Friday, 7 January 2011


Like the little sad, droopy balloon that is still hanging around in the corner of the room from Halloween...

Not quite that bad, but am a bit sad today, as my BFF and her fiancee who was staying with us went home tonight. They were possibly the best house guests I've ever had, just the right amount of doing things together and doing things independently, helpful, great with Ash and just a general welcome addition to our little house. I love that with your really good friends, you just pick up right where you left, M and I have always been like that, whether we lived across the road from each other, (and we did, for many years!) different parts of the country, or even different places in the world, always the same. Of course it doesn't help that my other bestie of the Japan variety is stranded in the Queensland floods, I need to get me some more friends!

We had many gossipy discussions while M was here, the main being her wedding in August when I'm going home to be her bridesmaid. I'm very excited to be a bridesmaid, it will be my first and possibly last chance and I'm a sucker for a good wedding and all the boozey goodness that goes with it. We also tried on the dress I'll be wearing (she's making it herself) in a calico version and it was very exciting to see it go from a potato sack to an actual dress! Of course I plan to be a few zillion kgs lighter by that point so hopefully we'll have to take it in more when I get to Oz in August.

Having M here, and missing Sassymoo, has made me realise I will never have a J-girl BFF. I have good J-girlfriends, but they will never cut it in the BFF department. I'm not really sure why either. It's not an obvious cultural difference because I may as well be Japanese when I want to be and my J-girlfriends are all pretty easygoing adaptable people culture-wise. Language is also not really the problem because all of them either speak really good English or I speak to them in Japanese, either way we always have enough communication to totally understand each other. So what the hell is it that stands between me and the J-girls being buddies??? It could be a humour issue...? I use a lot of sarcasm, and I mean pretty much every second sentence is drenched in sarcasm too. My mum often calls me a "sanctimonious little shit," affectionately of course. The lack of sarcasm in Japan was made even more clear with M being here, poor Ryota was more than a little lost in translation!

So I'm interested to know... Why is your bestie your bestie?? What criteria do you have?? Do you have a J-girl BFF?? Enlighten me or I may start to think I'm just racist!


  1. Cool post.I do actually have a J-girl BBF.But I also have one or two non-J girl BBFs on the side;-) .

    My J-girl is someone I have known for years and years and when we were still single.She speaks amazing English but strangly,now she has kiddies(with a J-man) we only speak Japanese together.Her parents are amazing and like the host family I never had,sob sob.

    The great thing with N is that she has travelled and spent time abroad.And her job is all English related so she gets me.And my humour.And my moaning and groaning.And tells me when I am making a chickens arse out of myself with the culture thing(so often).

    Hope your balloon fills up a bit now that SM is hopefully on her way back.BBFs rock,whatever nationality.As long as they get that sarcasm,ne;-)

  2. I highly doubt that you're racist. Different cultures may play a role, but it sounds like this is a friend you've grown up with and kept in touch with through the years. It's hard to beat that.

  3. Awww, totally miss you too!!!! Trying my best to get home but since no trains or planes will be getting through to Brisbane in the near future we are now going to have to drive to Cairns, then fly to Brisbane, then train back up to Gympie, train back to the gold coast and finally fly back. I am exhausted just thinking about it. Bur for you, I'll go through travel hell....we are besties after all!
    I think one big difference about BFFs and J-Girl BFFs is that when it come to the crunch, BFFs will say what needs to be said, be it embarrassing, straight to the point or a bit of tough love. I don't think that a lot of J-girls would feel comfortable telling you the nitty gritty stuff that BFFs are supposed to. It's a cultural thing. J-girls with foreign travel experience may be a bit better at it, but culture is a big block for a lot of them. I will never hold back telling you your butt looks big in those jeans or your a bitch before your period....

  4. I wonder about this too....cos next weak MY Scottish best friend is heading back to the Uk to a job...and I am gonna miss I missed the American best friend who left a few years back... two Japanese best friends have both lived abroad and approach life with irony and sarcasm...I think THAT is what makes the difference :-)

  5. Yeah, I miss my English friends sooo much. Sarcasm and humour is a big problem, as is my potty mouth. My best J-friends have either lived abroad or had a lot of Gaijin friends before. They still don't always get my humour though, either that or I'm really just not funny...

  6. My two cents as a visitor to this blog:

    Cultural bridges are not so easy to cross. You can get to "close" status, but to get to "real understanding" and "feel good" status needs a real close cultural bond, I'd say.
    It's not just you and Japan, it could be you and Russia,Indonesia or Zimbabwe.
    Could hardly ever get a good J-friend myself. (I'm from France)

    The other side of the question is: could you become the BFF of a J-girl ?

    Some people have this bit of magic that can break the distance, though, so anything is possible.