Monday, 10 January 2011

Dear Japanese men,

(Specifically, those who are fathers to small children and have had the misfortune to marry a heinous, gaijin bitch...)

Well, Japanese men, we haven't had to have words for a while now, but I think it's time for a chat. I won't dilly-dally around, get straight to the point and say, MAN. THE FUCK. UP.

  • When you are in charge of one 2 year old for the day, DO NOT call your wife 15 times in 2 hours, she is working, figure out the problem and solve it!
  • DO NOT move the baby seat from the back seat of the car to the front seat because 'I wouldn't be able to reach him if he was in the back!' just do as your wife does every other day and ignore him if he's screaming for something you can't reach.
  • DO pick up the toys that 2 year old throws around the room. Quick tip, if you keep picking things up gradually, the house won't look like a Toy story factory has been bombed when your bitchy gaijin wife comes home and gives you a bollocking for failing to pick up ONE toy all day. If the ability to pick up a woody doll and throw him in his box really is that far beyond you, then at least please acknowledge the fact that your wife does this task at least 15 million times a day.
  • DO NOT, when your wife finally calls you back to find out if her house is burning down or if 2 year old has ingested buzz light year's jet pack, ask her "So what are you doing?" This may cause bitchy gaijin to self-destruct by stabbing herself in the eye with a pen. Your wife is working, don't ask!
  • DO NOT ask if your bitchy wife can possibly leave her place of work to come and help you unload the car, rest assured that your wife does this by herself every other day of the week and manages quite well, no need for back up and special ops team.
  • DO NOT sigh and bitch and moan that you're so tired from looking after 2 year old for the day, because you actually have no idea. WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE A BIG TWAT.

Thank you so much for considering these points, looking forward to seeing your progress next month when there is another public holiday for you to be evaluated.

Sincerely,

Corinne Vinegar-Arrow. (AKA over-worked bitchy gaijin)

8 comments:

  1. Good day, then?!
    And my verification word is "rested". And they say the internet has no sense of humour.

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  2. Ok...box him up and mail him here-I'll lock him in the house with my 5 year old grand-daughter...she is a real cutie IF she wants to be...and a demon when she is cranky....even I give up at times. Send him over...I'll help you fix him.

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  3. Fuck you crack me up. That is perfect.

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  4. tee-hee-hee.

    sometimes i just wanna bitch-slap him into next week. maybe i can deal with him then!

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  5. It's one of the great mysteries of my life.... Hub travels a lot for his job, and I have always dealt with it, even when the kids were tiny and I was working fulltime. But whenever I had to take an extremely rare business trip, we would have to pay for his mother to come up to Tokyo to help him out.

    It's not just Japanese dads - I remember one of my older son's friend's dads (an American executive) took his son to Disneyland, and left his coat on one of the rides. So what did he do? He called his wife! She told him to go to the lost and found, and asked him, "Do you really run an investment bank for a living?!?" Gee, maybe that explains the global financial crisis.

    The thing is, the men are fully competent. The only reason they act like this is people have LET them act like this for years, so....we are doing them a favor, really, by forcing them to man up!

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  6. You know this may have been just a little too vague for the common every day type of guy to comprehend. Or again, maybe not? ;)

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  7. Amen to this! I can't believe "Japanese men" *winkwink* would call to ask their at-work wife "So what are you doing?". Seriously? lol....

    I think when we have kids, I'll come back and find this post if Takeshi ever takes care of them for a day by himself. ;)

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  8. Just another stalker...er, follower here. Have you ever considered reversing the situation? AKA calling him at work: asking him to unload the car, asking him what he could have possibly been doing all day?

    Like you, I'm married a generally sweet Japanese guy, but my guy just doesn't get why my life doesn't revolve around him sometimes. The only thing that finally earned his respect in regards to my career was when I got a promotion and started working longer hours than he did. However, I can't imagine running my own business, doing all the housework AND raising a toddler! You deserve a medal!

    Also, you should write a book! Your style of writing is so funny and relatable, the books would fly off the shelves!

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