Thursday, 10 March 2011

Fucking Mickey Mouse.

I'm like a Japanese TV show, cut to commercial RIGHT at the crucial moment.

I hope I haven't built this story up too much with all the drama. But I guess everyone has their different limits to what is acceptable and what isn't. I've heard stories of people actually shagging in airplane toilets or medical supply cupboards (wait, maybe that was the episode of Grey's anatomy this morning...) but for some people this would be seen as totally unacceptable. My friend once told me she gave her boyfriend a blow job on the roof garden of Namba Parks, anyone in Osaka, beware next time you go there... And I was like 'In broad daylight, where anyone could have seen you?? Did he actually cum all over the place right there in the garden!?" And all she replied was "It was dusk, I'm sure nobody saw..." and managed to dodge my question on whether or not he blew all over her face. I guess she is Japanese, and a master of the question dodge. But for me, that was pretty bad. I'm all for shagging and blow jobs, but time and place people, this is why love hotels were invented!

Anyway, perhaps this is why this particular event was so bad in my eyes, maybe my blow job friend would think nothing of it, it was dusk after all...


He told me to follow him.

I did.

Don't ask me why I did. I wasn't even annoyed at this point. I'm annoyed at myself just writing this, yet at the time I wasn't feeling annoyed at all. I don't even know what I was feeling at the time. Not excitement... Not annoyance... Intrigue maybe??

As I too, hopped over the stone wall and in to the dark patch of trees I wasn't nervous at all, a sign that you really are numb to reality, this guy could have pulled out a knife and slit my throat quite easily, there was nowhere to run, nobody around to hear me scream. Of course he was a scrawny Japanese guy with thighs about the size of my wrist, so in a fight I probably could have beat him, but if there was a weapon I would have been dead.

It wasn't even that sinister, I wish it had have been, then I could have played the victim. Instead, it was just plain sleazy. Like a lot of things in Japan- less serious crime but I'm guessing way more kinky, gross sexual stuff going on. He told me I had to come and get the bicycle key, (just a plain push bike key by the way) and he put it down his pants. All I could think about was Mickey mouse. Fucking Mickey cunting mouse. I didn't panic though, I kept asking for my key, laughing, telling him to stop it, that I had to go home. And then he told me I had to do a job to get it back. Where the fuck does this guy get his balls from?? Maybe he thought I was a Russian hostess who would be up for a bit of dark alley shenanigans. But I'm not. I wasn't. Then why didn't I get angry?? As angry as I am right now?? Mickey. Mouse. Mickey. Mouse.

After about 10 minutes of this back and forth about getting my key and going home, he had his pants down and was wanking. It was too late. I was in this situation and now I didn't know how to get out of it. I couldn't get angry at that point, I'd been laughing the whole time. That's another bad thing I do. I laugh when I'm nervous. Like, totally giggle but I'll be insanely nervous on the inside. I had no idea what to do, but he grabbed my hand and I was just giving him a hand job. And I couldn't do anything, and I don't know why!? I was giving a fucking stranger in a Mickey Mouse shirt a hand job in a dark patch of trees in a park. What the fuck, who does that!? And all I remember thinking, was "Fuck it, just get it over with and it will be done."

Sorry, let's just read that one more time: "just get it over and it will be done"

I think this was kind of the theme for my life at the time, drink it away, get it over with, get on with work without falling asleep, get it over with, get another beer until you can't see straight and everything seems funny. Get life over with.

I sometimes wonder about Mickey Mouse fucker, did he go and tell his mates, "You'll never guess what just happened to me, I met some gaijin girl and she wanked me off in the park!!!" Or did he just forget about it too? The thing that makes me most regret this horrible event though, aside from the personal shame and disbelief at my own actions, is the fact that I'm setting some horrible example to Mickey Mouse Boy that a gaijin woman? any woman? will actually put up with a cunt like him wanting a hand job from a stranger. It's like something straight out of a Haruki Murakami book. And it's not his fault, it's mine! Which is what makes it just. that. little. bit. worse.

And another weird thing, I can't remember how we parted ways, I remember him jizzing all over the ground, and thinking what a strange situation I'd gotten myself into, but after that, total fucking blank. I think I must have gone to a bar straight after and got absolutely hammered, I have vague recollections of that. When did he give me the key back?? When did he get dressed again?? What did we say to each other?? Did he thank me for my services?? Why didn't I just complete the transaction and take 10k from him?? How did we say goodbye??


All great questions that I wish I could answer too.


So there it is folks! Possibly my biggest regret ever!


The only thing I take comfort in, is the fact I have grown a lot since that night. If the same thing happened today, I know I would have the clarity of mind and confidence to deal with it like any normal person would.



27 comments:

  1. Sounds like a story that I could easily have shared... although there is no way I would be able to write about it on my blog because my mother, my sister and my father read my blog. I think my grandparents might too...

    But it kind of goes like this... 14 year old goes to a party gets blind drunk and gives a head job to a complete stranger... Yep, the worst regret of my life. Needless to say I never went to another party and I stopped drinking cheap wine from a cask :P

    *hugs* Hopefully now that you have shared your story you will be able to put to the back of your mind and forget it even happened.

    ReplyDelete
  2. if that happened now you'd knee him in the balls I imagine. I think a good drink or ten would definitely have happened after that. Fuckin twat - what balls he had for even fucking thinking he could score that! wow. Balls, that should you ever see again need a good fuckin bashing.

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. A slightly different ending to what I imagined (no, not fantasizing, my mind is capable of way better) but kind of relieved it was Nothing Worse. On the other hand the creepy git deserved a high-impact scrotal knee application.

    Err, anyway, I think I have trod far enough along the mortal coil to be able to say with some confidence the memories do fade, especially if you can exorcise them a bit.

    > I'm all for shagging and blow jobs, but time and place people, this is why love hotels were invented!
    What are your thoughts on karaoke rooms?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm with you on the public shagging. My friends had sex on the Sydney monorail and thought it was a big joke but to me, anywhere that you can get caught - and esp if you can be potentially seen by young kids is just wrong.

    The bottom line is, if you are having sex in public, and you are getting off on being seen or the risk of being seeing) by other ppl and that's involving non-consentual people in your sex. Very shaky moral ground there.

    TheOctopus - karaoke rooms can have closed circuit cameras! Do you want to star in the Big Echo sex moments tape?

    I'll get off my soapbox now. God, it must have hard for you to write this. I've pretty much done the same thing - had sex with someone not because I'm overwhelmed with desire or liked the guy but because it just seems like something to get over with. It's easier to go along with than to resist. It kind of makes you feel cold and numb inside.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brava for putting it out there. Hope this helps to make you feel more at peace with it. Know most have done shit that crossed their own boundaries, regardless of where that line is in relation to others. I know I have some memories I wish would fade a little faster...

    ReplyDelete
  6. My biggest regrets are so bad that I could never write them down for fear of spontaneous combustion or expulsion from the country. Brave of you to share :D But you'll have to get me really, really drunk to tell you mine. So drunk that I would probably sexually harass you in some way. I think I used to be the female, gaijin version of mickey mouse actually.

    Anyways if you look on the positive side, you probably made mickey mouse guys life. One day, If he can ever find a woman to reproduce with, he will be telling his grandkids this story. But no-one will believe him.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It wasn't your fault. He was wrong on so many levels, starting with the Mickey Mouse shirt and getting much, much worse. I dread to think what I would have done if that had happened to me. I want to say I'd kick him and scream, but who really knows?

    ReplyDelete
  8. " and managed to dodge my question on whether or not he blew all over her face."

    Wait a second....
    wait wait wait.

    You didn't blow him? What? I think you got stories that you don't even remember cuz like me you might be a "black out" drunk.
    NO WAY this is the raunchiest thing you ever did.....no fucking way.

    Where is Corrine's "None of your fucking business" line? How do I cross it? What question can I ask to generate a cool chick like you to shut down?

    I'm thinking???

    Thanks for sharing :) I wonder how often he ran that game? I hope he atleast had an impressive dick that you could stare at instead of Mickey Mouse

    ReplyDelete
  9. In an ideal world Mickey Mouse Man would be feeling shame and disbelief at what he did every day since the event - it's not outside the realms of possibility!!!! Maybe he had such a drug problem in those days the only thing that could help him get it up was the sight of an attractive young gaijin woman, as all the blood rushed from his brain to his penis. What a fucker.
    There are a lot of things I don't like so much about being in my thirties, but at least I'm no longer the kind of "people pleaser" (who used to smile at guys I thought were gross, and do much, much worse), that I was when in my twenties. I think a lot of women will relate to how you ended up in that situation.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I still love you and i have totally done worse. Some of it my fault, some of it not. I went through a long 'sex=love' period of my life when i was young and first in Japan which led to some really stupid decisions. But without all that crap i wouldn't be who i am today so while i'd really like to forget a lot of it, i wouldn't be who i am without it. You are awesome regardless of your past. Who you are now is what matters the most. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, first time commenter here,

    I'm prescribing Dan Savage, he's an american sex advice columnist and he's awesome.

    A couple months back a woman called into his podcast who'd experienced a similar situation, wanking in an alley. What happened to her was a bit different, she gave a lot more consent (being held captive and saying no for ten minutes then giving in isn't consent) so the advice he gives to her might not be applicable to you but he does to speak to other scenarios like your own which could be helpful.

    http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLovePodcast/Page/

    It's podcast #200 and it starts at 5:00

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, my sordid stories all involve actual intercourse. I think most of the crazy things I did were motivated by curiosity more than anything else ("Golly, what would happen if I did THIS? Then how about THIS?" etc.) And how well I understand that "just-get-it-over-with" feeling!

    I was afraid this was going to be a horrible rape story, but it's just really, really, really gross, and I'm sorry you and Mickey Mouse ever crossed paths.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for sharing with us (and yeah, you really know how to leave us waiting at the cliffhanger!!)
    I would probably have reacted the same way. I sort of have, in a different scenario.

    I hope you can do something to vent and then treat yourself to something nice.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's not your fault.

    Yet I totally understand how you got into that situation. It took me a long time to get the whole nervous/shyness = giggling even when I want to rage and cry thing under control. It's an unfortunate conditioned response that we have as women.

    I'm sorry you had to go through such a humiliating experience, but I'm glad it wasn't a much worse/scarier experience and that you're still here, still sane and surrounded by a loving family.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow, that guy has some major balls.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Know what I want to know? Was this guy doing this sort of stuff to kids as well?

    ReplyDelete
  17. well, it could've always been worse : you could've been murdered, raped & murdered, robbed & murdered, just everything. even though it was a stupid thing, you were(and still are) young. young + drunk = i think you get a lot of understanding for this, and no one thinks your horrible or anything :) atleast i don't :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. So much this brings up, questions, things this commenter would have loved to say, but the moral judgements thrown down so fast and heavy make that impossible here. A shame.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That's just gross.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Annonymous #1~ Feel free! Don't feel pressured by people who are being nice!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey Corinne, women go along with vague pressure because we've been socialized to say "yes" and to be people-pleasers. You didn't do anything wrong, he initiated everything and was outside any normal behavior - it IS his fault, and society's, NOT yours. Like some other commenters said, sometimes it's easier to go along with those situations than resist, which makes you hate and blame yourself. And at any point becoming confrontational could make him angry, and in a situation with escalating danger, it's risky to suddenly assert yourself. I'm sure this story would resonate with a lot of people.

    Once I had went to a hotel with a Japanese man I literally *just* met, and he said all sorts of weird racial shit while we were having sex, and I was like, "Now I've proved his theories about gaijin women." But fuck it, it's not my responsibility to never have sex and be super skinny to prove to Japanese people that foreign women aren't big whores, because that would suck and it wouldn't change anyone's mind anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Corinne, I'm commenting again because the more and more I think about this the more disgusted I am - not with you (it was completely not your fault) but with that wanker of a man. I can not believe what he did to you... I'm sorry something like that had to happen to you.

    It's not at all like the story of mine I mentioned. Besides from the fact that the stranger was actually another guy from school (whom I hadn't actually spoken to before but still) we were both 14 and I guess very hormonal... I don't know why I compared it to your story now. Sorry!

    I guess the only similiar part is that I did what I did because I felt I had to not really because I wanted to. It was completely and utterly out of my character and it took me a very long time to get over it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It is NOT your fault!

    You did what seemed to be necessary at the time to defuse the situation.

    It's true that as women we are under a lot of pressure to laugh off harrassment, and distance ourselves from the stereotype of the humourless feminist. And as foreigners in Japan, I've also felt that expectation that you somehow owe perfect strangers a conversation, and explanation for your existence.

    I think he was a creep, a criminal.

    Street harrassement is not against the law but if women ruled the world it would be! Check out these sites, expecially the second one, where you can add your voice and get a chance to HOLLER BACK at the bastard.

    streetharassment.wordpress.com


    ihollaback.org


    stopstreetharassment.com

    Taking your key was THEFT! He was breaking the law every bit as much as if he had taken your purse or your bike. He crossed the line from harrassment to sexual assault when he exposed himself. That's against the law!! Once again, you obciously did what you needed to to defuse the situation. No-one who wasn't there can judge you. Sure, it might have worked to kick him in the balls, and I suspect the you of today would have kept biking and not even looked at him. I suspect you were acting as much out of fear of what *could* happen if you didn't 'keep it light'. The bitchiest thing about this very common reaction women have to preserve their safety is that it doesn't stand up in a court of law. But you are by no means the first, and will not be the last woman who chooses self-preservation, and 'getting this over and getting out of here'. It's a horrible fact that women have to get physically beaten up on top of a sexual assault in order to be taken seriously about it.

    Anyone who judges you hasn't been in a situation like this and can't imagine it, or if they do, they fill it with heroics, and a whole lot of 'I wouldn't do that, I'd do this'. They underestimate the shock and suddenness of situations like this, and how quickly things can spiral out of control. Women also, I think, want to distance themselves from the fear by thinking 'well that wouldn't happen to me, because of such and such'.

    Well if it isn't obvious by now a similar thing happened to me, only his assault was so quick and sudden that it shocked me into an equally violent reaction. Yes, I kneed him in the balls. But in the same way, I was younger, and new here, and under the ILLUSION that japan is 'safe' and thought I owed a perfect stranger a polite response and conversation. Which he rewarded by trying to grab me. Suffice it to say, I no longer give strangers in the street the time of day.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hey ^^
    This is the 2nd Blog I've commented on, & first comment didn't come out the way I wanted, so
    hope this comes out the right way and stuff...

    Firstly, it's not your fault!
    I experienced continuous harrassment, bullying, stalking and some other stuff from a old male teacher despite saying no clearly and trying to seek help and that didn't do anything for me~ actually, it made my situation worse. Even then, I still kept thinking it was my fault and it's been difficult trying to overcome that feeling.

    Everyone responds in different ways and giggling is actually a pretty normal reaction for someone to have if they're feeling frightened or nervous about something. So, how you responded is pretty normal. Someone in my immediant family was a child rape victim when they were a child and I've been mentally prepared to be able to say no strongly since I was born, basically~ and it was still so hard for me to be able to do that when it came to my situation.

    I think you're very brave to share such a personal thing that happened to you with so many people <3
    Sharing what happened increases the chance, even if by a teeny bit, that someone else might identify the guy and he might end up getting caught. Or, help someone feel more confident about reporting a thing that has happened to them to the police. Or, it might help other people to become more cautious and stop something similar or even worse from happening to them!
    At best, you might save a life <3
    So, it's a good thing that you've done!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. aimlesswanderer14 March 2011 at 21:06

    That is very strange. Sadly no women have offered me the equivalent.

    New Rule: if in doubt, always kick in the nuts. Or say your hubby is yakuza?

    ReplyDelete
  26. I ain't sayin that's you with a black wig in that video..BTW

    ReplyDelete