Tuesday 13 July 2010


for the advice on the surfboard/smoking/blow job dilemma. Oooo that sounds bad for any first time readers...

I put the smoking deal to him last night (thought I'd try my luck and not mention the blow jobs to begin with) and he laughed at me and said I needed to stop blogging, it was making me think too much. Gee honey, slap my arse and tell me to get back in the kitchen while you're at it! It's still in negotiation stages anyway!

On to more pressing matters, like this...

I found this in the bottom of my crisper (is that what the drawer is called??) and I can safely say I have no idea what it was in it's original form. I'm not too bad with keeping the main body of the fridge respectable, but when it comes to drawers that I rarely open, anything is possible... Could have been garlic...? Fuck, I honestly have no idea, I just sat here for a good 5 minutes squinting at it! Lucky Ryota didn't see it, he would have chucked a wobbly, he gets very narky about bad food in the fridge, yet never feels the urge to clean himself, or if he does huffs and puffs and whinges about it while he's doing it. He hates bad food in the fridge, and hates wasting food, which I'll admit, I'm pretty bad about, I waste way more food than I should.

Which brings me to this morning's little watermelon episode. MIL bought a huge fucking watermelon for some reason. I don't mind it but am not going to eat a whole one, Ryota hates it and the rest of the family aren't that crazy about it either. So when she bought the fucker home I knew we were going to get stuck with a huge chunk that we couldn't eat, and I was right. So last night when Ryota was entranced in looking at surfboards on the Internet (nothing will distract him) I sneakily took the huge chunk out of the fridge and put it in the rubbish ready to go out this morning, I knew Ryota would forget about it so no biggy.

Until this morning, when a little old lady who is a secret member of the rubbish police and otherwise known as Grandma took our rubbish bags from the genkan and offered to put them out with hers. what a sweet old duck, right!? So innocent and nice right!? Wrong. As I was doing my morning wee (hey, we've shared blow job info, what's a wee between friends?) I heard her rummaging through my garbage bag as she discovered the uneaten watermelon. I knew then my cunning plan had failed.

She immediately reported her findings to Ryota who received a 'gaijin gomi no-no' infringement notice and was instructed to give his naughty foreign wife a slap on her chubby wrist. Although Ryota knew not to say too much to me because a) He doesn't eat watermelon so it was partially his fault. b) he knew I would be pissed that our rubbish was being sorted and c) Putting the rubbish out is his job, so it was his lazy arse that should have been doing it, not Grandma. He asked me why I threw it away and I basically just told him the truth; I didn't get a chance to eat it when it was hard (have I still got blow jobs on my mind...?), can't stand papery, soft watermelon. Ewww.

I did forgive Grandma though, she did my rubbish cleaning duties for me when I went to work, because I, as usual, forgot. And to be honest, I think Grandma called MIL (her daughter) a twat in the beginning for buying such a big watermelon.

Anyone gone through your rubbish lately? Stolen your knickers perhaps? If only your life was as exciting as mine...


  1. only ferrets go through my gomi! LOL

    that pic looks like a kaki. that's an autumn fruit. is that it?? why is it shiny?? LOL yeah, i waste a lot of food, too. been working on that for a long time, but having small kids makes that difficult!

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  3. Bugger...I deleted my previous comment...I'd vote for kaki too. Now the cage has gone up only the rubbish police go through and put the garbage sticker of shame on things instead of the freakishly huge crows. I saw them there late night last week, with torches and clipboards. As the only whitey in my apartment I'm sure my presence was noted on the clipboard....
    I waste food and I'm single, work outings get in the way of my cooking during the week...

  4. Another food waster - surprisingly I don't eat it all. Granny K gives us random shit -mainly cucumber pickles lately, which hub has never liked and which I would eat if they were set out in front of me with dinner but I tend to pick while feeding the kids. I like it when I finish a box of washing powder as I can fill the box with fridge leftovers and noone will know. wahoo.

  5. Watermelon is the worst, you can't keep it for later or even freeze it.

  6. That kind of thing sooo should have happened to be by now, me whose mantra is "when it doubt, put it with the burnables". Is metal burnable!?! This is why I live in a cruel and anonymous big city! I assume you're paraphrasing but that would be totally cool if grandma used the word twat!

  7. Haha, just for that snarky little comment about thinking too much, I'd say no to him about the surfboard, but that's because I am a mean and vindictive bitch who doesn't care to have my intelligence insulted. :P Constant vigilance! Don't give in :P That's a shitload of cash he wants to spend on something he doesn't need that could otherwise be used for family expenses. I really don't think it's too much to ask him to quit. Alternatively you could tell if he wants the surfboard he has to quit smoking and use the money he saves from not buying cigarettes. When my husband calculated how much he would save if he quit, he stopped that day. (And guess what he spends his saved money on: watches! That's okay, I'll live with it if it means he doesn't smell like an ashtray.)

    And ditto on the food thing. I'm really bad about that too. I get all these grand ideas about making amazing meals and then I get too lazy to do it. Inevitably the food rots and has to be tossed. *sigh* one of these days I'll learn to be less ambitious. And learn to like leftovers.

    I'm not looking forward to the garbage police when I move to Japan. Ugh.

  8. I have always been a terrible foodwaster as well. So much so that I have now stopped grocery shopping and we eat dinner at my parents' house every night. :-) I then only buy food for our packed lunches and breakfast and pick things up as I need them to/from work. It has definitely cut down on the amount of food waste but means my fridge is VERY embarassing if people come for impromptu visits!
    I never had to worry about the garbage police when I lived in Kags but I have heard some ridiculous stories. I am very glad I never had a GMIL around to go through my rubbish- what a nightmare!!

  9. Ahhh refrigerator experiments were a staple in my house; the ol' gather round and try to work out what's in the old margerine tub repurposed as tupperware. Those were the good old days when family entertainment was cheap...