Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Pussy

And no, I'm not talking about Whiskey, or any other pussy (get your mind out of the gutter!) than the big hunk of man wimp that is my husband.

Ryota looks relatively tough compared to a lot of J-guys, he has reasonably muscly arms, (although they're shrinking as he loses weight!) he's pretty tall, has tattoos, scruffy beard. All signs point to him being pretty hard, however yesterday proved the opposite, I am actually married to a little whiny baby!

Yesterday started as any normal Tuesday, we all stumbled out of bed and got ready, Ryota left for work at about 8, I wrestled Ash off his trike and bribed him to come inside while Grandma contradicted every disciplinary move I made, we finally left for kindy, then I went off for my run and supermarket excursion to clear my head in preparation for work and the general shite I had to do. When I returned to our little dirt path at about 10am I saw Ryota's bike out the front. Now anyone married to a Japanese dude will know that they don't just leave work for no reason, (especially when they work for the government!) they can't just pop home for a cuppa, or chuck a sickie, it's unheard of! (This makes it very easy for us to cheat, no spontaneity!) So I went into panic mode thinking he'd been sucked into a tree chopping machine or something and they'd delivered the bike back home and would come and console me after their own work was finished.

But as I rushed in the door, there he was, with his foot stuck up in the air rummaging through my bag looking for his insurance card. As I searched frantically for bones sticking out of his foot I asked him what was wrong in a frantic voice. He then told me in a very matter of fact way he'd ripped the toenail off his foot. Ouch, right! OK, fair enough, toenail ripping is pretty harsh, but when I scanned his toe for the ragged fleshy spot where his nail used to be, I saw a perfectly intact nail and, I'm going to say, a spatter, of blood. I thought he was being a drama queen already, but I didn't say anything and of course acted the concerned wife and nurse.

He then hopped off to the doctor, claiming he couldn't fit a shoe on his foot so would go barefoot. *rolls eyes*After he came out of the doctor's I asked him about the nail, and as I'd suspected the doctor had called him a big pussy too and told him the nail was, in fact, fine. Despite the positive diagnosis though, Ryota felt he had to milk it some more, and when we went to tsutaya he literally hobbled about 5 steps behind me because I was keen to get into the air conditioning. When he made me take the bandage off before his shower it totally looked fine! Such a baby!

Now, I feel my puppet-mastery skills are really coming on. In the old days, I would have just called him out for being a pussy and he would have either shut down or gotten pissed off. But instead, I casually dropped into the conversation that if his toe was this bad he definitely wouldn't be able to go surfing on Saturday as he'd planned...Amazingly, he made a dramatic recovery after that and stopped with the hobbling bullshit. Why is it that men really are so fucking weak when it comes to injuries and pain, weren't they made as the stronger sex!? I guess women are the only ones who can give birth for a reason though...

5 comments:

  1. Your blog cracks me up so much! I just can't stop laughing at all the things your hubby gets up to. Especially your blog today-
    I love it that the "pussy" was your husband. Gosh you know I do think that my husband (he's not Japanese) would be the same- maybe not to the extent as going to the doctor for a ripped nail but for sure if I said he couldn't/shouldnt play golf/squash/soccer if his injury is that bad......

    Keep up the blog- you make me laugh everyday!
    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  2. Surfing seems to be an excellent manipulative tool! I wish Nobu had something like that I could manipulate him with! Can I call Ryo-chan a pussy next time I see him? Silly man!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AHAHAHAHA he's still milking it on FB tonight! Huzzah for manipulating your husband but yet supporting him at the same time....

    The way your mind works, its brilliant! Just HOW did you not become a criminal mastermind/international spy is beyond me.

    Agree with above posts: you make me laugh every blog. Much love from Zx

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha!! Love this post (as I do them all, love your forwardness of life). Yeah guys like to be big babies and have others take care of them when even the tiniest thing of what they call an excuse happens.

    m.

    ReplyDelete
  5. lol...yep typical man BS...DH sometimes tries this crapola on me and then when I mention that he may be too sick to play golf...I see a miraculous recovery

    ReplyDelete