Well, Japanese men, we haven't had to have words for a while now, but I think it's time for a chat. I won't dilly-dally around, get straight to the point and say, MAN. THE FUCK. UP.
- When you are in charge of one 2 year old for the day, DO NOT call your wife 15 times in 2 hours, she is working, figure out the problem and solve it!
- DO NOT move the baby seat from the back seat of the car to the front seat because 'I wouldn't be able to reach him if he was in the back!' just do as your wife does every other day and ignore him if he's screaming for something you can't reach.
- DO pick up the toys that 2 year old throws around the room. Quick tip, if you keep picking things up gradually, the house won't look like a Toy story factory has been bombed when your bitchy gaijin wife comes home and gives you a bollocking for failing to pick up ONE toy all day. If the ability to pick up a woody doll and throw him in his box really is that far beyond you, then at least please acknowledge the fact that your wife does this task at least 15 million times a day.
- DO NOT, when your wife finally calls you back to find out if her house is burning down or if 2 year old has ingested buzz light year's jet pack, ask her "So what are you doing?" This may cause bitchy gaijin to self-destruct by stabbing herself in the eye with a pen. Your wife is working, don't ask!
- DO NOT ask if your bitchy wife can possibly leave her place of work to come and help you unload the car, rest assured that your wife does this by herself every other day of the week and manages quite well, no need for back up and special ops team.
- DO NOT sigh and bitch and moan that you're so tired from looking after 2 year old for the day, because you actually have no idea. WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE A BIG TWAT.
Thank you so much for considering these points, looking forward to seeing your progress next month when there is another public holiday for you to be evaluated.
Corinne Vinegar-Arrow. (AKA over-worked bitchy gaijin)