Friday 21 September 2012


Do you have a favourite kid??
Did your parents favour you or one of your siblings??

Fuck my opening sounds like an entry for a Japanese school kid's English speech contest... Let's talk about favouring one kid over the other today!!

So since little Bailey has come into the Vinegar-Arrow family things have changed, obviously. The whole time I was pregnant with him, I was DREADING him being born, the dynamic of 2 kids, a job, house, twat of a husband and a foreign country was overwhelming. But the main reason I was dreading it, was because the only experience I've ever had with babies is Ash, and I won't lie, he was a fucker of a baby. He cried A LOT, didn't sleep well and took all my time, energy, and sanity. And I wasn't working at that time. I thought I might go a bit bonkers if I had to do that again and to my surprise, it hasn't been like that at all. Bailey is the total opposite to Ash, he sleeps through the night, takes long naps, smiles, giggles, cuddles and is generally easy to look after. Of course I realise he may change as he gets older, but for the most part I think he's definitely going to be an easier baby than Ash was.

Now if it was just me who noticed the differences between my kid I'd just keep my trap shut, but everyone notices it "He never cries!" "He smiles a lot!!" AND he has big blue eyes and light hair, in Japan this is way more important than, well pretty much anything in baby terms. So I feel bad for little Ash because everyone always says how completely different they are and I'm worried he's going to get a complex at the ripe old age of 3! But I can't help it, when  Ash is trying my patience, I find myself thinking how much I love Bailey for being easy... Terrible mother I am!! Meh, I'm not losing sleep over it, but still I feel a bit guilty when I send Ash over to Grandma's house because I just want some peace with Bailey.

So can I say Bailey is my favourite...? But on the other hand, Ash and I are totally kindred spirits, so I feel a bit for him. Apparently my sister was an angel baby like Bailey and I was a little strong-willed shit like Ash right up until elementary school. I hated change, (still do) never slept and shamed my family one year by yanking Santa's beard and stealing a handful of candy before running away (and I mean far away too, they couldn't find me for ages apparently!) at the annual Santa photo. So I'm kind of happy that Ash is so 'head strong' (read, BAD) because it means he has a little bit of cheekiness in him like me.

Still, I'm glad they're different, it would be pretty damn boring if they were both little robots who always did as they were told I guess.

 Me and my sister...
Ash and Bailey... History repeating??


  1. Since I only had one, I never had favourites. He was really good as a baby so I figured if I'd had a second one they'd be a shit. He was a stubborn little fucker when he got older though.

  2. I can totally relate here! I wouldn't go as far as to say that I have a favorite kid at this point. Although Baby Salaryman is way easier to deal with than Toddler Sunshine was at the same time a baby before one year old's personality is a bit on the boring side (boob, sleeping, smiling, boob, sleeping, eating, smiling). I too have a soft spot for "screw you guys, I do what I want, when I want" attitude that Toddler Sunshine quite frequently give us...

  3. Awww, your boys seem to love each other.

    My sister was my parents' favorite as a baby, since I cried all the time and she was an angel. As a teen, though, I was pretty low-key while she was all about the drama, and they were always looking to me for sanity. In the end, no harm done since my sis and I are besties and we both get along with my parents.

  4. My older child is a real handful. The younger one is pretty mild mannered. Honestly, I love them both the same. But that doesn't mean there are certain things I would prefer to do with one child versus the other. I think first borne tend to be harder because we, the parents, don't know what the f@ck we're doing. In my case, and I think this is true for lots of moms in Jaoan, the older child is the only help I have. I often have to stop and remind myself that he is still just a kid. I don't think finding one baby to be easier than the other is going to lead to any Joseoh and the Coat of Many Colors type favoritism. Eventually, you'll find all of that meekness and mildness leads to it's own set of problems.

  5. Really agree with Hamakkomommy. My in-laws tell me my second is easier going than her older bro because she's a girl. Nooooo, I just have a better idea of what it is I should be doing now, so she doesn't have as many reasons to get worked up, like my poor son, the guinea pig. I think it's good that siblings are so different, ironically it makes it easier to love them equally.

  6. I had two cats, siblings, and I couldn't help but love one more than the other (one was a lap kitty, the other was the hissy sort). I felt really awful about it. It was kind of a relief when the difficult one ran away from home and never came back, because it made it so much easier to focus all my love and attention on the easy one. I still felt terrible for feeling that way, though. Anyway, the whole experience made me understand why my mother favored my easygoing younger sister over me. Unfortunately over the years the favoritism got so blatant that other people noticed and commented on it. I think it's natural and understandable for parents to have favorites, but I don't think they should let it show. And they DEFINITELY should not be using elder children as free babysitters for their younger siblings (which happened to me all the time, to the point of blighting my childhood). People who can't look after all of their own kids should not be having them in the first place.