Saturday 26 January 2013

Men and MIL

I'm currently watching every episode of the HBO series 'Six feet under'. If you didn't watch it I suggest you do, I don't like TV that much but I loved Six feet under. I love the characters, the weirdness, the thought-provoking shit, the creepiness and the rawness. It's a little dangerous though, watching it makes me kind of not give a fuck about things, which is even more dangerous somewhere like Japan where randomness and not giving a fuck-ness can see you branded a weirdo for life. Meh, I'll never fit in anyway I guess!

But this post isn't about me going mental and doing random shit, it's about my poor MIL. My mother-in-law is the one person out of my in-laws who I can not only tolerate, but love very much and depend on a great deal. She's awesome in so many ways and it really makes me sad that she's been with so many cuntish men in her life, but then again from what I can tell most men are cunts at some point in their lives (whether they admit to it or not) so her chances were pretty high.

Let's re-cap her man list:

Ryota's dad- Nice enough but slut of the century and general arse when he wants to be

Mr R- Ripped her off of a massive amount of money then dumped her.

Mr S- Was married and flat out told her they could be lovers but he would never be able to leave his wife because she'd clean him out.

And then we have Mr N. The most recent boyfriend and generally a nice guy, but he's depressed and got so many mental issues going on it was just doomed from the beginning.
So they met about 5 years ago and were dating for about 2 years, he lives about 3 hours from us so they were doing semi-long distance because his elderly father lived with him and we have Grandma with us. When I married Ryota they were still dating and he actually gave me a pretty massive cash present to get the school started (he's pretty loaded, not that that takes away the kindness of the gesture at all, just sayin'...). He seems completely normal to the untrained eye, but actually he was very jealous and weird about travelling. He doesn't like travelling and he didn't want MIL to go anywhere overseas, he wanted her to go with him on trips around Japan. Why I'm not sure but that's just the way it was.

So after he gave me a wad of cash they pretty much split up straight away, because he was going through depression and didn't want to burden anyone and cut off all contact. But MIL rarely saw him anyway and to be honest I think she was kind of glad. Fast-forward 3 years and I was literally in the middle of giving birth to Bailey, when I asked her for some gossip to take my mind of the pain and she comes out with, "Well actually, I think N and I are getting back together... and getting married.." This was a total fucking shock because I hadn't heard his name for so long but apparently they had been talking and he was on depression meds so he was normal.

So after Bailey was born he started coming around again, helped out at the school's Halloween party and would stay some weekends. Obviously MIL knew he wasn't totally right in the head but she told me she was worried about growing old alone and more importantly, poor. Not so romantic but I can't blame her, which is why I'm already squirrelling away my own personal (secret) retirement fund in case some fucker of a man wants to fuck me over and leave me out in the cold.

Anyway, things were going well for them, and then I went to Australia for Chrissy and MIL and SIL decide to go to Hawaii for 5 days. Totally reasonable I think, mother and daughter going to Hawaii for a few days. She asked her boyfriend is it was OK which I thought was fucking ridiculous in itself but she's quite polite and his response was a kind of deadpan "OK."

So MIL was at the airport and he sent her an email saying "You're going to do whatever you want with your life, so I hope you're happy..." What the fuck is with men and their fucking mental issues fucking up everything around them!? It makes me so fucking angry!! But my MIL is awesome, so she turned off her phone and hopped on the plane. Thank God too, I would have lost so much respect for her had she not gone because of him.

So he didn't call her and was really cold when she got back and she kind of saw how mental he actually is, which is so good because had she married him it would have been too late. Although they were supposed to get married on her birthday in March and they had rings and everything. SIL and  have decided to take her to Kobe for an over-priced yet amazing lunch and shopping day for her birthday, because no matter how mental the guy is, you're bound to be a bit down on the day that was supposed to be your wedding day.

Men just fucking piss me off sometimes, they are giving me very little reason to see why we need them. So many useless fuckers out there, just give me the sperm and get me out, please!

Friday 25 January 2013


Do you ever get the feeling that every fucker in this place has something to hide??

It could be good or bad but I don't think I've ever met a Japanese person who I've made an opinion (OK judgement, let's be realistic) on and then not to have it totally fucking change in one way or another. I don't even know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's just tiring at times!

I keep finding little things out about people that I just had no idea because they were hiding it for some reason. The reasons are many and varied too, embarrassed, ashamed, humble, "polite." They go on and on.

Or nothing is talked about openly?? My MIL has broken up with her boyfriend (who she's supposed to be marrying in March) because she went to Hawaii. Not because she went without him, just because she went. Fucking crazy cunt, she's dodged a bullet by breaking up with him in my opinion, but she hasn't discussed this openly with anyone in her family apart from me (because apparently gaijin are easy to talk to?? but I suspect more because I ask lots of fucking nosey questions...). All her family are relying on me for the goss because nobody wants to bring it up with her...? Craziness!!

Maybe gaijin really are easier for Japanese peeps to open up to, I had a lady in tears the other day because I told her we should strictly try to stay to talking in English if she wants to improve and she spilled her guts that she can't tell anyone else her secrets so she tells me and doesn't really care if she can speak English, she just wants to get it off her chest... I gotta start charging more, like psychiatrist fees more!

Right, back to work!

Saturday 19 January 2013

Fatting in

I once had a hilarious conversation with one of my very good friends at home, it was before I was getting a tattoo and I was (as usual) going through all the irrational fears I prattle on with when I'm nervous...

Her: Don't worry, you'll be fine!!

Me: What if the needle goes in too far and pierces an organ!!??

Her: Seriously Corinne, never gunna happen!

Me: What if I get some kind of virus from a contaminated needle!?

Her: They are VERY clean, I had all my tattoos there remember??

Me: OK, but what if I don't fit on that skinny little bench, my arse is huge!!!

Her: Ummm I fat on it, you'll be fine!

The laughter helped me relax, it was awesome.

On only a slightly related note, by going home for Christmas, I've managed to feel even more like a fish out of water than ever, woohoo!!!

I didn't fit in at home, actually I fat right in, I didn't feel too bad about being so hideously fat with all the other chubbiness around me, but I didn't feel as if I was "home." Well, not entirely true, when it came to my family and friends, totally at home. But I was doing insane things like exclaiming how big my friend's baby's eyes were, craving rice, tut tutting at couples kissing in public, and not enjoying waking up whenever I wanted only to laze around the pool all day. I was yearning for a routine, a schedule!? I've turned fucking Japanese!!!

Which would be fine, except that I don't fucking fit in enough in Japan either. I never will, accepted it. Over it. But where does that leave me?? Would I get used to life at home if I went back?? Or would I always want to come back to Japan?? It was all quite confusing but I was quite happy to get back to my routine, and the customer service in Japan. Not so much to the freezing cold weather and realisation that no matter how long I stay here, I'll never be totally at home here either.

Too much life changing thinking going on for a Saturday morning though, must get back to working, which is going towards my goal of being totally debt-free by 2015. I can do it, I just have to work my arse off and not bitch and moan too much and I'll have my school, my house and any other stray loans paid off. I would have loved to have done it before I was 30, but with that horror lurking this year I just have to face that it will be 2015, my original goal was to have bought a property by 30 anyway so I got that far.

Other new year resolutions this year??

*Don't get pregnant!

*Lose 25kg

*Chill the fuck out a bit

*Under no circumstances get fucking pregnant!!

*Climb mount Fuji, I've lived here 8 years, it has to be done.

*Turn 30 with grace and dignity. (HA! Not going to happen, drunken messy grace, possibly...)