Thursday, 24 February 2011

Mid-fight post...

I was going to write a humorous little post about Grandma giving Ash chocolate every morning as my breaking point story. And what do you know, I went and tempted fate, and fate fucked me right up the arse by delivering a cracking fight between Ryota and I for me to share with you! Don't you love hearing about other people's fights? It always make your own relationship feel that little bit more stable.

It has been brewing for a while so I should have known it would explode at some point but first of all, I just want to let you in on the reason for most of our marriage problems. He's sick. Really sick. There's no cure for this horrible disease and it gets very ugly at times. I found a very accurate description of Chonanitis here:

Chonanitis- The condition where only the oldest son of the family is affected. Symptoms include; selfishness, arrogance, ignorance, short-temper, and general signs of being an absolute wanker. The subject also tends to be totally incapable of looking after himself as the condition progresses. The most unique aspect of this debilitating illness, is the fact that the subject tends to be totally unaware of his symptoms, meaning those closest to him suffer the worst of the effects.

I have friends who actually refuse to date the chonan of families, and I thought this was pretty ridiculous, but the longer I'm married to one, the more smart it seems. A lot of girls don't want the responsibility of being the 'head of the family' one day, but I think the fact that the eldest son is treated like a Prince for most of his life by his female relatives is MUCH worse than any responsibility. Ryota is a prime example of a chonan who has gotten away with way too much as he was growing up. And I don't like it one bit. I actually have changed my parenting goals, Ash can be a crack head for all I care, as long as he isn't a fucking chonan type, I'll be happy.

Basically, when I got home last night, I was greeted with stone cold silence as I walked in so I knew something was up, then when I went in to the kitchen, there was stuff all over the floor. I thought it had fallen off the shelf, but I later discovered Ryota had actually thrown it off the shelf. I never actually asked him, but I think he tried to find something on the shelf, couldn't for all the stuff there, so got in a temper and had a food throwing hissy fit. Fucking ape.
I'll admit, my shelves are nowhere near spotless, but my point is, he never cooks anything, so why does it bother him?? It's my organised mess, and I like it that way. Cook something for once in your life and you can bitch about the way I keep the kitchen all you want. He quite obviously wanted to have a go at me but I wasn't taking the bait, and ignored him about it. Cleaned up the mess, we were actually quite normal after that. But still, I was pissed and he was probably still pissed too, so didn't help the next problem we had.

Which was, the fucking computer.

Between us and the in-laws, we have: A laptop at our house, a laptop at the in-laws, a desktop PC at the school, a desktop PC at the in-laws. We're not lacking in access to computers. All are relatively new and have internet access. I really don't think we need another computer. Ryota disagrees. He's trying to make a website as a side business which he has fantasies of turning into big business so he can quit his job, which is fine (although I have serious doubts it will take off) but he could work on it from our home laptop which I never use. He feels he needs a new laptop, used only for the website and all the crap that has to be done for it (and probably his porn collection too). I'm not a stingy wife but this month and next are quite tight as we have to pay for the magazine ad for our school and various other loans and bills we have. A new computer is quite hard to budget in, but it's his birthday next month so I said he could buy the computer as a birthday present, after all, who am I to object if he really wants it right.

So it was settled, we'd buy the computer quite soon as he wants to work on the website as soon as possible and just say it was his birthday present. My mum also very generously offered to pay half of our magazine ad, but we can't pay that by credit card, so Mum and I had the idea that if we put the computer on my mum's credit card it would be easier than her sending yen or Aussie dollars as there would be a fee to change it and it would depend on the exchange rate blah blah blah. Ryota's tiny brain couldn't comprehend this but he agreed anyway. He started getting pissed off last night when I asked him to wait until today to buy it, as it was about 10,000 yen more than my mum was going to pay for the ad. Now, in reality, I know my mum will say she'll just pay the extra, or I can just send 10,000 yen to her for next time she comes to Japan, but I think it's common courtesy to check with someone if you're putting more on their credit card than they agreed. So, I said I'd talk to my mum today, then we could put it on her card tonight, and pay for the ad in cash. Reasonable, no??

He got in a total hissy fit, saying he HAD to buy it tonight (last night) as he NEEDED it before this Saturday to work on the website. Typical fucking chonan having a tanty because he can't have something straight away. He also accused me of concocting the credit card idea to dissuade him from buying the computer. Ummmm what the fuck?! I was all for it I was just trying to make every one's lives a bit easier! I tried to explain to him that there was no conspiracy against him or his fucking computer and that if it was THAT urgent to have the computer by Saturday then put it on our Japanese card and we'd just get my Mum to send yen for the ad. He was too pissed off by that point though and just went to bed. We didn't talk at all after that.

Skip to this morning... I wake up every morning and make his lunch and see him off. I was contemplating just not getting up, but thought I should, just to keep the peace and not be unnecessarily bitchy. So I stumbled downstairs and he says "Ohayo" and I said "Morning" and admittedly it was in a small voice, plus my voice is always super husky in the morning so it wasn't that genki and loud, but then he comes right up to me and goes "OHAYO!!!" in a mega pissed off voice. Like a scary school teacher voice! I actually laughed it took me by surprise that much, I then told him I would finish his lunch that he'd started making but he told me not to, so I didn't argue, slammed the door and went back to bed for a good cry at what a moody fucking arse he actually is. Ash woke up to me sobbing in to the pillow and said "Mummy ouchie...?" and patted my head which was cute and heart breaking at the same time.

So now it's 7pm and I'm kind of putting off going home, I know it will just be more ignoring until I make the first move. Although I have all credit cards, so if he wants any computer action I guess he'll have to talk to me sometime. We'll see anyway! Will keep you updated...


  1. OUCHIE indeed! A grudge-holder? I hate that. Good luck tonight, if I were you I'd be keeping quiet, making him make the first move. I just want to know one thing - do you fight in English or Japanese? We both revert to our native tongues, which is kind of convenient, cos then we rant away and neither can understand...

  2. I'm an only child and my mom used to smack me on the head if I didn't open the door, pull the seat out, and generally take care of myself and show due respect to the girls around me.

    I turned into a violent guy who thinks everyface is his I hit it. But her "Ladies should be treated like ladies" took right away and permanently.

    Enough smacks on the head ensured that.

  3. You would have gone home by now and things will either be miraculously back to normal - like sometimes happens here. I have a whole fight Japanese argued in my head and then it never eventuates - but I feel emotional drained anyway as left side of brain has been fighting with right side of brain for hours :) Fucked up.

    OR, he's stomped around a bit and tried to turn things around so it's all your fault.

    OR, you get home to find that his mum bought it for him, he's in a chipper mood and you both just shag the argument away!

    If all else fails, I'm sure that surfboard can be used as fabulous frypan substitute. Ganbare

  4. "Chonanitis", that's brilliant. I know it sucks to be angry / fighting with your spouse, but it sure inspires you to come up with some excellent writing!

  5. So does this add to the "Reasons to move back to Oz" list? Wouldn't living in a foreign country force his chonanitis-plagued arse to shape up or ship out?

  6. Chonanitis? I've met a few sufferers myself. Hope it all got worked out well.

  7. Well that's the end of my crush on Ryota!

  8. tried smashing plates for additional drama? Works wonders with me!

  9. my hub is a jinan, and sounds just as stubborn as your chonan hub. I think its a Japanese man thing in general. I can sympathise completely. And to add to Rose's comment, bringing him back to Aus won't necessarily change it unfortunately, I did and now he thinks he's done me a huge favour and has even more of these 'chonanitis' traits!

  10. Wow... the one thing that struck me was how he didn't seem to care about charging more on the credit card without telling your mother. That's simply not right under any circumstance.

    But I don't think every oldest son in the world acts like this. Hell I'm the oldest son in my family and in no way act like that.

  11. A man his age throwing a tantrum over a trivial thing such as that? That's tough, you're brave for hanging in there and taking all his shit. Hope everything will be fixed up real soon. And he better be real f**king thankful for the new laptop!

    ps; Chonanitis...brilliant! Let's hope someone finds a cure for it one day, eh?