Holy man story

The one 'cultural' thing we have done while my family has been here was on Sunday, we went to a festival that nobody could explain except that it was a 'futon festival.' It looked suspiciously like danjiri to me with the big arse floats being pulled along at dangerously high speeds by the beer filled dudes in dressing gowns and ninja shoes. However the futons on top of the floats were a bit puzzling and apparently it's some kind of futon festival that they don't do very often anymore, it was a pretty country type town so I guess that's why it was there, who knows.

Anyway, we went to FIL's house around lunch time so he could kiss up to my mum (he openly flirts with my mum, it's obscene!) and so they could meet my sister, then it was off to FIL's friend's house and we walked to the futon festival from there. Ryota was being a smart arse all day, telling my sister wrong information, things like: "yeah this a futon festival, they'll have a pillow fight later!" and "They're wearing ninja shoes so they can climb the trees after it gets dark!" He's such a shit stirrer! He was also taking the piss out of my big feet, FIL's baldness, and his friend's baldness too, calling them 'team baldies.' Just being a general smart arse. Better than being his usual awkward, grumpy self I guess!

Anyway, as soon as we got to the shrine where the futon festivities were to take place, a group of alcohol-fuelled old dudes immediately targeted us to pour us a cup of sake, granted it was in a paper cup, and it was cheap shit, but it's still pretty sweet to get free booze for simply not being Japanese! We then made our way up to the top of the shrine to wait for all the men to start showing us how much balls they had by how hard and fast they would push their big arse carts around. I guess the bigger the balls, the more impressed the gods are?? It was pretty cool, little boys were banging their taiko in the middle of the floats, they may have been shitting their kimonos in fear but they were troopers and kept the beat the whole time (even when they dropped the poor little buggers at one point!) During the whole thing everyone was very jolly AKA pissed and we got several looks and comments in English, I guess this is to be expected, I get random comments on my own but with mum and sister there as well it was triple the Engrish fun!

One old geezer had been chatting to my sister, his daughter lived in the blue mountains so they had a good old talk about Australia and various other things, he was one of those incredibly old nice men that are so hard to find here. (They're usually pissing in the street or grumpy old buggers) Anyway, a few minutes after the nice old man had sauntered away, another old guy comes up to us, he was dressed in some kind of official shrine robe, I think he may have been an official of the festival, but to the naked touristy eye, he looked like a priest of some kind with his big blue robe and white belt and shit. Anyway, we thought he might want to practice his English too but it turns out all he wanted to say was this: おっぱいすごいわあああ！！！(Woaaaaa nice tits love!) he then proceeded to do a full-on, double handed grab of my sister's tits. We were all in shock for about one second until I told him to fuck off. Ryota was snickering in the background, mum was laughing her arse off and my sister had eyes as big as saucers and was basically planted on the spot in shock. The old dude looked a bit ill when I asked what the fuck he thought he was doing in Japanese and then tried to defend himself by saying "Ooooo can't you do that in other countries!?" I then told him that he knew very well you can't do that in any fucking country, especially not Japan!! I was laughing though, he was obviously pissed from all the cheap sake and just a dickhead, harmless but still a dickhead.

After the initial shock had worn off he tried to get another grab in but I stopped him and told him a bit more sternly to fuck off and be a good representative to Japan. It was about this point that the nice old man came over and told him to fuck off as well, then gave my sister a big bow and said sorry on behalf of the drunk horny guy! What a sweetheart. Old drunk dude realised he was fighting a losing battle and pissed off just as Ryota's dad clued in to what was going on and said he'd go and punch him if we wanted! (Yeah right, he's like, 4 ft tall). But it was lucky my sister has quite a good sense of humour and could see the funny side. I think she's quite lucky, no body's ever tried to feel me up at a festival! Feel quite left out actually...