So this year was my first mother's day, and I know that those such holidays aren't celebrated as much in Japan as they are in other countries, but my hubby is pretty savvy to the western culture stuff, as I think I am to Japanese culture, so usually we meet in the middle. Not yesterday.
I think I had every reason to be pissed, and pissed I was. I'd been dropping hints all week about mother's day, I bought a present and made a card for his mother and grandmother and sent my mum a gift well in advance. So by these things I thought it would be pretty clear that mother's day was important to me in some way. Obviously not.
Sunday started like any other day except I wasn't all chirpy as usual, then I went on a cleaning frenzy as I tend to do when miffed. Then I cuddled up with Ash on our futon for a 'sleep' which was actually a cry. I was thinking how good it is to have a two-storey house now, when we lived in the apartment I wasn't able to have a good private sob.
Anyway, Ryota knew something was up and came to talk to me. I am very annoying in arguments, I do the whole "I'm fine, just having a bad day/headache/PMS" etc. Even though it's clear that I'm angry or upset for a reason... Ryota often tells me how Japanese I am in that way haha.
After I finally started to tell him why I was angry the flood gates really opened, I started ranting about how we skipped the romance part of our relationship and that he got off easy with no dates and presents and stuff. After I said that I felt like a selfish bitch but I can't deny that's the way I feel sometimes, and he doesn't get that I don't want expensive gifts, I want gifts from the heart, or at least the head. Making something, doing something he knows I like and all that stuff that men are just not programmed to do.
I also pulled out the 'we never even had a proper wedding' card, which I know upsets him, but I figure if I don't tell him, the bottling up could be dangerous later on.
I felt muuuccchhhh better after letting it all go, but then he went overboard and started up the "I'm a terrible husband" guilt trip bullshit, took me shopping to Nishinomiya gardens, (which is awesome by the way) and tried to buy me expensive stuff which pissed me off soooo much cos it showed that he just didn't get it. *sigh*
I may have overreacted a little but I think it was more of a build-up of a few things, the fact that I always feel a bit homesick on holidays and being a housewife can send you insane.
I think relationships take time and effort on both sides, so I have to try harder too.
We made up though and like always after an argument, feel refreshed in some way. we agreed that I wouldn't do anything for fahter's day this year, (but I know I will) and then we'll start fresh from next year when he will spoil me rotten.
What a crappy sounding day. I totally get where you are coming from though. Sorry that Ryota didn't understand DESPITE you trying to tell him. (That happens a lot here as well) But at least he has another chance next year to get it right. I obviously didn't get anything this year but I don't really have high hopes for next year for Ryohei... we shall see though!
Really happy you made a blog as its so nice to keep in touch and be "up-to-date" through them! Wish I could have been there to go to Nishinomiya Garden's with you. I don't know if you are a huge ice cream fan but I LOVE the Cold Stone Ice Cream they have there. Especially the Mojo Mudpie... perfect if you are a fan of coffee and peanut butter (oddly a GREAT combo) like myself!
Sara~ Thanks! I'm hoping I'm as diligent as you with posting! I hope all is going well for you out there!ReplyDelete
Oh my god i love cold stone too but the line was soooo freakin long there was no way I could wait! I'm gunna go again on a weekday though, hmmmm peanut butter and coffee... have to try it!
Happy to hear you have your own blog. You can radiate your feeling joy and even complaint.ReplyDelete
I'm a Japanese wife, but I understand your feeling. Sometimes men (especially Japanese men)don't have such a nice taste, so we are wives are getting sad.
Talking is the most important between wife and husband, I think.
Anyway, I look forward your blog from now on.
Manami~ Thanks, I agree, communication is very important! It's nice to have a Japanese lady to get advice from about Japanese men! I never realsied how much energy and power it takes to be a good housewife and mother! I hope you're all well, hope to see you soon!ReplyDelete
Aww that stinks that he didn't get the HUGE hints you were giving him.ReplyDelete
Sometimes men are blissfully unaware when it comes to the small things girls find to be heartfelt and important in the relationship. And it was Mother's Day for pete's sake! Aww.
Takeshi and I actually, had no wedding, no honeymoon. We went to the Suzuka town hall and signed the paperwork. Tadaa! We're married now. At this point, I don't try to wish for a wedding, since I think it's too far gone now - it would seem weird to me to have a wedding now, after 1 year of marriage, or whatnot. But I would like to have a honeymoon someday.
So much venting so far on your blog! But that's ok! Us ladies need somewhere to vent. ;)
Does Ryota get really really quiet and "cold shoulder" on you, when he's angry or upset? Takeshi does that, and it drives me insane. I always want to talk about our feelings, and Takeshi's the exact opposite. He's getting better though.
My husband doesn't get hints well either. heck he sometimes doesn't do things even when I tell him out straight. Like yesterday.. Honey buy some milk on your way home. Gets home... no milk.ReplyDelete
I told Ami it was Mothers day and she looked at me like she was going to cry and whinned.. "NOOOo I want it to be MY day!"
Then we went to the flower shop and bought her and myself flowers. Cause I wanted to look at some flowers on mothersday and I knew no one else was gonna pick/buy them for me.
Nothin by part of my husband.
Fortunatly her school was on top of things and she did have a bag with a little drawing she drew of a catapiller and a peach on it.
I hope Ash's kindergarten will help him be more thoughful in the future then your husband was this year.
Wish you better future Mothers Days!!
ローラ~ Wow you and takeshi are a very おしゃれ couple! I kind of feel the same with the whole wedding thing, it's done and a white wedding dress would just seem weird now... But I'm the same with a honeymoon, that's something I really want to do. Ryota likes to talk about his feelings but THEN he does the quiet cold shoulder I don't wanna talk about it thing. Although we rarely fight or argue, Sunday was very unusual for us. Looking forward to reading your blog!ReplyDelete
Carrie~ Awww, Ami will be great on mother's day in the future I'm sure, she's such a little sweetie. Goig and getting flowers sounds like a nice idea, I can't wait till Ash is old enough to do that, although he'll probably wanna go catch bugs or something hehe. Hope to see you and Ami-chan again soon!
Happy belated Mother's Day Corrine. Love the blog my the way! I always think I should get on things and do one. Just another thing I procrastinate at.ReplyDelete
I totally understand your feelings about Mother's Day. It went down pretty much the same way here. I was up til 1:30 am making a slide show for Seiyan's mother and we went out to get her pajamas. I didn't even get a Happy Mother's Day. They when I went on a rant about how I never get thought about and how it was my first mother's day, etc, etc he bought me some daifuku that I pointed out. Nothing like a guilt gift! Hopefully next year our husbands will get it together.
It was great meeting you at the picnic and if you ever want to meet up for coffee sometime I am always free.
Sorry I spelled your name wrong Corinne - I have mommy brain!ReplyDelete
Jamie~ haha, I didn't even notice my name, don't worry, very much get mummy brain! Yeh let's definitely meet up for coffee sometime! We fell in love with little Raiden, he's such a cutie! Happy mother's day to you too! Maybe next year all the gaijin mummies should get together for a party and give each other presents! I'm glad I wasn't the only one this year though. Talk to you soon!ReplyDelete