Friday 30 October 2009


Almost didn't make my Friday deadline!

We had a mother reading blog incident the other day which resulted in a fight but fuck it, anything I write here is usually said in the open anyway, still, might have to make a wordpress move and start protecting my arse, literally!

Looking forward to the next few days; birthday party, meeting up with friends I don't see often enough, my birthday and then mum going home.... Err, I mean, I love you mum, you mean the world to me..... Yup, definitely got to get me some wordpress action...

Time none. Photos.

My psycho BIL, he has until tomorrow to get a job and then MIL claims she'll throw him out, seeing as though he's at a club it's unlikely he'll get a job before then... Let's see if MIL will go through with it!

hehe Old school. Playing badminton to pass the time when I was a week overdue, gave birth the next day!

Emily, Liss and Kylan. I hope they don't mind me putting their piccies up!

Possibly the best photo ever.... Dad was pretending to hit mum on the head to pose for the photo but ended up smacking her with the maracas by accident, it was taken at the precise moment skull met maraca.

A passion fruit vine in my sister's backyard.

Monday 26 October 2009

It's been awhile, but rant away I will....

See Japan, I go away and I miss you, and then I come back and you just piss me right back off again!
And this rant is a double-edged...No, no, a Multi-faceted* one! It involves Japan and mother ranting, along with a few other husband and random whining... Aren't you lucky for clicking on here today!

OK, let's get the Japan rant out of the way, or at least the 20 something-year-old twat who works part time at the Indian place at the outlet centre in Kobe rant, anyway.
Went outlet shopping yesterday and went for lunch in the food court thingy, should have known that Indian food from a food court would be shit house but the crap food was actually beside the point in the end...
Fair enough, I understand that 2 blond women must be very threatening in the sea of black hair, one of them a sixty something woman in heels and the other in her 20's with a slightly over sized halfu baby on her hip, scary, I know, I know.
But this giggling little dickhead actually backed away from me as I went to order my curry, like she physically moved steps back, giggled, and said "I'm scared I can't talk to her!!" Now this was before I'd started ordering so fair enough, she thought I was going to start barking at her in English, but even after I started speaking in Japanese, this is how it went:

Me: (Slightly amused at her sheer terror at this point so smiling) errr.... 2 curry nan sets and some samosas please.

Giggling twat girl: No, hee hee I hehe can't hee do hehe it!

Me: .................. (pointing and repeating my order)

GTG: Ok, wait, ummm say it again!

Me: (Repeating the order yet again) So what curry can we choose from for the set?

GTG: Oh god, what is she asking??? Say it again???

Me: (Pointing and rephrasing) WHICH. CURRY. DO. I. CHOOOOOOOSSSSEEEEEEE?????

You get the point.
Now again, I don't claim to speak Japanese perfectly, but I either say it when I know it's right, or I get someone to help me. I don't just fumble with no idea of what I'm saying. And I'm not a bad mimic, so I don't think my accent could really be that bad, I've never broken out any "Yeh, Arree giiito mate!" or anything like that.
When I worked in a clothes shop in Aussie, we used to get old ladies who spoke 0 English all the time, but you don't fucking panic and run away, you just guess what they're saying and wing it! It still annoys the shit out of me that no matter how much I study and practice and try, there are always people who make me feel like I should just not bother at all and yell at them in English.

OK, next. I can't write too much because she's sitting right next to me, but my mum is soooooo closed minded? rigid?? I don't know the right word, but she won't try anything and is acting like a big fucking baby!
At the food court yesterday, she doesn't like Indian and was all like "I just want a sandwich and some chips!" Ummm helllllooooooooooooo you can have that shite any day in "The Fat factory," as Ryota calls Australia, you're in Japan, go nuts and have some fucking noodles, it won't kill you!!!
She was the same with the sushi party, prawn and tuna only. It just pisses me off that she won't even try.

The stress of an extra person is getting to all of us I think, I can't clean so I get stroppy (never thought I'd be saying that but it's true!) Ryota can't fart in the open and is watching what he does so it's just extra tension in general...

OK, better stop moaning before I get all worked up again. I'm loving the rain and colder weather, sleeping so well! Apart from screaming 9 month old attached to boob....

*Multi-faceted has been stolen from a hair dye packet, so sue me loreal!

Friday 23 October 2009

Fifteen million foto thank fuck it's Friday

God blogging is becoming almost impossible!
I've been trying to get back into bento making and washing and stuff but it's hard to get motivated for some reason (maybe because it's the most under-appreciated, mind-numbing work possible??).
Also, with mum here, blog bitching about her is proving difficult with her looking over my shoulder all the time! haha, no mum isn't that bad, we have our differences and she annoys the shit out of me with her cat shagging around but I do love her and she is a very good mum to me. It's much better now we're back in Japan too, on my turf, where I can control how late (or not late) we are.

Finally getting round to uploading Australia photos, not so interesting but photos all the same.

In other news, in a fit of 'I haven't seen you 3 weeks' passion the other night Ryota and I, err... went for it with no baby blockey... Fuck me, now I'm going to be worried until I know for sure I'm not knocked up. Actually, now I think about it, it was less a fit of wild passion and more a fit of 'Fuck, my mum is in the next a Japanese house where every noise is heard times about 20 fucking thousand and the condom wrapper would be soooooo obvious.' 3 of my friends have all gotten preggers when their babies were about 6 months old, and even though there are benefits, I'm not ready for that shit. After relaying these concerns to Ryota he said he wanted another one and he would look after Ash. Yeh right! Silly boy.

OK, mum is out of the shower and I'm trying to hide the fact that I write a blog from her so I'll leave it there...

My 2 best friends and Ashy bear at BBQ.

Kylan and I.

Ash and my ex's mum... Yup that's another complicated story for another day...

The wild parrots that come to our balcony everyday and a very bemused Ash. "Nature!? Huh??"

My friend Vi, Ash, her new little girl Eva and I. She's soooooo tiny!!!

Ash givin Aunty Missy the thumbs up!

Gettin into the dishwasher.

Grandad and Ash ready for bed.

More of the two wild lizardy things that come to our garden next to the statue.

Family dinner.

Cheeky monkey.


Typical dopey Ash shot.

My sister, shortly after being smacked in the head by mum.

Tuesday 20 October 2009


Well, we made it back to Japan!

Just a tip, never fly Jetstar, they suck balls.
We booked a bassinet when we booked the flight, double confirmed that booking AND made sure we got to the check-in counter as it opened at 5 fucking thirty in the morning, and we still got stuck with a seat with no bassinet. Fuckers!
We made it anyway, although my tits feel like deflated balloons with all the breastfeeding I was doing to shut Ash up. We were also surrounded by a Japanese school group who had been in Aussie, which is fine, J school kids are much better behaved than Aussie school kids who would have been kicking seats/each other/ flight attendants and planting bombs in the toilets, but still, the choruses of "MAJI DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???!!!!!" and "KAWAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!" were a bit much after 1 hour sleep the night before and the prospect of another 9 hours on the plane.

Feels very nice to be home, we're having a sushi welcome party tonight with the in-laws and Ryochan even surfaced cleaned the house, (despite me finding a whole heap of crap on the balcony and behind a screen) and labelled the shampoo and conditioner bottles for my mum, how cute!! ❤

Will post lots of photos from Australia when I can be arsed and get my mum being a model grandma and looking after Ash while I waste time on the internet...

Sunday 11 October 2009

Wedding blues

This post will try to be more of a reflective one rather than a whingy one... I feel my British roots are showing a bit too much lately and all I'm doing is moaning. Perhaps it's all the rain and gloomy weather that there's been lately, turning me into a whinging pom!

Ash is doing much much better, and he has learnt to wave and clap in the space of a few days! (bored grandparents that won't change a fucking nappy but will wave like a spastic at the baby for hours!?)
He's back to his smiley, giggly, devious old self again which makes me very happy. And how Japanese is he, we've dismantled the cot and he now sleeps on a few blankies on the floor, much to my mum's dismay and disbelief. He does still want to sneak into bed with me in the middle of the night, not only in bed but under my arm and nuzzle in. (I secretly love it despite stiff neck and fear of squashage)

My BFF came over yesterday and showed me her beautiful diamond and shared her romantic engagement proposal news; deserted beach in Hawaii, one-knee and all that jazz. I am very happy for her but it got me thinking of the lack of romance in my life. It's not Ryota's fault, fuck, he's Japanese, romance just isn't as big in Japan, I get that. But it feels like we have no... spark?? anymore. I say anymore, we never really did...
I'm going to be bridesmaid at my friends wedding, which is exciting and I hope I don't get preggers this time! (My other best friend asked me to be bridesmaid and I ended up giving birth a few days before the wedding!!)

Another thing that is making me crave romance is the public displays of affection here. Japan is very tame when it comes to public touching/kissing/canoodling and to be honest I'm not sure which side of the fence I sit on with this one. I really don't need to see Shazza sticking her tongue down Dazza's throat and grabbing his stiffy through his shorts, but I went for a jog along the beach today and there was some nice tasteful lovey dovey shit going on and it made me smile. Ryota and I rarely hold hands in public, of course, that's because our hands are usually full of nappies/dummies/toys etc. But we never did it much even pre-baby. We never kiss on the lips in public and never in front of his family, we do cheek kisses and hugs and that's about it.

Anyway, back to wedding happy as I am for my besty, and I really am, I'm kinda glad I won't be here to plan the wedding with her, isn't that horrible!! But it would just remind me of my fairytale wedding I had planned in my head since I was 12 that I never got and will never have. I watched 'The wedding of Trista and Ryan' today, you know that bachelorette show that used to be on?? The wedding cost 4 million US which is ridiculous, and the choice of flowers and some of the stuff made me want to vomit, but there was that princess part of me that usually gets buried very deep that did a big sigh and little daydream about dresses and diamonds and cakes and flowers...

I'll get over it, if I really think about it, I'd much rather spend the money on a house or an overseas holiday.... But the dress and the table settings.... haha, I have a tom boy/princess war that frequently battles in my head!

I wonder about other couples and the public display/ romance level, am I being too girly and weird?? I'd say the answer is very likely, to be yes...

Friday 9 October 2009

Well fuck me, I miss Japan!

You know, every time I leave Australia, I think, man, I love the beach, the open spaces, seeing my friends and family.... But when I'm here, I just know why I don't live here anymore, and more importantly, why I live in Japan...

My family are driving me just a teeny bit nuts, Ash was being a little shite to begin with but he's a lot better now, but still I'm having to do EVERYTHING for him. I guess I'm used to my MIL, who will just take over all duties for me when she looks after him, but my family has not changed his nappy once, (and there's been LOTS of shitty changes due to fucking awful Australian baby food, cheese pasta for an 8 month old!?) they rarely bother with feeding him and can't put him to bed.
I'm so fucking worn out and I know every cunt in Japan is going to be all "Ohhhh you must be sooo relaxed after a holiday in Australia with your mum to look after the baby!!!" When actually, I can't wait to get back, just for a bit of peace. He doesn't sleep well here, it's cold, my family aren't helping me, we're all sick, I've left the house maybe twice.... So yup, cunting holiday it is!

I had to laugh at all the typhoon hype in Japan, Ryota was saying how big it was going to be and my prediction of a bit of a windy day came true, for Osaka at least. I'm sure it was bad in some part of Japan but I'm guessing the storms here were worse than what they got at our house.

Sorry I haven't been commenting much on anyone's blogs, am holing Ash and typing one handed right now, just haven't had the time. One up side is we've really bonded (could be good or bad) and if he's crying, a mummy cuddle is all he needs to fix it now.

Planning to go back to work from November and can't wait to use the old noggin again, am also looking forward to wearing actual clothes and make-up again as opposed to the recent dowdy mummy attire.

Only 10 days left and I'm home, horrible to say but I can't fucking wait!!!

5 reasons I don't want to live here anymore-

1) Drivers are rude, arrogant, inconsiderate twats.

2) Most kids/teens are so fucking feral and rude.

3) Nothing is efficient.

4) Can't eat udon as a back-up meal any day of the week.

5) Shops close at 5 o fucking clock.

Wednesday 7 October 2009

Better, much freakin better!

I'm so so happy to report that Ashton is much better and that was the reason he was clingy, I thought it was strange, he's never been clingy before!
He's also bonded with my mum and dad, which is good because in the beginning they seemed to be not interested in him because he was crying all the time and were bonding more with our friend's dog than with him!!!
I guess I'm just used to the Japanese in-laws who really take over Ash wherever we are, but the whole western philosophy of "let the mum take care of her own baby" was a bit hard to get used to again!

I even got out for a run along the beach this morning (even though I had fucking icicles dripping off my nose!!!!), Australia has no winter my arse it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey! Uh oh, been around dad too long and am starting to pick up his sayings...

My mum frustrates me sooooo much, as much as I really do love her she annoys the shit out of me, and my dad seems to emanate tension wherever he goes but despite that I do love them and am starting to warm up to the fact that I'm back. The food here is atrocious, as in tastes awesome but I can feel the fat starting to pile on already. I've already had fish and chips twice, red rooster, a pie, twisties, cadbury's.... I need some bland, boring J-food to even me out!! Still running though so I'll use that excuse...

Sorry, incredibly boring stuff but not being doing much. I can't stand Aussie people, they're just so feral. Look at me being all snobby!!! But honestly, I'm missing the para-para girls and boys, at least they don't walk around with their bellies hanging out yelling "Oi fuck off Robbo ya poofta!!!"
haha, Or maybe they do, but it"s lost in a keigo translation whirlwind....

Catching up with my good mate tomorrow night so that should be fun, looking forward to buying some clothes that don't resemble midget gypsies as well!

Sunday 4 October 2009

Holday from hell.

Can I just say, this is the worst fucking 'holiday' I've ever been on. And what makes it worse, is I can't really blame anyone for it being so shit. I'm thinking of bringing my return date forward it's that bad.

Ashton has just gone from 0 clinginess factor, to 1,000,000. Like he cries the instant I'm not there, and won't stop. I feel like a single mother. He won't sleep in the cot, he won't be held by anyone else. Bugger!!!!

OK, it's now 2 hours later and I feel bad for saying he's been a clingy little bastard.... Went to the doc and turns out he has a really bad ear infection and his cold has gotten much worse.

Fucking J-medicine!!! He was on medicine he got in Japan for 2 weeks and it has obviously done nothing for him. I've now got antibiotics, ear drops, eye drops and children's panadol, so hopefully I can drug him up and he'll start to feel better. The Doc said it's normal for kids to be extra clingy when they have pain, they need comfort. I feel so bad now!!!

As predicted, photos are proving too much for the rock and stones that resemble my parents' computer, so don't think I'll be able to get any up until I can scam sisters laptop for a bit.

Hope all is well in Japan!!

Friday 2 October 2009

Hello from the land of meat pies, thongs and skanky hoes with bellies hanging out.

We made it to Aussie... just.

Ash was quite good on the plane and I ended up crying more than him!
The flight from Osaka to Gold coast was good, didn't sleep and Ash didn't fit in the bassinet but he slept pretty well on my lap and we had a fair bit of leg room and a spare seat next to us. The fun started when we got to the Gold coast, AKA the shittiest hole of an airport ever!!!!
I had to get my luggage and check-in at the domestic counter so as I was waiting in a line as long as the Tokyo krispy kreme to go through customs with a suitcase, baby bag, baby and handbag the tears just started and wouldn't fucking stop, they turned into shoulder wobbles and eventually I was just a sweaty, teary mess.
Had a blow out at the customs dude and the jetstar chick who wanted me to lug my suitcase for 2 hours before checking-in, stupid twat. Anyway, after many tears and bitterness at the fact that no bastard was willing to help me, (although did feel quite nostalgic like I was in Japan) I made it to Sydney airport and was met by my mum and sister. And it was great. Until the car broke down...

Yes the radiator shat itself while we were still in Sydney (my house is about an hour away) and I was sooo rooted that I didn't even have the energy to cry. Luckily we made it home with a few stops to cool the engine but we were travelling for about 25 hours straight. The shower at home was the best feeling in the world.

Pretty settled now although Ash is being a right little bugger not wanting anyone but me. Doesn't he get it that the reason I came home was to palm him off on to other people for 3 weeks!?

Will post more soon but mum and ad's computer is still in the dark ages and not sure if I can post photos... Will try tomorrow!