Saturday 29 September 2012


We all knew dog fucker would be devo-ed at the poor pooch passing, but here is a quickie list of some of her recent activity...

*Quit her part-time job due to grief

*Can't sleep without a cocktail of Grandma's sleeping pill and booze. (This one makes me a little bit happy, at least I'm not the only drunk in the family anymore!)

*Refuses to shower alone as she used to shower with the dog...

*Random bouts of crying (this one is actually acceptable for a while).

*Printing of 227, Yes 2-2-7 photos of the dog from her mobile phone to make a recent album to add to the other 16, that's right, 16, albums that she already has...

I'm as busy as all fuck, Ryota failed his fucking licence test and things are at a low point at the moment, I'm hoping they get better for all of us some time soon!

Tuesday 25 September 2012

Oh dear lord...

Dog fucker's dog died this morning. As sad as it was, the poor thing has been in pain for the last six months and it was for the best. I can't imagine how dog fucker is going to go on..,

Friday 21 September 2012


Do you have a favourite kid??
Did your parents favour you or one of your siblings??

Fuck my opening sounds like an entry for a Japanese school kid's English speech contest... Let's talk about favouring one kid over the other today!!

So since little Bailey has come into the Vinegar-Arrow family things have changed, obviously. The whole time I was pregnant with him, I was DREADING him being born, the dynamic of 2 kids, a job, house, twat of a husband and a foreign country was overwhelming. But the main reason I was dreading it, was because the only experience I've ever had with babies is Ash, and I won't lie, he was a fucker of a baby. He cried A LOT, didn't sleep well and took all my time, energy, and sanity. And I wasn't working at that time. I thought I might go a bit bonkers if I had to do that again and to my surprise, it hasn't been like that at all. Bailey is the total opposite to Ash, he sleeps through the night, takes long naps, smiles, giggles, cuddles and is generally easy to look after. Of course I realise he may change as he gets older, but for the most part I think he's definitely going to be an easier baby than Ash was.

Now if it was just me who noticed the differences between my kid I'd just keep my trap shut, but everyone notices it "He never cries!" "He smiles a lot!!" AND he has big blue eyes and light hair, in Japan this is way more important than, well pretty much anything in baby terms. So I feel bad for little Ash because everyone always says how completely different they are and I'm worried he's going to get a complex at the ripe old age of 3! But I can't help it, when  Ash is trying my patience, I find myself thinking how much I love Bailey for being easy... Terrible mother I am!! Meh, I'm not losing sleep over it, but still I feel a bit guilty when I send Ash over to Grandma's house because I just want some peace with Bailey.

So can I say Bailey is my favourite...? But on the other hand, Ash and I are totally kindred spirits, so I feel a bit for him. Apparently my sister was an angel baby like Bailey and I was a little strong-willed shit like Ash right up until elementary school. I hated change, (still do) never slept and shamed my family one year by yanking Santa's beard and stealing a handful of candy before running away (and I mean far away too, they couldn't find me for ages apparently!) at the annual Santa photo. So I'm kind of happy that Ash is so 'head strong' (read, BAD) because it means he has a little bit of cheekiness in him like me.

Still, I'm glad they're different, it would be pretty damn boring if they were both little robots who always did as they were told I guess.

 Me and my sister...
Ash and Bailey... History repeating??

Sunday 16 September 2012

You know things are bad when...

-You escape to work with two kids just to write a blog post and do some lesson planning.

-You fucking dread the 3 day weekend.

So the divorce proceedings haven't moved any farther along, but they are never far from my mind. I don't want to keep bashing Ryota here (but I totally will don't worry) because I think it's more of an issue of us being totally mis-matched rather than he's always an arse. I do think he's an arse a lot of the time, but that may be just because my arse-o-metre is set a certain way. I honestly believe he'd be so much happier with a Japanese wife, J-women seem to have a knack of showing they love a man by accepting their imperfections, whereas I just can't do it.

I'm so fucking scared of going back to work full time this week, I know I'm going to be stuck doing all the housework, cooking, working and looking after the littlen. I know people say 'just leave the housework!' But that's not the way I roll, I can't stand it not being done. I'm no perfect housekeeper but I like my clutter hidden and floors vacuumed at the very minimum, and if I don't do it, no other fucker will.

Today has been hard, I let Ryota's mood affect me more than I should, but it's so hard to be perky when he's so negative and cranky. I also feel our communication skills are at an all time low, despite his English being quite good and my Japanese being OK, it really is horrible. Today in the car he said, "I had a dream last night that I was smoking a cigarette!" to which I replied, "Oh yeah, was it good??" And then told him I had a dream that I put Ash in the ergo and dropped him on his head (what the fuck is with that?!) but he didn't reply for about a minute and then said "I didn't ask you what your dream was, I just told you mine." It's stupid little stuff like this that really fucking shits me, maybe I was bad but I think more likely he thinks I said "That's good" instead of "Was it good?" so thought I was just brushing him off. We've also had issues lately because he keeps sighing and saying "Ahhh Ash can't speak English! Should I teach him??" and this fucking pisses me off to the absolute fucking max. I feel bad Ash's English is not where it should be, but I speak English to him whenever I can but I work, so he goes to kindy at 9, and most nights I get home at 8pm, not a lot of time. I feel guilty enough as it is, I really don't need my partner to make me feel even more guilty, I just don't need it.

It's a combination of all these things and more that have me planning the best way out. I just don't really know where to start. I want to stay in Japan but the logistics are overwhelming me.

Tuesday 11 September 2012


Boobs. Bosoms. Tits. Knockers. Bristol cities. Titties. Melons. おっぱい。

We all have them, men can walk around with theirs out, so why is it so outrageous for women to get there's out??

I'm not referring to the time I flashed my boobies to a packed pub on new year's eve, I'm actually talking about breastfeeding, and from my experience breastfeeding in Japan. Breastfeeding is encouraged in Japan and I'm not sure of the stats but a fair amount of women choose to breastfeed but I'm not sure when or where they are doing it because I don't think I've ever seen a public display of boobie here.
To be fair, shopping centers here have wonderful breastfeeding facilities with private rooms with curtains, so I get that, but I've never seen someone breastfeeding at say, a restaurant.

I on the other hand, get my tits out wherever I am, even if I'm at a shopping centre, if I can't be arsed trekking to the other side of the mall to get to the feeding room, I'll get em' out. Ryota is mortified every time, but I'm sure he wouldn't like a screaming baby either. He says that if I absolutely HAVE to breastfeed (what the fuck?!), then I should use a cover, but I'll be honest, I'm extremely uncoordinated, I can't use the fucker because I can't see where the fucking nipple and mouth are! Maybe I should practice with a cover, but I figure if I'm not embarrassed then why should anyone else be??

What is your take on it?? Is it just me that has no shame? Does it offend you if you see a woman breastfeeding in public?? Let me know!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday 10 September 2012

Weddings in Japan

All my years in Japan, I'd never been to a Japanese wedding, I've been invited to a few but have either been working, or too cheap to pay the gift money, that has definitely been the case since I've been married, Ryota hates paying the big chunk of cash you have to part with to be a guest at a Japanese wedding. But yesterday was Ryota's cousin getting married, so there really was no way to wriggle out of it, plus I kind of wanted to go to a wedding and see how it was different from a western wedding.

So I paid my $500 or so in wedding gift money and we all toddled off yesterday which was held at a swanky wedding restaurant in a rich area near us. The first thing I noticed, the fake gaijin priest hanging around waiting for his gig to start. It was a big white dude with a north American accent and I could tell my presence was making him uncomfortable, he kept giving me darting looks while I sat smirking at him and his fake sermon with big gestures and bad Japanese accent. Still, I shouldn't hate on him, we've all got to make our way here and if he can get the work then he should go for it, he kind of reminded me of a pro wrestler though, I kept imagining him taking down one of the well groomed guests.

All the guests were very reserved and quiet at the ceremony and after the formalities were over and lots of (I'm talking EVERY fucker there) photo taking, we were allowed upstairs to have lunch, and more importantly, booze. They cut the cake first, which is all arse backwards in my opinion, especially since they feed each other cake and take the stupid photos of the bride shoveling a huge amount of cake into the groom's mouth. The groom is Ryota's cousin and I really like him but his new bride didn't impress me much, she's about 3 feet tall and kept looking up to our cousin with bug cow eyes and batted her eyelashes, she seemed a bit fake to me but I'm a huge cynic as well so maybe she's a genuinely nice girl. They've only been together for 6 months so I think she's either got an illegitimate bun in her oven or wants a baby really badly (she's 35).

I felt kind of sorry for the wedding mc too, at home people actually listen to the mc but here everyone was talking and laughing over the mc as she rabbited on in the background, strange. As everyone got more and more sloshed people started to relax and I once again got reminded of that Japanese custom of filling up your glass. I swear to god I not once had a near empty glass, it was so dangerous because it felt like I just had one never-ending drink but I was still on my first. Luckily little Bailey had pumped breast milk because he would have been well and truly pissed if I hadn't! I wonder if it's worse because I'm a foreigner, people kept coming up to me to fill up my glass asking me all the usual fucking mundane questions and comments that I could respond to with my eyes closed...
"where are you from?" "you're Japanese is so good!" "heeeeeeeeeeee?!?!?" are the stock standard ones...

After much good food and booze various drunk uncles and the groom gave speeches, with the bride giving a thank you speech at the end to her mum. I was bawling my eyes out along with all the other obachans, the bride's father had died a few years ago and her speech was pretty sad. I think the fact that I'd had about a keg of beer by then that I was pretty emotional too... There was also bizarre karaoke performances from family members too, all drunken and red-faced.

Finally we all got shifted out and were given little gifts at the door by the bride and groom, which turned out to be blueberry fucking jam. Random much?! Of course this wasn't the only gifts we got, as we'd given a big wad of cash, we had to get gifts back. Fucking stupidness I tell you! I'd rather just give half the amount and get nothing back!!! And it wasn't even gifts we could choose out of a catalogue, it was a spoon and fork set, a roll cake and a plate. I seriously would have been happy with the cake, now I have fucking expensive spoons, forks and a massive expensive plate that I'll never use, hopefully I can re-gift them at Christmas to an auntie I don't really like, then at least they'll get some use!

I definitely prefer western weddings, they're way more relaxed and have way less bowing but all in all it was pretty fun. I think the only other weddings we'll be going to for a while are brother in law or dog fucker, but the chances of dog fucker ever getting married are very slim, I'd totally warn the poor bloke off before he made that mistake!

Yup, way too much bowing for my liking...

See her looking up at him like a big dope?!

Ash entertaining the rellos...

Ash getting in the way as was the norm on the day, at least he's cute...

Me and my boys! ♡

Friday 7 September 2012

A guide to S&M in Japan

I can't remember if I've written about the S&M bar I used to go to here before, maybe not?? Will give it a crack anyway.

So when I was young, single and without either a small child attached to my boob (see photos below for evidence...)  or a slightly bigger small child demanding a drink/food/play, I had pretty much one hobby: Boozing. Well, good food and good booze, that was pretty much it, I had a regular drinking and buddy and when I think about it we really were a dangerous team, both loved and were good at drinking and egged each other on to the point of stupid drunkenness at times.
We not only drank outside but made black russians at home or put away a few bottles of wine while watching movies, no wonder I was so fat, broke and unhealthy!!

So we liked our regular bars but we also liked hunting for new bars and restaurants, which is how we came across the S&M bar, which was called "Nail bar" I still have the mama-san's business card somewhere. When we first walked in I was dubious, for one it looked a lot like a 'snack' bar, where you're charged a ridiculous amount just for plonking your arse on a chair. So when we enquired about a seating charge at the door, the mama started ushering us in but we'd been tricked like that before and told her we weren't going to pay for seating, she shushed us and said there is usually a seating charge, but she wanted some foreign custom and would let us off. We were happy with that, if we're going to be ostracised, may as well benefit us in some way! I was also dubious about the place because on the wall was a cabinet full of various sex toys, whips and contraptions for causing pain, it was then that we were asked if we were S or M and that if we were S we had to flip our drink coasters to blue and red for M... It was horribly weird and the mama was a normal looking woman but we did as we were told ((to go along with the S&M theme) and put our coasters to our appropriate colours and were given green tea cocktails, because they were 'Japanese'. Who knows what the fuck that was about, they wanted to expose us to some culture?? But fuck me it was the best and one of the strongest cocktails I've ever had and have never been able to have another one quite the same

After we'd relaxed a bit and realised we weren't actually going to have to strip and start whipping each other we got talking to the young girl working there who explained that customers could pay to go into the back room and do things to her for an astronomical fee, being nosey foreigners we wanted to know exactly what this entailed and she proceeded to lift up her shirt to reveal hundreds of nail marks on her back, hence the name "Nail bar". We were amazed, her once smooth skin was absolutely destroyed by scars and new indents, but she seemed proud of her markings, like she was really dedicated to her job...? Mama told us she was too old to take it and just whipped old men who got their kicks from that stuff.

We often went back to Nail bar and the only thing that stopped me from going back was when I got an email from a Japanese guy who said he wanted to lock me up in his basement (do they even fucking have basements in Japan??) and hurt me. I'd given mama my mail address (as you do here when you get friendly with people) and she'd fucking given it to a customer who obviously has a fetish for locking girls up while getting a bit of English practice in. It got a little bit too freaky then, even for me!

Sometimes I think my life is boring, but then I realise that the quiet life probably actually is the best (and safest!) option for me!

Right, a few pixxies so you know why I've not been posting, I just want to be with this little guy all day!!

Thursday 6 September 2012


Ok typing this one handed with sleeping baby on me, blogging time is just so hard to find these days, although I am incredibly lucky, I have an angel baby who doesn't stop smiling, is totally chilled out and sleeps at least 6, sometimes 9(!) hours a night! The baby gods have finally blessed me with one of those easy babies that most mothers hate hearing about.

Anyway, enough baby talk, I thought I should give Japan some credit today, because I do love to bitch about the things that annoy me and easily forget the things that make it a great place to live.

So a few months ago I was forced out of an elevator especially for people with special needs while I was heavily pregnant and it possibly made me more angry than I've ever been in my entire life. Even though I know there are cunts in every country, it highlighted one of the things about Japan that I hate, people can be downright fucking rude when it comes to people with special needs.

But I'm happy to report that slowly but surely my faith in Japanese people has been restored somewhat. I think it has something to do with the fact I live in semi-inaka but in the last week on three separate occasions people have been incredibly nice to me!
1st one was the other day when I got stuck in the supermarket because it started pissing down rain outside, I was waiting at the entrance for it to stop with the baby strapped on my chest when a lady started hovering near me looking like she was going to say something but had a bit of gaijin panic hovering syndrome so it took her good minute or so of hovering before she offered to walk me to wherever I was going under her umbrella. It was such a kind offer and I felt guilty for turning her down but I'd ridden on my bicycle so there wasn't much point in walking anywhere with her.

I must have been pretty obvious and pathetic looking standing in that entrance looking up at the gray, unrelenting skies because 5 minutes later a man came up and offered me his umbrella, it was a flimsy plastic one, but a lovely offer which again made me feel guilty for refusing his kindness too! I then decided to leave the entrance before anyone else guilted me with their kindness and got roped into buying a water dispenser for our house, I later cancelled but I just didn't have the heart to tell the lady making her sales pitch to fuck off, it must have been all the kindness that had been going on in entrance way that turned me soft...

And the last act of kindness that I really wasn't expecting was on the roof of a supermarket, I was trudging upstairs to get to the door to the outside parking area with two bags of shopping and chubby baby strapped to me when I realized the door wasn't automatic. Was just about to put the bags down to open the bastard door when a young guy appeared out of nowhere and opened the door for me and offered to carry my shit to my car!! This has never happened to me, and I was so shocked I just kept bowing and apologizing.

I must say though, I needed something to make me feel like it was worth living in Japan again, these last few acts of kindness should at least get me through until the next time I encounter some cuntness from a city-folk cunt!

Things have been... Better... At home. Not better as in we're a reborn happy couple living in a cottage with a picket fence, but better as in I can at least hold out on doing anything too drastic until I've researched my options and got my 5 year visa to make sure I don't get my arse deported If I get divorced!