Not me, that will be me next year, but this week, Ryochan turns 30. I'm kind of looking forward to 30, or at the very most it will be a kind of 'meh, another number' kind of birthday, which is what I would expect of most men, especially J-men where 30 isn't really a big birthday, but Ryota is FREAKING OUT, more than I realised I think. And whatever, we're all entitled to a freak out now and then, but considering I'm the only one he's freaking out to, it's kind of hard to know how to deal with.
It started yesterday with him having a day by himself, I'm not sure what he did, watched movies, pissed about on the computer, took the kotatsu futon to the cleaners, (HUGE good husband points there, I HATE doing that shit!) and you know, contemplated the fact that... his life had amounted... TO NOTHING. *cue dramatic music*
I actually had a bit of a giggle when he said this, (definitely not the best way to handle things I'm sure) but really, for one, 30 does not signify the end of you life. Now 50 or 60, yeah it's getting closer to the edge of that end of business, but 30?! Surely not!
I then realised he was completely serious, so I asked him to clarify what he meant and after a few minutes of thinking and a few taps at the Jap-Eng dictionary, he came out with; "I have no foundation."
Again, I needed clarification, but instead of pushing to find out what he really wanted to spit out, I decided to point out the things that he had that were very good in his life, here was my list:
*First and foremost, an amazing wife! (OK probably wasn't the best one to start with...)
*Two beautiful children. (One of which we have the exciting prospect of meeting in FUCK!!! 3 months)
*A house. Not a new or big or fancy house. But these days I assured him any house is a rare treasure that not everyone can be lucky enough to have.
*A car. Again, it's not the Ford explorer he yearns for, but we paid for our car outright so had no pesky loans to worry about.
*Being in MUCH less debt than most. The way we're going we will be totally debt free in 5 years, tops. Pretty fuckin' impressive compared to most I would say!
*Healthy. A cliche that everyone in a depressive funk rolls their eyes at, but seriously, watching friends and family go through cancer, losing babies and all sorts of other health battles, we are very lucky to be healthy.
There were many more that I could have rattled off but I restrained myself, because I know first hand that when you feel like life is shit, the most annoying thing anyone can do is to try and guilt you into bucking up with a list of things you should be grateful for. And he agreed that he was happy with all those things, but still wanted something that he could build on and have hope for the future. I totally get this, but this isn't something that is that important for me. I LOVE having my own business, but it wasn't really something I always dreamed of. It appears this is suddenly very important to Ryota though? He says he doesn't want to be a normal Japanese salaryman working his whole life for someone else only to die with nothing but a measly pension to show for it. I can understand where this is coming from, but it's kind of like, 'ummmm so who is the foreigner in this relationship again??'
Anyway, to cut his before-30-long-crisis story short, I told him to either stop whinging and do something about it, or stop whinging and look forward to the pension when he turns 65. Either way is fine for me. I'm very quick to brush his crisis off, but who knows, maybe I'll go a bit mental about hitting the 30 mark too.
I'm wondering if this is a common thing? Did you go a bit screwy about turning 30? Or even worse, did your often-dickhead spouse go a bit mental and take it out on you? I'm conned only because the only thing worse than chonanitis, is a chonanitis having a life crisis...
chonanitis having a life crisis...ReplyDelete
Fuck that`s funny!
To be honest I don`t really remember turning 30. I think the drama that went on at home at my sisters` 30th birthday bash completely wiped my memory of my own here. King N didn`t freak out at turning 30, as I recall, but there was a bit of pondering about job, savings, etc. But soon got over it and moved on.
I hope Ryota gets over his life crisis soon and goes back to his pipe dreams.
P.S. Poppy wants to make Ryota a birthday cake on Saturday. How does white chocolate mudcake sound?
I just saw Ryota`s facebook status...ReplyDelete
`saw mirror today been a while sad old man was there,didn't know that.`
He`s really not taking it well, is he!
I love this image. Sounds like a haiku. LOL.Delete
He's having a midlife crisis. My husband and literally all my friend's husbands went through the same thing early 30s. They have everything as you have said, wife, kids, health, homes, job- but still they think that's not enough. It must be a male thing though, none of my girlfriends had a midlife crisis. There's not much you can do but let him figure it out for himself, or maybe a trip to a refugee camp to see how the other half live.ReplyDelete
You should not be expecting ANYTHING from the pension system. You need to work your ass off and save. Invest in precious metals as any war with Iran and spikes in crude can destabilize currencies and drive up the investors and price of Gold.ReplyDelete
Overall, Gold has been very very good to me. Check with a pro but the near 0% interest on your money in banks is unacceptable. Stocks= Gambling so unless your banging an executive of a big company you need to stay away from that.
That was a particularly violent year. The Yakz threatened to burn my old bosses schools down that year. Thinking about it...my 30th was tougher on my boss than for me...I was pretty drunk that year.
I loved turning 30. I see it as the year I took my life back.(I got divorced in October 2008, having turned 30 in the January of that year) My late 20s were SHITE (the only highlight being Joey's arrival in my life) but my early 30s have been good to me. Still haven't quite achieved everything I wanted to by now and I am probably freaking about about 35/late 30s much more than turning 30 but all in all, I don't think turning 30 is a bad thing!! :-)ReplyDelete
As for the ex and his 30 year old midlife crisis- who knows. He turned 30 the year we got together so was still hiding an awful lot from me at that point... his midlife crisis could have just been another thing he kept to himself?!
Dh had his midlife crisis at 32, but he's really bad with numbers. I ended up letting him name dd2 a name I didn't like AND he bought a two seater sports car when I was pregnant withh dd2. Ugh. Stupid chonans and their &@$# midlife crises! Be strong! Don't let him name the baby Gandam.ReplyDelete
I agree with Chris about not relying on there being money there for a pension.ReplyDelete
30? I didn't even notice reaching 30. I guess I was having fun times.
41.42.43. and 44 in about 3 weeks time.
FCK I FEEL THE FORTIES.
Not because I feel old or past it. Far from it.
But because I want to tell everybody, even the kids at school, GET YOUR SHIT DONE BEFORE 40, and then kick back and enjoy life, cos there's not much left of it.
If that's what you want.
I understand many don't mind working till their 60's.
That was never an option for me.
You are both very lucky because you are 'different'.
You have two countries to utilise.
You will be debt-free in your mid-30s.
It should all feel VERY exciting.
After the baby's arrived, and you're both in the new groove, maybe he could start working on his dream - the landscaping one, or something different.
You built a business.
Why can't he.
p.s Like, Chris, I invest in metals, albeit silver. Plus, like you, I bought property outright.
This has enabled me to give the finger to work.
Indeed I am now free, retired.
Indeed, I will crack open a fake beer for breakfast.
p.s To all gaijin who have been here more than 5 years and who invest in stuff overseas, you should read this thread on GP - VERY VERY informative http://forum.gaijinpot.com/showthread.php?93481-Be-wary-of-your-investments-the-TAXMAN-is-watchingReplyDelete
"stop whinging and do something about it"ReplyDelete
Good advice at any point in your life, that.
I think it's a sad, sad day in any man's life when he realises he'll now never be able to represent his country at his chosen sport. Actual ability isn't important, but I think we all like to feel that if we gave up everything and practiced solidly for a year we'd be able to make the grade. You can delude yourself about a lot of things, but unfortunately age isn't one of them. Dunno what Ryota's sport is, but if it's baseball he's got a while yet, those guys go on forever.
24 was the only birthday I've had real issues with. It meant I wasn't early-twenties any more, but mid-twenties. For some reason that struck me as a big deal at the time.
Hey hey hey, watch it with the 50-60 being on the other end. I was having the best sex of my life with no worries about raising young'uns. Yup, the best sex ever until I got custody of my nephews.ReplyDelete
Like it or lump it, it's going to happen.ReplyDelete
Oh dear, I feel guilty- now I am going to have to program his dream website so that he can feel accomplished!ReplyDelete
Absolutely amazing you will be debt free in 5 years! I have 33 more years to go not including student loans!
When I hit 30...hmm, I felt good about where my life was, only thing I regretted was not sleeping with a ginger man (always wanted to know if they were ginger everywhere). Oh god, the depression is setting in...
haha, went through the whole 'chounanitis meets midlife crisis of big 30' last newyear when my hub turned 30. Gosh, he was a complete mess for almost one month, just kept mumbeling about how his life was over now and how he has become an old man. In the end, I almost agreed that his life would be over (if he won´t shut up and I therefore accidentially stab him with something...)ReplyDelete
Guess now he got used to it and I get my fun teasing him with "furu-chan" or "roujin-chan" - luckily the kids didn´t pick up that line yet..
At thirty, I was un-spoused at the time. In fact, I believe I has just gone through or was just going through a phase of not really caring about anything, including myself, due to having had my heart hacky-sacked by an assh*le-woman who must have believed she was above honesty. Something about entitlement.ReplyDelete
The age itself was no biggie.
As for people who think it is and do somehow lament that they've made it that far, there are plenty of kids in boxes who would definitely trade places if they could. At least, that would be my bet if something like that were possible. Whining baby-men need a wake-up call. Or to 'grow a crotch' as someone's sister might have said.
Getting older affords the opportunity to really appreciate the little things, make better decisions, and make much more spectacular mistakes.