This is why I stay

Ryota is such a fucking shitty husband sometimes. I might even go as far as saying he's a shitty person, he is notorious for being difficult to get along with in his family and among his friends. And the amount of bitching I do about him, I'm sure you probably think I'm soft in the head for putting up with it and staying. And you know to be honest, sometimes I wonder how much I can take until I kill him off for the insurance money or just flee the country!

But after my last post, I was feeling REALLY shitty, and it wasn't for an hour or so, it was a constant feeling of wanting to cry. It's rare for me to feel like this for extended periods of time so I started googling depression during pregnancy, and sure enough, it's pretty common, just due to hormones. There was a special mention that if you have something that would be stressing you out normally, it is likely to be 10 times worse when you're pregnant, just because the prospect of stress on top of the whole responsibility of bringing a new life into the world can be way too much for a woman with stupid amounts of hormones running through her. So the school is my stress trigger it would seem. And I don't want it to be, because I love it and am so proud of it. It is still a huge weight on my mind but I'm trying techniques to not let it get to me so much that I'm battling depression because of it.

So that night when I got home, I was completely honest with Ryota, I said I wasn't coping, I was sorry because I was going to be quite difficult for the immediate future at least, and that I needed to cry and not be quizzed on why I was crying. He took it all in, fiddled with his whiskers as he does and then started singing some ridiculous song about his "mendokusai wife" in a high-pitched voice. He let me be though, and started googling pregnancy depression in Japanese. That night when we went to bed I was still so down and after Ash had gone to sleep and I was having a bit of a futon sob, he came out with:"I know what the problem is, you're horny!!!" Only to pull the covers off to reveal that he'd totally stripped off! This made me giggle a bit too, but I explained that sadly a shag wasn't going to solve everything. And it didn't. Didn't make matters worse mind you... I did actually feel a bit better after some good old fashioned lovin'!

The next day he woke up early and I came down to find him planning... our wedding.

I know, what the fuck? He told me he'd made a plan to have our wedding along with my 30th birthday at my favourite restaurant in my hometown and was looking up prices... Now this is totally another 'Ryota pipe dream' that I assure you will never happen, but it was his way of thinking of how to cheer me up and by giving me something to look forward to. (I'm sure it was a tip from the internet, but still!)

He really is an arse a lot of the time, but I guess that's the thing about figuring out the people we're close to, not everyone does it in the conventional way. And I'm kind of glad he's not conventional, keeps life interesting at least!