I cannot even begin to describe how accurate the title of this post is. I'll try and put it in to words, but I almost feel like just leaving it at the title it's so fitting.
However, before I go on my personal rant, I should mention that it is my little boy's birthday today and I can hardly believe that it's almost 3 years since my world was turned upside down with our little unplanned surprise, 2 years since I went through the hell of childbirth and that that tiny, squirming noisy thing has turned into a walking, talking cheeky little bastard who has brought me more joy than I ever could have expected or imagined.
Right, sappiness out of the way! And on to how FUCKING FUCKED OFF with Japan I am right now.
I've always been a big defender of Japan whenever haters would rant, I love(d)? Japan so much. But recently, and especially today, I am so keen to get out of this country it's making me physically sick.
I guess it's been a gradual thing, being single is quite easy living here, just yourself to worry about. But after you get hitched to a native and pop out a little halfie, things can get a lot more difficult. I guess starting a business could be added in there somewhere too. Also, maybe the fact that I haven't been on a proper holiday in over 4 years (ie. Not in Japan or Australia) is probably a contributing factor too.
Ash's birthday party is tomorrow, and Japanese kids don't have big arse birthday parties like we do in the west so it's so much more of a pain to organise, but I thought I had it down.
First problem- My house is so fucking tiny that the 3 of us barely fit in it, let alone 20 other people. So Sassymoo being the awesome friend and Auntie that she is, offered her beautiful house as a venue. Awesome!! But even that got me feeling disappointed in myself. How can we live in a house that tiny that we can't even have a fucking birthday party??
Next problem- Birthday party goods are actually quite hard to find here, as in napkins and party hats and lolly bags. But my mum sent me a whole heap of these with cars and dinosaurs on them, so that one fixed too.
Next- FUCKING DESICCATED COCONUT!!!! Mother fucking coconut only comes in tiny little packages and it's the stringy coconut used for decorating tops of things. I just want some coconut for the love of god is that really so hard?? Yes, apparently it is.
And finally- Getting a big enough cake for all the guests. I would love to make it, but my oven and my budget really don't stretch that far...
The cake. The cunting cake...
There was only one option when it came to the cake, and that was costco. Every other cake in Japan is tiny and overpriced, which would mean I would have to buy at least 3 or 4 of the fuckers to feed all the guests. Costco do big arse party cakes with decorations and shit so this option was perfect. Perfect, but annoying that it was the only one at the same time.
So Ryota and I toddled off to costco first thing this morning to order pizza and cake for the party. When we got to the cake ordering place, I spy in tiny letters at the bottom of the ordering sheet "48 hours notice for custom cakes is appreciated" I then read the Japanese, which didn't translate as "appreciated" at all, but more like "One minute less than 48 hours and your fucked mate." So Ryota went and asked two different people and they both confirmed that we were in fact, fucked, as it would be 24 hours notice and not 48. He apologised and grovelled and pleaded but they flat out refused to do it. This fucked me off no end, just fucking bend the rules and we'll know for next time!!! Of course, ultimately it is my fuck up and I can't blame anyone for that, but it's not as if they're spending hours doing these cakes, they're stock standard design, all that differs is the writing on it. I then got sick of being nice and ripped in to the guy, offered him a bribe but ended up storming off, telling him the English was shit and they should get a new translator. Harsh and uncalled for, as wasn't that poor bloke's fault, but fuck me I was just so angry.
We then thought that we might be able to get a cake with nothing written on it so we could write on it ourselves, but the guy (looking pale at the sight of the angry gaijin again) said they couldn't do that either. So I sucked it up and had to come to terms that I was going to have to get a fucking cake without Ash's name on it, which isn't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things I know, but just made me want to scream and fucking pull my hair out that I couldn't even give my son a proper party or a proper cake made for him. Another extremely annoying point, the boy cakes that they had on the shelves to buy, all had Happy Birthday written in Japanese, to which I said very loudly "I don't want any Japanese writing on my cake!" This was harsh too, but it's true, I want it to be in fucking English. I speak English! Most people at the party speak English, fuck off with the Japanese!
This really was the last straw for me, I've been feeling it recently with Ash's kindy as well, I can't read the kanji on the letters he brings home and would be totally useless with things like the PTA, not just because of language barriers, but because I don't know the systems that just come naturally to Japanese mums. Ryota couldn't understand why I was crying my eyes out explaining this to him, he kept saying "But you're a great mum!! Some mothers don't even feed their kids properly or play with them at all!" Which was a very nice thing to say, but totally irrelevant, I had to try and get through to him that I have a level of parenting that I need to keep, nothing to do with what other people do or what is normal in society, it's my personal level, and at the moment, the fact that I can't do things and control things, is honestly fucking killing me. Ryota finally got it when I explained it to him with a surfing example. Bloody simple surfers... I said this: Some people don't really care about their board or wetsuit, they leave them sandy, full of scratches, slung in the car until the next surfing trip, and this is fine for them. But Ryota takes very good care of his surfing gear, everything is always washed and dried out and then handled very carefully. I explained to him that this was his level of expectations for his gear, just as my level of mothering is with Ash. He was actually quite nice to me after that... Should try comparing everything to surfing...
Ryota then raised the point that other things would be difficult if we moved to Australia, and this is true, I don't think going back to Australia will solve all our problems at all. However, I feel the problems would be more manageable for us there. For example, all things to do with Ash ( ultimately the most important things) would be handled by me, in my native language, where I know how things work. Things that would be a shit for Ryota would be manly things, like car insurance and shit, which would be manageable. I told Ryota that most dudes don't want to organise their kid's birthday parties or join the PTA and fair play to them, I love doing things like that, but I really do feel so powerless here.
Dare I say...
I think it's time to leave Japan.