Friday 22 February 2013


Do you ever go through those periods in your life where you're just willing for something exciting to happen?? It's kind of ridiculous but that's how I feel now, like I want a big event (good or bad, preferably good) to shake things up. I shouldn't feel like this, my life is actually pretty exciting in comparison to others: I live in Japan, the capital of weird shit, I have kids who are constantly surprising me, a troop of in-laws to keep me entertained, a fuckwit husband who annoys me on a daily basis, and my own business, which is always exciting in itself. But I don't know, I just can't shake the feeling of... boredom...? I don't even know what it is! I've been having lots of 'weird' feelings lately, like something morbid is going to happen but I can't quite put my finger on what it is... Bizarre.

I've also been looking for motivation to lose all this fucking baby weight I have (OK mostly I'm a fat-lazy-fucking cow weight rather than "baby" weight, but what are kids for if you can't blame them for the bad things in your life?!) and I'm such a bad person, I thought to myself the other day, 'Hmmm I need motivation to lose weight...'.... and then I thought, 'I know!!! I'll lose weight so I can have a steamy affair with a really hot guy!!' And I was actually serious! Again, bad person, but surely admitting it counts for something.

What else....? I've booked a trip for us to go to Tokyo/Disneyland next month, I've decided that there's no point having all this money if we can't enjoy it, we could save it for retirement but we may very well be dead by that time, I'd rather live well while I can than have a shitload of money while I'm bed-ridden... Again, so demonstrative of my mood lately- just kind of not giving a fuck! Maybe I'm depressed?? Although I'm generally happy most of the time, just...restless... Much like this post. Or it could be the sleep-deprivation. Fucking sleep is so underrated, I would kill for a full night's sleep, I may just kill one of the little boys who wakes me up hourly or more likely the big boy who sleeps so soundly while I wake up and want to tear my eyeballs out from sheer crazy tiredness.

Or it could be the fantasies I've been having lately about going back to Australia for a year so Ash can go to primary school there for a year before he starts Japanese primary school. I would LOVE to do that but it would mean giving up the school and I just don't think I can do it. We were talking about how Ash's English is so shit the other night and Ryota was like, "Well, maybe you should just teach in the mornings and then you can look after the kids at night..." Like that is the solution to all our problems. It pisses me off that despite my job bringing in way more money than his, that I should be the one to give it up, well I can understand it from an English-speaking point but fuck, this is my work I don't just want to give up what I've built! So I said that if I did that I'd rather just go the whole hog and give it up completely, go to Australia for a year and then be a good little housewife when we came back. NEVER going to happen, but it's always nice to think about different ways our life could go I guess.

Anyway, I have to wonder if I have some kind of psychic tendencies and this is a curse that something bad is going to happen to me, if it is at least I blogged it so I have proof!

Thursday 7 February 2013


Hate is a tricky word to use, I teach kids to use the word talking about fucking capsicum or mushrooms, but when you actually have to use it with all it's power, it gets hard. There are things that you can say and never take back.

I know I've said them, witnessed people say them, and had them say them to me. You forgive them but it's like your brain has a cheapo eraser, you can never quite get the faint pencil lines of what was said to disappear. If I had to pick my top few that have stuck in my mind, it would be my Dad screaming at my mum, calling her a cunt (among every other name) and then telling her not use me as her "fucking little lackey" after she told him to lower his voice because I could hear. I didn't really know what it meant at the time, but it stung, and I'll never forget it.

Another is Ryota when he said to me: "You're a bad mother" Doesn't pack quite the same punch as "cunt" but to a mother who actually gives a fuck, it really is the worst insult. I'll NEVER ever forget him saying that, and probably never forgive him totally either.

And finally there would be Ryota's sister, I can't actually remember her exact words but when she started going off at me because she said I 'mouth-off' too much, (about Kimutaku remember!) that event will also never be totally gone either. No matter how close we get, I'll always be wary.

And I realised I'll never totally trust any of these people, who will have totally forgotten what they said, and will probably never know the effect they've had. It was also then that I realised these 3 very different people in my life have something in common, they are all quite difficult to hate.

On separate occasions I've hated all of them, but then they do something redeeming, sweet, thoughtful... And it's like the hate game goes into over-time and I'm not done with them, i can't totally obliterate them from my life. Maybe I'm attracted to these types?? Daddy issues?? Who fucking knows, just something to ponder I guess.

Classic example was last night, after the last post, the money thing with SIL was still bugging me and I was on the edge of enrolling Bailey in kindy starting from this April, when last night SIL saw how tired I was and that Bailey wasn't sleeping for me, and she offered to take him and play with him until he fell asleep so I could get some rest. What the fuck?! Maybe she felt guilty about the money too??? For a sleep deprived mother whose husband has a broken finger (another story...) and can't help you, this is literally the best thing that anyone could do. And I realised if she would do things like that for me then I'm a cunt for caring about a few extra thousand yen!

Is it just me who has these kinds of people around them, so God damn hard to hate, it makes me hate them even more!!

Saturday 2 February 2013

Money Money Money!

Horrible stuff. Damn shame I enjoy spending it so much actually.

I have a thing with money... I HATE tightarses, it's the one (and only?!) thing that Ryota is my dream man with. He's not tight, he doesn't gamble and he lets me handle our money. Just the way I like it. I think it's because my Grandad was an absolute tight cunt with money, it made me actually call him a cunt once, like to his face, an old man!! That's another story though... Point is, I hate people who are tight with money, that said, I'm not a waster either and I just hate any situation that gets awkward when it comes to money I guess.

My family are great with money, we'd all give it to each other in a second and there's no weirdness, if we need it we ask, if we can give it, we do. Pretty simple. Or so I thought...

But no, not in Japan!

So here's the story, can't remember if I've written it here or not, but while I'm working, Ryota's sister, formerly known as 'dog-fucker' and currently just known as 'fucker', is looking after Bailey for me. It's a big help, but I pay for that shit, so for me it just evens out, I don't feel the need to lick any arseholes for the favour and I like it that way. So the arrangement was: Any lesson that I worked when Ryota wasn't around to look after him, I would pay her ¥1000 a lesson. Which isn't minimum wage, and isn't a fortune, but pretty damn reasonable for a job you can do in your pyjamas I thought. Now the fact that Bailey sleeps a lot in the day (and hardly at all at night!) is irrelevant, it does piss me off however. Now the school is open from 9am-8pm but I don't work all those hours, which is why we made our arrangement by the lesson. Ryota leaves at 8am and gets home at 6pm, so to me I thought that I would be paying her for any lesson that I worked between 9am-6pm. And it was working well I thought! It was an average of ¥90,000 a month for her, not bad right!? More than I would be paying even for private childcare but I have Bailey with me when I'm not working and I can still breastfeed him, which I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise.

Today I gave her ¥15,000 for the week because Tuesday was a day off and I'd taken Ash out for his birthday. Now I'm not sure if there was some confusion if I was supposed to pay for that day too but mother-in-law was all, "Oh I think you've made a mistake Corinne!" And it got kind of awkward because although they'd taken Bailey for the day for me so I could have some one-on-one time with Ash for his birthday, I thought that was a favour... And I was like... "Ohh but I didn't work on Tuesday..." and just kind of trailed off, I really need more balls but I'm quite Japanese in this kind of situation. But I think they genuinely forgot about it so it was fine, but after a few hushed whispers later, mother-in-law said: "Are you going to pay for the lessons from 6pm-7pm because Ryota is never here...??"

Fuck off.
 Sorry, but it kind of annoyed me, firstly, fucker didn't say it to my face, had to run to mummy to say it for her, and honestly, I'd rather pay a professional to watch my kid without the side of guilt!! So I payed it, because it's true, Ryota gets home at 6 and could technically watch Bailey but he usually goes running has a shower, which I don't begrudge him, but when it cost me ¥1000...? Maybe I'm really being petty but as I understood it, that extra hour would be a favour to Ryota and really nothing to do with me, but apparently not. So Ryota said to fucker "Don't be a cunt, say it to her face, don't be an idiot and get Mum to say it!" And she went all red and said "Ahh ohh yeah OK..."

Now it pissed me off to the point that I'd actually like to just put him into daycare now but if I do that's going to rock the fucking Japanese poker face cunting family boat and I'd never live it down so I think I just have to suck it up and pay my extra ¥20,000 a month with a fake smile on my face.

Oh and before anyone tells me what a bitch I'm being because it's not her responsibility or duty to look after my kids, I know, that's why I'm paying. And if anyone thinks I'm holding her back with her family obligations don't even go there because if you knew her you'd realise that this is the ONLY "job" she's ever had and if she had any prospects of wanting to get a real life I'd have him in day care in a second. Actually, strike that, feel free to call me a bitch, maybe my sense of reality is skewed... All opinions on the topic welcome anyway!

One thing I've definitely realised, money and this fucking family definitely don't mix!