Step 1- Have a sob in the toilet… or the shower… or both…
Step 2- Feel really miserable.
Step 3- Blog about it.
Step 4- Realise that in this modern day and age technology has enabled me to feel quite the opposite of lonely.
I can’t thank you all enough. Honestly, that sounds freaky and nerdy but I just felt so loved by all the advice, sympathy, warm wishes and love that you all gave me. ❤
And just to put your minds at ease, last night there were more toilet tears (I actually took a photo of me crying in the toilet but kept giggling at the ridiculousness of the sounds coming from the toilet, *sob* *obnoxious camera shutter noise* *giggle* *sob*
And then as I emerged puffy eyed and went to the fridge I saw a box of cake, I asked Ryota who he’d got them off so I knew who to thank, we weren’t speaking, just basic question and answers in pissed off tones, to which he mumbled, “I bought them…(%$”#(‘))(trailed off)” Once I’d made him repeat himself clearly he said “They’re to say sorry, for last night…”
Now cake may not seem enough but let me tell you, he has NEVER brought anything home, so I was actually gob smacked! He then promised a shag if I’d forgive him, and I have, but I haven’t forgotten and will be making inquiries as to my options for the future.
Of course I’m not perfect (I know, SHOCKING) and I think I was a little bit too sensitive, because the world isn’t actually against me and I do in fact have a lot of people supporting me, so I need to tone the drama down a bit. I also explained to Ryota that he has the ability to keep the silent treatment going, but it makes me feel really isolated, and like my last supporter hates me. He said he’d try and communicate more so I was happy we got it all out in the open anyway. Please don’t apologise for calling him a dickhead/cunt/ (insert obscenity here), all insults are welcome here!
He fell asleep and almost didn’t come through with the shagging promise but I woke him up and we did have a lovely shag, and OH. MY. GOD. I felt so much better, who knew that shagging really has that much effect on me!? We actually decided that the root of the fight was probably more related to me being horny and him craving a cigarette (did I mention he quit??) and we realized that we needed to voice these things, not just hide them and then explode at each other.
Our marriage is far from perfect, he’s not, neither am I. I don’t know how long we’ll stay together but I can’t change the future, just live for today and try and enjoy life as much as possible. Thank you again for the wonderful comments, I hope to get round to replying to them all tomorrow because there were some really good points raised!