-You escape to work with two kids just to write a blog post and do some lesson planning.
-You fucking dread the 3 day weekend.
So the divorce proceedings haven't moved any farther along, but they are never far from my mind. I don't want to keep bashing Ryota here (but I totally will don't worry) because I think it's more of an issue of us being totally mis-matched rather than he's always an arse. I do think he's an arse a lot of the time, but that may be just because my arse-o-metre is set a certain way. I honestly believe he'd be so much happier with a Japanese wife, J-women seem to have a knack of showing they love a man by accepting their imperfections, whereas I just can't do it.
I'm so fucking scared of going back to work full time this week, I know I'm going to be stuck doing all the housework, cooking, working and looking after the littlen. I know people say 'just leave the housework!' But that's not the way I roll, I can't stand it not being done. I'm no perfect housekeeper but I like my clutter hidden and floors vacuumed at the very minimum, and if I don't do it, no other fucker will.
Today has been hard, I let Ryota's mood affect me more than I should, but it's so hard to be perky when he's so negative and cranky. I also feel our communication skills are at an all time low, despite his English being quite good and my Japanese being OK, it really is horrible. Today in the car he said, "I had a dream last night that I was smoking a cigarette!" to which I replied, "Oh yeah, was it good??" And then told him I had a dream that I put Ash in the ergo and dropped him on his head (what the fuck is with that?!) but he didn't reply for about a minute and then said "I didn't ask you what your dream was, I just told you mine." It's stupid little stuff like this that really fucking shits me, maybe I was bad but I think more likely he thinks I said "That's good" instead of "Was it good?" so thought I was just brushing him off. We've also had issues lately because he keeps sighing and saying "Ahhh Ash can't speak English! Should I teach him??" and this fucking pisses me off to the absolute fucking max. I feel bad Ash's English is not where it should be, but I speak English to him whenever I can but I work, so he goes to kindy at 9, and most nights I get home at 8pm, not a lot of time. I feel guilty enough as it is, I really don't need my partner to make me feel even more guilty, I just don't need it.
It's a combination of all these things and more that have me planning the best way out. I just don't really know where to start. I want to stay in Japan but the logistics are overwhelming me.