Monday, 20 June 2011

My random Peruvian shorty

So after I woke up the next morning to empty cans and the smell of a guy being in my house and realized what had happened, I felt slightly ashamed of myself before hopping in the shower and washing away that shame to face a new day and all it’s new possibilities! Actually I probably wasn’t that ashamed at all at the time, now of course I feel a bit weird, but only because I’m literally like a nun these days!

I had plans to meet up with my friend who lived near me and her long(ish)-term Peruvian boyfriend. Now I didn’t want to be a third-wheel on their date but when she told me her boy was bringing a friend too I didn’t want a set-up kind of situation either (there’s no pleasing some people!). But S assured me that the friend was short, like REALLY short, so I wouldn’t be interested anyway. I don’t want to discriminate against short guys or anything, the problem is actually mine, I’m abnormally tall and the combo just doesn’t work well, it doesn’t work in bed, it doesn’t look right if you’re walking together (especially when you hold hands), and it just makes me feel like a big lanky giant. So, I avoid short guys, a little bit shorter than me is fine, just as long as it’s not noticeable.

We had planned to go to Kobe for the day of fucking around and eating Brazilian BBQ and we all crammed in to the car for an hour of the most mixed up conversation I thin I've ever had, this was the language make up of the people in the car:

A (S’s boy)- Speaks Spanish and Japanese
J (Shorty)- Speaks Spanish and limited Japanese
S- Speaks Spanish and English
Me- Speaks English and Japanese

So we didn’t really have a common language among us meaning that there was a lot of translating going on and muddled up lessons as A tried to teach me Spanish but I kept putting Japanese particles in between the vocab I knew in Spanish. I think my brain only has space for two languages maximum!
When we got to Kobe we did the usual shopping and purikura shite, I should have known something was going to happen when we took the purikura, as it was very couple-ish… But I’d had numerous chu-hais by that time and was so excited by the thought having a happy ending with all I could eat Brazilian meat shaved off the bone at my table by a hot Brazilian waiter that not much could have pissed me off that day. Fuck me I want to go to that restaurant again!!

We rode the roller coaster, well S and I did, the boys were big pussies and then got to the restaurant for dinner. My expectations were well drooled over and we ate meat and all the other goodies until we could hardly move, that’s when we switched to drinking spirits that wouldn’t make us any more full than we already were. This was dangerous as vodka and I have a rocky past and it’s been known to get me in to all sorts of trouble. If I’m ever arrested my only defence will be “It was the vodka officer!” We decided to go to a club and get really fucked up, we danced until we’d sweat enough to not feel so full anymore, and then we drank and drank until we were about to collapse. I’m not actually sure how much A drank, I know it wasn’t as much as the rest of us nut it was still incredibly stupid for him to drive the good hour and a half home… All vodka I swear! S and I literally lived less than a minute away from each other so they pulled in to her car park and the awkwardness of pairing off began. J said, well I think he did (it was in Spanish) “Where am I going to sleep!?” S’s apartment was SERIOUSLY small, like one of those half LDK kinda box joints where tall fuckers like me couldn’t even get in to the bathroom (if you could call it that) without smacking your knees. After a few minutes of drunken arguing it was decided J would come and stay at my house. I’ll be honest, the lack of communication and his shortness made me almost not screw him. VODKA!!!

Now this one I really have very little recollection of, but I remember him being better than old Shingo the night before. I seem to remember his dick being average sized and that he got me there without much assistance. Must be the Latino lover effect… He had a good smile and lovely hair and tickled my back until I fell asleep just like I love so he got a 7. Not mind-blowing but good enough! (he also lost points for shortness, sorry, harsh but true!)

He stayed until morning, we met A and S for a sheepish, embarrassing lunch where the boys gave each other the equivalent of linguistic high fives in Spanish and S and I gossiped as I retold my shame in English. I saw J a few times again but I managed to avoid the vodka and therefore sleeping with him again, he was a nice guy though!

And so the weekend was almost over. Almost…


  1. "better than old Shingo the night before"

    Do you have sex without booze? Just wondering ;)

    Did a really tall swedish girl once and doggy style was ...not as great as usual cuz her legs were so damn looooong! too much height difference with the girl being very tall can be impractical if your not atleast almost as tall.

    Corrine wide open!!! Wooo Hoo!!

    Blogwise I mean :)

  2. Hey Chris, if we started to dig into this Swedish girl you did, I'm sure that we eventually would come to the conclusion that she's a friend of a friend of a friend of mine or something. Sweden is THAT small...

    I'm impressed with you Corinne though, you really have travelled the world and sampled different cuisines, so to speak! I've only been to two continents but I feel that I now have a little flavor for how short peruvians are and that I'm not missing out terribly.

  3. Salaryman - and if the connectivity is too long on your end I'm sure it would connect on mine. Esp if we're talking internationally oriented ones. :p

    Corinne, there's more?! And you leave us hanging?
    So cruel. *waits*

  4. @Salaryman her name was Kirsten..Kristen?...and her birthday is July 16th.

    My name is Chris and her birthday is the same as mine. We went to her hotel and she was convinced I was just toying with her and she loved it..she laughed and laughed about how shameless I was...which was true. She sent me Happy Birthday postcards for years with a ha ha the end. It really is my birthday :(

  5. I really want to try that Brazillian BBQ meat!

  6. "VODKA!!!" is an acceptable excuse for pretty much anything.

    That poor Shingo guy though, getting a 5/10. Rough score!

  7. ah, Kristen... hmmm.

    by now having identified an omnipresent theme on this blog, "was so excited by the thought having a happy ending with all I could eat Brazilian meat shaved off the bone" left me somewhat preemptively wondering what was actually being consumed there?

  8. lol. good one! aaah, shorties...

    this reminds me of this guy i met at the club 2 weekends ago... really cute face, but like 4 feet tall. he asked me if i had a bf and i said "not sure... kinda seeing someone" and he went "oh! that means there's still a chance for me!" which i thought was terribly cute. but he was so damn short!! and i'm not even tall!!! sadness........

  9. Chris~ Yes! Doggy style is definitey an issue with height difference!!
    And funny you should mention it, the Turkish story coming next was stone cold sober!

    Mr Salaryman~ I've covered a fair amount of South America and Asia, bit of Europe, but I honestly wish I'd "done" more of Europe, and I did want to shag an American just to see if they'd annoy me as much in bed as in general life...

    Ri~ Yup! Sorry, it's coming!

    Kathrynoh~ It's soooo good, as I was writing this story I decided I was going to Kobe this weekend! I'm sure there's one in Tokyo!?

    JW~ I'm glad you understand my vodka theory! And Shingo was pretty rubbish, if you hit on a random girl you really should have the goods to back it up!

    BiggerInJapan~ Actually, as I was typing that I was thinking 'damn it's a shame I didn't actually shag a Brazilian, it would have made such a neat little sentence!' :D

    kari~ haha, Yup the shorties should only be for when you're desperate right!?