Saturday, 7 August 2010

An ode to SIL...

Oh SIL, how doth thou annoy me, let me count the ways...

OK, enough with the shakespeary talk because I don't even know if that is right!

It has become clear now that the main attraction of my blog is not me, (the diva star of the whole flipping show) not Ryota, (although with his lists and cockiness is a close second) not Ash, (the chubby little halfuuu who is used to getting all the attention) but my SIL, with her blatant racism, weirdness and general ridiculousness! Well, the people have spoken, so today is a tribute post to her in bullet point form, reminding you of just how much of a freak she is, and also some new opinions and comments that have recently spewed from her mouth...

  • SIL's real name is Uru, a very unusual name in Japan, but her family call her Uuko, which resembles the word Unko (shit) so I guess her name really is quite fitting!

  • I have mentioned this many times before, but seriously, the weird and freaky obsession with the family dog is not getting any better. She not only lets him sniff and lick her used underwear, (GAG!!!!! ) but she also has claimed she will eat him when he dies so he can stay inside her forever, gives him full on mouth kisses quite frequently and further minces his already minced dog food with her bare hands. The girl has got a problem.

  • When asked about the gaijin rights issues, she said that if gaijin couldn't speak Japanese then they shouldn't be entitled to anything. Harsh much?

  • She also said that western gaijin from America, Australia etc. were waaaaaay different from Asian gaijin, she said that Asian gaijin only marry Japanese blokes for their money or a visa and should not be allowed to come to Japan, she firmly believes there should be a law in place so that if, say, a Korean woman really falls in love with a Japanese man, they should live in Korea and keep their filthy Asian ways out of this fair country. (Her words, not mine!)

  • The tattoo debate was a little more disappointing, she is very open minded on tattoos and actually wants to get one on her arm, can you guess what of!? Ohhhhh yes, the dog's name, which is Ralph in normal people language, but has morphed into some horribly twisted Japanese katakana concoction of Ra-ru or Ra-chan, so she has decided if she ever gets a tattoo, it will be R A R U in a love heart. Kill. Me. Now.

  • Her boss (she works in a nail salon) will come to the school for a lesson on Monday, which is great! But SIL has given me a lecture on what to say about her Korean roots. Her boss's great Grandparents were Korean, and I tell you, this KILLS SIL, the fact that she is working for a 'Korean' woman must stab her every time she clocks in. The woman's name is Hitomi, yeah, reaaaalllll Korean!

  • She has a horribly habit of lately coming in to our house like some sort of stealth spy, opening the door sooo quietly and then just sneaking in, she did this yesterday when I happened to be passed out on the floor trying to cool down after my run in nothing but my bright pink bonds undies. Fucking make some noise when you come in girl!!!!

  • She considered taking Ash to the pool with her but made the statement of "Hmmm I don't think I'll take him, if he dies or something I'll be to blame..."

  • Last week she gave Ash coffee. Right before bed. Who the fuck gives a 1 year old coffee anyway!!!??? I have now enforced a strict NO COFFEE FOR THE BABY rule.

  • I still think she is a closeted lesbian and am just waiting for the day she comes out to Grandma. Despite using the cover of loving Kimutaku, I know it must be lesbianism or beastiality, one of the two.

OK, let's leave it there for today, there is lots more but I'll save it for another tribute post. I say she annoys me but I shouldn't diss her too much, she's offered to take Ash to a bon odori tonight while I get on the lash with Sassymoo, so thank you for not only looking after my son (NO FUCKING COFFEE!!) but also for the blog material SIL!


  1. that picture is priceless. Perhaps you should do a lesson on Kimmchi or fuyu no sonata or something on Monday with her boss.

    Have a great 'on the lash' with Cassies. Hope Ash doesn't get given coffee, sake at the bon odori and that RARU stays well away from his leg.

  2. very odd SIL you have there!

  3. Rachael in Sydney7 August 2010 at 17:09

    Hi, i'm a rare commenter but your blog is hilarious!
    God your SIL is almost unbearable isn't she? Luv the pic, looks like she's hanging on so she won't fall off the face of the earth.

  4. Let me know if you ever want her off your hands. I know quite a few gaijin lezzies. Hahaha.

  5. OMG! The underwear thing is gross! I mean, since my son moved out of home our dog has been chewing his left behind jocks (dogs must love used undies) and we don't stop him -- but that's just so we can take photos and put it on his facebook wall for all his friends to see.

    Coffee = OMG! Who would ever do that!

  6. Amazing woman!
    I didn't realize that she was this fascinating! You could write a long "WHY? WHY?? WHY???" list about her and leave around the house! I wonder why anyone would get the idea to give a baby coffee in the first place...?

    But seriously, I think you're best off not letting her take Ash to the pool, blame issues aside...

  7. Ma-chan I am not9 August 2010 at 02:19

    Ash could probably stay up until 3 due to coffee, so keep up with the warnings. But yeah, that's new, I thought only my sister was freaky enough to drink coffee at 7...

    And the where-the-gaijin-comes-from complex. Natch. Dated a chonan who had a bit of latitude origin issue (he said he hates 'south people' and likes 'Nordics'. ooooo doesn't that sound like Adolfu-chan Hokkaido boy...) I guess that does give a new spin on marketing lines like "discriminating taste". On whisky, bunkable gaijin and the likes.

    And btw, following up your previous mention, where the hell is the humping dog picture?

  8. I hope you never fall out with SIL, I'd miss her appearances.

  9. Try to engage her in a little discussion about cultural anthropology as to the origins of the Yamato. Be sure to bring up the belief held by many non-racist Japanese scholars that the first Japanese "royal family" were probably Korean.