is what I have been, twice today, and it's only lunch time. The first was out of in-law anger, and the second was from jogging. I'd much rather the latter, although at least it gives me something to write about now...
So, it was grandma again this morning that pissed me off. I feel bad, cos, you know, there's an unwritten code that you're not supposed to get pissed at old people, it's just in their nature to be annoying and you have to put up with it, but I think it may be the fact that I can't totally express myself as much as I usually would if I was communicating in my first language that I end up getting ticked off. Who knows, anyway, I think I break all kinds of old people codes when I daydream about throwing grandma off the balcony or shoving one of Ash's socks in her mouth...
So this morning, Ash wakes up, starts randomly clapping, what the fuck?
And then when we get downstairs, instantly starts crying, and not just crying, but wailing at the top of his lungs. Fantastic, great start to the day!
He's getting very demanding lately, now he can communicate a little and actually knows what the fuck is going on around him, but I'm trying to teach him to not just cry, but actually communicate on some kind of civil level to get what he wants. Ha! Good luck to me, it's like ramming my head up against a screaming brick wall, but I shall persist anyway.
So he's crying and carrying on, grabs my hand and takes me to the genkan and points at his little blue thongs (which are terribly cute but far too small for him and pinch his toes). I have no idea why he likes them so much, but he does, so I put them on and then he wanted to go outside, fair enough, shoes-outside, I get the connection. So I am willing to go outside with my birds nest hair and panda eyes from yesterday's make-up with the little bastard and what does he do, goes straight to the in-laws house and starts banging on the door. Little fucker! I'd also got his breakfast ready and wanted him to eat it quickly so we could get off to kindy, but there was no getting him to leave the in-laws house.
Now this in itself gives me little pangs of jealousy, that he would rather go to their house than be with us in the morning, but whatever, I'll deal with it. Anyway, get inside and there are lots of good mornings and all that crap going on while Ash climbs up the step to go inside. Now I live in Japan, where the 'no shoes inside' policy is enforced, but to be honest, I never kept my shoes on inside when I was a kid, it was a rule in our house. (much to the shock of Japanese people who think non pure bloods are all savages) So I start taking off his thongs. It was like I was amputating his feet along with them, the way he screamed, seriously. I knew he would carry on but it was really bad, but I do feel that rules are rules (plus his thongs were covered in mud!!) and that he can just deal with it. But noooo, Grandma shoos me away, actually shooed me!!! And says that he can come inside with his muddy thongs on. Fuck off!!!!! No wonder he wants to go to their house, he gets away with fucking murder and thong wearing and stuff. So I made my little protest saying that he would always want to keep the fucking thongs on now but I was shush-ed this time.
Rules seem to be impossible at the moment, because every fucker but me is breaking them. Makes my attempt at parenting very tough. As expected too, when I finally dragged him home to eat breakfast he had a small seizure when I took his thongs off, but I was so pissed at that point that I just threw them in the genkan, told him too bad and distracted him with Mickey mouse. And despite Grandma's way of thinking, he had actually forgotten about the thongs with the Mickey distraction within about a minute and happily ate his breakfast. Maybe I should make a house arrest rule in the morning so Grandma doesn't fuck with my routine, or perhaps the balcony is an easier option afterall...
That sucks that they continue to undermine your authority with your own son. I would totally sit them all down and say something and get DH to back you up. Even more so now that Ash is understanding what is going on around him, he cant have one set of rules for home, and different rules for when he is out (with the in-laws) or at their place. I dont care how old grandma is, I think that they need to be put in their place!ReplyDelete
Our son will be four soon, and he still communicates by crying when he wants something - even if we haven't denied it to him yet!? Despite the little bugger being perfectly capable of speaking in both languages to people who understand both.ReplyDelete
Which of course, makes my life pretty difficult because I have this stupid belief that overindulging kids, especially boys, could have consequences later on in life. I have more or less given up on rules - it seems no matter what discussions I have with my wife or her family, one way or another they are determined to spoil the little emperor. I don't mind as such - I come from a family that did the complete opposite and I know the fucked up consequences that can have on a kid, but still, like you, any basic rules set down for consistency - yeap, everyone else breaks them.
He knows them too - he is pretty damn good kid when only I am around and still has fun, if not more. So there is hope yet. He has started even getting on his mum's nerves though, so its only a matter of time......
Come live at my house.ReplyDelete
Nooh- Thanks, you make me feel like I should be less of a chicken shit! :) Problem is, I rely on them so much to look after Ash, kinda hard to set rules, and they'd probably just accuse me of being a gaijin hitler or something, which is ironic....ReplyDelete
Sigma1- Oh wow, a senpai with the same issue, I bow down! Kids are so perceptive hey, I think they really know who they can wrap around their finger. Good luck!
Sassy- I can now you have air con! Thanks!
I wouldn't worry so much about the different rules. As long as YOU are consistent, that's what matters. Kids can learn that there are different rules in different places and for different people, in fact they have to. 'consistency' means being consistent in your own approach - not letting it go one day and telling him off the next.ReplyDelete
And he doesn't prefer them, you know that! Who does he call for cuddles in the middle of the night?? No-one replaces the mummy, no matter how much baachans try to spoil them!
I agree with everyone. You could always come and live with me as well if Sassy's isn't far enough away! LOL! :-)ReplyDelete
In all seriousness though, this undermining of parental authority that is rife amongst grandparents/ great-grandparents used to drive me fucking insane. :-( My own mother was/is also guilty of it and it has always seemed like the only person who listens to my rules is my Dad!
Rachel also makes a very important point. Kids might act like they prefer anyone apart from Mummy at times but the reality is that Mummy is the first person they always want to be with in times of need and our cuddles will ALWAYS be the best ones!! :-) I have a bad relationship with my Mum but whenever I was sick in Japan (particularly when Joey was a baby and I had mastitis on several occasions) I desperately wanted her to be around which is just proof that we will ALWAYS be the most important person in our sons' lives! :-)
oooh yes... to be honest I would also be too chicken shit to confront the grandma ... because ... she is old. And if you upset her the whole PH balance of the inaka will be destroyed.ReplyDelete
Just grin and bear it if you can (easy for me to say ... Emis great granny and grandad are in fucking Awaji where I don't need to listen to their advice daily...) would you like me to take the grandma off your hands for a few weeks? I believe my husband will be looking for a new waitress soon :D
Em also went through the super mega tantrum stage a few weeks ago too... it is getting better as she speaks more, I think Ash is possibly just frustrated.