She ain't heavy...

She's my (J) sister.

I think a lot of foreign women living in Japanland can get very bitter towards Japanese women, I'm not really sure why, I mean we're all in this man's world together, we shouldn't really turn on each other. But we're women. We always do.

And I admit, when I came to Japan, after a few months of not getting laid, not even getting hit on, while watching my male foreign friends drooling over cutesy Japanese girls, I too came to hate the pigeon-toed enemy. I would dismiss any good-looking Japanese girl as a "cutesy fucking bimbo with a vagina" and mocked my male friends for hitting on them as I numbed the jealousy with another shot of vodka washed down with a beer. And sometimes it really was true, these girls were as dumb as dog shit but made up for it with meticulously curled hair, sparkly nails and strategically placed bits of cloth masquerading as clothes. It drove the boys wild! Well, until they went all psychotic J-girl on them, then they were on to the next one to do it all over again. I remember a mate telling me that a girl had taken him to a ryokan and put on hot lingerie under a kimono, made him unwrap her and then gave him a blowjob on her knees, how the fuck can us self-respecting western gals compete with that shit?! I went for at least a year of going drinking with friends, eating at saizeriya with my girlfriends, or watching bad TV in my room. Not a boy, not a tongue, not a shag in sight.

Now I think about it though, I wasn't actually all that concerned. I'd had my heart ripped out and stomped on by an ex-boyfriend before I came to Japan and I'd taken a vow of man hate anyway, but still, not so good for the self-confidence. I once had an argument with a cheery, positive Irishman at a bar because I told him I would never get married and anyone who did was a fucking moron, ohh if only Irish boy could see me now... He was so upbeat and told me I'd believe in true love again one day, to which I replied, "You would say that in the land of pussy-hou-dai!" I was tipsy at the time but I still loved that lovely mix of foul language, Japanglish and pure insult.

But the tables were turned on me once I married a J-boy. Did Japanese girls see me as their enemy now?? I had taken one of their own... I only ever had to think about this once, when I went to a drinking party/reunion of Ryota's with all his old school buddies, including his ex-girlfriend. The ex was a typical cutesy moron: skinny, sparkly and whiny. She didn't talk to me all night, gave me dirty looks over the one drink she clutched all night for fear of hurling up her diet pills if she had more than a sip of alcohol and made an effort to totally exclude me from all conversations that she entered with the only 2 other girls there. Not that I gave a flying fuck, I was drinking beer, eating meat and hearing stories about Ryota in the days I didn't know him, it was fun. It wasn't until I drank enough to go over to the little huddle of girls to talk that it really became apparent that she wanted to stab me with a meat skewer. The other girls were delighted that I would make an effort to talk to them and got all giggly and just had to take pictures with me. (What am I, fucking santa claus?!) They all huddled in and got one of their boyfriends to start snapping pics when suddenly the ex-girlfriend said "I have to go to the toilet!" and got up to leave, the other girl shrieked after her, "WAIT! JUST ONE PICTURE!!!" But she was gone. I'm not really sure why she hated me so much, although after Ryota dumped her she started dating his mate who is a bit of a loser, so maybe she was just bitter...

It was the first time I'd been on the receiving end of any of that kind of animosity, it didn't really bother me, but I guess it did make me think I should give J-girls a chance before I judge them on the sparkliness of their nails or the height of their hair like I usually do. So these days I'm a bit more chilled out and don't take the piss out of Japanese girls. OK, I still do, but not with half as much malice as before, got to instill some love and peace life lessons in the offspring after all.

Saying that, the fucking girl on the cunting morning news show that reads the weather with the mother fucking rabbit and plays the keyboard still makes me want to slap the plastered smile off her face!

OK, must work on the peace and love...