Can I just say, before I get on to the MASSIVE blow out Ryochan and I had last night, that sweaty ears make me really angry. Does anyone else get sweaty ears?? Not around the ear, not outside the ear, like, actually IN the inside of you ear?? Went for a run this morning and my ear phones kept slipping out due to this problem, then when I finally got them wedged back in I could hear the squelchy sweaty sound over my music. Is there any way I can avoid this!? I ended up wiping out my ears and earphones with my top in the end, must have looked pretty funny though, some random gaijin flashing some tit in order to wipe out her ears...
Anyway, I can safely say that last night was the most angry I've EVER been at Ryota and the loudest I've ever shouted while I've been in Japan. It was kind of good though, it was a short and sweet blow out (followed by a nice make-up international relations meeting!) so we're totally over it, but I think Ryota was just shocked at how angry I actually got.
Basically, it started from what I wrote yesterday, that Ryota and I are definitely going to disagree on the disciplining Ash issue.
We were eating cheesecake at the in-laws house and Ash was taking his fork and running around and tripping over things. Now, I wasn't even that concerned with the food all over the floor thing (hehe not my carpet!) and even the running was OK with me, but running with a fork just brings back memories of my 6th grade primary school teacher telling horror stories of kids running with long, sharp objects and that long, sharp object going through the kid's brain. Probably a total lie, but still, common sense says running with a fork is not going to end well. So I tried to get Ash to sit down and eat, when he refused and it was clear he just wanted to run around, I took the fork off him. Off course screaming and big tanty followed. I ignored it and intended to ignore it until he got over it. This is where Ryota challenged me. He was all "Ohhh he doesn't understand, just give it to him he's being so noisy!" It pissed me right off and I calmly explained to Ryota that a) Ash understands much more than Ryota thinks, b) the dangers of running with a fork and c) he needs to man the fuck up and support his wife.
Ryota sulked for a while before Ash went crying to him with fork in hand, now this is where I got really fucking furious. Ryota grabbed the fork off him, threw it into the kitchen (a pretty far distance) and yelled at Ash that he couldn't have it. Childish much!? He was clearly doing it to make a point to me but Ash was really scared, fuck we all were, he used a really angry voice.
This is the point where I went off, the whole house went silent as I ripped into Ryota with an angry voice I never knew I had in me. Maybe it was my maternal instincts taking over, but I was quite scary. I basically told Ryota to grow the fuck up and that it was the stupidest thing he has ever done. It's actually really hard to explain the tone of voice I used but it was the kind of tone where everyone knows you're not fucking around. It didn't help matters that Grandma had retrieved the fucking fork and given it back to Ash but that was beside the point by then... I stormed out of the house slamming doors behind me leaving Ryota with a a gobsmacked look on his face.
Not long after Ryota followed me home and said sorry for being childish, at least he knew he was being a twat. And then we actually communicated like good parents should! I explained the reasons for wanting to be more strict with Ash and he told me why he wanted to be more lenient with him. We agreed that it is definitely a 'parenting cultural difference' and that we would both try and meet more in the middle and support each other. He did have a big go at me for yelling at him in front of his family (chonan pride coming in there) but fuck it, it'll do him good to be brought down a few notches.
Props to MIL, she was actually supporting me in the no fork running thing, and congratulated me later for standing my ground against Ryota.
All was good though, we talked, apologised, got over it and shagged- now that's good parenting!
Good for you for standing up on the issue, better now then later after many other times you ignored until it finally became uncontrollable.ReplyDelete
What were his reasoning for wanting to be lenient on Ash? I am interested on how Japanese guys think in that respect. I know not the same situation but my husband is similar with our dog and I already see issues developing when we have kids.
Hub has done that kind of thing before - doing something stupid to make a point about something I had said. Twists the whole thing around and winds me up no end. Glad you ended on a good note but. Wink wink, nudge nudge.ReplyDelete
Is it not common sense in this country that running with sharp objects is a no-no? Bloody yay you for ripping into Ryota for being a twat. Some things are obviously not ok for kids to do. If grandma is going to give Ash the fork back,why not give him a knife or scissors and let him run around? Better than him having a tanty. Sheesh people. The gaijin is the only one in the room with common sense. Glad you guys had a good chat about it. Hope you can come to an agreement on the whole discipline thing. I'm also interested in hearing what Ryota had to say to explain his point of view.ReplyDelete
Danielle- Hi! haha, I've been trying to read your blog but when I want to read more it keeps stuffing up :( Quite possibly my bimbo-ness or my computer..ReplyDelete
I think a dog is a good indication of how it will be! I should've gotten a pet before getting knocked up!
His reasoning was: Ash doesn't understand yet so there's no point disciplining him, and then when I challenged that even if that was true, running with a sharp object is still dangerous he said a fork was unlikely to cause much damage. Fair enough it was plastic, but it was adult sized and that hard sharp plastic, not the bendy baby-type plastic!
GW- Aren't hubs bastards sometimes!? That was how it ended up, I was way angrier at Ryota's behaviour than Ash's!!
Sassy- Thanks! Nice to know I'm not the only one!! I remember what I said to Ryota now, I was like "Do I have to teach you before I can teach Ash!!!" in a Jo frost times 100 type voice. Maybe I should make a naughty room for Ryota...
As a precursor ... arn't sweaty ears really weird?! Little bit TMI but the backs of my ears get really sweaty and gross in the summer.ReplyDelete
Well done to you for losing the plot - sometimes I think these hubs need it. Well done to both of you for speaking about it and shagging and making up in a rational sense. Reading about it made me cry a little bit... Its just so... functional.
But your right though, you have to set the boundaries or you (and ONLY you) are going to be the one held responsible if ash is turns into a mini-yankee and running around stabbing everyone. It would be all YOUR fault then ... Mums know their kids best. Ignore the Kawaiisous and just do your thing! :D
Plus good on you for yelling at him in front of the family too!!!!! Yea he was embarrased, but scaring the shit out of them occasionally is never a bad thing.
Good for you for standing your ground, since everyone seems to gang up on you every time you voice something, prob the only way they will listen.ReplyDelete
As for Ryota thinking Ash doesn`t understand, yeah true, but by repetitive action(you saying no) he is learning the basic idea that is it not good. That is the main thing-Miss A does the same thing but we`ve gotten to the point when I can just ask for it back (most of the time)..but then I don`t have other family members oblitering what I am trying to teach..hang in there!
First on the sweaty ears: my earbuds slip out all the time at the gym from the lovely rivulets of sweat that run into my ears. It's gotten pretty annoying so my only idea is to buy a set of earphones that have the loop over the ear thing going on.ReplyDelete
Second, you are amazing. I would think running with sharp objects would transcend cultural boundaries!! It's not like you took away a blow up hammer or something. Props to you as always!
I get sweaty ears too. :-)ReplyDelete
As for running with sharp objects, as someone whose son ended up in hospital after some idiot (the plumber who was working on my parents' boiler) let him get hold of a screwdriver which he was wondering around with when he fell over and it went right up his nose (flinching as I type this) take it from me, your teacher wasn't bullshitting!! ;-) (Just in case you had any doubts.) To this day I think Joey's guardian angel was looking down on him as it could have ended up SO much worse. The screwdriver didn't make it all the way to his brain and didn't embed (thank god) and there appears to be no permanent damage but another inch/stronger impact and he could have been severely brain damaged/dead. On the bright side I have never had to discipline him about running around with sharp pointed objects as he was 3 at the time but still remembers the pain very clearly!!
Not quite sure why R would feel the need to allow his son to run around with a fork but I am glad that you stuck your ground. I used to get VERY angry with D when he used to show his temper in front of Joey and like you I was often surprised by the angry voices that would find their way out of my body!! :-) I guess it is the "momma bear" thing where the protective instinct kicks in and nothing else matters!!