I put the smoking deal to him last night (thought I'd try my luck and not mention the blow jobs to begin with) and he laughed at me and said I needed to stop blogging, it was making me think too much. Gee honey, slap my arse and tell me to get back in the kitchen while you're at it! It's still in negotiation stages anyway!
On to more pressing matters, like this...
I found this in the bottom of my crisper (is that what the drawer is called??) and I can safely say I have no idea what it was in it's original form. I'm not too bad with keeping the main body of the fridge respectable, but when it comes to drawers that I rarely open, anything is possible... Could have been garlic...? Fuck, I honestly have no idea, I just sat here for a good 5 minutes squinting at it! Lucky Ryota didn't see it, he would have chucked a wobbly, he gets very narky about bad food in the fridge, yet never feels the urge to clean himself, or if he does huffs and puffs and whinges about it while he's doing it. He hates bad food in the fridge, and hates wasting food, which I'll admit, I'm pretty bad about, I waste way more food than I should.
Which brings me to this morning's little watermelon episode. MIL bought a huge fucking watermelon for some reason. I don't mind it but am not going to eat a whole one, Ryota hates it and the rest of the family aren't that crazy about it either. So when she bought the fucker home I knew we were going to get stuck with a huge chunk that we couldn't eat, and I was right. So last night when Ryota was entranced in looking at surfboards on the Internet (nothing will distract him) I sneakily took the huge chunk out of the fridge and put it in the rubbish ready to go out this morning, I knew Ryota would forget about it so no biggy.
Until this morning, when a little old lady who is a secret member of the rubbish police and otherwise known as Grandma took our rubbish bags from the genkan and offered to put them out with hers. what a sweet old duck, right!? So innocent and nice right!? Wrong. As I was doing my morning wee (hey, we've shared blow job info, what's a wee between friends?) I heard her rummaging through my garbage bag as she discovered the uneaten watermelon. I knew then my cunning plan had failed.
She immediately reported her findings to Ryota who received a 'gaijin gomi no-no' infringement notice and was instructed to give his naughty foreign wife a slap on her chubby wrist. Although Ryota knew not to say too much to me because a) He doesn't eat watermelon so it was partially his fault. b) he knew I would be pissed that our rubbish was being sorted and c) Putting the rubbish out is his job, so it was his lazy arse that should have been doing it, not Grandma. He asked me why I threw it away and I basically just told him the truth; I didn't get a chance to eat it when it was hard (have I still got blow jobs on my mind...?), can't stand papery, soft watermelon. Ewww.
I did forgive Grandma though, she did my rubbish cleaning duties for me when I went to work, because I, as usual, forgot. And to be honest, I think Grandma called MIL (her daughter) a twat in the beginning for buying such a big watermelon.
Anyone gone through your rubbish lately? Stolen your knickers perhaps? If only your life was as exciting as mine...