Tuesday 29 May 2012

Happy Birthday dear... Dog...?

I'm totally an animal lover, I prefer cats to dogs, but that's only because I love that cats are more arrogant and easier to care for. But is it just me that sees it as weird to get a birthday cake for their pet every year??
Now a doggy cake, I can understand. Some nice steak in his dog bowl, fine. A special doggy treat, OK! But a real human cake that the dog himself can't actually eat...? What's the fucking point?!

I went to the in-law's house yesterday to go and retrieve Ash who had gone there hours earlier, usually I'm glad for the peace and order that no small child brings, but they feed him loads of crap RIGHT before dinner which means I feel like throwing the plate of whatever I've made over his head when he refuses to eat it, which isn't really fair, seeing as though it's not really his fault... Anyway!
As expected, he's tucking in to a big piece of strawberry shortcake, not the cheapo shit either, a real fujiya birthday cake complete with the birthday message plate that Ash was licking. Just as he shoved the message plate into his mouth I caught the name on it and realised it was the dog's name... So SIL had gone to the trouble of ordering a custom made birthday cake, paid for it, (this may have been Grandma because she has no money) gone and collected it and eaten it... Alone. Or with the dog...?
Some of you have asked why I call her 'dog-fucker' and this kind of shit is precisely why. She has an unhealthy relationship with this dog, seriously. I was actually a bit miffed, why didn't she invite us over for dog birthday cake!? It seems a bit less sad if at least there's a gathering for the dog's birthday, rather than just sister-in-law, the dog, a dark room and some candle light. Did she sing happy birthday to him?? I seriously wish I had a hidden camera that could follow her around sometimes. God only knows what happens when she settles down with the dog at night under her futon.. It makes me shudder...

There has been a lot of talk lately about dog fucker ever getting a real life/getting married, but I'm actually more intrigued as to what she's going to do when the dog dies, I swear to God there will be mental breakdowns, tears, bouts of depression... I don't want the dog to go or anything, but he's 12 and seems to be in pain half the time, so him fading away might not be a bad thing, it will certainly be an interesting social experiment to watch dog-fucker's reaction anyway.

It's her birthday on Sunday too, I'm not sure what I should do as MIL's in Thailand the official party organising duties probably fall on my shoulders, but perhaps I'll cry busy pregnant woman and worm my way out of it... What do you buy for the girl with no life and a dog obsession...?!

28 comments:

  1. That's just a piss poor excuse to eat a whole cake on your own otherwise she's have gotten a meaty cake for the dog.

    I think you should organise a gokon for her birthday. Please :) With lots of photos for the blog.

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    1. If it was just for cake eating purposes then I guess I can sympathise!

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  2. I'm a big time animal lover obviously.

    If that dog could talk it would tell her to stop using him for attention and fuck off. If she gave a fuck about the dog...really and wanted to make the dog feel happy...the birthday thing is lost on dogs....we can all agree on that right?

    ANyway...make yourself feel better by giving the dog an expensive steak of big beef bone to knaw on or some fucking thing.

    Give her the beef bone that she should have given the dog...or will that be lost on her?

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    1. It would totally be lost on her, but confusing her is kind of a fun hobby of mine so maybe I'll give it a crack!

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  3. You invite her and Granny over, buy her cake, kampai her with fake beer (although I doubt a beer at this late stage will make the eyes on bub's head slide round to side of head) and you let her enjoy her birthday. Thats what a nice SIL like you should do. She probably wants her mum there which means you should probably invite the dog into the house and set him a place as well. Hey fuck it, fill his water bowl with bubbles.

    That sounds strange - am in no way replacing lovely MIL with dog.
    xxx

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    1. You're so nice! I was planning on some kind of sushi ordering or something, I really have no excuse as it's on Sunday, a weekday I might have been able to get out of it!
      Oh and trust me, if MIL and the dog were hanging off the cliff, she'd stamp on MIL's fingers I'm sure!!

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  4. Any excuse for cake, I say! I have friends that celebrate their dogs' birthdays (that makes my friends sound weird, but, anyway) by inviting people over and having yaki niku. The dog gets extra meat and seconds and we have a night out. Everyone's a winner. Then again, we will literally take any excuse, we love a proper cake. I
    should point out that I disapprove of dogs in beds, that's weird.

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    1. I get a celebration with an excuse for a party, which is why it was weird that we weren't invited over. I like the yakiniku idea too!
      And I'm with you with the dog in the bed, on top, maybe, but he's like snuggled into her belly under the covers, it's disturbing.

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  5. A friend of mine always throws a party for his cat's birthday. And we all bring gifts for the cat! Like toys or special cat milk... But actually it's just a reason for a party! :-D

    Yeah, what about a gokon? That's a great idea, really! You get a big happening and she gets a real change... what else could everybody want?

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    1. I'm all for parties, but private little intimate settings with just owner and dog...err.. no!

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  6. Oh god, I just cannot understand these people who buy this stupid junk for their pets. The stupidest thing I saw a lady pushing her dog in a doggie stroller. It drives me nuts!! at least more than I already am!

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    1. Japan is the capital of ridiculous things for dog, strollers, clothes, braids, it's horrid I agree!

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  7. you can give her a couple Tee shirt for her and her dog...

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  8. How about a present from this store? I've been past it many times but was always too scared to look inside.

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  9. Wow....why haven't they tried a match maker yet? Is she unattractive and weird???

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  10. I see that things are still as crazy as they were XDD I have an unhealthy relationship with my pet but I have never thought of buying a cake and eating it for her Bday lol

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  11. Wow, judged much??? Who knows why SIL lavishes all her love and attention on her pooch but she obviously has her own reasons that no one else is privy to. Not everyone is lucky to find a partner in life or have children and she might just be filling that void. Something to love, to come home to, to look after and something that is always happy to see her, needs her and never judges. Unconditional love.

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    1. When you phrase it this way, it sounds downright desireable to love your pet to death. O.o What I find so disturbing is, that SIL's love to the dog keeps her from going out into the world and finding that someone to love, to come home to, to look after and all that. Because she already has the dog. So there's no need, is there.

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    2. Maybe she doesn't want a human relationship for who knows why. Just like some women don't feel the need to have children. She's chosen to lavish her affections on a dog, but there's a lot of people out there who lavish their affections on Anything from dogs and cats to inanimate objects like their pillows or kitchen appliances. I'm guessing that would hinder a human relationship, but it's the relationship that they've chosen. Each to their own and if it's not hurting anyone. Not my cup of tea I must say, but it's none of my business.

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  12. We knew these people who had a rather noisy yip-dog that would not quit barking. Rather noisy despite having had a special operation (a vocal cordectomy) to quite it down a little. Still, that think managed to squeeze out some impressive sounds despite being de-yapped.

    Anyway, when the dog finally yipped it last yip and went off to bury the big bone in the sky... the family had it cremated and set up an alter in the corner, all Buddhist style with incense, a little water dish, a can of dog food, and a favorite squeak-toy.

    I never joked about the loss of their family member.

    But I can only imagine how hard it is going to keep it together when dear sister-in-law goes into mourning. May your laughter bring tears.

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  13. you should hook her up on e hormeny lol

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  14. Birthday present? How about something she really needs, and could use often... a large dildo with the NASA super-strength battery pack option.

    As for "filling the void", she could do that by, oh I don't know, perhaps lavishing attention on other PEOPLE, instead of an animal? Her nephew perhaps, or by volunteering at a local orphanage, or at a senior's home, or school, or.... Substituting animal 'love' for human is plain sick.

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    1. Why should anyone tell her how she should be "filling the void". It's her life. Would it be more acceptable if she filled the void with over eating and becoming obese or doing drugs???? Maybe she just doesn't care for human contact. Who knows??? Having 'love' for an animal is not sick. Sick would be having sex with the animal.

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    2. How default and dull an alternative life you are suggesting for her.
      Charity work?!! Give me a fcking break!
      Just because she's not dating anybody, is fond of her dog, doesn't make her a freak. If anything, she's probably more evolved.

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    3. I find that people who think that caring for animals is somehow less important than other things tend to have poor people skills themselves.
      I'm all for a balanced life but not everyone agrees that animals are an afterthought. I certainly rank them higher then dickheads who talk about large dildos.

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  15. If helping other HUMANS who need assistance is "default and dull", then you have some pretty warped priorities. As alternatives, how about: taking a class in something, getting a better job, going to a gym, planting a garden, all are aceptable and better than obsessing over an animal.

    Loving an animal makes as much sense as loving your toaster.

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  16. aimlesswanderer5 June 2012 at 19:01

    Little brother's wife is totally gaga over her (not his or theirs, hers) dopey cat, a massively inbred flat faced (looks like it has been hit with a frying pan flat) cat which would last all of 5 seconds outside their apartment.

    Doctor cousin is very concerned about her behavior, which includes hand feeding it and putting it on a leash to keep it by her side.

    They don't go out to dinner because she wants to spend time with the cat...

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