Thursday 12 April 2012

Ah fuck it

They suckered me in those seductive bitches with their delicate pink petals. (Obligatory boring pictures to follow...)Spring has lightened my mood considerably, although I'm not all sunshine and fucking birds chirping. I HATE pregnancy. But I fucking hate being pregnant in Japan, or more specifically, the fucking nurses at the maternity clinics. I would like to imagine that it's just my stuck-up clinic, but I've heard the same stories so many times. But today was actually a good turning point for me, where I got so angry that I hit a turning point of actually not giving a fuck.

So this is how it went, the doctor always sucks air in through his teeth and tells me I'm too fat, but nothing I can't handle, and he's quite nice about it. But the fucking nurses are awful! I've managed to dodge a few lectures up until now by refusing to go to the fucking 'nutrition seminars' they schedule for me. I had to bluntly tell them that unlike a lot of women who quit their job when they get engaged in this backward country, that I in fact have a job, one that I cannot afford to be away from hearing a nurse bang on about the importance of eating rice, fish and 14 varieties of pickles for breakfast. Ain't happenin' bitch.
But they tricked me today the sly cunts. They got me in a little room by telling me they needed to show me how to do exercise to turn the baby around (he's still breech at the moment). The nurse pissed me off from the very start by telling me the instructions on how to do the exercise in fast and hard Japanese for 10 minutes, before giving saying "Can you speak Japanese?" Ummm yes dumb fuck, that's why I've been nodding and responding to your instructions for the last 10 fucking minutes.
And then came the old fat bomb, she didn't mince words, which is fine, but then said, "So, do you think you can lose some weight...?" And she added a "kana...?" on the end which implies she's talking to a fucking 4 year old with a disability.

And it actually made me happy that she was such a fuck tard, because for the last 8 months I've actually really cared about putting on weight, I've cried about it, stressed about it and possibly developed depression over it. But it was then that I showed her just how much Japanese I could speak, it was quite an impressive rant, at least 2 minutes. I basically told her that I put on the same amount of weight with my first son, I intend to diet like a mother fucker once the kid is out and that seeing as though the bub is measuring smaller than normal, I feel fine, my blood work is fine and if I were in Australia nobody would give a fuck about my weight... That she didn't and shouldn't talk to me about it again. It felt good, she was a bit shocked, and then asked if my first birth was hard. To which I actually snorted and said that of course it fucking was, I don't know too many that aren't but I think it would have been fucking hard whether I was fat or not. And walked out, saying I had didn't need her 400 pieces of paper telling me what to eat, I didn't want to kill any more trees. It was kind of weird that I added that because I actually don't really give a toss about the trees, I just wanted something to say at the end...

I feel liberated and am hoping they don't say anything more to me about it, I'm sure she won't anyway.

Ok, less ranting, more flowers!


  1. I can feel women who have been pregnant in Japan all over the world applauding you as I type. I never got any shit when I was pregnant because I lost loads of weight through being sick all the time, what bothered me was that I would have been hospitalised/put under observation for losing more than 10% of my body weight in any other country but they thought it was "good" for me in Japan as I was too fat anyway.

    So glad you told that nurse where she can stick her opinion. I hate the pressure they put on people because of their "massive" babies. People have bigger babies all over the world all the time without any issue. Japanese gynos/nurses are full of shit.

  2. WTF... unless you've put on like 50 kgs or something why is it an issue? You were pretty damn thin before the pregnancy and if everything else is okay then it's not even an issue.

    And how is white rice for breakfast going to help? You'll just get constipated and end up with piles on top of everything.

    Go you for actually saying something. Everyone is too obsessed with being thin rather than healthy in this country.

  3. " And she added a "kana...?" "

    Oh...oooooohnooooo she didn't!!!

    Beeeeyutch!!!It's on!!!

    You shoulda need Ryota to teach you a raunchy insulting response for women like that.

  4. Go girl! You tell 'em! My doctor pretty much gave up on me when I gained 7kg in 7 weeks (!!!) with dd2. 13kg total with each. And a half a shoe size with each that no amount of dieting can change. I just went with the "hai, hai, wakarimashita" and then completely ignore method. But one nurse really deserved a rant! Bet yours did too.

  5. the first thing my wife's doctor (who we both really like, actually) said after she gave birth last week was 'it would have been easier if you hadn't gained so much weight'...

    my wife really like all of the nurses, but ended up with a bunch she had never met before when she was having the baby...had she hated them, the revenge would have been sweet...when the boy shot out, the nurse's face was covered in was something out of a horror movie...

    hope you can have such satisfaction when the time comes ;-)

  6. oh wow Corinne! good for you!!!x

  7. Good on you!!!
    My Mum had all four of us as homebirth and it worked out fine with midwives and everything. She's not a small woman and all of us were born just fine without c sections or even painkillers. Though, if I ever have a baby I think I'll have painkillers...

  8. Fcking awesome last line with the tree quip. I used to say that too, even though I was not pregnant. I'd say it about many things, like, 'You are wearing short sleeves in long sleeve season, sensei'. 'Oh fck off, and stop wasting paper, think about the trees!'.

    Great post, and worthy of the pain in the ass that word verification is. ;)

  9. Hoo-bloody-ray!!! What is this bullshit about putting on lots of weight=big babies?! I put on 20 kg during my second pregnancy and bubs was only 2.6! AND the weight came off really easily with breast feeding, which was no problem, because putting on weight during pregnancy is about storing food for the baby Mother Fuckers. So glad u told that cow what's what. Well done.

  10. The flowers are a lovely touch... I think I prefer the top two photos because they are lighter. Wait! I didn't mean it that way. I mean, the one on the bottom just looks so big...
    Condescending pressure to embrace anorexic ideals here are a bit much. Wifey went through a similar gain like yours... needless to say, the delivery went 'smooth as' (but stitches were required where she was cut). Our kids are turning out to be just as obnoxious as all the others, so putting on the extra dozen kilos really didn't matter after all.

  11. Patronising nurses irritate the crap out of me, and I don't have pregnancy hormones to blame. Sadly I lose my ability to speak anything other than English (and not very articulate English) when I'm pissed off, so no giving nurses a piece of my mind for me...

  12. The Japanese wonder why they have so much trouble breastfeeding. It is because they don't put on enough weight to have a sufficient blood supply. This thinking is changing in Japan sloooowwwly.

  13. i had one in japan and one in the usa. LIke chalk and cheese. I put on loads of weight each time !! It fell of the first time and took a bit of shifting the second. Fucking hated japan lets make the pregnant lady feel shit! The USA was "soo how are you feeling?" me "err aren't you going to have a go about my weight gain?" look of horror on the midwifes face.
    the lentil weaver

  14. currently being bullied by my doctor who just told me you have 3kg left to gain for the next 20 weeks of your pregnancy...and then she proceed to call me a liar cause I told her I wasn't eating junk food all the time just ice cream from time to time......and she said then told me to stop eating fruits cause they have too much calories.....the fuck is wrong with doctors in Japan....seriously...gonna ignore her and gain 20kgs just to piss her off and prove my point lol

    1. Yep, I'm getting the same fucking bullshit. Being treated like a liar even though I RARELY eat junk food now. I can't stand how pedantic doctors are here. Because of their shit my depression and anxiety have skyrocketed which I blame for my weight gain - which has ONLY been 8kg at 33weeks - and I still fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes ffs. I honestly can't see myself having another child here tbh...

  15. It's really good to know I'm not the only one who has had the same experience. My US baby books say I'm in the healthy range and I think I look and feel fine. Last time the doctor, mentioned my weight and I just said hai and ok, but then she brought it up again during the appointment. It's just stressing me out. I'm just wondering though, because Japan is so strict about weight, do they not know how to handle big babies? Other than the stress from the doctor, is there any medical benefit/risk to maintaining a lower weight in Japan? Or it really doesn't matter because since my body is bigger than Japanese women, it can accommodate a larger baby?