OK, thought I best follow up all the fuckity fucks or you might think I have thrown myself under a train or into a rice field or something.
Nope, still here. Just.
The weekend was so shit, like one of the shittiest I've had for a while, and I was going to go in to great detail about everything but I have a student coming in 10 minutes so it'll have to be a quickie!
Basically the weekend was just full of dipshits, crazies, drunks and complete arseholes getting in my way and pissing my off, with Ryota being the top arsehole leading them all!
I encountered a crazy gaijin hunter woman who shouted at me like a fucking lunatic at the conbini. She was at the entrance and I was at the fridges and she was like "WHERE ARE YOU FROM!?!?!" and I was just so mortified and embarrassed and felt like getting the thickest manga porno I could find and smacking her on the nose, like a naughty dog because there is just no fucking need to a) shout b) shout in English c) bother me at all!
But you know, I'm quite friendly by nature, so I put on my best fake gaijin smile and said "Australia..." then she really started to piss me off because she goes right up to Ash who was cowering behind my leg from all the shouting, and said "HE IS HAAAALLLLLFFFUUUUU??? HE FACE JAPANESE!?!?!" and she had this tone about her voice like she felt sorry for him. Way to insult my child and your own race lady!
I just wanted to get out of there at that point, the hot as hell outside was even better than the icy inside talking to her. So I grabbed Ash the nearest lolly and got the fuck out.
Then, I went to the park for a picnic breakfast and I don't know how, or why, but there was a guy on a bicycle with a tennis racket, who was utterly pissed! At like 9am in the morning! I'm guessing he was on his way to tennis and pissed?? Surely there wasn't enough time to play and celebrate that early in the morning?? Anyway, the drunk fucker was teetering all over the place in front of me and I'm not a bell ringer so I waited patiently behind him and despite Ash chattering away pisshead didn't move, then finally I gave a cheery "Summimasen! (drunk cunt)" and he stopped his bike, looked behind me, and grunted. Rude fucker.
And theeeeennnn, I encountered a very fuckin rude gaijin Dad! I took Ash to a shopping centre about 20 minutes away with a Swedish playground (I have no idea what makes it Swedish by the way... can anyone tell me?) on the roof, outside, so bastard hot, but staff run around spraying kids '(and Australian women) with water sprays and they have massive icy fans so not too bad. Anyway, see little girl with brown hair and then see the Dad, a typical whitie Charisma cunt wearing shorts and moccasins, stupid twat. I smiled DIRECTLY at him, and he was seriously like one of the agents in the Matrix, just cold, blank look and slowly turned away from me. No big loss, but fuck you buddy! And to make it even worse, he was a fucking terrible Dad, his daughter was big enough to play on her own but there was an area set up where kids could write their tanabata wishes and Ash was eating the crayons when the little halfey girl came to do hers, White cunt was sitting across the other side of the playground trying to look important reading a book the fucker. The staff were asking the poor little girl what she was going to write and I'm not sure if she didn't understand, it was more likely she was just shy but I started talking to her in English and said I was going to wish for an ice cream to come floating in the air to me right now and she started giggling and drawing, still ignoring the staff who were barking random English and Japanese at both of us. So not only was white Charisma cunt not friendly, I also had to entertain his poor kid.
Saturday was pretty uneventful after that, until I got home and the real fireworks began of course. I teach a lesson in the evening and then go straight to dance class, so I'm out of the house at 6:30 and I come back at about 10. Considering Ryota knows this, I always leave him dinner and am prepared to bath Ash when I get back, PLUS the useless mother fucker spends all his time at his mum's house anyway, this should not be a big deal. I work hard, I want to do something fun and for myself, deal with it! Part of the problem on Saturday night stemmed from Ryota NEVER listening to anything I say too, I specifically told him the class finishes at 9:30 and after de-sweating and chatting with the dopey girls it's 10 when I get home, yet he still told me he thought I'd be home at 9:30. It also didn't help that I came to the house an absolute tip, dishes and clothes and nappies and shite scattered everywhere. I just felt this huge weight of disappointment that this is solely my responsibility, can he not put a dish in the fucking sink for fuck's sake??
And then he had the fuckin' nerve to say to me "You have a family you know..."
AND may I add that the fucker had been surfing ALL DAY that day, plus when he came home he slept until I left at 6:30pm.
I was so angry, I honestly just wanted a divorce right then and there. And I had flashes of becoming my parents and it scared the living fuck out of me.
I think he got a bit of a shock when I was JUST angry, usually I cry and blubber and apologise and carry on but Saturday was pure, unfiltered, I-WILL-smash-you-in-the-face- with-the-nearest-blunt-object, rage. I told him the logical reasons why I was angry and then he came back at me with "You always tell me to leave it when I offer to clean up!!!" Which is actually true, because without fail, he will manage to pick apart my cleaning technique/organisational skills or something, and make me feel like shit. So I told him if I'm home, I'll do it, if I'm not, fuckin get off your arse and do it you lazy cunt (actually in those words).
So we shall see...
Ahhhh sweet domestic bliss! ><;ReplyDelete
Hope the start to your week is better?
PS What's up the weirdass foreign dads? I could totally relate to your Forn Gaijin post, but also this! Srsly they're like their own breed of... somethingorother.
Glad you're still with us, btw. ;)
Hey, since i'm about halfway to dovorcing Nobu, you and Ash should move in here and i'll kick Nobu over there.ReplyDelete
"You have a family you know..." sounds oh so familiar.ReplyDelete
I got to tell you, it's not a Japanese male thing...it's just a male thing..men do not pick up after themselves, they do not listen and they can be complete ignorant fucks. Married men, single men, divorced men..what ever the hell..they are just like that. Okay..yes, I am generalizing the whole sex but I'm speaking from experience here. They won't change either. People in general will not change to any significant degree. They are who they are and maybe they can bend a few habits in life but what you see is what you get. If he's a fucker at picking up shit around the house now..it won't change...ever. He may have moments and will be a prince about it but on the whole..just get use to being the Mommy to both your Hubby and your child. You just got to ask yourself, can I live like that for the rest of my life? Is it that big of a deal to me? Cuz, you can either drive yourself batshit crazy over it or you can just live with it.ReplyDelete
While April is right in that men are universally useless, I do think that it is possible to train them to a certain extent. This does of course involve being a bit of a mother until they start to work out that not being a total waste of space makes you happy/calmer but it is possible to find some kind of midway point (which won't be quite midway but better than nothing!) that won't make you want to stab him! I do think that Japanese men are THE worst though and I blame the mothers. They treat their little boys like princes and are quite happy to do absolutely everything for them so they have grown up completely unable to think for themselves/try and be helpful off their own backs. That said, my ex was a total bastard in that he wouldn't actually do anything himself but would have a fit if I didn't clean/tidy/organise to his strict standards. Not much fun when you are trying to balance teaching/childcare and cooking and cleaning so I feel your pain.ReplyDelete
Mal has only been living at mine for a couple of days so I shall reserve judgement on what kind of housemate he is going to be but he is definitely a much better boyfriend than he was when we first got together. Again I blame his mother as she has always done everything for her boys and they have never had to lift a finger off their own backs. I have noticed that if you ask/tell Mal and his brother to do something they will do it but they won't think to do it without being asked. It has been a bit of an attitude adjustment for me as I would like him to just notice that something needs to be done but better that than getting irritated with him.
But I digress as this isn't about me and my relationship. The "you have a family" line used to drive me up the wall when I would try and do something outside the house. It was ok for him to bugger off to pachinko (or whatever) but not if I wanted to go to a JALT meeting or out for a drink. Double standards are a nightmare. Men are just generally rubbish and I do think that if scientists could find a way to create sperm/procreate without men being involved, none of us would bother getting married/being in relationships!! I guess that is why it hasn't happened yet though because the male scientists realise that! ;-)
"You have a family you know..." them be fighting words. I think it is time to get out he excel spread sheet and show his knobship exactly how much free time you get.ReplyDelete
gaijin papas do tend to be a bit odd but their wives always seem lovely.
No fun when everyone's nasty. Hope you meet some sweet old ladies who feed you cream cakes tomorrowReplyDelete
Oh, what a day. "You have a family you know." Because you're taking a dance class once a week? Jesus.ReplyDelete
I think I shall remain single than deal with a Mexican man who can't be bothered to pick up anything except a tortilla that I've handed to him on a plate.ReplyDelete
Hey mate, chin up. Those weird people shouting English at you like that lady always give me the creeps. Maybe just look at her and say "huh?" and pretend you don't understand them, is possibly the best way to deal with them. Fuck replying to them if they wanna treat you like a monkey.ReplyDelete
A good kick up the arse (literally) for hubby might do the trick. Or, you could get control of the finances and then really have him by the balls.
I'm showin face b4 my 1st class but I'll be back to leave a proper comment afterReplyDelete
It is a universal thing I agree. I don't think Japanese men in particular are capable of change. Japanese men really don't see childcare as their responsibilty at all. So when they do change a nappy or take the kids to the park, it is a BIG deal for them and they think we should applaud them every time. This is why he says ludicrous things like "You have a family you know!"ReplyDelete
I hate having to always ask my hub to do stuff as he never sees what needs to be done - this is hardwired into their DNA and no amount of coaching/training is ever going to change that. They do the dishes once (after you've asked them) but in their mind they did it every night that week! The not putting dishes into the sink (and we even have a dishwasher!) drives me up the bloody wall. It's sooo lazy.
You have my sympathy and understanding.
hah! That's a lot of folly for a 10 minutes post. Time for you to spank that little Ryota boy of yours, because he sounds like a lazy fuck. Can see that we are not getting much love from the ladies in the comments, but in comparison I actually feel pretty good about myself now, kinda like a Superman. I work, cook, clean, love, am oldskool strong, and smile back at Blondie gaijin mamas. Come to think of it, I am worth my weight in gold! SALE.ReplyDelete
ooooooh "you have a family, you know?" ouch! what an old school japanese-man thing to say. i hope you punched him.ReplyDelete
i have to say that you were well within your rights to be angry at him. i hope you told him why you were angry too. although i doubt it's something that warrants divorce... a lot of it is probably cultural, so if you talk about it and say "i expect things to be this way..." then you should totally be able to work it out. good luck!
lol at the charisma dad! are they all stupid fucks, i wonder? oooh, and i also had this really weird encounter with a japanese woman in a combini who insisted in talking to me in her bad english and asking me if i liked tuna. she seemed sweet though, but it was soooo fucking awkward.... lol.
Uggh, hate women like the conbini one. Seriously, calling someone out like that is bloody rude anywhere - and one of the things I like about Japan is that I can be left to go about my day without some prick getting up in my shit like happens here sometimes. If we go back I am teaching my son that people like that are to be ridiculed and mocked - to their faces. I could do it but my pure gaijin-ness would probably render the smackdown ineffective with these types, who seem to have no pride and therefore can't imagine that you would have any either.ReplyDelete
At least your influence on the little girl was positive and probably meaningful for her in that someone actually paid attention to her. But one of the comments above is right - how can one think that that sort of way of communicating is appropriate as a model for their children. Some people lack awareness of their environment. As a gaijin dad I can say that half of them really are weird and socially dysfunctional and the isolation probably does not help what was probably already an innate part of their personality.
Also, as a useless married man (not being sarcastic here - guilty as charged), we made some progress when I started to train my wife about how to train me. But that requires awareness about yourself and a desire to change. For lots of guys you just have to start with the assumption that, yes, we are useless, but most of us mean well and are not trying to piss you off. I myself really am just not aware of what is going on around the house. And if I am confronted with this and made to feel like a knobhead and a waste of space etc, well my pride will trump my rationality and things are said (although I have never pulled the "you have a family" line to be sure!). And then arguments, objects violently thrown (not by me), and other weirdness. There was also cross-cultural stuff in there, a lot about the kind of language used and how it differs between English and Japanese. We are good now :-)
Oh Corinne... we need to go out for a drink.ReplyDelete
Damn I'm gonna get myself out to Osaka sometime before the end of the year if it kills me.
Ladies, girls, wymyn, sheilas, gyns, sistas, ...we men can be like dogs in a lot of ways. People can be trained, but that does take effort on the master's part to regulate their own behavior too. I would have bailed on my relationship long ago if it weren't for me telling myself that I don't want to have to start from zero on another one. Yeah, life can be a bitch sometime, but that's not news.ReplyDelete
Was going to comment on this earlier, but backed off until reading what people had to say. I will be posting some stuff that is relevant to the debacle a lot of us find ourselves in. But it in no way will be an attempt to gloss things over or make excuses.
I would never ask anyone to do something I would not be willing to do myself.
The "you have a family" line is, in my irate opinion, a cultural cop out. Division of labor is fine, but telling someone they need to forget that they exist is the soul-destroy pattern I believe I see that can rip people apart.
I cringe almost every time I see a mother in a napron wearing it as a badge of honor when I believe it smacks of laziness. The naprons gross me out the same way recent pictures of cos-play maids sprinkling water on the streets of Tokyo does.
But that's just me.
I do know, from first hand experience, that the stress of trying to do it all without scheduling any time for yourself is a sure way of messing up your health. The body will start to break down. Getting good habits and routines started now is the best way to avoid a lot of unnecessary hassle in the future, 'cause life has a way of serving up challenges anyway.
This is going to be your life forever.ReplyDelete
Everyone can give you "Do your best" or "teach him" bullshit but that ain't ever going to happen. His view of you and what you should do was taught to him and you can't "un-teach" it. Why did you marry him? You have a wonderful child and your business puts you in a good and growing financial position to consider your future.
It may not include your husband. How many years are you willing to sacrifice putting up with shit you didn't envision. Marriage is compromises and flexibility but more importantly it needs respect. Not just as a result of a battle...as a 1st and automatic instinctual act rooted in Love. If you Love someone than you must respect them. If you are constantly doing things to your partner that seem lacking in respect than that partner will start to question the love itself.....naturally.
I don't think he knows the "Love" that you want and he will never be able to. Not a bad guy of course but your soulmate? No way. The person who surprises you by doing everything because he knows you'll be tired and he wants to "show" the love by making you feel nice for no particular reason except it's what makes him happy (making you happy) is what you deserve.
How long are you willing to say "shoganai" and overlook one thing after the other before saying..."O.K., fuck this....this is MY life too and I work hard and I have the basic human right to be loved in the way I desire"
It is your right Corrine. To be loved in the way that makes you feel loved everyday.
"You have a family"? Grrr. So does he. The comments here are really interesting. My tuppence, for what it's worth, is that you have to take someone as they are. As much as you might want to change him, he might not want that, and you'll be fighting a losing battle. Mind you, it could be worse, you could be married to Charisma man. SarahfReplyDelete
kathrynoh~ I see it more and more, the gaijin Daddies have some serious issues!!! Although with J-wives nagging at them all the time it's little wonder...ReplyDelete
Ri~ Thank you!!! This week has been much better, no train jumping thoughts yet, rice paddies are still a maybe. And yes, the gaijin Dads really need to sort their shit out before some foreign woman runs them over or something!
Sassymoo~ Heyyyy now THAT sounds like a pretty good deal! I wonder if anything would ever get done around here, N would never be home but Ryota would just leave everything... hmmm an interesting experiment!
Will~ Isn't it so predictable to play that card here?!
April~ I have a funny feeling you're right, I think J-men can tend to be worse because they are generally so spoiled by their mums but all men probably have the same tendancy. Hey I like this male generalising thing you got goin on, excuse me while I go burn my bra! :D
Midori~ Wow, you really it the nail on the head, R is the same, it's not that he refuses to do it, but he has to be told and that's what annoys me the most! Especially for things that are in plain sight like 500 woody dolls on the ground!
I'm sure you and Mal will work through it though, and at least there are no pachinko parlours, at least you can go to the pub too!
thelentilweaver~ Oh my god I just spent the last 2 minutes at least giggling at "his knobship" !!! Brilliant!!!
Jenny~ Well, no cream cakes (bad for the diet!) but I did have a much better week, despite getting sick, thank you!
Saboten girl~ I know right!! If I was going out on the piss and kissing random boys (damn I wanna do that now...) then I could understand, but "jesus" and possibly a "what the fuck!?" just about sums it up!
Crazy Rita~ HAHAHA!! Yes, single is definitely simpler than burrito issues i'm sure, wow I guess other cultures are exactly the same right!
Shite~ (Interesting choice of name!) yes, the random shouters annoy me and the only reason I don't ignore them or tell them to fuck off is I run an English school so I have to be a bit careful, she may be hiding 14 English hungry grandkids!! :)ReplyDelete
Chris~ Attendance noted... see you later...?
C Mum~ Sorry, it's too long to type and the spelling is perplexing me already! (>_<)
I know you get it, and thank you, just not feeling like it's only me makes me feels better!! R is the same, I wash at least 3 coffee cups everyday that have been left lying around! Grrrrr
Biggie~ get out of here you... you... MAN!!! oh wait, you sound like a lovely man, please come to my house and spank my lazy fuck, and me while you're at it ;) Woah, that was really slutty, even for me! *high fives all round*
Kari~ I really did want to punch him, but it kinda scared me more, like this was my fucking life from now on and that I had to get the fuck out before I suffocated!
Awkward is a very good word for the random English shouters, there's just nothing left to say after the country we are from is established!
sigma1~ Ahh yes, that is actually very good advice, if I expect change from him I do have to look to myself to try to fix the problem. Very Yoda-like comment of you! Thank you!
Sara~ Yes! Yes! yes! Although I'll be in Tokyo in September, drinkies could be do-able! I'm sure we have many battle stories to share ;)
Will~ Oh my god, that's brilliant, the napron!!! haha I think motherhood is worn like a badge here and it's just not for me, I love being a mother and I'm most proud when my son and I are out together (well on the rare occasions that he behaves...) ;) But I'm not just a mother, I'm a lot of other things and if I lose them I really will go bonkers! The dance class girls could not BELIEVE I was a mother, I guess it really may be a cultural thing where mothers don't do that much outside the house...??
Chris~ Fuck, I just had a bit of a cry at the sheer reality of it all, thanks...? I can7t remember the last time I thought "wow he really loves me!" honestly I don't think we've ever had that, we hadn't said "I love you" before we got married, because we didn7t love each other, how could we after less than 2 months of dating!? we got married out of obligation that turned in to something resembling love, but sometimes I'm not sure if it's just the love we both have for our son overflowing and appearing to be love for each other... A lot to think about!
Sarahf~ hehe "my tuppence" how very British of you pet! :D You7re right though, trying to change him will be useless, deep down I know that, I guess the reality of finding a way to deal or getting out is really daunting for me. But yes, if he was a Charisma cunt I'd be MUCh worse off!! :)
Sounds like you put up with a lot of shit in a short amount of time. As for Charisma cunt who couldn't even return a simple smile to a knockout, he's probably just depressed, or some pretentious twat turned father. You sound like you deserve much more than a smile though. Ryota needs to smarten up.ReplyDelete
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Eh, you know what, I just commented about the importance of not giving advice and just listening, and then gave you advice. So over exposing my incoherence online; good luck girl xReplyDelete
Damn those black ships!ReplyDelete
They should have been sunk.
There are far too many gaijins in Japan now.
But I look at Japan from one of the prior centuries.
My poor suffering wife has put up with my stupid shit for pushing on 40yrs. On facebook she refers to me as her 3rd child, and I am guilty as charged. When our son was born [child #2] was suffering from lactose intolerance and not diagnosed by the doctors. I would walk in the door after work to be greeted by a frazzled wife saying he's your son too and she would head out the door and return a couple of hours later. No big deal, I would just grab a brew and spark one up and deal with it. When someone needs a break, they need a break. While I've spent a large part of my life being a dumbfuck, I'm still with the same woman for pushing 40 years.ReplyDelete
Yes it can be really frustrating always having to tell them when it is just so bloody obvious but the male brain just functions differently. I like some of the comments you have had from the male perspective on this thread! :-)ReplyDelete
I do have faith that Mal and I will be fine because I spent WAY too long putting up with Daisuke's crap until I was ready to leave Japan and I am never going through any of that again!! He's a good guy though, and Joey and I are lucky to have him in our lives, even if he does need to be nagged before offering to do the washing up! ;-)