Friday, 3 June 2011

So you had a bad day...

I remember listening to that song once when I'd been drinking for over 24 hours straight and thinking I wanted to kill myself.


Not quite that bad today, but definitely getting there.

It started with my bike tyre shitting itself, I blame my chubby son because the back wheel lost about 4 spokes when his lard arse plus my even lardier (word?) arse were riding to kindy. To a busy mum living in the semi-iinaka, her bike is her chariot, she needs it to do basically anything! So I walked home, sweat dripping down on to my shirt, and realised it wasn't a do-it-yourself fixing job just in time to dash off for my 9am lesson.
Lesson done and I walked the cunting bike to the nearest bike fixing shop, lady told me they would love to fix it but the spokes they had were the wrong size. Zannen. Fucking zannen indeed. Not only were the spokes fucked but the tyre was squished against the rim making it incredibly difficult to push! So, I walked the 20 minutes to the place where I brought the bike, I hate going there because the staff are always very unhelpful, but at least I knew they'd have the right sized spokes. Get there. Fucking closed!!! Opens at 11am. 11 cunting a mother-fucking m, what are the lazy bastards doing until 11am!? So I trudged back to another bike fixing store which I thought about going to in the first place but it's expensive so I try and avoid it and he told me he could do it but it would take a while. So I went and got my groceries and came back, stood there contemplating running home and getting shit done before I had to go and work at a local kindy but then got so indecisive about whether going home or waiting was the most time effective and just ended up waiting. Bike finally done, highway robbery complete and rode home with a few minutes to spare to grab my shit and get to the kindy.

Kindy lessons were fine, kids adorable. All good. day improving! Or so I thought...
Get back to my bike outside the kindy, and... where is the cunting key...? I thought it was in my pocket but no matter how many times I shoved my hands in there praying for it to magically appear, wasn't there. Sweat pouring for the umpteenth time I started to panic as next lesson at the school was only 30 minutes away (and I have OCD when it comes to being late). Finally I decide to check one last time before going back and searching the kindy (of 650 kids- fucking huuuuge, would have been impossible to find!) and one good thing about today, that little gleaming key was shoved in a side pocket. Fuck I'm dopey at times!

Get back home to de-sweat and re-deodorise and I check my phone to see 5 missed calls from an unknown number and dog fucker and think 'why the fuck is she calling me??' so go over to see and apparently, docile cunt that I am, had left the keys in the school door! What the fuck is wrong with me today?! Like what kind of idiot does that!? I think I might have been better off drunk and suicidal than I was today! Anyway, potential student came to ask about lessons and noticed the keys in the door, she went and got the lady who lives next to the school and the newspaper people from the other side and they knew where our house was (gotta love semi-iinaka sometimes) so dropped the keys over to dog fucker.

I immediately did a cookie run and bowed until I was sweating on the toes of my shoes to next door obachan (who ended up giving me onions in return, wtf?!) and newspaper people, then called the (extremely nice) student to apologise and schedule when I could start charging to speak English with her once a week, fuck best get cookies for her too when she comes on Monday...

Taught another lesson and went to get Ash, on the way home we bumped in to a Grandma and her little boy who had a big arse toy car that you can ride in and offered it to Ash. This was lovely but Ash DID NOT want to get out of it. I had another lesson to teach in 20 minutes, and again my stress levels were rising at the thought of being late, finally dragged him literally kicking and screaming out of the damn thing and left him with Grandma, but he was being a clingy little fucker and crying whenever I tried to leave. (reason number 459686700000 not to have kids).

Needless to say my nerves are shot, I feel sweaty and incredibly stupid, haven't eaten anything today and will possibly throw up on the kid due to arrive in 5 minutes.

Happy fucking Friday! Soooooo having a drink tonight!


  1. Well, that's no good :(
    I hope you have a good evening, though!!! <3 <3 <3

  2. Anything I say in this comment has the potential to piss you right off. So I'll say enjoy the drink and leave you alone.

  3. Have a double. A couple of doubles. Never fear. We all have those, "Why the fuck did I do that?" days!
    Actually, I can't tell you how many times I've picked something up at the grocery store and I KNOW I picked up one thing and when I get home, it's something completely different!
    It's very weird and slightly worrying sometimes. Maybe it's grocery elves fucking with me. Changing out products and messing with my head. Yeah..that's it grocery elves.
    **walks off mumbling to self**

  4. You are the funniest person I know. Your life is a comedy generator :)

    I once yelled at an elderly person because they were late taking me to a Christmas party..

    An old person...A Christmas party...a little late and I'm freaking and everyone is no 100% certain I'm an asshole.

    OCD is some shit! Being late absolutely freaks me out! That's why I can't understand how you have a kid? They are designed to make you late for everything...all the time.

    Your an awesome writer...I was getting really unnerved just reading about your day :)

    I hope your too drunk to type right now ;)

  5. Hey, I found your blog from Loco. Your writing is excellent! I get completely lost in whatever you write about. I really like your Grandma (well, Ryota's mother..?). She's got some sass =]
    Looking forward to your posts!

    Sorry you had such a terrible day too =/ Bike problems are the worst, but at least now you know where you need to go next time you have an issue =]
    Take care!

  6. I just love how you're so honest about everything.

    Hope you have a better Saturday and Sunday than a Friday <3