Thursday 5 April 2012

Great expectations

I'm not sure if modern women are spoiled by crappy Hollywood movies, but I'm beginning to think our expectations of men, and of life in general are WAY too high.

Of course this expectation goes straight out the window when it comes to Japanese men, it's a whole new ball game. So I have to wonder, when the mix of high, unrealistic expetations and the whacky Japanese sexist society clash, where does that leave us poor bastards in the middle?

My relationships (or things that could be classed as) have been few and never really what you could call healthy. I sometimes find my mind wandering back to my ex-boyfriend, the most serious apart from Ryochan, and comparing him to my current relationship. Would he be different or act differently because he's not Japanese or simply because he's a different person? Would I be happier with a Western guy than a Japanese one or would I just compare them to Japanese guys and it would all go back and forth. I can't imagine myself with a 'conventional' J-guy, as in workaholic salaryman, but is that just because I'm used to Ryota in his kinda Japanese but mostly weird Westen mixed ways...?

Marriage is a tricky fucker, possibly the hardest part of my life to maintain order, but I remember being single, freshly dumped by my ex-boyfriend and having the fear that I'd never be loved again, I'd be alone, for the rest of my life. Now that I'm never alone, I kind of wish I hadn't taken that single time for granted, wasting the days away with thoughts of: 'Why me?? Why am I destined to be alone!?' Twat I was! Imagine if I was single, I could work without guilt...work out until I puked my guts out without worrying if dinner was prepared or not... Go drinking and screw random hot men... Not have my body taken over by a freakin baby!
And of course there's the flip side, I wouldn't have a little boy pat my belly at night and say "Good night baby...."

 Meh, I could live without the cuteness. Just kidding! But not really...

My life is always going to be full of doubts, regrets and what ifs, anyone who says they have no regrets are either kidding themselves, on some really good drugs, or are much better people than me. I have so many regrets I've lost count, but if we never regretted anything we'd never learn anything, or some shit, right?

Tomorrow marks 7 years ago that I came to Japan, in that 7 years I've managed to drink more alcohol than I care to put a measure on, shagged my way through numerous nationalities, had fights, seen amazing things, fallen asleep in parks, acquired many friends, lost most of them along the way, wound up with a house, car, a husband who I still manage to struggle through with, one and a half kids, a cat and two fish and can safely say that I would never have imagined it this way when I first stepped off the plane. I don't know if my expectations are too high, but the one thing I don't regeret, is having the regrets and disappointments that I've had, they've made for an interesting 7 years if nothing else. Happy Japanniversary to me!

17 comments:

  1. Happy Japanniversary! I guess all ex-pats wonder what if I went home? I'm not sure life would be any easier if I'd made different choices, I'd still have regrets (many of which involve not having got knocked up, if I'm bing honest, funny how the grass is greener...). Hope you at least get a cake.

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  2. God, it's awfully cute! "Good night baby...." I just melted!

    When I read about your what-if's I remembered sth from a comic... "To many what-might-be's, maybe? They weigh down your spear, don't they? Blunt your point... All those what-were's at your heels - you're so busy feeding them you can't see how they trip you! And they're why you're lost! It's the now that's staring you in the face. And that's where you'll find your answer..."

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    1. I'm going to try and focus on the now! The thing that is weighing me down most is my belly though, followed closely by my regrets ;)

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  3. happy 7 years corinne! i first met you at NOVA about 6 years ago - i was just out of training and was working overtime at your school. I had to teach my first kids MxM (the kid was a nightmare!) and I remember you smiling at me saying, if you can deal with him, you can deal with any kid!

    be careful not to think with rose tinted spectacles on: i live the "crazy single" life you describe. i work all hours god sends (though i am highly motivated), and have all the wonderful one nighters you reminisce about. its lonely here on the other side, as a single female in Japan with no family (other than married friends...)

    enough about me, it ain't my blog! what were your expectations of life, if this ain't it?x

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    1. (Hey Z, had to post under you 'cause my browser was outdated maybe a decade ago)

      Regrets... folks without no regrets, ain't got no stories. Damn proud of some of them while others make me blush.

      Speaking of marriage, Wifey just asked, "What does 'flip out' mean?"

      No. Wouldn't trade this life for nuthin' - though I might need a loan.

      Happy Japanniversary.

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    2. Z- haha I remember! The good old NOVA days, it seems like a lifetime ago! It's true, when I was single all I wanted to do was settle down, I guess that's just the way life works...
      Speaking of your blog.. another post please!!

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    3. Will- Oh no, was wifey asking you because she was about to flip out?!
      I like having regrets, I guess you just have to sort through them and make some sort of 'life peace' filing cabinet if that makes sense...

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  4. Happy Japanniversary. The seven year Japan itch? A life without regrets would be pretty boring. We can't always choose the right path. Half the time we don't even know what path is going where anyway. Life is always greener, that kind of shit.
    Even if the marriage doesn't, your kids will keep you grounded.
    xxx

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    1. Thanks! That's true, it all changes so much after you have kids eh, nothing is 100 percent about me anymore, which has good and bad points I guess!

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  5. Awesome post! Candid Corrine at her best. Life is a journey, that is for sure. If your husband loves and cares for you, then I think you have struck gold, regardless of losing the single status. p.s Like what z-chan said.

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    1. Sometimes when I don't feel he cares for me that's when it all goes to shit I guess! :D But most of the time things could definitely be worse, I should remember that!

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  6. おつかれさま!!You always work so hard!
    Hope the birth of the next bub is a catalyst for you to have higher expectations of your man, and for him to live up to them. When I read gaijin women's blogs, I often see stuff about "Japanese men", or men in general. But in reality, I think any spouse just gets away with as much as he or she is able to.... 5 years ago when I married a J guy he expected me to iron his shirts, and make breakfast and lunch for him. Bwa ha ha haaa!!! I just said no, sorry, Australian women don't do that kind of shit, (and neither do most of my Japanese friends, either.) So, here we are 5 years later, and he takes care of that for himself, will cook dinner for us all, does the laundry occasionally, cleans the bathroom and toilets on a routine basis, will do the dishes if I'm too busy with the kids, and is a pretty good baby sitter (especially with the one who is no longer breast fed ;). He especially stepped up his efforts after the second one was born. Hope it's that way for you too.
    And I hope that didn't sound too self righteous or preachy. But truly, you should keep your expectations high or you'll have even more regrets when you're an old woman!!!

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    1. So true! No matter their background, men pretty much think of #1 first and they are #1. You just have to access the situation and take a stand and force them to be a partner in caring for the children and running the home.

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    2. i agree, hiding behind the 'Japanese man' thing is not acceptable, and I've heard it takes at least 7 years for a married couple to work out the kinks enough to live together without too many fireworks. If I think about it, Ryota has changed some things he does for the better over the last 4 years, hopefully I can train him to a satisfactory level soon! >_< And it's very true, I can only hope for the expectations that I have, if they're too low I'll never have a chance!

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  7. "Meh, I could live without the cuteness. Just kidding! But not really..."

    Here comes....BI-POLAR!!!! ;)

    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...when I'm standing on it anyway.....actually I don't know what that means? Are there grass otaku's comparing green levels? WTF is with that?

    Anywayz...Happy 7th :)

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    1. I was actually debating in my head how much I would really miss his cute moments when I typed it, slight bi-polar for sure!

      I wish we could be fence hoppers, I'd punch a grass otaku as I skipped over to the single side of the fence!

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  8. Happy anniversary! I reckon you are doing pretty well, with a bit of husband training you should be right. Seriously though you almost own your own home, rather than being on a half a million dollar loan for 30 years that you would probably default on when the economy goes to shit one day and you can ride your bicycle to work rather than sitting on the freeway for 2 hours each way or on the BO-filled train listening to some bogan talk about their sex life on their phone. Plus you don't have tough guys throwing McDonald's cups at you from their 4WDs when you decide to ride on the road.

    I think Kym is pretty bang on the mark and at least J-guys wash once a day, are able to cut their toe nails on a regular basis and don't go round visibly scratching their balls on a hot day and then shake your hand.

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