Monday 9 May 2011

Mother's day- fuck you hard in the arse Japan!

So... yeah, you can probably tell by this post's title that Mother's day pretty much sucked balls.


I'm one of those people who clings to hope, it's usually a good thing, keep the positive thinking and all that bullshit, but when those hopes are dashed and you feel that familiar feeling of sheer disappointment crush you like an avalanche of misery, not so good.
My first Mother's day was the worst, I had high hopes and Ryota did nothing. But to be fair to him, it was pure cultural difference, he just had no fucking clue that the husband is supposed to make as much effort as the kids. It seems popular for J-men to say things like, "But you're not my mother..." And this is true, but to this I say- "No, but I cook your food and clean your house and I let you get your end in just so that 9 months later I could rip my vagina down to my arsehole in order for our son's head to poke out... Not to mention the sleepless nights, bitten nipples, stretch marks, impossible-to-move belly flab, 1000's of shitty nappies..." I think it was at this point that Ryota got it and stopped my tirade. Plus it's not like it's ALL about mummies, despite not doing half as much of the work (labor counts for at least three quarters in my opinion) we still have Father's day!

So the first was an epic fail... the second... I can't remember, so it can't have been that good or bad, possibly a present that I vaguely wanted. This year Ryota flat out asked me what he should do and I told him I honestly only wanted clothes and I wanted to pick them myself, so we should do a trip to my favourite clothing store in Osaka and I'd buy me some rags, then we would go for a Mother's day lunch. He liked this, he knew exactly what he had to do, although I put conditions on this, I told him the restaurant was to be his choice and a surprise for me. He had to think about somewhere I'd like to go, not where he wanted to go. Seriously, do I really have to spell this shit out, it ain't that hard! I thought he might go for Indian or Mexican as I love spicy food, but he actually did excel himself and found one of the top Thai restaurants in Osaka, and even better, it was a buffet lunch, that's a lot of coriander laden spicy goodness!

This should have worked really well. Except it didn't.
The day started off without a "Happy Mother's day" which isn't a big deal but still pisses me off all the same. I need to show him a Troy McLure style video so he gets the whole Mother's day deal. I also then had to make breakfast, because if I don't, no other bastard will. When Ash is tall enough he'll be trained but for now, all me. I went running, and we left in the car. All was going well and we made it to my favourite shop, where they had nothing I liked. This sucked but wasn't that big of a deal. Next it was on to the restaurant and as soon as the whiff of lemongrass and jasmine hit my nose I knew the boy had done well. We opened the heavy wooden door to the chorus of Thai greetings and my stomach almost turned inside out I was so hungry. About the same time, Ash started screaming. And didn't stop. FOR 20 FUCKING MINUTES!!!! Happy fucking mother's day!

I despise screaming children, mine or others, now I have a child myself I'm a little more sympathetic but I was always one of the people giving dirty looks and whispering, "Someone should smother that kid" to my dining partner. NOTHING could stop him screaming, I pulled out every trick in the bad parenting book: iPhone, movie, toys, food, candy. Nope, not having it. The staff also were desperate to shut him up and brought out a huge ice cream with umbrellas in it but he just screamed even louder. I think he was hot?? But who fucking knows. So Ryota scoffs down his food while I take my screeching, sweaty offspring outside away from all the evil eyed diners and staff. 10 minutes later he tells me to come back in and enjoy the meal. Again, lovely offer, but it wasn't happening. My stomach was in knots from the stress of it all and I couldn't relax knowing he was outside with Ash, plus, what mother wants to eat lunch alone on Mother's day!? So as the tears started to stain the rustic napkin in front of me, I decided it was useless and got my stuff ready to leave. I also felt that the whole restaurant was looking at me, but this may be paranoia on my part, but I guess a foreign woman with unstoppable tears and noisy child doesn't really blend in that well eh.

As I paid the bill the staff tried to console me and told me to come again but I was full on crying by this time and just looked down and kept saying sorry. So I paid for 3 but only Ryota ate anything. When I got to the car with tears streaming down my face I expected to be yelled at by Ryota for crying like usual but he did take pity on me and say "Are you OK??" which was a pretty good present I guess. Ash slept the whole way home so maybe he was just tired and I felt very... deflated. I shouldn't have been angry at Ryota because honestly the flop of a day wasn't his fault, but he hadn't done anything extra special and it made me feel like shit. Ryota's lack of romantic gestures is probably the thing that will eventually lead to our divorce if anything does, it really gets me down! I then had to make dinner for us all, because again, if I don't... blah blah blah.

Meh, at least they're cute...

Fuck it, if I have to do the washing up myself, I WILL get trashed and wallow in self-pity!

The fact that Ryota looked like a transvestite almost made up for things!

Weirdo nudist...

Still, I'm allowed one day of bratty sadness and have decided that today is a new day and I live in Japan, I have to make sacrifices on the romantic/holiday gestures, it's just the way it is. So I sucked it up and grabbed today by the balls. The sun is shining, I'm fighting fit and I have a year to train Ryota for next Mother's day!


  1. are SO primed to have an AMAZING fling with romance filled with one secret screaming orgasm after another...I wish I lived near you cuz I'd make every human effort to seperate you from your panties. I'd just pull em to the side but you get my point ;)

    Happy Mothers Day!! :)

  2. You think is a Japan thing? Where exactly do they have these romantic gestures cos it sure as hell isn't Australia! I've heard the "you aren't my mother" so many times from Aussie guys, including my dad to my mum.

  3. Hey Corinne, I love reading your blog because though I like to think I'm a nice caring guy it makes me realize I'm missing out on some obvious stuff in the romantic gestures department (like the whole concept of a make-up shag which has proved extraordinarily useful).

    Anyway, I have a slight conundrum on which I need some robust female advice, which is that my GF has an atypical body shape for Japan ("big and bouncy") and I have good reason to believe the cheap-ish bras she usually wears are causing her some discomfort (e.g. back and shoulder pain) - so I want to get her some decent quality fitted ones. Now I know sod all about bras other than unhooking them, so my question for you (or any other bra-wearing readers, especially those not well-served by the Japanese bra industry) is: if you had the choice, where in Japan would you like to be taken to get a nice fitted bra that is comfortable and makes you feel good?

  4. "But you're not my mother..."

    Really? I thought the whole point was that J-men only want to roger their mothers! So confusing.

  5. Japanese men are pretty dopey when it comes to those things.

    I made sure that I had something to give my wife and gave something to each of my boys (currently 4 and 1) to give to their mother.

    As for cooking, the wife just ordered pizza. No worries here.

    Though... no visual expressions about the physical damages caused by motherhood either.....

  6. Sadly, romance is not a strong point of most guys in Japan. They just seem to miss the point. Half of it is laziness, the other half is not being encouraged to make the effort. I suggest you buy one of those gal mags. Recently, the trend has been to publish articles about how some guys are helping their gal around the house and being romantic. Put it in his face and make him read it. The guilt might have an effect on him.

  7. My mother makes mother's day really simple. Take those flowers and give them to your baby's mama. Take those cards and use them for toilet paper. Stock that candy and shit til next Valentine's day and give it to some piece of tail you're trying to score with. All your Mama wants for Mother's day is the cream, baby. Cash Rules Everything Around Me! Dollar Dollar Bill Y'all! Happy belated Mother's Day, Corinne!

  8. "Ryota's lack of romantic gestures is probably the thing that will eventually lead to our divorce if anything does, it really gets me down!"

    You married a Japanese man, what did you expect? The best of them are still clueless.

  9. I must have the one in a million Japanese husband that gets kudos for getting the holidays right....but I had such a looser husband the first time that I guess you shouldn't envy me too much...that said...having been in Japan this year for mother's day I saw how the other mom's Mother's Day went and are right Corinne...sad, very sad....sorry you had such a crappy day.

  10. to the octopus--i would expect you to take me to hawaii. guam if hawaii isn't possible.