Thursday 11 June 2015

People in glass houses

Shouldn't throw Grandmas. Or small boys. Or anything for that matter...

I never actually realised how much glass there is in old Japanese houses but when you break it down, genkan door, sliding doors, plus all the usual back door and window fuckery.

So last week was just bad when it came to glass, first of all, after being pissed at Grandma over the whole homework thing, I wasn't not talking to her, but I wasn't making my usual small talk. I was happily relaxing at home when I heard a huge crash and glass shattering, I instantly thought a kitchen cabinet had collapsed at Grandmas house and flew up (as fast as a chubby white girl can move anyway, so really not flew but more stomped awkwardly) to see what had happened. Of course Ryota flicked his eyes up once from whatever ridiculous thing he was looking at on the computer and then went back to it despite pretty much all his surviving family members being at Grandma's house. So I get outside and do the two steps to Grandma's front door and see Grandma in a heap on the genkan floor in a bed of chunky glass that had smashed as she crashed through the door. Apparently she'd slipped trying to get up the step and had fallen backwards. Being 87 and all she had no time for balancing and went down into the door, poor old thing. In true Grandma style though she got up and walked away broken bone free and nothing but a little scratch from some glass. So bottom line- the door is fucked, Grandma is fine!

So a few days later I was at work, just finishing up a kids lesson when a happy little 7 year old shouted "Bye Bye Corinne Sensei!!!" and ran to go out the door, would have been fine, only he missed the handle and went straight through the glass door of the school. Fuuuuuucccckkkk. He stood on the other side, his face as white as mine and I thought we'd got out of it unscathed until I looked down to see a massive chunk of glass embedded in his wrist. I'm not too bad with blood, but holy fuck it started pissing out everywhere and I could see some funky shit at the bottom of his cut, it was white and not normal so I sat him down, remembered my American soap watching first aid skills and wrapped a hanky around the cut. Called Ryota AKA Mr Calm in an emergency and then called an ambulance. Now I get fucking nervous on the phone in Japanese when I'm ordering a pizza, so trying to get an ambulance was a whole new level of panic for me, I managed somehow though and after an eternity the little men came in their little ambulance and took the poor kid to hospital. 10 stitches and a new door later and we're sweet again but fuck me, I'm thinking of blocking off all glass, it's just not worth the hassle!

Tuesday 26 May 2015

Fuck it!

Scrap the moving, I thought a new place would help me get bloggy motivated but it just ain't happening. Why? Because I'm err, terribly busy (read lazy).

But in all honesty, my life is just too... good? Boring? for blogging anymore. Nobody wants to read about some chubby gaijin in Japan who spends her days working, cooking, cleaning, doing homework with their kid. Rinse repeat every fucking day of the week. But I do miss using my brain, the whole rinse repeat routine is seriously sending me even more into the depths of bimbo-ness than I already was, and I didn't even think that was possible!

So writing, even about the mundane, and occasionally the juicy, is my new-June resolution. Fucking hate May, I'm declaring May the new end of year. June shall be my new start- blogging! Running! Perfect mothering! Ok, I'll be realistic and just stick with more blogging.

An update... Ryota is splitting his time between his landscaping business and being a stay-at-home Daddy. Of course this totally throws the balance of shit out because we're all fucking cave people who can't shake the 'man work- woman stay home' even when it makes total financial sense and saves the sanity of all involved. His male pride seems to take a fair beating every few weeks, as does my maternal instincts and mother's guilt. But despite the hiccups, it is actually working. With the balance thrown off it actually stops us trying to "out-tire" each other, our roles are so different there's just no comparison anymore. Plus I'm finally learning that if your husband says "Fuck me I'm shattered!" Rather than reminding him that 'I am, also, totally fucking, cunting, WAY more shattered than you!!' It's best to give a sympathetic smile and thank him for working so hard. The peace is kept, and sometimes that's all you need.

I'm currently fighting with Great-grandma, I know, she's 87, I shouldn't engage the old thing, she might up and die on us and then I'd feel totally fucking guilty, and that would just be annoying! But really, she assured me that her or dog-fucker (who still lazes around the house all day AT 30 by the way) would be able to help Ash do his homework on days when Ryota and I were both at work, which considering we're normal functioning humans is pretty much every day. So the other day I see Ash fly by the school on  his bike and knew it was way too early for him to be finished homework and came home to discover Grandma had told him he didn't have to do it. I was PISSED. Not that I give a fuck about homework, but we made a rule and there needs to be some consistency or the little bugger will never listen to me. So I yelled at Ash and told him not to listen to Grandma. She then flies in with apron flapping and tells me not to blame other people because I should be there to teach him. Ahhh, first of all, fuck off grandma! And second, it's fine if she can't teach him but the only reason I pulled him out of after school care was because she explicitly said she'd make sure he did his homework.

Anyway, like I said, not going to give her the silent treatment because who knows how long she will be around but apparently dog-fucker heard the whole exchange and is now pissed at me. She was due for a psychotic episode soon so I guess I should wait for the sparks to fly there.

Right, off to do the most exciting thing of my day- walk to the bus stop to pick Ash up from swimming! Aiming for writing only, didn't say it would be that good or exciting!

Thursday 8 January 2015


Anyone still checking back in here and being bitterly disappointed with my lack of bitter writing, sorry! I'm going to attempt blogging again because I think my brain is turning into something resembling my two-year old's dinner.

Let's Japan