to spice up soon enough!
Ooooo are you going to do it??? I want you to do it first so I can see how you go, my own personal guinea pig! :)
I think everyone gets like that, hence the fact I ended up in Japan! Hopefully, Disney will be crazy enough fun for you to settle back down.
ReplyDeleteYou built up your business once, you could do it again. You could hire a teacher for a year and keep the school going. Maybe his Lordship could contribute to the family business and supervise the admin side. If nothing else, he would see how hard you work.
I have never had a baby, can I still get baby weight. I'm not ready to accept it's just chocolate cake and crisp weight yet. Maybe we should have some kind of bloggy weight watchers club and help each other.
It's possibly why I came to Japan too!?
DeleteIn theory, I know I could start the business again, but I would be letting down all the students I have now, plus it's like I'd be giving away my three-year-old kid and then having another one to replace it, just not the same I think. :(
"Do you ever go through those periods in your life where you're just willing for something exciting to happen??"
ReplyDeleteExciting and stomach churning surreal is the norm here. Not like we intend it to be. Just been turning out that way a lot lately.
Sleep deprivation... don't do it. Rest and rebuild or start breaking down.
Good luck with the baby weight. Gives you a good excuse to treat yourself well (if you need one).
I would love to rest, but sadly my little baby boy isn't having it! :) Lucky I love him more than sleep, which is saying something!!
DeleteI've been promised a night of solo-sleeping (so good sleep) for my 30th birthday though!
You're just suspicious of life. If everything goes well, you have the feeling you're not searching well enough or you would find the dark spots. Maybe deep down you don't believe in quiet life or you think you don't deserve it.
ReplyDeleteBaby weight: We want pics! :-D
True, I should enjoy it more!
DeleteHmmm pics are hard, but I have to start somewhere!
Maybe you've gone now but enjoy Tokyo Disneyland because it is fun. I also hope you get some motivation in the future :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Motivation is really lacking at the moment, but I'm hoping it turns up in Spring!!
DeleteAlways a chance I can talk Bryan into a year in Japan and we can swap houses and lives for a year..... Do you like dogs?
ReplyDeleteSister B