I'm not sure if modern women are spoiled by crappy Hollywood movies, but I'm beginning to think our expectations of men, and of life in general are WAY too high.
Of course this expectation goes straight out the window when it comes to Japanese men, it's a whole new ball game. So I have to wonder, when the mix of high, unrealistic expetations and the whacky Japanese sexist society clash, where does that leave us poor bastards in the middle?
My relationships (or things that could be classed as) have been few and never really what you could call healthy. I sometimes find my mind wandering back to my ex-boyfriend, the most serious apart from Ryochan, and comparing him to my current relationship. Would he be different or act differently because he's not Japanese or simply because he's a different person? Would I be happier with a Western guy than a Japanese one or would I just compare them to Japanese guys and it would all go back and forth. I can't imagine myself with a 'conventional' J-guy, as in workaholic salaryman, but is that just because I'm used to Ryota in his kinda Japanese but mostly weird Westen mixed ways...?
Marriage is a tricky fucker, possibly the hardest part of my life to maintain order, but I remember being single, freshly dumped by my ex-boyfriend and having the fear that I'd never be loved again, I'd be alone, for the rest of my life. Now that I'm never alone, I kind of wish I hadn't taken that single time for granted, wasting the days away with thoughts of: 'Why me?? Why am I destined to be alone!?' Twat I was! Imagine if I was single, I could work without guilt...work out until I puked my guts out without worrying if dinner was prepared or not... Go drinking and screw random hot men... Not have my body taken over by a freakin baby!
And of course there's the flip side, I wouldn't have a little boy pat my belly at night and say "Good night baby...."
Meh, I could live without the cuteness. Just kidding! But not really...
My life is always going to be full of doubts, regrets and what ifs, anyone who says they have no regrets are either kidding themselves, on some really good drugs, or are much better people than me. I have so many regrets I've lost count, but if we never regretted anything we'd never learn anything, or some shit, right?
Tomorrow marks 7 years ago that I came to Japan, in that 7 years I've managed to drink more alcohol than I care to put a measure on, shagged my way through numerous nationalities, had fights, seen amazing things, fallen asleep in parks, acquired many friends, lost most of them along the way, wound up with a house, car, a husband who I still manage to struggle through with, one and a half kids, a cat and two fish and can safely say that I would never have imagined it this way when I first stepped off the plane. I don't know if my expectations are too high, but the one thing I don't regeret, is having the regrets and disappointments that I've had, they've made for an interesting 7 years if nothing else. Happy Japanniversary to me!