To have a MIL just as crazy as me.
You know, I still have daily thoughts of pushing SIL under a bus but I am glad I have crazy MIL, she's a really nice, generous person who is very similar to me in a lot of ways. One of those ways is... gimmicky diets...
I'm usually pretty sensible, I don't buy steak knives or proactive from infomercials (despite the proactive ad being on at least 22 hours a day here!), I'm rational in my purchases, I think long and hard if I really need something, especially if it's a big item. I do this for all products, apart from diet/ exercise stuff..
Duh! Like the rest of the female population- I want to be thin. Not bony thin, but thin enough that I don't have a thigh that may be mistaken for a tumour. Which is pretty ridiculous because according to my last health check I'm perfectly healthy, I jog pretty much every day without fail, my cholesterol levels are within normal range... All signs point to me doing things pretty much right. But alas, thin is still the optimum, even for us house wives who don't really have anyone to impress. (Except the hot monk...)
I rarely go through with the purchases, I've been very close to buying diet pills or weight loss tea from the TV but have resisted the urge. I have however bought various exercise related crap such as pedometers, rodeo boys, exercise balls and lots of other stuff which usually ends up collecting dust but never really any dieting pills. That all changed today....
I am now on the "doctor diet." I think it's the same as when you see the ads at home that say "talk to your doctor about a weight loss plan..." or whatever. It was at a plastic surgery clinic (I enquired about a boob job while I was at it!!) in a very rich area of Kobe where all the women look like lollipops anyway so was a little intimidating for the pudgy gaijin and her equally pudgy MIL to waddle in trying to hide their shame-filled faces. The doctor was young, too young for my liking, I suspect botox, and lots of it! But he was nice, he said it was good that MIL and I were doing it together, it was good for motivation. He would say that though, we are paying for his weekly botox jabs I guess...
Anyway, deal is, I get a tenteki (IV drip) once a week and every time I go I get a week's worth of medicine: The 'fat' pill, the one that makes you run to the ladies room with not a hope of pressing the noise disguising button because any oily food you've eaten will come gushing out your bum hole at an alarming rate, a little white pill, I'm not sure what this one does but I'm only allowed to take it for 2 months because it's highly addictive... Slightly worrying... And some natural herbal medicine that tastes like arse but makes you feel uber full so you don't want to eat. It may be the placebo effect but it's already working today! I've only eaten a banana and a piece of toast all day and seriously feel really full!
It's pricey, not ridiculous, but not cheap either, but I figure all this working has got to lead to some goodies for me some time. If it gets to be too expensive I can always quit after this month... right? Right. I've decided to keep the whole thing a secret for as long as I can from Ryota because he'll say I'm a dickhead, (and I know he'll be right!) so anyone who actually knows me (probably only you Sassymoo!) keep it on the down and low, yoroshiku onegaishimasu! We should have kept it a secret from Grandma too I think, as we left for the clinic today she was yelling all sorts of things from the veranda like, "You're a stupid stupid girl, and you're no better!!!" (directed towards me and MIL), and "I'll tell Ryota, I swear I will!!!" There is a good chance Ryota will find out, either by Grandma sabotage or by accidental slips, plus there's a mark from the IV on my arm, but I figure if he does find out I'll do what any good wife would do... lie.