Friday 6 May 2011

Your cheatin' heart

I've never cheated in a relationship before, not because I have some strong moral stance on the issue of cheating, well, maybe I used to but I find my moral fibre seems to be stretched very thin these days...
But just because if I ever was going to cheat I think I would have broken up with them first. The same with my partner cheating on me, if I found out that Ryota was cheating I'd probably say: "Bummer..." or something similar and actually be thinking 'Fuck it, this is going to be a lot of paperwork...' Plus who would want to be a single parent, I have a hard enough time when there's two of us, I'd go bonkers if I was on my own. So yeah, for those reasons, I'd hope he wouldn't cheat on me, and depending on my quality of life at the time, I may just turn a blind eye to it and go find my own fuck buddy.

I've heard and seen first hand some horror stories of jealous Japanese girls going absolutely mental at the slightest hint that their boyfriend may be cheating on them. They're lovely stories to hear, especially from your foreign friends, when you can buy them a beer and say "Should have stuck with us foreign women mate!" I once met a friend for lunch who showed me his back and stomach absolutely covered in scratch marks because his Japanese girl found a mail in his phone that made her think he was cheating, (he wasn't) and she then tried to jump out the window after he told her she was an absolute jealous psycho. Another friend tried to break up with his girlfriend and she grabbed a golf club from his genkan and started to beat him around the head with it in a psychotic rage. I had a friend have to stay with me for a week because his long-term girlfriend had found a mail in English (she didn't speak a word) and thought it must have been a cheating mail, she'd chased him out of the apartment with a kitchen knife and had also threatened to jump off the balcony in psycho-J-girl-style. These are all women who I've met, two I'm friends with. Tiny, cute, harmless-looking Japanese girls who come up to my knee caps who totally fuck you up if they think you're cheating on them.

So J-girl stories don't surprise me, I've heard a lot. But I was more than a little surprised when recently I discovered my own sister has been having cheating issues of her own and had released her inner J-girl on her boyfriend. I got a mail from her a few weeks ago in the middle of the night saying that she hated men and wanted to run away to Japan. Hmmmm... My sister and I are close enough but we don't often inform each other of the juicy details of each other's lives, we just forget or are too lazy to email. So I knew that this must be serious. I sent back supportive sister comments and knew it was too raw to ask her what had happened and decided to get the gossip from my dad, who was bound to dish, as opposed to my mum who would surely add boring details or get distracted from the juicy details by asking to blow kisses at Ashton.

So Dad dished, and it turns out that silly boyfriend didn't erase his history on his computer, the very first rule of porn or dating site surfing, even I know that! My sister then found he'd been looking at dating sites and had actually made a profile. I also discovered that when she'd found out she woke the poor bloke up by smashing their dinnerware collection at the wall, with fragments getting him in the head. Very J-girlesque! At least she didn't threaten any balcony jumping, but still...
I heard her reaction before his crime and was sure she must have found him in bed with a skanky hoe, but I was like, "Is that all?? He didn't actually physically fuck anything??" My dad was a bit taken aback by my blunt question, but replied, "No, not as far as we can tell..."
To me, this isn't cheating. It could be curiosity, there are all sorts of Internet ads on sites I frequent daily with hot Asian girls in skimpy bikinis saying 'Want to meet her tonight??' in fun, suggestive fonts. Fuck I'm only about 15% lesbian and I want to fuck the hot Asian girl!!
Or what if he was just doing it for a laugh, a bit of fun??

After the situation had settled down and she'd moved back in with him after he promised to never think about touching a keyboard ever again and no doubt having his cock under lock and key for a week or so, I put this question forward to her, and she point blank refused to agree with me, she thinks intent is cheating, Internet intent or not. We totally disagree but I guess it's a very personal thing. It worries me though, it's like those catholic school girls who aren't allowed any freedom, then once they finish school they go crazy giving every boy in sight blow jobs and have Internet screen names like "Gang_bang_slut_69" (An actual screen name of mine- don't ask...) Surely the boyfriend will feel restricted from now on and actually go and cheat some time in the future?

So I'm asking you all for your opinions-

Have you ever cheated??

Have you ever been cheated on??

What constitutes cheating??

Has a J-girl ever threatened to jump off your balcony??


  1. Have you ever cheated??
    No and I never would. I would sooner break up before going down that road.

    Have you ever been cheated on??
    Yes by my BF of 6 years. fucker...

    What constitutes cheating??
    Emotional and physical. I saw both situations and both hurt just as much.

    Has a J-girl ever threatened to jump off your balcony??
    No, but I did have a J-guy threaten to jump in front of a train if i didn't have sex with him...long story there...

    Gang_bang_slut_69?! and I thought I had some strange screen names in my past! haha

  2. God I love your blog! And I wish I had more time to comment on it (and everyone else's for that matter), but I got lucky and read this when I have a moment. I have cheated and have been cheated on (though never on or by husband as far as I know). Cheating is sex in my book. A kiss, flirting, on-line whatever, all innocent. I think I might even be able to forgive sex with a hooker, if it happened just once and he was drunk, but certainly not with a woman who was doing it for her own pleasure as well. And a J-girl has never threatened to jump off my balcony, but a J-guy threatened to jump off the roof of the 25-story apartment building I was living in after punching a hole in my wall when I broke up with him.

  3. 1. yes
    2. yes (what goes around comes around, hee hee...)
    3. a substantial diversion of intent and/or committal of action depending on the circumstances. So if you catch bf groping or kissing with someone other than you, that counts (although some funny hetero souls give leeway for flings with the same gender.) Sexting counts in too, despite the lack of gyrating actions. Internet dating may count in, depending on how much quality evidence of internet friskiness one can gather. A simple login proof doesn't carry enough weight, long frisky sex-laden correspondences count.
    4. whoa, I don't have lesbo inclinations... let alone a J-girl housemate.

  4. I'm not the type to cheat. It involves lying then remembering what you lied about and ... arggghh too much bother. Plus I can't even find one guy!

    Not been cheated on that I know about. I think the guy I was seeing before I left Aus was seeing other chicks (well he had 13 on the go, according to his mate... but I doubt he had the balls for that) but we weren't officially a couple so I guess it doesn't count.

    I don't think internet perving counts as cheating but signing up to a dating site is starting to cross the line. It's not just looking. But give the poor bugger a chance - he might have had a valid reason, like trying to find his mate's online profile to mercilessly mock him!

    One of my male friends at home had (maybe still has) a bat-shit girlfriend. I don't even remember her name because she's just referred to as X's batshit girlfriend. She's beat the shit out of him various times, broken into his house and smashed up his and housemate's stuff... if she threatened to jump off a balcony, there'd be a queue behind trying to push her.

  5. Have you ever cheated??

    **Here comes "Manwhore**

    I'm a thrill seeker and sex is the ultimate high. Licking a woman to complete madness and possibly just letting her drift off into orgasmic tinted sleep is a pride getter. I have heard from enough women that I know selfless love making is rare. It makes them want to please me with vigor and happiness. Ladies first in bed is something that works extremely well.

    I was "taught" by an Australian stewardess...Quantas is Australian right?

    I was just unaware typically selfish until this Australian hottie gave me long slow lessons on how to read the signs of a woman being pleased. You'd think that some stuff would come natural but listening to ladies it seems that most men are not tuned into their partners.

    I have been a part of many womens sexual exploration and a lot were not un-attached.

    It get into extra stuff for simple physical release while women get involved...initially because of emotional stimulation...a guy at work is listening...REALLY listening and their laughing and suddenly a women becomes sexually aroused or feels not taking the next step might threaten the existence and continuation of this special relationship. They happily engage in the sex but the reasons for doing it seem very different.

    I have not lied to anyone ever about whether or not I'm sexually involved with another person. I don't announce shit and most women that close know enough NOT to ask. If you gotta ask then your too unstable. If I don't make a promise than I cannot break one. Life is as simple or as complicated as a person chooses to make it. I keep it fun and simple and the women not into that suffer not. I am clear. That might sound ( ) but their are a lot of women who are not complaining....they are probably comparing...but not complaining about having been treated like the center of the universe with their pleasure the only goal.

    Have you ever been cheated on??

    Before I met "Quantas Woman"??? Not sure? I wasn't able to read a woman before that cuz it never really dawned on me. I always had a Mommy complex and wanted terribly to please the women around me but I just didn't know how? I don't think after Quantas Woman but I stay outta exclusive rights relationships though wouldn't be possible.

    What constitutes cheating??
    I guess that depends on the person answering's opinion. Sex is a primal need. If a person is neglecting that part of their partners emotional and physical needs than they are putting themselves in a bad position. Most don't cheat for the thrill that I have seen. They have a genuine emptiness or sexual hunger that needs to be satisfied.

    Has a J-girl ever threatened to jump off your balcony??

    I had a J girl straddel me while I was asleep and drop hammer punches directly on my face until I almost blacked out after telling her my non-exclusive policy wasn't some gag. She was married so I thought it would not even be a problem. She stalked me and everything. Very scary to have someone not see what is clear. Very fuckin spooky. Lookin right in their eyes but it ain't registering.

    I like licking women and fucking them after until they go mad or passout.....if that's a problem ....using my dick and tongue to give another person deep hard to find pleasure...than just call me the bad guy or whatever and move along...into the arms of a man who odds say...probably isn't really doing all he can because he just doesn't get it or his stupid pride is preventing him from listening to his partners words.

    So yeah.....another Australian chick litterally grabbed my by the ears and set me right :)

    Go Quantas!!! ;)

  6. Have I ever cheated? No, even though I was once The Other Woman, I don't consider (because I wasn't in a relationship) that I was cheating. (*He* was cheating though.)

    Have I been cheated on? Yes. My boyfriend cheated on me with a *man*--try to get past that one with rationalizations.

    Cheating is physical (groping, kissing, sex) and emotional. As far as I'm concerned, your sister's BF was cheating. (And, too, where there's smoke, there's fire. Inevitably.)

    No crazy J-girls in my past. (Well, one, but she was my boss so I expected it.)

  7. Yay, fun questions!

    -Have you ever cheated??
    Yes. I'm not proud of it. I've felt terrible (both times.. oops!) but i just find it far too hard to stay exclusive..

    -Have you ever been cheated on??
    Not that i'm aware of, but i've got a sneaking suspicion that the last guy i was seeing was looking for/seeing others.

    -What constitutes cheating??
    I like Whoopie's explanation.

    Has a J-girl ever threatened to jump off your balcony??
    No! Thankfully i've yet to date anyone that bat-shit crazy!

  8. Wow, I was going to comment, but then I read Chris' comment above, and now I'm....out of breath...

  9. Well Corinne, I'm Asian-American and I have to say I do find myself pretty well-mixed with both cultures. I have to say, though, that your sister's BF was definitely in the wrong and although he may never have had sex with another girl he met through the site, this is still very much on the cusp of it and it could have come to fruition quite easily.

    I read many articles stating that most women consider "emotional cheating" worse than physical cheating! And of course, men don't think that way. That's probably the major reason why your sister was so upset...And understandably so (well, maybe not the throwing-dishes part)!

    I'm at an age now (28) where I do have realistic expectation and I understand that long-term couples can easily stray once in a while...It's just real life. But if that happens, I for sure will be very distraught and upset, no denying that. The only way I won't be upset is if the relationship was dying anyway...Then I suppose I wouldn't care (which is what seemingly happened with a previous boyfriend). I wonder, though, if you truly, really loved Ryota (and I'm not saying that you don't!!), then would you really not be too bothered by his cheating?


  10. Yeah, of course I have, I've lived long enough to make lots of mistakes. I've also been the girl a lot of guys have cheated with. It was a phase I was going through that is hopefully over.

    I agree, I feel like not giving your man a long leash is counter-productive.

    Great post!

  11. Hey (^0^)/

    My parents were Athiest hippies pretty much and I went to a public school in Australia and two private ones in Japan, so probably the opposite of a 'strict Catholic girl upbringing'. I'm a bit conservative when it comes to relationships, though... (^_^)```

    I couldn't intentionally cheat on someone. There's this guy who was one of my best friends for more than five years. I never cheated on him since we weren't together and nothing physical happened, but I guess he thought our friendship was going to end up going somewhere else.

    The next time I saw him I had a boyfriend and the friend from before couldn't even look me in the eyes, he was in so much pain. His face would light up when he saw me and then straight after he'd look like he was going to cry. I felt so awful. I'd rather someone throw plates at my wall than that, but getting punched in the head is way too extreme and painful (^_^)```

  12. Have you ever cheated??
    Yes, at the complex tail end of a dying relationship.

    Have you ever been cheated on??
    Not as far as I know.

    What constitutes cheating??
    Sexual intimacy with another partner during a sexually active relationship. Though as I never had any intimacy with my ex during or after the "cheating" period I'm kind of ambivalent as to whether I actually cheated on her.

    Has a J-girl ever threatened to jump off your balcony??
    Nope. Though I have just gone through a week of agony with my J-GF following a few naively honest comments on my part regarding previous partners and sexual pecadillos. Despite that she has proved remarkably non-psycho, I may just end up having to propose to her or something.

  13. I've never cheated, but I have been cheated on by a former boyfriend. I worked in an industry that is mostly men( restaurants) and I have seen enough men cheat to know how they really are. If my husband did, I would not divorce him. Would I be pleased? Obviously not. But men are men and asking them to keep that thing on lockdown for life is...unrealistic.

    However, my husband is a big fan of p-o-r-n and he knows that I not only don't care, but that I encourage it. I've bought him some, but then he informed me that the best kind is the new kind and you never buy it, you watch it on the internet.

    No J-Girl has ever jumped off my balcony, but maybe that will change if I ever have a balcony.

    Cheating is anything sexual or emotional that you feel you have to hide from your partner.