Tuesday, 7 September 2010

SMAP,Part II- The fucking freak that is somehow supposed to be a part of my family.

I don't know quite where to start, the concert, or last night's argument... I'll start with the concert I guess, because she wasn't TOO bad that day, must have been taking her meds or gave the dog a good rogering that morning so was content, who knows...

The first incident was where to go for lunch. I know a great Indian restaurant in Umeda and as she was cat shagging around about ideas of where to eat I suggested it, assuring her that they had mild curry and that yes, they do provide knives forks, AND chopsticks. (Yes, she actually asked me if we would have to eat with our hands. Fuck stick.) I told her the chefs were actually from India, thinking this was a good reason to go there but she stopped in her tracks and said, "All of them? Indian people scare me!"
How can she say shit like this and expect a serious response from me?? I was laughing at this point, assuring her that the Indian chefs were not scary, and probably a lot friendlier than the Japanese wait staff. She then proceeded to tell me how she saw Indian people in Hong Kong and it scared her so much she vomited when she escaped back to her hotel room. I wanted to say that her saying things like that make me want to vomit all over her, but I restrained myself.

Before we left we were working out what time we had to leave and stuff, she told me originally that the concert started at 2pm, so I was thinking, OK, leave about 12-ish, grab a quick lunch, then sit down as the lights were going down and the concert was about to start. But noooooo, not for the fucking freak. The concert actually started at 4pm, but she wanted to be in the stadium at 2pm to wait for the excitement to build. Ummmm what the fuck, what excitement?! Sitting in a cramped plastic chair is exciting?! 20 minutes, I can understand but 2 cunting hours!?? I quizzed her on this as we were sitting twiddling our thumbs with 2 hours to go and she explained it like this, "This time is the most exciting time because I'm looking forward to the concert, but as soon as it starts I feel disappointed because I know it's going to finish soon..." This girl seriously has problems!!! That's taking negative thinking to some new kind of extreme, no?? I passed the time by eating soft cream and planning lessons for the week in my head.

She was also one of the hundreds of sheep with too much cash forking out for SMAP goods, she bought: A 'pamphlet' (whatever the fuck that is!?) for 2000 yen, a pen light for 1300 yen, a Kimutaku uchiwa for 500 yen, a hat for god knows how much and an overpriced bag to carry it all in. I'm guessing Grandma gave her the cash for all that shit plus the 8000 yen ticket, considering she's too lazy to get a real job and works one day a week at the most.

The actual concert time was great, it was so loud I didn't have to listen to any garbage that spewed out of her mouth. Although I did have to witness her awkward interactions with BIL's friend. (BIL and his little hobbit friend came but left home as we were sitting in the stadium and actually got there at a reasonable time) Hobbit is a sweet kid, but I don't know, another one of those rich, naive kids that annoy me in Japan. He may be sexually confused or maybe he just thinks he's cool because he was wearing tights under his shorts and LOTS of blingy stuff. His mobile phone is also covered in bling and his nails are more sparkly than mine with para para poi jewels and all. He's nice though so I'll forgive him, but SIL has just had nooooo interaction with boys apart from her brothers that she gets all giggly and stupid, saying really daft things, even for her. Maybe he's perfect for her though, bit dopey and impressionable so he won't disagree with any of her fucked up ideas. They bonded over J-pop and concerts they'd been to, he even promised to lend her his Ai concert DVD, how sweet, match made bad music heaven perhaps...

OK........

On to last night. Ryota and I were at the in-laws house, just hanging out, and BIL and I were discussing the SMAP concert like 2 normal people would- good stuff, crap stuff, things we liked/ didn't like, you know, opinions! Apparently this didn't sit well with SIL, she didn't like the fact that I was dissing Kimutaku.
My take on Kimutaku is: I think he's actually good looking and not got a bad voice, but I really don't like how much of a narcissist he is, everything he does is on purpose, he's not natural at all and I just don't like him. And I thought we were living in a free country but apparently little miss Hitler thinks I shouldn't say bad things about Kimutaku if I'm going to go to a SMAP concert...
How has this even become an argument!? Opinion is just that, they differ!!!!

I explained to her as gently and as controlled as I could that it is quite common in Australia to like one band member better than others, especially in a band like SMAP where all members are stars in their own right, not just a band that is about music. This is where she got VERY fucking angry, raising her voice and seriously getting fired up. She said that this isn't Australia, it's Japan and I shouldn't rock the boat with my foreign culture. I was getting pissed a this point but knew I couldn't express myself properly in Japanese so I laughed and said "I'm not Japanese, get over it."

It was at this point that Ryota jumped in too (more as a joke though) and started fully taking the piss out of Kimutaku immitating his hair flicks and stuff. She got reaaaaaallllllyyy angry then and told him basically to fuck off to his own house and to stop coming over. She was full on yelling at him non-stop but he just kept laughing at her and telling her to shut up, which of course made her more angry... It ended with me walking out, still pissed at myself for not telling her to shut the fuck up, but it's sooooo hard for me to be angry in Japanese, I don't have the confidence and I don't want anyone to translate because it makes me feel stupid. I didn't even want to get angry at her (well, I did) but more than anything I wanted to say something to the effect of:

"Unko... you are so narrow minded it makes me sick. You have no friends, and I know why. You are negative, and poisonous and just plain weird. Your views offend me. You cannot blast someone for having a different opinion, it's just not how a free world works. You need to get out of this house, spit out mummy's tit and try living in the real world on your own, just once. You'll find if you go around spewing the filth and shit that comes out of your ugly mouth, you will be punched in the face. Go fuck your dog you stupid bitch."

That's really what I wanted to say, but the main point I wanted to get across is that this isn't war-time Germany, you seriously can not be pissed at someone for having a different opinion to you to the point where you are hurling abuse at them!! Don't fucking tell me I should be Japanese, bitch, seriously!!!

I was thinking about the whole thing a lot last night and it really worries me that a) Ash will be growing up around people like her. b) I can't tell her what I really think because of language barriers and the fact that we still have to live next door to her after it's all said and done.

At least in Australia I can stand up for what I believe in and tell twats to go get fucked...

I don't plan on talking to her, ever if possible. I know it'll calm down, but really I don't want Ash to be narrow minded, he at least needs a chance to be able to be open to new ideas and being around vipers like her will not help that cause. She's supposed to be bringing Ash to the school tonight to meet her boss (she's taking lessons) but I'm going to ask MIL to bring him or to not bother, no chance I'm going to play nice for her sake. And she can get fucked for the next concert, she can ask one of her other friends, oh wait, she doesn't have any!



Dog-fucking bitch

Wow, I actually feel better!!! Although have been grinding my teeth in anger writing this and thinking about it all again...

13 comments:

  1. my God!! She's really are crazy...pity you..=(

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  2. total loony tunes...I feel for you girl...she even looks loony tunes

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  3. What? Totally psycho. Every Japanese person I know has an opinion about which member of SMAP they like the best! It's not even a difference between Australia and Japan! That's nuts! She's nuts!

    Don't worry about Ash, he's growing up with YOU - that more than anything is going to give him a special insight into seeing things from another point of view.

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  4. Evening Corrine

    Oh yes, well worth waiting for.

    Are there not any 'schools' (building site, pub etc) that teach one how to blast back at dipstix japanese sils? Seriously.

    Hope tonight is being more peaceful.

    Cheers
    Margaret M

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  5. Wow, vomiting because of finding Indian people disgusting is really a new high in low! She really should hang out with more real people and less with the dog.

    But yeah, see exactly what you mean with Kimutaku, it kinda reeks how full of himself he is, really annoys me... And claiming that the Japanese way is to love everyone in the band is just plain wrong in any case. For a fanatic fan it's another matter perhaps, but that's the same anywhere...

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  6. haha. you should really fuck around with SIL and start spouting that Kimutaku is second generation korean.

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  7. Yay, inlaws, part of the package deal! Hmm, moving to Aust is looking better and better...

    My little bro's wife has a variety of strange ideas and is quite inflexible in those views, but there isn't much I can do about it... she is generally fine, but some discussions are a bit odd.

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  8. Ha! God, what a piece of work. I do not envy you having to live in close proximity to that psycho.

    In re: Smap, be sure to let her know that Kusanagi is totally a Zainichi Korean. (He speaks Korean. So hot.) She'll lose her shit!

    Also, maybe you should launch an offensive and play Bollywood films 24/7 in your house, at full blast. That should drive her away, permanently.

    I mean, come on. Why would anyone projectile vomit after seeing the stunning Aishwarya Rai?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvq1Ya0q0zk

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  9. Can we see a pic of SILs dog? With that hair, I am imangining she looks just like her dog.

    Honestly though she's a total freak and I want to say ignore her but that could never work. Even my husband thinks she's an idiot (he said stupid girl)

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  10. She is freaking INSANE! I don't know her and even I want to punch her face, and I am not a violent person seriously!

    You really took it like a champ though, because even with a language barrior, I would told her off seeeriously man. I love what you would have told her though haha

    Man, does the family or grandmother seriously not think anything of her idiotic thinking? god damn....

    One day........ you will get even! (draw a mustache on every kimutaku picture in her room XD, yes so juvinile... but the look on her face would be priiiceless)

    M

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  11. One can't help wondering what she really thinks and feels about you and Ash. If she is racist to such a degree (vomitting, she seriously said that?)about other nationalities then god only knows how she feels about having a nephew who is not full Japanese. How come the rest of the family don't challenge her about such extreme views? I know, I know this is Japan....

    I'm guessing the dog is a poodle, no?

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  12. You posting your comment to your (CRAAAAAZY and freaky, seriously... scarey!) SIL prompted me to write a similar comment to an ass of a coworker who has been pissing me off and making my life miserable for a few weeks now. I knew I couldn't say what I wanted to in Japanese and freaking out at him in English would likely make the situation worse, but just putting it down on paper (that got promptly destroyed) was SO cathartic and made me feel somewhat better. Thanks!

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