Sunday, 18 September 2011

Right...

Didn't get round to bloggging after dancing and I'm now pissed as a fuckin knit after a fair few massive glasses of beer that my fucking father in law keeps feeding me. I don't fucking want to be at his house drinking his beer (ok maybe I do a bit)... But I'd rather be with MY family, on MY terms, speaking MY fucking language. Anyway, bottom line is- I'm drunk. So we'll see how it goes... But basically, I'm hatching a plan to leave my husband. There I fuckin said it. Damn you alcohol and your ability to bring out the truth! I'm estimating about a year from now, when I've syphoned off enough money in case shit goes bad and worked out just how I will survive on my own. I can't live with him anymore. Yesterday basically kicked off when I started a fight. And it was my fault. And I took the repercussions because I was a bitch about it. But I should be able to be a bitch sometimes, he's always a fucking arsehole to me and I don't get the fucking luxury of being angry. God I just want to cry but I'm sitting here in front of everyone skulling beer and thinking about going to the toilet and crying. He hates me. Why would I stay with someone who hates me? Who never shows me he loves me? Who only wants me around to bring me down? I'd rather live alone. I hate it here. I'm suffocating. Now he's fucking insulting my family. I hate it here. Wait did I already write that...?

23 comments:

  1. That sounds like a miserable situation, I fully support your decision. And if anybody can do it, you can, sista!

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  2. It's hard to believe someone loves you when they are not fair to you.

    The quality of your life in a couple of years is gonna depend on you. If you think change is in order than do it. If 2 years from now your still getting wound up by the same shit....then go find a mirror cuz the only one to blame is the face looking back at you.

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  3. Kampai. Hope you're not feeling too hung tomorrow. I was feeling rather delicate today. Definitely thinking about it lots before doing anything drastic is best idea - ditto syphoning off money ;) Hugs xxx

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  4. hugshugshugshugshugs for you corinne. Im moving house at the end of november, and we will have a spare room, which you and ash are welcome to use ANY time, if you want to get away from that area for a while/indefinitely.

    Also .. I know how you are feeling. Come and talk to me ANY time xxxx stay strong xxx

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  5. DUDE. no, dont even say shit. its cuz your drunk. i am too. right now. youll feel much better about everything in the morning with breakfast in you.

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  6. You are worth having someone who cares about you and loves you and doesn't make you feel misreable!!!

    You are a beautiful woman, you have an adorable son, you run a successful buisness and you have lots of people who care about you. If Ryota can't see that then it's his loss. You deserve to be happy and not to live with someone who's mean to you.

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  7. The book review reads something like "...a busy teacher, wife and mother...who is struggling to juggle everything in her life with little help from her husband."

    And from the book:
    'You could initiate sex now and again - and try different things. Couples do swap positions occasionally, you know.''Yes. Let's swap positions. You stand by the sink washing-up and I'll lie on the couch farting and watching the footie.'

    The reviewer does go on to lament: "Unfortunately, the title is a little misleading as it doesn't contain detailed instructions on how to kill your husband after all, much less any handy household hints!"

    The trick seems to be not letting whatever it is snuff out that flame, smother that alive feeling. Most of the people I can recall meeting in life who 'kept it alight' were not really apologetic about not being easy to be around.

    Good luck.

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  8. Can't judge someone else's life...but hope you don't stay in a marriage where you are unhappy....this happened in my family....and was such a waste of life....hope you find happiness.

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  9. That sucks so much, and it sounds like it's gonna be a real challenge, but as long as you cover all your shit, I think you and Ash can make it out and be happy. Time to strap on the big girl boots and muscle up!! You got this ;)

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  10. Our spare room is all ready to go, and with a couple of hours of re-arranging could easily be made long term if you need it. Ryota is not an easy man to get along with. I do like the guy, but he is quite unreasonable about some things and doesn`t try hard enough to help you. He could change that but he needs to want to. Do what you need to do to be happy. I`m always here if you need me.

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  11. hugs cor.
    you know my situation.

    i really need to go on the lash with all you girls.
    it WILL happen in the near future

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  12. Thinking of you, and hoping you take Sassymoo up on her spare room offer. Nothing like a girlfriend with a shoulder and a bottle of wine to make things clear.

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  13. Corinne I know you don't know me from shit. But I've been where you are. Almost 18 years ago.

    I rushed to marry, got pregnant and tried and tried but I married an abusive asshole who not only hated me but didn't know how to be a proper human being.

    I didn't plan. I didn't have any money. I didn't have a job. I had a baby and a family. I went home. I left him high and dry, got divorced and, as suspected, he never even tried to pay child support or see his son (which is what I wanted anyway).

    Don't be scared at not having money. Don't be scared at not having anything. You can do it. You can. You have your son and that's all you need. Can you go back to your family in Australia?

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  14. Life is short, do what you need to do to be happy. Sending you big hugs and hoping you sort things out.

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  15. Leave. Take care of yourself. Take care of your son. You can't change other people, no matter how good your intentions may be. You can only live for yourself.

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  16. If you know you will be happier without the schmuck, go for it. I am living proof there is life after divorce.

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  17. You're amazing, the way you keep your school going and manage to stay sane. Things will turn out well in the end, whatever you need to do.

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  18. Sometimes, just having a PLAN B helps -- I had a secret "leave-the-husband" bank account for years and years. I only actually left him once, and it was just for a few weeks, before we had kids, but it was a long time before I closed that bank account (it was an offshore one, that I opened with HSBC in HK). I ended up sticking it out through the bad times and I'm glad I did, in the end, but that doesn't mean that's the right way for everyone. However, I can highly recommend having your own stash of cash, and the peace of mind that comes with it, as you ponder what road is best to take for yourself and Ash. Hang in there!!!
    (L.)
    19 September 2011 17:15
    Word verification




    Sometimes, just having a PLAN B helps -- I had a secret "leave-the-husband" bank account for years and years. I only actually left him once, and it was just for a few weeks, before we had kids, but it was a long time before I closed that bank account (it was an offshore one, that I opened with HSBC in HK). I ended up sticking it out through the bad times and I'm glad I did, in the end, but that doesn't mean that's the right way for everyone. However, I can highly recommend having your own stash of cash, and the peace of mind that comes with it, as you ponder what road is best to take for yourself and Ash. Hang in there!!!

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  19. Don't make any rash decisions but if yoy are sure it is the right thing you will be much happier.

    As well as making financial plans, get legal advice regarding custody, leaving the country with your child etc. You need to know what your rights are so you can be prepared.

    At the moment you are going through so much with the death of your Mum plus your Dad being sick, you being so far away from home, all this accentuates the stuff that is annoying or frustrating you.

    I hope you don't have a hangover today :-)

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  20. Oh dear. If you aren't happy then you might try firmly prodding him to see if he changes, and, if that fails, it's time to leave... planning, an emergency fund and possibly legal advice about child support and custody is a good idea. Good luck whatever happens.

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  21. WOW.

    that shit's kinda heavy ain't it?

    wondering how you feel now cuz it's obviously been a few days... sobbering up and all that. i know it's easy to say "if you're unhappy, just leave", but obviously we are not the ones who are in that situation.... i sincerely hope that you are able to work things out, to what you think will be the best possible solution... i will send you all my love and strength and hope that things work out for you and your cute little baby!

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  22. Awww. Bless. I'll come and see you, if you want.

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