Not me, that will be me next year, but this week, Ryochan turns 30. I'm kind of looking forward to 30, or at the very most it will be a kind of 'meh, another number' kind of birthday, which is what I would expect of most men, especially J-men where 30 isn't really a big birthday, but Ryota is FREAKING OUT, more than I realised I think. And whatever, we're all entitled to a freak out now and then, but considering I'm the only one he's freaking out to, it's kind of hard to know how to deal with.
It started yesterday with him having a day by himself, I'm not sure what he did, watched movies, pissed about on the computer, took the kotatsu futon to the cleaners, (HUGE good husband points there, I HATE doing that shit!) and you know, contemplated the fact that... his life had amounted... TO NOTHING. *cue dramatic music*
I actually had a bit of a giggle when he said this, (definitely not the best way to handle things I'm sure) but really, for one, 30 does not signify the end of you life. Now 50 or 60, yeah it's getting closer to the edge of that end of business, but 30?! Surely not!
I then realised he was completely serious, so I asked him to clarify what he meant and after a few minutes of thinking and a few taps at the Jap-Eng dictionary, he came out with; "I have no foundation."
Again, I needed clarification, but instead of pushing to find out what he really wanted to spit out, I decided to point out the things that he had that were very good in his life, here was my list:
*First and foremost, an amazing wife! (OK probably wasn't the best one to start with...)
*Two beautiful children. (One of which we have the exciting prospect of meeting in FUCK!!! 3 months)
*A house. Not a new or big or fancy house. But these days I assured him any house is a rare treasure that not everyone can be lucky enough to have.
*A car. Again, it's not the Ford explorer he yearns for, but we paid for our car outright so had no pesky loans to worry about.
*Being in MUCH less debt than most. The way we're going we will be totally debt free in 5 years, tops. Pretty fuckin' impressive compared to most I would say!
*Healthy. A cliche that everyone in a depressive funk rolls their eyes at, but seriously, watching friends and family go through cancer, losing babies and all sorts of other health battles, we are very lucky to be healthy.
There were many more that I could have rattled off but I restrained myself, because I know first hand that when you feel like life is shit, the most annoying thing anyone can do is to try and guilt you into bucking up with a list of things you should be grateful for. And he agreed that he was happy with all those things, but still wanted something that he could build on and have hope for the future. I totally get this, but this isn't something that is that important for me. I LOVE having my own business, but it wasn't really something I always dreamed of. It appears this is suddenly very important to Ryota though? He says he doesn't want to be a normal Japanese salaryman working his whole life for someone else only to die with nothing but a measly pension to show for it. I can understand where this is coming from, but it's kind of like, 'ummmm so who is the foreigner in this relationship again??'
Anyway, to cut his before-30-long-crisis story short, I told him to either stop whinging and do something about it, or stop whinging and look forward to the pension when he turns 65. Either way is fine for me. I'm very quick to brush his crisis off, but who knows, maybe I'll go a bit mental about hitting the 30 mark too.
I'm wondering if this is a common thing? Did you go a bit screwy about turning 30? Or even worse, did your often-dickhead spouse go a bit mental and take it out on you? I'm conned only because the only thing worse than chonanitis, is a chonanitis having a life crisis...