which is better. Being pissed off, or feeling guilty...?
The transition of 'working father breadwinner, stay at home mummy' to 'both mummy and daddy working their bums off and kid dumped at school' has actually gone surprisingly well for us, much better than I thought, although as I have mentioned before, I still feel that I get saddled with most of the housework. It has taken me just over 2 months to realise that this problem is easily solved by me just not doing it and seeing what happens.
I don't mind doing housey type stuff if I have time, like today was relatively free, so I did all the washing, vacuuming and washing up (while watching trashy TV, bonus!).
Yesterday, however was a different story, I had a lot of lessons in the day and the night and I really only had a few free hours to eat, get Ash off to kindy blah blah blah. Ryota had taken the day off, "awwww" you say, nice husband stayed home to help his poor wifey out because she's working when every other fucker in Japan is either relaxing somewhere cool or taking my fucking English lesson!? How sweeet!! Wrong. Fucker took the day off to go surfing!
But whatever, it's the same difference to me, I wouldn't have been able to spend any time with him anyway, he would get his surfing hit and he would have been out of my hair for the day. If only it had turned out that way... There was some typhoon hanging around the area and when he woke up at 4am to drive 3 prefectures over to his surfing spot it was lashing rain so after consulting with his surfing bitch (BFF) they decided to fuck the surfing off for the day and go on Saturday instead. This arrangement is the shittiest possible outcome for me, I had to work yesterday, WITH husband hanging around making the place look untidy and sulking because he couldn't go surfing, AND I also have to work AND look after Ash on Saturday while he and the bitch go off to hang ten or whatever they do.
But again, I was pretty cool with it, I am a laid-back Aussie after all, no Nazi Japanese-wifey type behaviour, just an accepting nod as I rushed around hanging the washing out and thinking about dinner. I didn't even start to get pissed off until I looked at the clean washing piled up to the ceiling ready to be folded and Ryota ensconced in a surfing video. Seriously!? So, laid-back Aussie went to shit and I started on a passive-aggressive housework crusade, you know, when you hurriedly do everything with a stressed out look on your face and every movement is exaggerated for effect. I think it took about 5 drawer slams before he got the point and turned the cunting video off to come and help me. I then decided he could fend for himself for dinner as I wouldn't be home until 7 and was just planning on having toast. He then offered to cook dinner, for all of us, that never fucking happens! So I agreed but had little thoughts off how much of a mess he was going to make and what he was going to discover lurking in the crisper that I hadn't thrown out to nag me about. But I just agreed to keep the peace, and was kind of looking forward to not have to cook!
So when I got home, sure enough, the kitchen was a mess, the rest of the house even messier, Ashton not bathed and general chaos, BUT dinner was waiting for me! A first in my married life I believe! It was omuraisu, which is pretty easy, but something no matter how hard I try, can't cook the bastard. It was great, but I kept feeling the need to apologise for making him cook and that I felt bad! How does this work!? He had the day off, it's not like he had anything else to do, but the female-ness in me just felt that he shouldn't be in the kitchen. Isn't that bizarre?? Is it because I'm in Japan?? I'm sure I had no problem with my ex-boyfriends cooking for me, I didn't feel guilty then!? It was at that point that I asked myself, Would I rather the shittiness of having to do everything in the house and the school and fulfill my gaijin/wifey duties? or, be less stressed about the house stuff but feel guilty and live up to the 'ballsey gaijin' image...?
I'm really torn, maybe the fact that this is what he presented for my dinner didn't help...
Maybe if he just wasn't so damn nice about it!