*Insert crickets chirping here*

It's been very quiet on the old bloggerino lately, and the reason is a good one. Family. Stay. Ya' get it.

Or maybe you don't...

I can't remember if my family was this... draining...? before but I highly suspect not.

The top 5 things that blow about family visiting you in Japan...

1) They ask you questions about EVERYTHING! Yes, I live in Japan, but no, I'm not an expert on the far end of a Japanese fart. I know they're curious but it gets very very tiring answering questions all day when half the time you're talking out your arsehole. I also cannot read 500 million kanji, I wish I could, but I can't.

2) You feel pressure from all sides. I'm feelin' it at the moment. Got to keep the fam happy. Got to keep anal Japanese husband happy. Got to make sure baby isn't sticking hands in electrical sockets. Got to keep students happy at work. Got to keep my sanity. Got to keep SIL happy, oh no, wait that's right. FUCK SIL!

3) They won't try anything new. Maybe this is my picky family, but they refuse to try new stuff that isn't steak and chips. Well not quite that bad, but after they have asked you to explain every mother fucking thing on the menu (that has flipping pictures!!) at a restaurant and then said they don't like: fish, tofu, chewy chicken, chewy beef, rice etc etc. The options get to be a little limited, as does my patience.

4) They're on holiday but you're not. My mum and sister have been having gin and tonics at lunch time, which is great, but makes me a teeny bit jealous when I still have a full work schedule, house to run and all the other boring crap that life brings.

5) You get bitched at by every mother fucker for not taking them to enough places. Honestly, my mum doesn't really want to go anywhere special I think, she just wants to chill and spend time with Ash, she's not much of a sightseeing type of gal anyway. (the best kind of guest- give her gin and tonic and she's sweet!) Now my world travelled sister however, is another story. I feel bad because I know she wants to go explore all the innards of the Japanese cultural guts but I just don't have time this trip, plus with whinging small child on my hip it makes it a bit harder to climb mountains to find a Japanese monkey while swigging sake.

Now these are the top 5 downers but despite the stress factor being a little raised, I must say, the last week I've laughed very very hard and communicated in English and used sarcasm and reminisced and got jokes and taken the piss without "saying too much" (FUCK YOU SIL!!!) and generally had a fucking awesome time. I love my family no matter how much they piss me off and will be so sad when they leave. Ashton has had such fun, I think he senses they're suckers that will push him anywhere he wants to go on his little red trike and has been taking full advantage of this. He gives them cuddles before bed and just loves them to death.

I will definitely be sad next Tuesday.

Stay tuned for a fucking awesome story about an old holy man grabbing my sister's tits!