Monday 28 March 2011

The joy of anonymity

Fuck me I miss anonymity. I never realised how much I appreciated it before coming to Japan. And I wasn't even a big city girl in Australia, but big enough that I could go to the beach, read a book and just be left alone. Nobody to greet, nobody to avoid running in to. Just a girl and her book. Maybe I should take a trip somewhere in Japan I haven't been before and read a book!

I was at the supermarket last week, and I saw an old couple huddled over the bananas, whispering and pointing in my direction. This isn't all that uncommon but lately it's because I am a TOTAL publicity whore for the school and have plastered my ugly mug all over the city and in various pamphlets. So I really can't complain, a whisperer may be my potential bread and butter after all. But this was a super old couple, as in about to possibly keel over into the pile of bananas old. Not really the eikaiwa type so I was intrigued and a little bit nervous when old man shuffled over with old grandma following. He came right up close to me and started mumbling. I fucking hate mumbling!! Mumbling is annoying when it's in my own language but Japanese (old people) mumbling is damn near fucking impossible to decipher. I was also listening to my ipod which didn't help so I pulled the plugs out of my ears and tried to give it a crack...

Old mumbler: Your mother is Snow Vinegar Arrow* isn't she...

Befuddled gaijin: Sorry... what was that...?

Old mumbler: Mother. Vinegar Arrow. Snow. Vinegar arrow. Mother.

Befuddled gaijin: Oh, oh yeah, that's right!(thinking, fuck it I've met this old geezer at a summer festival and can't remember!)

Old mumbler: What happened to her??

Befuddled gaijin: Ummm... what do you mean??

Old mumbler's wife: We haven't seen your mother (in-law) lately and we thought she might have died or... err... something...

At least the old lady was blunt enough that I could understand! I assured them that she was very genki indeed and just a divorced middle-aged woman who busts her arse to support her elderly mother and two leeches of fuckwit kids still at home. Well, other words and all. They were even more shocked when I told them Grandma was still alive and kicking. Ahhh such is small town living.

And speaking of anonymity... All you anonymous commenting peeps on the last post, where did you all come from!? Thanks to all for the many informative comments, I love hearing every opinion, whether it differs from mine or not, so thank you!!! As for our resident Bad Boy, I think taking the bait is what makes him tick so if you think he's a bit of a fucker you should totally tell him so on his blog. I'm being diplomatic because I have a bit of a crush on the fresh breath of foul language and brutal honesty-filled air that he brings.

I don't think I've ever left an anonymous comment on a blog, I get the concept but I just don't see the point in commenting if the comment you're making is totally... faceless.... nameless...image-less..... (quite possibly not a word) So leave me a detailed description of yourself (and what you're wearing if you wanna get kinky) before you blast the shit out of me next time OK!

*Not her real name (obviously) but anyone with good enough kanji skills can probably figure it out.


  1. I was 1/2 expecting to be ip blocked...if it's possible to do on blogger it's been done to me.

    Your awesome BTW!

    I owe Gaijinwife an apology just for the language.

    Dear Gaijinwife,
    I'm sorry for my language. No need to ever speak or write to a woman in that way. My mom wouldn't be amused. She'd smack my head hard. Please accept my honest apology.

    The end.

    Dear Anonymous,
    You could be a 56 year old Woman or a 14 year old Manga freak from Indiana....I don't know so I have no idea how to address you. Swearing and pointing at facts seems the safest "middle zone".

    If you WERE a woman I'd no doubt extend an honest apology for the language but you could be a teen freak? I never understood the Anonymous comment thing. What if you drop some kind of a knowledge bomb (That's above YOUR I.Q. range) but another person.
    You make an amazing point or give an opinion from a great or unique angle and....nobody knows who the fuck you are?

    I loved American Football and Boxing and taunting people after beating them was funner than beating them. I didn't want them to ever forget me. I can't even understand the opposite?

    that's just me though.

  2. Speaking as one of the Anonymous commenters (not the one getting involved in handbags, mind), it's not that I'm hiding anything. It's just all the 'out' guys seem to have accounts set up to link to their blogs.

    Given I don't have one, I don't want to be like the fat, spotty kid stood at the side of the disco while all you cool kids get down to MC Hammer (or whatever you young people are listening to nowadays).

    I guess I could set up an account, but frankly that all seems like too much hard work...

  3. Honest apology accepted. You've obviously been smacked hard as latest comment on own blog included no obscenities whatsoever. In fact I was quite surprised to see it link back to your blog :) Nothing like some friedly swearing and banter to spark up the day.

  4. Hi Corinne,
    I find there to be many differences between the swearing on your blog and Chris' swearing, needless to say yours is largely anecdotal and well...Chris' is explicitly directed to commenters on your blog. This isn't cool and not funny. It is intimidating and bullish, so I am not surprised that a number of people responded as Anonymous.

    Anyway keep up the writing it's bloody brilliant!
    Cheers, Anne

  5. hi Corinne, this is Anonymous. Since you're asking, today I am donning a brown necktie. This may not sound overly exciting, but it actually is, because, well, it's a very nice Dolce & Gabanna one that I bought in Milan. Had I had a bit more fashion sense I would have put on my brown dancing shoes to match the tie and belt. But with the Missus and the Biggie Crew all sent off to Better Places, my house is in a bit of disarray, and this morning, putting out the garbage and making my own o-bento and feeding the cats, I was late for work, so fuck the bloody shoes.

    I'm too tall for Japan, and girls often compliment me on my bluest-of-blue eyes, but that's about all the good news I've got to offer of late. I used to sport a healthy bush of ginger-blond, but with all the unjolly iodium in the air and drinking water these days, I have noticed a significant amount of frontal balding. THIS IS SOMETHING RECENT AND I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS IT IN PUBLIC. And either way, I am compensating this loss with tons of manly body-hair anywhere southwards you may-or-may-not-want to fantasize about.

    You may also want to know that I am in the midst of a Very Important Meeting, struggling not to fall asleep. For work I sell funky little boats to Men with Beards. I sit in a high-rise, with an excellent view over Tokyo Tower and the new Tower-what-is-the-name-again, which was very nice until *that* day when we got a free roller-coaster ride, and I ain't talking Tokyo Disneyland here! I like random, long sentences and find the expression "ice-blue" lovely - don't you agree? I am also hooked on powerlifting and taekwondo, but I can already hear your stifling yawns, so I won't even mention it. Oh, and I was waiting for summer, for some mean windsurfing here in Shonan, but our friend Ken Tanaka in Fukushima is messing with our water. Me no happy, aye!

    Maybe you can be my English teacher, and even my foreign friend! Now, if that doesn't sound creepy, what does?

    Was signed, Biggie, errr, Anonymous.

  6. I am still pretty anonymous in my area- I mean some people smile or nod in my direction but to be honest I rarely know where I should know them from. Shop keepers/staff I sometimes recognize and it is nice that they acknowledge me. I know some people in my building to look at. But know nobody`s names- even the old lady that helped in the earthquake- still haven`t found out her name but guess I could look at her post box downstairs.

    Snow vinegar arrow- love it.

    Mumblers shit me as well. The first peadatrician I was taking Noah to was a mumbler who told crappy jokes and spoke extremely fast- no good for a non native Japanese speaker like me. I never knew what the hell was going on.

    I totally missed your last post and the comments that followed by the way. Shame- love a good comment fight although my language would never get as colourful as some.

    I have blogged for as long as I have left comments so I also have never left an anonymous comments- although I do agree that setting up an account if you don`t even have a blog is probably a pain in the ass.

  7. "as latest comment on own blog included no obscenities whatsoever. In fact I was quite surprised to see it link back to your blog :)"

    There is no delay between my brain and my mouth. If I didn't type a bad word it's because I wasn't thinking of one. I got 2 condo's in Hawaii and have 2 Schools in Japan and want for nothing...except a cheeseburger right now (I always want one of those ;) )

    My way works for me. I got 141 on an I.Q. test which was given at a Juvenile Detention center

    I know my mouth is my biggest weakness but it has also gotten me everything I ever wanted. I have done some REALLY bad stuff but I still kick ass at whatever I do. That really gets on some peoples nerves. Big brain, big

    I always had the first 2 but didn't realize how much it bothered people until I got the 3rd one.

  8. Hi,
    I am anon. who left the link to womans day. what am i wearing? a bobble hat, a baby and yoga pants.
    I keep thinking about blogging but never seem to have the time nor can think of a good name... ummm lentil weaver ?
    there promise if i comment I will be the anon. lentil weaver until i get round to bloggin

  9. ooh just read the comment stream. IT did get a bit handbags at dawn didn't it? ANyway, I love your blog, gaijin wifes and badboys. Part of the joy of blogging is venting I guess. I like the idea of being able to use obsenities as and when you like. "No mummy said Duck a Banker"

    the anon. lentil weaver