Tuesday 21 June 2011

We interrupt the three-day shagging fest...

For a bit of a moan, because that’s what this blog really is, isn’t it? Sex and moaning, with a dog-fucker and funny old lady thrown in occasionally!

The kebab shop where I used to go in my home town after a heavy night on the piss had a huge mural with the words “it costs nothing to be nice” on it. The guy who ran the store was Iranian and he was nice to everybody, he had drunk fuckers coming in to that shop at all hours of the night stumbling all over the place and I never once saw him throw anyone out or get angry. And because of this, everyone knew him and respected him, he was a genuinely nice guy, the type who gave you the kebab even when you were so fucking blind that you looked at the coins in your hand with a puzzled look when he told you the price, he let you use the toilet even if you weren’t buying, just a good guy in general. And it was also because of this that nobody ever did any dumb shit in his store, like try to steal stuff or vomit all over the counter or anything, actually I’m sure someone did vomit at some point, but nobody would do it on purpose, he was famous in our little city, and even smaller drinking scene.

I really wish more people were like him, and a lot of people are and aren’t given recognition for it, but some people really piss me off, for example, let’s call him “map cunt”…

Yesterday I was at the school doing some work when an oldish man peered through the glass at me, I thought he was an old crazy wanting to take a trial lesson stare at my tits for a few minutes but when he came in he had rolled up bits of paper so I knew he was selling something. Usually when salesmen come in I do a Basil Fawlty with the old “My husband handles all such matters!!” and then fob them off, or if they’re really persistent, actually get Ryota to call them, and when he tells them to fuck off and never call again or he’ll smash their knee caps in they wish they’d never tried. (Not really, but he is very brutal with annoying sales people!) I am the total opposite to Ryota, a salesman’s dream, in that I find it very hard to say no. Even in English I find it hard, but it’s even worse in Japanese.

So map cunt got off on the wrong foot with me from the very start when he said in a very loud, obnoxious voice, “MANAGAAAAAARRRR???!!! WHERE??? MANAAAAAGGGGAAAARRRR?????” Number one, don’t fucking assume I can’t speak Japanese, at least wait till I completely fuck up my sentence before you do that! And number two, I’m manager, owner, teacher, book keeper, accountant, cleaner, and general shit kicker of this school. DEAL WITH IT!
I just said “hai managgggaaaaaaaa desu” in a dull tone and with a cynical look on my face and he got a little bit flustered before going in to the shortest sales spiel ever about including the school on a map, but worded it in a way like I had no choice but to pay. This confused me so I asked him what map it was and he said it was the map up at the local convenience store down the road. It was ¥3500 a year to have the school on the map but he didn’t even say “Would you like to be on the map?” he just said “So that’s ¥3500 please.” I had no money with me (I actually didn’t but he looked at me like I was lying the presumptuous fucker) and I told him to come back tomorrow but I decided then and there that I didn’t like him and would ask Ryota if he thought it was worth it and decide. Of course when I asked Ryota we decided it was a waste of money, it’s not like someone will drop in to the conbini and be all “Ooo look there’s an English school down the road!” So I said I’d tell him I didn’t want to but I’d told him to come back for the money so felt a teeny bit bad.

So skip to today, he comes in with not even a smile or nice greeting and actually made it easier for me to say “Look, I know I said I’d pay yesterday but I talked to my husband and we really don’t need to be on that map, really sorry to put you to the trouble…” He gave me a filthy look as if to say “FUCK YOU BITCH!” and walked out with a mumble of “wakarimashita”. I was honestly shocked, if he’d been nice from the start, I guarantee I would have paid that money, in a second but just because he was a cunt I didn’t. What is wrong with some people!? Maybe he was a company man who’d been fired and this was his part-time job or something because he was really bad at sales! I just couldn’t believe he was such a cunt, it’s quite rare in Japanese sales people.

OK enoiugh moaning, I'll get to writing about my Turkish delight...


  1. What the hell??!! I probably would have been too shocked to jump up and beat him about the head with a thick stick. I would have wanted to though. What a dick.Like you need that harassment at work. I remember being at work one day when a young woman walked in (we weren't a public office) and wanted me to buy a letter opener for $2. She didn't look homeless but you never know. Thing is I had no money me. I told her I was sorry and she gave me the letter opener anyway. I felt so bad.

  2. Maybe the service is just askew in my parallel Japan universe.
    1. threatened by a travel agent
    2. had raw meat taken away from platter at one of those Korean-style barbecue restaurants
    3. effectively been told by a bank manager to just disappear (something which he later regretted - call it a learning curve)
    4. told that the extension for a bike pump did not exist, therefore I'd have to buy a new pump (utter bull)
    5. had real estate agents lie about the deposit

    The list could go on.

    But none of this really matters (except for #2...that really hurt...it sent me into period of mourning).

    As for the lack of sex, a follow-up post should be up on my blog by Friday at the latest. Kind of guessing that's what people might want to see. URL traffic from your site has kind of left the others in the dust this last week. Unless I'm reading this 'stats' thing the wrong way.


  3. What an arsehole. If you're asking for 3500yen, you could at least be nice to the lady with the purse.

  4. and so the journey continues... on to Istanbul!

  5. Aw.....
    He had "Beat the shit outta me and hide my body in plastic and bury me under alot of soil and then dig out a bush (roots and all) and plant it right over him.

    1. Too hide the spot.

    2. To mark the spot so you can sometimes stroll out to the bush and tell him he's dead....or whatever you wanna say.

    If he bumped into the wrong person on the wrong day that could definitely happen.

    Disrespect is the #1 cause of death around me.


    “map cunt”…

    Love it. Easy to follow and short :)

  6. April~ I know right! Although I should have a bit of mercy, maybe he has his own problems or something.
    Oh no, that letter opener story is really sad!

    Will~ Number 2 has got to be a violation of basic human rights, protest! protest! :D

    Anonymous~ I know, seems like basic sales stradegy to me- benice to the customer= money, but I guess he had other ideas!

    BiggerInJapan~ Right you are, tally ho to the smut and stretchy ice cream!

    Chris~ You're so proactive, I can learn from this... :) And thank you, I liked the simplicity of "map cunt" also!

  7. I read Turkish Delight in your last sentence and my first thought was .. ummm turkish delight... I am so turning into Homer Simpson!

  8. some people are just asses... but it could just be cuz he was old. re:chris' post about scary old ladies on bikes... old people are evil... well in japan anyways :p

  9. kathrynoh~ I know, I'd kill for some right now, even the crappy choccie bar in the pink wrapper would do! Although I've been dreaming of a late night kebab since I wrote it. Not alone! ;)

    kari~ That's true, always going to dickheads everywhere and old ones are the worst because they are so set in their ways!

  10. Can`t believe you are actually responding to all your comments. I am far too lazy for that although I do try. Sort of!

    "Map cunt" - nice and to the point. Good name.

    I hate sales people in japan- anywhere I hate them and I know it is their job and all and I should try and respect that but it is hard. I get a newspaper salesman at least once a week coming to the door (at the most inappropriate times likes when I am running around the apartment naked trying to catch Noah so that we can have a shower or when I am bfing Shion- I would ignore the door but as soon as the bell rings Noah runs to the door and bangs on it so unfortunately they know someone is inside!)- everytime I say the same thing "Sorry can`t read Japanese, don`t need it thanks" yet they still try to give me free things like toilet paper, towels, beer, rice....I am all for free things but taking them when I have no intention of buying the newspaper just makes me feel like a jerk. If they were bringing wine or chocolate however I would probably take it.

    I hate it when people assume I can`t speak Japanese as well (but of course I use the excuse all the time with salespeople! HA!) and speak to me in English. Totally worse when they speak to my kids in English though just yelling random words that they know like "dog" "hello" "baby".

    When are you and sassy coming to Disneyland?

  11. Hanta~ That's true, my husband said exactly the same thing!

    Lulu~ I was always too lazy but I figure I should really try and take the time. Of course I have one kid who goes to kindy so you have legitimate excuse(s)!

    Ugh newspaper people are really annoying, it seems so intrusive when it's your own home too. I think I would buy a year's subscription if they brough wine and chocolate, good idea! I hate it when they talk to Ash in English too, haha random words are the worst, with the katakana accent it makes me shudder!

    I don't think Sassy's and my work schedule will match up :( But we have loads of free miles we have to use so we're thinking the end of September, we'd love to see you guys! If we could all go to Disney together it would be awesome! Although we've set aside at least a day and a half for me to go visit Tokyo friends if Disneyland is too much of a hassle so I'll let you know when we finalise the details!

  12. Hi Corinne, you must be from Wollongong--I posted about Ahmad's kebab shop in my own blog and even have a pic of the mural!