Thursday 27 December 2012


Ok, now that the school has closed for the year I have actually started to relax a bit!

Christmas was nice this year, of course because I was with my family, but mainly because I was in a country that really embraces Christmas, not just KFC and overly sweet cake. Japan is different and in some ways good, but there's nothing like Chrissy at home for me.
I drank loads of booze, ate too much and stayed Christmas night at a nice hotel with my sister watching movies and doing nothing, it was lovely. I went shopping today and picked up some bargains; jeans, shoes, cosmetics, so nice to get everything I want whenever I want!

The boys and I are just settling into life here, and when we do it will be time to go back to Japan, it's not gunna be fun... I've also been running along the beach everyday and realizing how much I miss living near the beach. I really have to try and hatch a plan to move back here, the pubs alone are worth it!

I'm not really missing Ryota, I am not liking being a single parent however and can't wait to get back to work to get a break from the kids!

Ok, mum just called us for dinner ( LOVE not being the cook!!!) so I'll leave you with a few pics, the first one is of me right now, just home from a run and totally relaxed!

Friday 21 December 2012


Ooooooo look who went on a blogging strike! I can't even say its because I was busy, because I've been in summery Australia since Monday. Although am only now settling into life away from my Japan routines. I'm here with the two kids too so single parenting is kinda funny to get used to as well!

I feel kind of weird leaving the school, C is taking over classes for me and I feel lost without going to the school every day!

I'm sure Ryota is enjoying the kid-free peace at home but I sure am enjoying being back home, reading shit and actually understanding all of it, eating Greek food for dinner when it was a toss up of Greek, Lebanese, Mexican or Thai and catching up with old friends.

Actually I just spent the whole day with my ex-boyfriend's family. I love them like my own and despite the break-up always felt they were still 'my' family. May be weird... Is it weird...? I think I'm more comfortable with them than I ever will be around Ryota's family which is a shame.

One thing I forgot about home in December is how NOT relaxing the Christmas season is! Christmas shopping in IN-SANE! I've done most of it now but I take the fact that shops never get too crazy around Chrissy time in Japan for granted. Also feeling the bad service, or the fact that the service is so good in Japan. People just can't be bothered to serve you here, shocking.

Ash is loving the fact that he can run around on actual grass with his shoes off, the nature, pool at home, being spoilt rotten... Good for him all round really. Looking forward to making Christmas an actual event for him and leaving stuff out for Santa and the reindeer, should be fun.

Right, I'm off to wrap some pressies, it will definitely be a new uear's resolution to blog more in 2013!!!!!

I will try to post again before Chrissy but if I don't, merry Christmas to all in Japan and around the world who are still bothering to check in here!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday 12 November 2012

Since I last posted...

In no particular order...

*President Obama got re-elected. I'm not American and not particularly political, but I like Mr Obama, not because he can save the world or anything, just because he seems like a nice guy. Plus Hollywood loves him, if brainwashing from the U.S of A has taught me anything, it's go with Jay-Z!

*I turned 29. Not 30. Breathe. Not 30. No actually I don't give a fuck about getting older, I figure it only gets better. Birthday was good. Got some nice pressies, went out for a steak, can't ask for more than that!

*I gained another pussy. As in cat that is. Our little moo-chan has a brother it appears. They do everything together and it was impossible to say yes to one and no to another. So now a grand total of 3 kitty cats; Whisky-chan, Moo-chan and Fuu-chan. That's Fuu as in Fugu, not fuck for you non-Japanese speakers too!

*My baby is no longer a baby... he's a rolling, toothy little boy and that scares me more than getting older does!

*I've hatched a one-year escape plan from my marriage if need be. That's a post for another day though.

*I got a comment on one of my posts that managed to really piss me off:

"I also don't understand why u as mother don't go to yr kids sport festival. u live with a j family, have a j husband and u live in, u could at least adopt to the basic j family behavior."

As much as this made me very fucking angry, (I'm a little too defensive perhaps) I'm as always, grateful for any comments and input, as different to my opinion as they may be.

Let me just defend myself by saying I did go to the final rehearsal which is exactly the same thing. And there was one reason and one reason only I didn't go, it wasn't to be a rebellious little gaijin baby, it was because- I WORK. I wasn't just slacking off at home! Anyway, the comment triggered a whole new set of fears that I'm ruining my children by working when they're so young. Women really are fucked every way on this I feel.

*I'm sure there has been some other drama but I can't really think of anything else at the moment, I'll leave you with a pic of SIL's wall shrine to the late dog...

Saturday 20 October 2012

A fuck festival!

Sorry for the crude title, MIL has gone away with her boyfriend for the weekend and Ryota said 'it will be a big fuck festival for them!' I just thought of it and chuckled... For all the times Ryota is a fucking arse, he can be pretty amusing at times.

We've had good and bad patches lately, I can't blame the bad all on him though, I've been a bit of a moody cow lately, working 6 days a week and dashing home in between lessons to look after the bub is proving to be quite stressful, which was expected, but if I think about it it could be much worse. I don't have to put him in day care seeing as though neither MIL or SIL have worked a day since the dog passed away due to stress... I'll leave that topic alone... Anyway, I'm paying SIL (I've decided to drop 'dog-fucker' out of respect for the dead) 1000 yen an hour to watch bub and I come home when I can to breast feed. It's not working out too badly but I am pretty busy and I'm finding that if I'm very straight forward and actually give Ryota specific instructions he will do them. I rarely have time to cook dinner so we scam from Grandma's house or order in, it's just the way it is at the moment. On the plus side, the school is better and busier than ever, the Halloween party we're having next week looks like it's going to be about 90 people!! Lucky I rented a hall, we'd never fit in my little school.

Ryota's family have actually been really supportive since I've gone back to work, although Grandma was SO fucking Japanese the other day it made me sick. She never really says much about me working so much, I'm sure she thinks I should stay home more, but she always gives me an "Itterasshai!" whenever I leave and acts like she doesn't mind that I abandon my kids quite frequently. That said, the other week was Ash's sports festival, and seeing as though I'd gone to his final rehearsal a few days before, I went to work instead of the real one on the Saturday. The neighbour was out the front talking to Grandma and as I got on my bike to leave for work the neighbour said "Oh are you off to the sports festival??" and I was all, "Errrr fuck no, I'd much rather go to work!!" Well, actually I said, "Ohh no, I have to work..." And Grandma totally fucking stabbed me in the back and said how a mother should go to the sports day because it's so important!!! Bitch never uttered a word to me about it, but in front of the neighbour she had to act all proper Grandma-like!! Still, it's something I've learnt to ignore, old Japanese women are possibly the most two-faced of anyone I know!

In other news, I've adopted another stray kitten, he was hungry and cold and it was love at first sight but he really sealed the deal when he snuck in and stole one of Ash's onigiri out of his hand and scared the fuck out of him. He's still scared of everyone but we've got him coming and going inside the house and eating at least. His name is Moo because he's black and white like a little cow.

OK, must get back to work! Sorry for the lack of blogging/commenting, I'm working on it!!

Saturday 29 September 2012


We all knew dog fucker would be devo-ed at the poor pooch passing, but here is a quickie list of some of her recent activity...

*Quit her part-time job due to grief

*Can't sleep without a cocktail of Grandma's sleeping pill and booze. (This one makes me a little bit happy, at least I'm not the only drunk in the family anymore!)

*Refuses to shower alone as she used to shower with the dog...

*Random bouts of crying (this one is actually acceptable for a while).

*Printing of 227, Yes 2-2-7 photos of the dog from her mobile phone to make a recent album to add to the other 16, that's right, 16, albums that she already has...

I'm as busy as all fuck, Ryota failed his fucking licence test and things are at a low point at the moment, I'm hoping they get better for all of us some time soon!

Tuesday 25 September 2012

Oh dear lord...

Dog fucker's dog died this morning. As sad as it was, the poor thing has been in pain for the last six months and it was for the best. I can't imagine how dog fucker is going to go on..,

Friday 21 September 2012


Do you have a favourite kid??
Did your parents favour you or one of your siblings??

Fuck my opening sounds like an entry for a Japanese school kid's English speech contest... Let's talk about favouring one kid over the other today!!

So since little Bailey has come into the Vinegar-Arrow family things have changed, obviously. The whole time I was pregnant with him, I was DREADING him being born, the dynamic of 2 kids, a job, house, twat of a husband and a foreign country was overwhelming. But the main reason I was dreading it, was because the only experience I've ever had with babies is Ash, and I won't lie, he was a fucker of a baby. He cried A LOT, didn't sleep well and took all my time, energy, and sanity. And I wasn't working at that time. I thought I might go a bit bonkers if I had to do that again and to my surprise, it hasn't been like that at all. Bailey is the total opposite to Ash, he sleeps through the night, takes long naps, smiles, giggles, cuddles and is generally easy to look after. Of course I realise he may change as he gets older, but for the most part I think he's definitely going to be an easier baby than Ash was.

Now if it was just me who noticed the differences between my kid I'd just keep my trap shut, but everyone notices it "He never cries!" "He smiles a lot!!" AND he has big blue eyes and light hair, in Japan this is way more important than, well pretty much anything in baby terms. So I feel bad for little Ash because everyone always says how completely different they are and I'm worried he's going to get a complex at the ripe old age of 3! But I can't help it, when  Ash is trying my patience, I find myself thinking how much I love Bailey for being easy... Terrible mother I am!! Meh, I'm not losing sleep over it, but still I feel a bit guilty when I send Ash over to Grandma's house because I just want some peace with Bailey.

So can I say Bailey is my favourite...? But on the other hand, Ash and I are totally kindred spirits, so I feel a bit for him. Apparently my sister was an angel baby like Bailey and I was a little strong-willed shit like Ash right up until elementary school. I hated change, (still do) never slept and shamed my family one year by yanking Santa's beard and stealing a handful of candy before running away (and I mean far away too, they couldn't find me for ages apparently!) at the annual Santa photo. So I'm kind of happy that Ash is so 'head strong' (read, BAD) because it means he has a little bit of cheekiness in him like me.

Still, I'm glad they're different, it would be pretty damn boring if they were both little robots who always did as they were told I guess.

 Me and my sister...
Ash and Bailey... History repeating??

Sunday 16 September 2012

You know things are bad when...

-You escape to work with two kids just to write a blog post and do some lesson planning.

-You fucking dread the 3 day weekend.

So the divorce proceedings haven't moved any farther along, but they are never far from my mind. I don't want to keep bashing Ryota here (but I totally will don't worry) because I think it's more of an issue of us being totally mis-matched rather than he's always an arse. I do think he's an arse a lot of the time, but that may be just because my arse-o-metre is set a certain way. I honestly believe he'd be so much happier with a Japanese wife, J-women seem to have a knack of showing they love a man by accepting their imperfections, whereas I just can't do it.

I'm so fucking scared of going back to work full time this week, I know I'm going to be stuck doing all the housework, cooking, working and looking after the littlen. I know people say 'just leave the housework!' But that's not the way I roll, I can't stand it not being done. I'm no perfect housekeeper but I like my clutter hidden and floors vacuumed at the very minimum, and if I don't do it, no other fucker will.

Today has been hard, I let Ryota's mood affect me more than I should, but it's so hard to be perky when he's so negative and cranky. I also feel our communication skills are at an all time low, despite his English being quite good and my Japanese being OK, it really is horrible. Today in the car he said, "I had a dream last night that I was smoking a cigarette!" to which I replied, "Oh yeah, was it good??" And then told him I had a dream that I put Ash in the ergo and dropped him on his head (what the fuck is with that?!) but he didn't reply for about a minute and then said "I didn't ask you what your dream was, I just told you mine." It's stupid little stuff like this that really fucking shits me, maybe I was bad but I think more likely he thinks I said "That's good" instead of "Was it good?" so thought I was just brushing him off. We've also had issues lately because he keeps sighing and saying "Ahhh Ash can't speak English! Should I teach him??" and this fucking pisses me off to the absolute fucking max. I feel bad Ash's English is not where it should be, but I speak English to him whenever I can but I work, so he goes to kindy at 9, and most nights I get home at 8pm, not a lot of time. I feel guilty enough as it is, I really don't need my partner to make me feel even more guilty, I just don't need it.

It's a combination of all these things and more that have me planning the best way out. I just don't really know where to start. I want to stay in Japan but the logistics are overwhelming me.

Tuesday 11 September 2012


Boobs. Bosoms. Tits. Knockers. Bristol cities. Titties. Melons. おっぱい。

We all have them, men can walk around with theirs out, so why is it so outrageous for women to get there's out??

I'm not referring to the time I flashed my boobies to a packed pub on new year's eve, I'm actually talking about breastfeeding, and from my experience breastfeeding in Japan. Breastfeeding is encouraged in Japan and I'm not sure of the stats but a fair amount of women choose to breastfeed but I'm not sure when or where they are doing it because I don't think I've ever seen a public display of boobie here.
To be fair, shopping centers here have wonderful breastfeeding facilities with private rooms with curtains, so I get that, but I've never seen someone breastfeeding at say, a restaurant.

I on the other hand, get my tits out wherever I am, even if I'm at a shopping centre, if I can't be arsed trekking to the other side of the mall to get to the feeding room, I'll get em' out. Ryota is mortified every time, but I'm sure he wouldn't like a screaming baby either. He says that if I absolutely HAVE to breastfeed (what the fuck?!), then I should use a cover, but I'll be honest, I'm extremely uncoordinated, I can't use the fucker because I can't see where the fucking nipple and mouth are! Maybe I should practice with a cover, but I figure if I'm not embarrassed then why should anyone else be??

What is your take on it?? Is it just me that has no shame? Does it offend you if you see a woman breastfeeding in public?? Let me know!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday 10 September 2012

Weddings in Japan

All my years in Japan, I'd never been to a Japanese wedding, I've been invited to a few but have either been working, or too cheap to pay the gift money, that has definitely been the case since I've been married, Ryota hates paying the big chunk of cash you have to part with to be a guest at a Japanese wedding. But yesterday was Ryota's cousin getting married, so there really was no way to wriggle out of it, plus I kind of wanted to go to a wedding and see how it was different from a western wedding.

So I paid my $500 or so in wedding gift money and we all toddled off yesterday which was held at a swanky wedding restaurant in a rich area near us. The first thing I noticed, the fake gaijin priest hanging around waiting for his gig to start. It was a big white dude with a north American accent and I could tell my presence was making him uncomfortable, he kept giving me darting looks while I sat smirking at him and his fake sermon with big gestures and bad Japanese accent. Still, I shouldn't hate on him, we've all got to make our way here and if he can get the work then he should go for it, he kind of reminded me of a pro wrestler though, I kept imagining him taking down one of the well groomed guests.

All the guests were very reserved and quiet at the ceremony and after the formalities were over and lots of (I'm talking EVERY fucker there) photo taking, we were allowed upstairs to have lunch, and more importantly, booze. They cut the cake first, which is all arse backwards in my opinion, especially since they feed each other cake and take the stupid photos of the bride shoveling a huge amount of cake into the groom's mouth. The groom is Ryota's cousin and I really like him but his new bride didn't impress me much, she's about 3 feet tall and kept looking up to our cousin with bug cow eyes and batted her eyelashes, she seemed a bit fake to me but I'm a huge cynic as well so maybe she's a genuinely nice girl. They've only been together for 6 months so I think she's either got an illegitimate bun in her oven or wants a baby really badly (she's 35).

I felt kind of sorry for the wedding mc too, at home people actually listen to the mc but here everyone was talking and laughing over the mc as she rabbited on in the background, strange. As everyone got more and more sloshed people started to relax and I once again got reminded of that Japanese custom of filling up your glass. I swear to god I not once had a near empty glass, it was so dangerous because it felt like I just had one never-ending drink but I was still on my first. Luckily little Bailey had pumped breast milk because he would have been well and truly pissed if I hadn't! I wonder if it's worse because I'm a foreigner, people kept coming up to me to fill up my glass asking me all the usual fucking mundane questions and comments that I could respond to with my eyes closed...
"where are you from?" "you're Japanese is so good!" "heeeeeeeeeeee?!?!?" are the stock standard ones...

After much good food and booze various drunk uncles and the groom gave speeches, with the bride giving a thank you speech at the end to her mum. I was bawling my eyes out along with all the other obachans, the bride's father had died a few years ago and her speech was pretty sad. I think the fact that I'd had about a keg of beer by then that I was pretty emotional too... There was also bizarre karaoke performances from family members too, all drunken and red-faced.

Finally we all got shifted out and were given little gifts at the door by the bride and groom, which turned out to be blueberry fucking jam. Random much?! Of course this wasn't the only gifts we got, as we'd given a big wad of cash, we had to get gifts back. Fucking stupidness I tell you! I'd rather just give half the amount and get nothing back!!! And it wasn't even gifts we could choose out of a catalogue, it was a spoon and fork set, a roll cake and a plate. I seriously would have been happy with the cake, now I have fucking expensive spoons, forks and a massive expensive plate that I'll never use, hopefully I can re-gift them at Christmas to an auntie I don't really like, then at least they'll get some use!

I definitely prefer western weddings, they're way more relaxed and have way less bowing but all in all it was pretty fun. I think the only other weddings we'll be going to for a while are brother in law or dog fucker, but the chances of dog fucker ever getting married are very slim, I'd totally warn the poor bloke off before he made that mistake!

Yup, way too much bowing for my liking...

See her looking up at him like a big dope?!

Ash entertaining the rellos...

Ash getting in the way as was the norm on the day, at least he's cute...

Me and my boys! ♡

Friday 7 September 2012

A guide to S&M in Japan

I can't remember if I've written about the S&M bar I used to go to here before, maybe not?? Will give it a crack anyway.

So when I was young, single and without either a small child attached to my boob (see photos below for evidence...)  or a slightly bigger small child demanding a drink/food/play, I had pretty much one hobby: Boozing. Well, good food and good booze, that was pretty much it, I had a regular drinking and buddy and when I think about it we really were a dangerous team, both loved and were good at drinking and egged each other on to the point of stupid drunkenness at times.
We not only drank outside but made black russians at home or put away a few bottles of wine while watching movies, no wonder I was so fat, broke and unhealthy!!

So we liked our regular bars but we also liked hunting for new bars and restaurants, which is how we came across the S&M bar, which was called "Nail bar" I still have the mama-san's business card somewhere. When we first walked in I was dubious, for one it looked a lot like a 'snack' bar, where you're charged a ridiculous amount just for plonking your arse on a chair. So when we enquired about a seating charge at the door, the mama started ushering us in but we'd been tricked like that before and told her we weren't going to pay for seating, she shushed us and said there is usually a seating charge, but she wanted some foreign custom and would let us off. We were happy with that, if we're going to be ostracised, may as well benefit us in some way! I was also dubious about the place because on the wall was a cabinet full of various sex toys, whips and contraptions for causing pain, it was then that we were asked if we were S or M and that if we were S we had to flip our drink coasters to blue and red for M... It was horribly weird and the mama was a normal looking woman but we did as we were told ((to go along with the S&M theme) and put our coasters to our appropriate colours and were given green tea cocktails, because they were 'Japanese'. Who knows what the fuck that was about, they wanted to expose us to some culture?? But fuck me it was the best and one of the strongest cocktails I've ever had and have never been able to have another one quite the same

After we'd relaxed a bit and realised we weren't actually going to have to strip and start whipping each other we got talking to the young girl working there who explained that customers could pay to go into the back room and do things to her for an astronomical fee, being nosey foreigners we wanted to know exactly what this entailed and she proceeded to lift up her shirt to reveal hundreds of nail marks on her back, hence the name "Nail bar". We were amazed, her once smooth skin was absolutely destroyed by scars and new indents, but she seemed proud of her markings, like she was really dedicated to her job...? Mama told us she was too old to take it and just whipped old men who got their kicks from that stuff.

We often went back to Nail bar and the only thing that stopped me from going back was when I got an email from a Japanese guy who said he wanted to lock me up in his basement (do they even fucking have basements in Japan??) and hurt me. I'd given mama my mail address (as you do here when you get friendly with people) and she'd fucking given it to a customer who obviously has a fetish for locking girls up while getting a bit of English practice in. It got a little bit too freaky then, even for me!

Sometimes I think my life is boring, but then I realise that the quiet life probably actually is the best (and safest!) option for me!

Right, a few pixxies so you know why I've not been posting, I just want to be with this little guy all day!!

Thursday 6 September 2012


Ok typing this one handed with sleeping baby on me, blogging time is just so hard to find these days, although I am incredibly lucky, I have an angel baby who doesn't stop smiling, is totally chilled out and sleeps at least 6, sometimes 9(!) hours a night! The baby gods have finally blessed me with one of those easy babies that most mothers hate hearing about.

Anyway, enough baby talk, I thought I should give Japan some credit today, because I do love to bitch about the things that annoy me and easily forget the things that make it a great place to live.

So a few months ago I was forced out of an elevator especially for people with special needs while I was heavily pregnant and it possibly made me more angry than I've ever been in my entire life. Even though I know there are cunts in every country, it highlighted one of the things about Japan that I hate, people can be downright fucking rude when it comes to people with special needs.

But I'm happy to report that slowly but surely my faith in Japanese people has been restored somewhat. I think it has something to do with the fact I live in semi-inaka but in the last week on three separate occasions people have been incredibly nice to me!
1st one was the other day when I got stuck in the supermarket because it started pissing down rain outside, I was waiting at the entrance for it to stop with the baby strapped on my chest when a lady started hovering near me looking like she was going to say something but had a bit of gaijin panic hovering syndrome so it took her good minute or so of hovering before she offered to walk me to wherever I was going under her umbrella. It was such a kind offer and I felt guilty for turning her down but I'd ridden on my bicycle so there wasn't much point in walking anywhere with her.

I must have been pretty obvious and pathetic looking standing in that entrance looking up at the gray, unrelenting skies because 5 minutes later a man came up and offered me his umbrella, it was a flimsy plastic one, but a lovely offer which again made me feel guilty for refusing his kindness too! I then decided to leave the entrance before anyone else guilted me with their kindness and got roped into buying a water dispenser for our house, I later cancelled but I just didn't have the heart to tell the lady making her sales pitch to fuck off, it must have been all the kindness that had been going on in entrance way that turned me soft...

And the last act of kindness that I really wasn't expecting was on the roof of a supermarket, I was trudging upstairs to get to the door to the outside parking area with two bags of shopping and chubby baby strapped to me when I realized the door wasn't automatic. Was just about to put the bags down to open the bastard door when a young guy appeared out of nowhere and opened the door for me and offered to carry my shit to my car!! This has never happened to me, and I was so shocked I just kept bowing and apologizing.

I must say though, I needed something to make me feel like it was worth living in Japan again, these last few acts of kindness should at least get me through until the next time I encounter some cuntness from a city-folk cunt!

Things have been... Better... At home. Not better as in we're a reborn happy couple living in a cottage with a picket fence, but better as in I can at least hold out on doing anything too drastic until I've researched my options and got my 5 year visa to make sure I don't get my arse deported If I get divorced!

Monday 13 August 2012

The simple things... Part 1

We interrupt these divorce proceedings to bring you a Japan rant. Why? Because I can't be fucked writing about what is going on at the moment. It's too exhausting to live it, let alone hash it out with correct(ish) spelling and grammar. I'll say things are pretty tense but for the moment the papers are yet to be inked. Thank you for all your lovely comments, don't worry, if we turn out OK I won't hold the "Good work, you should have divorced the cock head ages ago" comments against you.

But back to the topic at hand... Simple things. Life is full of them. Giving a present is one of them. Yes, there are shades of gray with what to give and who to give it to, but in general, you give a present as a sign that you care, right?

WRONG! This is Japan, and the Japanese have a way of taking something simple, complicating the fuck out of it and then wrapping it up in a pretty little bow.

We got lots of presents when the baby was born, in many forms; money, clothes, toys and general baby-type things. I greatly appreciated every single one of them, said "Thank you" and thought about making little thank you cards with Bailey's face on them in a cute blue hue. But no, that's not how it works in Japan. If someone gives you a present, you have to give them something back, and it has to be about half what the present was worth.

What the fuck?? I don't give presents to get shit back! But MIL informed me this is the practice and the only way to go. Grandma also informed me that it's impossible to keep track of everything you get/give, so she gave me a little lined notebook to note who gave me what and the value. I kind of get why grand gestures aren't really appreciated here now though, like if someone made me a cake rather than buying it I would be really touched because I would know how much time and effort they had put in for me, but this must just fuck up the whole system because you can't put a value on time and effort I guess...

So I wrote down everything in the book and thought about what people might like as a 'thank-you-for-giving-me-a-pressent', present... See it's ridiculous every way you look at it!!! And I thought the kids at the school who gave me stuff might like an English book... The older ladies might like some cakes, the younger people some wine... And I actually put effort into thinking about what people might like, only to be thwarted by Japan's ridiculousness once again!!! Oh no, you don't get thoughtful gifts, you get fucking generic gift boxes with foul smelling crackers or dry cakes in them, THAT is the way it's done, silly silly gaijin girl and her crazy thinking!

This system baffles me, I'd rather not get fucking presents in the first place!!

The final straw was when I was so sick of all the rules that seemed to go with something as simple as getting a present for the birth of my baby, that I asked MIL to get the crappy yet appropriate gifts to give back to people, and I would fork out the cash as soon as possible. Of course I was informed that I was to wait at least a month, and I was so exasperated that I didn't ask why, maybe because you buy them all at the same time?? Who fucking knows.

There are SO many things that appear simple and are made complicated in Japan, this is only part 1, look forward to such gems as 'feeding a big-arse fish to a 100 day old,' 'Buddhism for non-Buddhists,' and many many more ridiculousness from Japan!

P.S. I know you want the dirty divorce goss, I will dish when I'm ready...

Wednesday 8 August 2012

The positives..

I guess that's the thing about having a shitty marriage, you're not that upset when it ends...

Divorce papers are at home, the anticipation of the unknown to come is strangely exciting...

More when I have some I guess!

Sunday 5 August 2012

Bugger it

I'm even late with my late make-up post!

The excuses won't fly, I know, I really do need to sell off one of my kids to the highest bidder in order to get, well, anything at all done that doesn't involve cleaning shit or vomit. Of course I do get a break from it with Ash, he has me doing fun things like cleaning up toys and cheering him on as he does a poo for the first time in 4 days. Fun times this raising kids business.

So where should I start... The beginning I guess, and around here the beginning is usually my shit house excuse for a husband. He's being a prime wanker, as was kind of expected!

My mum is here at the moment, she's stayed 3 weeks and even though usually we fight quite a bit if we're together for too long, this time has been great. She's helped me so much with the baby and been a general savior of my sanity in the form of helping with the house, adult conversation, an extra pair of hands, and just a person who thinks a similar way to me. Now my mum isn't perfect, like me, she has annoying little habits and different cultural things that are probably more prominent than my cultural differences because she doesn't know things that are considered weird in Japan. For example, we had prawns the other night (Ebi fry) and if I was at home I'd just use my fingers to dip it in the sauce and eat it, and this is what my mum did. But because I've been in Japan for so long, of course I use chopsticks. Just little things like that. Considering my mum is helping out A LOT at our house, you think Ryota would make an effort to be a bit nice, but he's not, he keeps bitching to mean Japanese about things and it's fucking pissing me off.

I think his mental condition is reaching an all time high, he seems to be miserable all the time and it's wearing me down until I get to the point where I really don't give a fuck. I guess that's one good thing about having a shit marriage, you're not really that upset when you're faced with the prospect of it ending!
I'm not quite at the point of no return yet, but he's embarrassing me, I feel like my mum will go home and be thinking "god my daughter married an absolute cunt," when in actual fact he's not like that all the time, he was just particularly bad when she was here.

It annoys me to no end when I put up with the good, bad, ugly and fucking mental-ness of his family 365 days a year, but he can't man up and act like he likes having my mum here for 3 fucking weeks?!

What else is he being a cunt about... Is cuntness is kind of blending together lately... Oh that's right! Today I took both kids to Sassymoo's house for a few hours and came home to him tying a rock with rope for the landscaping exam he has to do this month. He didn't say, 'are you ok?' or 'thanks for taking both kids so I could study', no, he said "oh you're home already, I'm not finished, now I can't get anything done!" with a big fucking dramatic sigh, he's so good at those lately.

So yeah, baby? Lovely. Ash? Great. Ryota? Fucking. Twat.

Hopefully I'll have a warm and fuzzy story next time to balance the bad vibes!

Thursday 2 August 2012


Haven't been doing much of it!

However I feel my life slowly but surely returning to something that may resemble normal. Wish I could say the same for my belly, but I'm workin' on it!

I WILL blog tomorrow, there are so many things I could be writing about but I chose not to for no other reason except I'm a lazy bastard.

Saturday 14 July 2012


I miss it.

Having a baby is such a fucking horrible experience, not even the hell that is pregnancy and giving birth, but then you have the year of your sleep/time/life sucked out of you by a squirming little bleeder that gives you nothing but poo and vomit in return.

And then they get a little bit cute... and they start sleeping longer, and you forget just how horrific that first year is so you think it's a good idea to maybe have another one because it wasn't that bad. I think I should make some kind of video diary of the nights where I get about an hour sleep and my little bleeder is still awake, sucking on my boobs that are raw from all the suckling, the black bags under my eyes, the bomb site that is our house, the pure crankiness that takes over Ryota and I, and all the other things that I may forget in the future.

If I EVER mention on this blog that maybe I just want another little baby to add to the chaos of my family, PLEASE please track me down and smack me across the face.

OK, enough whining. Life update is pretty boring. I don't sleep, walk around like a zombie, look after bub, make sure Ash doesn't starve (although that's pretty much where my care stops...), fit in a few lessons occasionally... Annnnddd that's pretty much it. I have to keep telling myself that this won't last forever, that is does get easier, but fuck me it's pretty hard to do that sometimes!

Ryota, is predictably being an arse a lot of the time, but he's working hard and waking up a fair bit too (not doing anything mind you, just waking up and groaning a lot!). Like last night, as soon as he came in the door, he hit me with all the things that I'd done wrong that day, this was his list:

*I'd put a toilet cleaning gel thingy in the middle of the toilet bowl, these are strictly to be put on the side of the bowl apparently.
*I'd put the bottle of coke in the fridge door, where it doesn't quite fit, I should have put it in the main part of the fridge.
*I'd taken Ash to his kindy festival in the rain. He had an umbrella and rain coat on but surely a bit of rain will kill him. (Incidentally he has a fever today, nobody has blamed me yet so I'll just keep my trap shut...)

I think there were a few other things but I was too fucked off and tired to be arsed caring. I told him to stop being a mental fucker (this always strikes a chord with him because he knows he actually is a bit mental). I then also explained that there are a list of things that he does that fuck me off but I never actually say anything because life is too short and marriage is too hard as it is to be so fucking picky. He shut up and went to bed, which pissed me off even more because he left all the lights on and an array of shite on the coffee table, leaving me to clean up while still looking after the baby.
He apologised today and admitted he was having a bit of a mental attack because he was stressed about his test coming up next month. Meh, he's still a fucker but at least I'm getting better at reading the fucker and therefore not blaming myself.

OK, enough bitching and moaning. Sorry for not commenting on anyone's blogs recently, it's my goal this week, instead of staring at mind-numbing TV while I'm breastfeeding I intend to catch up and comment on blogs!

Saturday 30 June 2012

He's here!

So obviously my lack of blogging has been because... A small person has emerged from my minge!

My birth story is nothing spectacular, basically I had funny pains on Wednesday morning, they got regular enough for me to cancel lessons at the school and to consult dr google to see if they were real but not serious enough for me to tell Ryota to come home from work and just ended up calling the hospital who said I should just come in for a check anyway seeing as though I'd had balloon open up cervix and all, baby might fall out and that would be just messy...

So went to the hospital around 2 in the afternoon and had contractions all afternoon but nothing that I couldn't handle. At about 7 o clock they said I was about 6cm dilated and it would probably be after midnight which just wasn't what you want to hear but can't be helped I guess. The contractions got a bit more painful as if my body was hurrying up to get it over with and Ryota chose this time to go to the conbini because he was hungry... While he was out the doc came in and said "are you tired? Should we just get it over with?" Brilliant display of Japanese efficiency, I was like, "yup, let's do it!" they broke my water and after that it was all go, 30 minutes later and I was in absolute agony groaning like some kind of wild animal and gripping the rails of the bed with such force they shook violently every time a contraction came.

Ryota just made it back in time, chomping on his bread, bewildered at how fast things were happening. After I got the urge to push it's all a bit of a blur but I remember the nurse telling me not to push yet and me telling her to piss off because trying not to push when you have a giant head bearing down on your minge is possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After they had everything in place and and the doc had come to oversee things they told me I could push and I remember the strict but nice nurse grabbing my hands and saying "vinegar arrow San!!! Look at me! Now push!!!!!" If it hadn't been the worst pain of my life I probably wold have laughed. They then told me that they would be giving me the snip and I was all for it, rather a clean cut vagina than a ripped one to my bum hole, I don't remember him cutting me but Ryota said he almost vomited when he heard the 'snip snip' sound it made. Lovely.

After the chop he came out in about 3 pushes, which was surprisingly lovely considering it took 4 hours of that shit with Ash. After he was out and I was all sewn up I felt brilliant, even stole Ryota's bloody conbini bread from him and noshed on that!
After everyone except my mother in law had left (Ryota planned on going to work the next day, fucking Japan!) I experienced something worse than the fucking birth, I couldn't stop shaking, and I'm not talking little tremors, my whole body, every fucking muscle was violently shaking, the worst was my jaw, my teeth were a rattling together so much that I was either biting my tongue or at risk of breaking a tooth, I've never experienced anything like it. The nurse didn't quite know what to do the silly cow so they called the doc and he said I'd had an infection and would probably get a high fever after the shakes stopped. So I stuck a towel in my mouth and waited it out, and sure enough after about 30 minutes panicking that I was going to die, they stopped and I got a 40 degree fever. Was not pleasant but I wa lying down and they gave me some pain killers so not too bad.

Baby boy had a bit of a fever too so they had to put him on an IV for 3 days, but he's fighting fit and sucking down boob at a pace that's hard to keep up with!
We came home on Sunday and this week has been a bitof an adjustment, but we're all doing well and getting our groove!

So here he is!

Making his blog debut! Bailey Kaion Vinegar Arrow! (酢矢ベイリィ海音)

Thursday 14 June 2012


I have better in-laws than most, especially in Japan where I've heard horror stories of families not accepting a gaijin partner or just not being supportive at all. And even though I bitch about funny everyday things like dog-fucker being annoying as all dog-fucking hell, they are the reason that I can work. As I type between lessons, (no baby yet, thought I was having contractions this morning but they stopped at lunch time!) Ash has been home all day with someone from the in-law camp keeping an eye on him while I've been teaching. So I really have no reason or authority to complain.

But I will, because, well, it's my blog and I'll whinge if I want to...

So after I went into hospital last week the doctor told me while MIL and SIL were with me that I should be on bed rest. Of course I wasn't going to go on complete bed rest, I have shit to do, but I did hope I could take it easy, as in not cooking or doing too much running around. If it had been my family, I think they would have offered to cook and take Ash to kindy, or if they hadn't offered I would have felt comfy enough to just straight out ask them. I'm not comfy enough with my in-laws to demand favours, if I'm really stuck then I'll ask but when it's not a matter of life and death I won't ask. So the day after I got out of hospital I didn't hear anything from the in-laws, I was working until 8pm and hadn't done anything for dinner but didn't want to ask them to feed us so I ended up throwing left over rice and some vegies together to make fried rice but I ended up putting too much sake in it and Ryota was like, "Ummm are we having alcoholic rice for dinner...?" Now usually I'd tell him to shove his fucking rice up his arse, but this was actually a fair comment, I had to take the bowl from Ash before I was arrested for getting a 3 year old drunk from rice. And the tears came, because I felt so overwhelmed. Ryota immediately tried to recover and said "It just got better!!!" but he was right, it was shithouse and I felt like a big failure. I couldn't cook dinner, couldn't give birth, had no support... blah blah fucking drama queen blah, but I think the hormones and mental strain of preparing and then un-preparing for a baby to be yanked out of my uterus had something to do with it.

And there was something else, and I was ashamed to admit it so I kind of fibbed to Ryota, but earlier in the day I was coming home from the school for lunch and bumped into MIL, SIL and the lady down the road about to go out for lunch together. Now, I don't usually have the time to go out for lunch but I happened to have about 2 hours free that day and I was really hurt that they hadn't asked me to go with them. I lied to Ryota and said I was crying because I'd talked to my mum in Australia and she and my sister were going out for the day together and that I was homesick, so it was kind of the truth but twisted around a bit... Ryota of course has little sympathy for this kind of thing, his immediate response is always "Then let's fucking go back to Australia!!!" And he's right, it's my choice to be here, but I do miss going shopping with my mum and my sister, I miss being pampered like a little princess by my family and I hate that I can never have that with my in-laws. I was pissed that MIL and SIL were going out for lunch without asking me and without offering to help me out. Which is ridiculous, but it's the way I felt nonetheless.

It took me a few hours of self-pity and crying to get over it, Ryota skulked off to the in-laws to scab some dinner and I threw my alcoholic rice out with big sobs. Grandma did offer to do my washing, but it was one of those Japanese offers that she didn't really mean but would do if I dumped a load of dirty clothes on her lap.

I guess I have to learn to have a thicker skin and to start asking for things or I'll never get anything I'm looking for.
Most people will think I'm selfish for expecting them to do anything but I guess that's just the way I was brought up, our family is always there for each other, family comes first. It's hard for me not having that support, and then feeling guilty whenever I do accept help.

Dear fucking God I just want this baby out so badly, get those hormones out and let the sleep deprivation begin, the sooner it starts the sooner it will be over and I can get back to my normal life where a bad day involves a beer at the end of it!

Tuesday 12 June 2012

The birth that wasn't...

Sorry for the absence, I have a pretty good excuse though, one that involves my vagina being stretched to 4cm open.
So it started on Thursday, I had my usual baby check appointment at 11:30, but because every uterus in a 5 km radius seems to be impregnated, I didn't get in to see the doc until 1pm. By this time I was cranky and bored, but I got a rude shock, after all the routine ultrasounds and shit, the doctor said, "OK, your blood pressure is way too high, we need to get the baby out." Ummm, back it up doc, just a minute ago you were poking around my minge telling me that I was all closed for business, no baby yet! My blood pressure is always high when I go to that damn place, no wonder with the fat lectures I get, and hospitals make me nervous as it is. I've also been pretty busy lately, what with a job, small child and high maintenance husband and all. I would have told him to piss off, except for the past week I had actually been having splitting headaches every day, along with some funky eye twitching, which he informed me is a sign of hypertension.

So I called on the lovely Sassymoo to take over my lessons at the school and dashed home to try and get a few things together, I hadn't even bought the bloody snap crotch panties that you need yet, luckily MIL went on a panty run and then I was in the hospital, all ready to be induced first thing Friday morning.
And Friday morning came, I got the inducing drugs, which aren't nearly as lovely as they sound. Contractions came, but they were pissy little ones, if it had been my first time I probably would have been in pain but I know how intense that shit gets and these were nowhere near what they should have been to push a massive head out my minge. They kept upping the drugs but nothing was happening so the doc comes and shoves a balloon up my fanny and inflates it, which wasn't comfy, but not too bad. This opened my cervix to 4cm, and that's exactly where it has stayed, even now I'm sitting here with an open cervix, bizarre!

By 3pm it was clear I wasn't getting anywhere (and the doc had to think about his schedule) so we stopped the meds. This would all be fine except the rooms at the hospital are all bastard hot so the babies don't catch colds, which is fine, if you actually have a baby! I was stuck in a fucking long sleeved hospital gown with no options for a shower due to the IV stuck in m arm, it really was hell. Added to that was the monitor on my tummy, dear god the dirty gaijin sweat that monitor band absorbed was ridiculous!
So try again Saturday was the verdict. And we did, and I'm no genius or anything, but I figured if the drugs hadn't worked the day before, then they weren't gunna. And they didn't. By that time I either wanted the baby out, or I wanted a shower, those were my terms. The doc came and saw us on Saturday afternoon and said that we could take a break Sunday (his day off) and try again Monday, or we could just leave it and wait for the baby to come on his own. Ummmm yes fucking please!

So we wait! There's only 2 weeks until my due date anyway so at least I won't be waiting too long with my cervix flapping in the wind! I'm supposed to be on bed rest to make sure my blood pressure is ok, but I'm typing this from the school, I don't do bed rest. The doc will kill me if he knows I'm still doing everything I am, but I'm finding for how good my in-laws are at supporting me, they're actually pretty shit this time, but that's a post to be saved for next time...

Until another update or pictures of a small monkey-like creature!

Saturday 2 June 2012

Dog update

After many tears, trips to the vet everyday for IV drips, stress and general drama, the dog is... slightly better!

I am VERY relieved, I know it's impossible I cursed him, but he's been part of the family for 12 years and it would have been sad if he'd died. He's still pissing blood and barely eating, but he can stand up a bit, which is a good thing seeing as though he couldn't move at all for about 3 days.

The reason for his sudden decline?? The vet that is getting paid a small fortune couldn't determine, so, it has been blamed on... My son!
Brilliant! Grandma came up with the bright idea that the other day Ash had (accidentally, I ALWAYS make sure he is not cruel to animals) fallen on the dog and that was what had happened. Now Ash is a big boy, over 20kgs, so falling on the dog wouldn't do it any good, but I have doubts this is what caused him to be so ill. If he just couldn't walk, or had a broken leg I might believe it, but it seems to me there are just way too many symptoms to blame it on Ash. Still, I'll be happy if he is the cause, at least it's not cancer or something terminal.

I wasn't there when Ash fell on the dog, but apparently he kind of rolled off the sofa onto him, they thought it would have hurt the dog a bit but the dog didn't yelp or anything at the time so nobody really thought that was the reason. Thanks Grandma, can always rely on you to lay blame on something to do with me! Not really, but kinda...

In even more shocking news though, MIL has cut her Thailand holiday short and is coming home early! Ummmm what the fuck is going on?! Each to their own, but she really can't do much for him, I wish SIL hadn't even told her! So not only do I not get my rip-off bags, but she's only cutting off 3 days of her trip off, which seems even more ridiculous to me, if she came home the day that SIL called her then I could maybe understand it, but it's only 3 days early which just seems like a waste to me. The bloody dog will probably be running around by then anyway!

Thursday 31 May 2012

Dog guilt

Dear fucking God I cursed the dog with my post!

Within literally 10 minutes of writing that last post, sister-in-law informed me she was cancelling her one day of work she has a week and could she please borrow our car because the dog was 'shindoi.'
Now 'shindoi 'is one of those lovely over-used Japanese words that can mean anything from 'a bit buggered', to 'just can't be fucked', to 'on my death bed'. So she clarified that the dog wasn't able to walk and wasn't eating anything.

I instantly felt bad, I didn't mean to curse the poor little thing with my blogging!
So they took him to the vet and he was no better today so he's staying at the vet getting drips and making said vet rich to see if he gets any better, but when sister in law came home in tears she said the vet had kept saying "Hmmm he is really old you know..." I guess that meant there wasn't that much they could do. I personally feel putting him down is the humane thing to do with pets that have had a long life (he's 12) and have little chance of good quality of life, but I dare not say this to sister-in-law (I just feel wrong calling her dog-fucker now...) because she may just have a bit of a mental breakdown.

I offered my help in any way as far as driving to and from vets and gave her an awkward pat on the back, if it had been a normal person a hug would have been in order but the Japanese aren't big on hugging and especially not sister-in-law, so I steered clear.

The only thing that gives me hope the dog will recover, is when sister-in-law went on holiday for a week a few years ago, we all were SO sure the dog was dying, but he's THAT pampered that he was just missing her and perked up when she got home. The timing is interesting seeing as though MIL is in Thailand, I wonder if he'll make a dramatic recovery when she gets back. I made the mistake(?) of mentioning this to SIL and she jumped on it straight away, mailing furiously that her mum should come home asap, she's still got a week of her trip to go and is with her on-again, off-again boyfriend in Bangkok so I doubt she'll want to come home earlier, (plus I want my fake bags I ordered!!) but who knows what the members of this family will do for that dog.

So blogging Gods, I officially apologise for teasing the poor dog, please help him to recover quickly!!

Tuesday 29 May 2012

Happy Birthday dear... Dog...?

I'm totally an animal lover, I prefer cats to dogs, but that's only because I love that cats are more arrogant and easier to care for. But is it just me that sees it as weird to get a birthday cake for their pet every year??
Now a doggy cake, I can understand. Some nice steak in his dog bowl, fine. A special doggy treat, OK! But a real human cake that the dog himself can't actually eat...? What's the fucking point?!

I went to the in-law's house yesterday to go and retrieve Ash who had gone there hours earlier, usually I'm glad for the peace and order that no small child brings, but they feed him loads of crap RIGHT before dinner which means I feel like throwing the plate of whatever I've made over his head when he refuses to eat it, which isn't really fair, seeing as though it's not really his fault... Anyway!
As expected, he's tucking in to a big piece of strawberry shortcake, not the cheapo shit either, a real fujiya birthday cake complete with the birthday message plate that Ash was licking. Just as he shoved the message plate into his mouth I caught the name on it and realised it was the dog's name... So SIL had gone to the trouble of ordering a custom made birthday cake, paid for it, (this may have been Grandma because she has no money) gone and collected it and eaten it... Alone. Or with the dog...?
Some of you have asked why I call her 'dog-fucker' and this kind of shit is precisely why. She has an unhealthy relationship with this dog, seriously. I was actually a bit miffed, why didn't she invite us over for dog birthday cake!? It seems a bit less sad if at least there's a gathering for the dog's birthday, rather than just sister-in-law, the dog, a dark room and some candle light. Did she sing happy birthday to him?? I seriously wish I had a hidden camera that could follow her around sometimes. God only knows what happens when she settles down with the dog at night under her futon.. It makes me shudder...

There has been a lot of talk lately about dog fucker ever getting a real life/getting married, but I'm actually more intrigued as to what she's going to do when the dog dies, I swear to God there will be mental breakdowns, tears, bouts of depression... I don't want the dog to go or anything, but he's 12 and seems to be in pain half the time, so him fading away might not be a bad thing, it will certainly be an interesting social experiment to watch dog-fucker's reaction anyway.

It's her birthday on Sunday too, I'm not sure what I should do as MIL's in Thailand the official party organising duties probably fall on my shoulders, but perhaps I'll cry busy pregnant woman and worm my way out of it... What do you buy for the girl with no life and a dog obsession...?!

Wednesday 23 May 2012

Come on Japan, let's get with it!

The mayor of Osaka not only forces teachers to stand and face the flag while singing the national anthem. He wants to fire any public worker who has a tattoo.

Usually this would mildly annoy me. However, half my income, ie. Ryota's income depends on this issue, what with him being a public worker with tattoos and all.

Toru Fuckface Hashimoto's father and uncle who are both dead have been said to have been associated with the yakuza and Hashimoto himself was raised in a poor area and probably labelled "burakku." So now he has a hard on for anyone working in the public sector who is mobbed up. Fair enough, Daddy issues, I get it. But firing anyone with a tattoo?? Come on now, this is 2012 where tattoos are clearly gaining popularity for cosmetic reasons, even in Japan. Pop singers have them, surely that means something in this damn country!? Maybe if AKB48 all get matching tatts then wankers like Hashimoto may change their minds...?

A postman in Osaka was fired for having a beard. Is it only me that sees this as a problem...? Luckily he fought the system, won, and got compensation and his job back. Of course he will probably be scrubbing post office floors for the rest of his life, but it's the principle that counts.
 Kids at school will be held down kicking and screaming while make-up is scrubbed off their face and their hair is sprayed black if they've dyed it... I've seen this being done, and that girl was literally clawing and screeching to keep her individuality as it was erased so she could fall into line among the other faceless, indistinguishable black-haired girls. I hated watching it, but I live in Japan so I have to follow the rules to a certain extent and kept my mouth shut.

Is the lack of individuality the reason why Japanese society functions?? What would happen if we were to scrap the rules about looking/acting the same?? Would everyone's brains explode??

Ryota sometimes say to me when we have a difference of opinions (which is often!), "We're not a good team, we don't have the same thinking!" But I want to scream at him, "If I had the same thinking as you all the time, I would die of boredom." I like arguing. I like people who are different. I like individuality! Not to say Ryota is a lemming, there are times where I'm more Japanese than Ryota, but just some issues where he is totally into conformity. He has his bi-annual health check this week, and once again we shall put tape over his tattoos and he will tell the doctor he strained a muscle... in his back, and err... arm, yup, same as every other check Doc!
I really want him to not cover them and see what happens but I fear we're not far enough yet, we need more bearded posties and less Hashimotos before that will ever happen.

Friday 18 May 2012

Mother's day divorce

I swear to God if Ryota and I ever get divorced, I guarantee it will happen on Mother's day. I don't know why, but it is NEVER a good day. OK, we've only had 4 together, but the 1st one was a disaster because he did sweet fuck all and I was new to the whole 'Japanese guys don't give a shit about sentimental holidays' game and was really upset, the second I was pissed because he knew I got upset the first time but still didn't get it right or make much of an effort at all, and the third was a disaster that ended up in me sobbing at the register of a restaurant. So by the 4th, I was fully prepared for him to not do anything, but turned out he made a VERY good effort, but we ended up in massive fight anyway.
The fight started on Saturday. OK, actually it started when he went to Australia and I cleaned our house from top to bottom, and not just surface cleaning and shoving shit in cupboards like my usual efforts, I'm talkin' organising, cleaning, scrubbing type cleaning. You know, the type good housewives do everyday and shit. I don't blame him totally, because this is my hang up, but I thought he should appreciate my efforts a bit more than he did. Someone throwing shit all over the floor when you've spent a week meticulously folding underpants, scrubbing grime in the shower and looking after a 3 year old by yourself was not the best way to impress me, but when Ryota got home he proceeded to do his usual trick of throwing his clothes wherever they fell. It drives me nuts, especially when it's sweaty undies or socks strewn all over the place after he's been running. But, I know it's just something he's not good at, he's quite good at other cleaning type stuff, just clothes and coffee cups are his downfall, so I do what I believe you have to do in a partnership- I suck it up and keep it zipped, because getting on with people is all about compromise in my opinion.

So come Saturday morning and Ash spilt his drink. I went to grab a rag to mop it up. I may be strange but I see a rag as a rag, I wipe whatever and then I throw it in the washing machine so to me it doesn't really matter what I mop up, unless it's baby poo or something and then I use bum wipes. But apparently this is repulsive to Ryota, who's family have always separated table rags from floor rags. Now, I get this, you don't have to wash the table rags every time, but it just wasn't how it was done in my house, so considering I do all of the cleaning in the house, I do it my way. This drives Ryota mental, it always has, along with my lack of refrigerator management, which I admit is not good, but fuck, cut me some slack, nobody is perfect! After we had a spat about it, he then plastered his protests on facebook, which pissed me off too, but whatever, it's just facebook I didn't really give a fuck.

I went to work on Saturday afternoon and got home at 8 to Ryota furiously cleaning out the fridge. I was too tired to give a fuck but when he started getting narky with me obviously pissed off it really fucked me off. He then informed me that he and Ash had already eaten and he hadn't made anything for me. This just kind of hurt. I would never do that to him, especially if he'd been working and his coldness really upset me. It then released the bitch in me and I was PISSED. Slamming shit around and thinking about how lucky he was that his wife was willing to go out and work at all, maybe he should have married a Japanese woman who would have quit work when she got engaged! But noooo, stupid bastard has stupid piss poor job that doesn't make nearly enough money to support us. I was internalising all the anger, I felt/ feel? like a big victim in that I'm still working so hard this pregnancy. He called me a stupid bitch at one point and I said "Fucking leave if I'm such a stupid bitch then!"

I stomped off to bed and he slept in the spare room, I'm ALWAYS the one to apologise first but not this time, not over fucking separating rags and not cleaning the fridge properly. Golden week without him really showed me that I can go it alone if I really have to, it saves me hours in picking up sweaty undies if nothing else. The next morning I had to work in Osaka and I always take Ash with me in the stroller so Ryota always drops us off at the train station but because we were ignoring each other he fucked off for a haircut, leaving me (8 months pregnant mind you) to struggle with Ash and the stroller balanced in the bicycle to the station about a 10 minute ride away. Not a big deal, but again, very hurtful that it was mother's day and he didn't care enough about me or the baby enough to swallow his pride and insist on driving us to the station. Again, I know I was playing the victim a bit, it was my choice to work after all, but still... Chivalry is so past dead in Japan it's not funny.

So after he fucked off I sent him a text saying I wanted him out of the house by the time I got home, and he replied with "Fine I'll be back May 20th." I wanted to send another one back saying, "why stop at May 20th, just fucking leave for good!" But I didn't want to text again so just left it. He was there when I got home, as were a present, flowers and card on the table. I ignored all and he said he was leaving soon. I think he expected me to open a dialogue but I wasn't having it, just said "good" and collapsed on the couch, I was pretty fucked after working anyway. He started banging things into a bag and finally left. It was when I didn't hear his bike that I realised by "moving out" he was going to Grandma's house (3 fucking steps away!) Stupid twat.
After about an hour he came back, I think Grandma had told him to stop being an arse and he came back to talk. We had it out, the details of the argument are kind of boring, but basically I made it very clear I didn't feel appreciated or considered enough and that if I was a housewife doing lunches with friends and watching Korean dramas all day then he had every right to knit pick about cleaning, but when I'm working and doing the majority of the house stuff he had no fucking right to bitch.
So after that exhausting weekend of fighting I finally got some awesome shoes and a new personalised ipod saying "always love you Mummy" along with the token carnations, so he finally got the

Saturday 12 May 2012

A look inside dog-fucker's psyche...

So all the family is back together again, that's Grandma, MIL, Ryota, Dog-fucker, BIL, Ash, my growing belly, the (fucked) dog and our little cat. Now for me, this means more people to deal with, more drama and generally just having to co-exist with nice enough people but people who none the less never really cut it because they just aren't my own family. For dog-fucker, this is her heaven.

I guess for people with very few friends (not that I should brag, not exactly a social butterfly myself) family is VERY important. I never realised just how important for dog-fucker until last night when we were all sprawled out in the living room watching Ash do something that we all think is cute but you'd probably think is obnoxious, when I heard the "click! click!" sounds of a camera and looked up to see dog-fucker with tears in her eyes taking pictures.

I was in my pyjamas doing stretched to try and get the damn baby in my belly to get his head down and bum up (he's still breech), Ryota was sweaty and doing sit-ups after going for a run, (or shagging perhaps, who knows?!) MIL was going through receipts to see how much BIL's medical bills were going to cost, and Grandma and BIL were just lounging around, not a pretty picture, but obviously significant to dog-fucker?? When we asked her what the fuck she was doing, well actually the first words out of my mouth were "OI! NO FACEBOOK I'M FAR TOO FAT FOR FACEBOOK!!!" She said that she thought it was a nice picture to see us all together and relaxed...

It was nice to see a soft side of her, but Ryota read my mind and said "Jesus, you need to get a life!!"

We got along quite well when it was just us for the week, although she has vowed never to go to her father's house again because all the family there were giving her shit for not being able to get married when we had a BBQ during golden week. Her Dad and his brother were horribly pissed and I did join in and had a bit of a dig too, but I was sober enough to see the dark cloud wash over her face as she got more and more pissed off with their taunting. She'll be 27 next month, which is considered getting old and definitely to marrying age in Japan, which I would usually say is ridiculous, I wanted to get married any time after 28. But dog-fucker is 27 and has never had a relationship, of any kind. She's barely had friendships, and I'd say with 90-100% certainty that she's never kissed a guy. Only dogs...

I don't think 27 is too late by any standards, but you gotta have some kind of platform, no?? Maybe I'm being old-fashioned. Besides, if she's happy fornicating with dogs for the rest of her life, who is anyone else to interfere? I just hope we don't get stuck with her spinster arse at some later stage!

I wish there was more juicy gossip to dig but sadly dog-fucker has been quite mentally stable the last few months. I'm sure with enough marriage teasing she will be pushed over the edge.

Tomorrow is Mother's day, I'm just waiting for Ryota to spectacularly disappoint me like every other year, I'll let you know!

Monday 7 May 2012

GW wrap up. Single-mother style!

So brother in law is back in Japan, as is MIL and Ryota. Turns out he has some rare brain disease called "Moyamoya disease" or もやもや病 in Japanese. When Ryota told me, I was like, 'OK, what is it in English?' So there was utter confusion until we had established that whities usually don't get it and the word in English is the same in Japanese... It's rare and serious and will need an operation, but he should be fine, a big relief!

So Ryota left for Australia on the Saturday of Golden week and came back yesterday, which meant I had a whole week free of work and annoying husband! Annoying child remained, but I think it was a twist of fate, after the baby is born (NEXT FUCKING MONTH BY THE WAY!?!?) Ash will have very little alone time with me, he hardly gets any now, so this week was good for us to bond... and shit. It was actually a good test, to see if I could survive as a single mother if I had to, not saying I'd want to, although it was nice doing things at my own pace. And I could! More than I just managed, I was a super fucking housewife! I made cakes and dinners and cleaned the house top to bottom, I could actually get used to the housewife life if we ever win lotto or something!

Of course it wasn't all happy 1950's housewife, there was the elevator incident mentioned in the previous post that still has me thinking I want to escape this fucking country, Ash driving me crazy on numerous occasions, and a bit of loneliness at night, but all were overcome with me blog-venting, taking deep breaths before I threw Ash out the window and cuddling up with my ipad on the sofa respectively.

We didn't really do anything fun, but seeing as though we're saving money and all I wanted to do was take it easy and roll around in the warm and fuzzy feeling of not having to work, it was perfect! I even bonded with the dog-fucker a little bit, she's actually been tolerable lately.

So of course it will be different with two kids, but I think if it came to the crunch, I could be a single mother! Comforting when your husband is a bit of an arse really! He gave me a big squeezy hug when he got back, which is kind of out of character for him and said he'd 'studied' while he was in Australia. He said that he'd met some Aussie couples and the wives were lazy cows and that he really appreciated me! So a good trip for all involved really.

Back to work today, but it's amazing what a week off will do, when you feel refreshed you don't actually mind when a student tells you they went to shopping or their hobbies include sleeping...

Hope everyone had a nice golden week, and if you're not in Japan I feel sorry for you, Golden week is fucking awesome!

 Loot from Australia!

 The welcome home sign I actually had time to make, what else is a housewife going to do!?

Err... Ash

Tuesday 1 May 2012


There are lots of stereotypes about Japan, some of them more true than others. But the stereotype that Japanese people are polite, is not true. They may appear polite for things that they choose to show an image of being polite with, but on a basic level, they aren't. I already knew this, but it was demonstrated to me today on the most clear, basic, human level of manners there is.

Here's the scene: crowded shopping centre in Osaka, 10th floor. I'd waited patiently for at least 5 minutes at the doors of the disabled elevator. Let me clarify what qualifies you to ride the disabled elevator; you are in a wheelchair, have a physical disability, have a stroller and therefore can't ride the escalators safely, you are pregnant, or you have some other kind of physical disability that makes walking difficult. This is all written in Japanese, however there are also little cute pictures so any fucktard can work it out.

Now personally, if I'm by myself (and not heavily pregnant) I never ride the disabled elevators or sit on the seats on the train. It's just the way I was brought up, however I don't have a problem with people who aren't disabled using these facilities, provided there is enough space for people who really need to use them and they vacate if someone needs to use them. Is this not common sense?

So anyway, I got on the elevator and was crammed in with at least 10 other people who appeared to have no physical disabilities. There was also one other lady who had a stroller. It was a tight squeeze and my clearly swollen belly was grinding into the side railing, but it's just an elevator ride, I was fine. The elevator made its way down and the bell cheerily dinged and the doors slid open on the 9th floor with a sea of hopeful faces wanting to see some space for them. After their faces dropped at the realization that there was no chance of them squeezing in, the doors closed again and we began to go down again. The doors once again opened at the 8th floor and the only person waiting was a man in a wheelchair.

He smiled and said "oh it's all full!" as the doors started to slide closed and I just though " ummm what the fuck is going on here!?" this is when I stretched my long gaijin arms and smacked the 'open' button while saying (in Japanese ) "hang on, this is a disabled elevator!" I took Ash out with my finger still on the open button and told the man in the wheelchair to get on the elevator. Now this is where I expected someone to get off so we could get back on, and after it became apparent that nobody was, I saw fucking red. I saw more than red, I was filled with hatred and rage for the people on that elevator. Being pregnant doesn't help these situations I'm sure.
The man in the wheelchair was still saying thank you to me, but apart from that, every person on that elevator was looking at their fucking feet like slimy fucking cunts.

This is what I said (again in Japanese)

Is nobody going to get off?


Can nobody read that sign in Japanese....? No? Only me?...

REALLY?! The only person who is willing together off this elevator is the one who is 8 months pregnant?! Nobody is ashamed of this?!

A woman actually had the fucking nerve to bow her ugly cunt of a head in something that she must have thought was an apology! I wish I'd smacked her hard enough to show her how much she should really bow. And as the doors closed, I was shaking my head and said in English "you slimy cunts"

This isn't the first time this has happened, in Osaka it is a frequent occurrence and I can't stand it. I don't want to live here with these people who spout filth about how polite they are and that they hate being lumped together with the rest of Asia, that Chinese people have no manners. Fuck it maybe they don't have good manners ,but at least they don't go around pretending to be something they're not.

I can't describe how angry this has made me, I don't want to live here anymore and before anyone says it, I know there are people like this in any place, but I think the thing that annoys me about it SO much in Japan, is the fact that these people are breaking a rule. Japanese people are ALL about the fucking rules in every other situation, but when it comes to the human decency of getting of your lazy arse and walking down an escalator to let someone who is less capable than you use a fucking elevator, nope, no following the rules here! I just don't get it!!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday 28 April 2012

Little bro update

Thank you for your concern for my brother-in-law, it's so hard being far away, even in this modern age, information is sketchy, but Ryota is headed to the Gold Coast tonight for a week to see what's going on (and have a little holiday on an insurance paid-for ticket!). At least if Junpei is going to get a life-threatening illness he chose to do it at a very convenient time when we all have holidays!

Things were looking better after he got out of ICU, they were monitoring him, keeping him on blood thinners to make sure there was no clotting in his brain and he was generally alert and able to walk around and stuff. Typical Aussie hospital too, they even let him go to a nearby restaurant for dinner the night his mum got there! Japanese hospital staff would have a brain hemorrhage just contemplating that idea! I hate the over-protective, often seemingly unnecessary hospital system here in Japan, but I have to admit, it makes me feel a little bit safer than the Aussie, "Yeah, you'll be right mate, just got a bit of a sore noggin'!" attitude!

They said that if his CT scan yesterday was all clear then he would actually be able to be released from hospital, but they have found more bleeding and they are now worried that it wasn't an isolated event, but actually caused by... something else... Literally my mother-in-law's words. When I asked her what she thought they meant, brain tumour and cancer were thrown around, and seeing as though he had leukaemia when he was a kid, this is a very fucking scary but quite real possibility.

I've never been close to my brother in law, but I've always had a soft spot for him and hate seeing him go through something so scary when he was just starting to actually live his life by escaping the jikka and seeing the world. Very very sad. They want him to get back to Japan as soon as possible to see about surgery and treatment options, but apparently we'll know more on Monday when he has more tests.

Again, keep him in your thoughts for me!

Thursday 26 April 2012


'Gaman' is a great word in Japanese. It may be up there with 'ganbatte' and 'sho ga nai'. It basically means 'suck it up' and it's something that I think Japan is training me very well for.

I bitch a LOT about Japan, but really I love living here, I think when it gets to the point of white, hot rage against Japan, nobody can actually stand staying, they just go. I have my moments but for the most part I love living here.

Then maybe Japan has nothing to do with it, maybe it's just me getting older and wiser? Whatever it is, I'm finding myself accepting the things that I can't change with a lot more grace and maturity than ever before. Even if I do say so myself!

I've always hated change, even when I was a kid, my mum was constantly wanting to change the furniture in my room, just for the hell of it, just for a refresh. And I fucking hated it. If I came home to hear the vacuum cleaner and see the door to my room open I'd instantly get angry because I knew the bed would be under the window or near the door, or somewhere it hadn't been the night before, and I fucking despised it. I was a bit of a selfish cow now I think about it, but it just made me kinda panic, all that change.

Jobs are the same, I only ever had one part-time job for 6 years through school and University, and after coming to Japan have had a total of 4 different jobs in 7 years, and all those changes were not my choice, what with bankruptcy, and babies and stuff. It's a shame I hate change so much, because every big change I've ever made has been for the better, I am just really reluctant to actually do it.

The upcoming arrival of my baby is no exception. I literally had panic attacks at the thought of all the change it's going to bring in the beginning, but I'm starting to accept that it's happening. I can't stop it, so I have to roll with it, do the best I can.
My instant reaction to things I don't like is to kick and scream and cry. (Literally and figuratively...) Just recently, my schedule has been an 8 o clock finish every night of the week except Sunday, I HATED this, it may not seem late but when you have a hungry kid and hungry incompetent twat for a husband, trust me it's fucking late. But I truly feel that I'm adapting, because that's just the way it is. A few years ago I don't think I could have adapted, not without melting down, but I'm surprising myself by 'gaman'ing it and dealing. I'm proud of myself for this, because it's one of my big character flaws and I'm glad that I might be finally growing up.

I think Japan deals with 'gaman' very well, sometimes too well, and it's all rubbing off on me. Now if only I could gaman through Ryota being a dick, then I really will be a fully-fledged Japanese gaman veteran!

Let's gaman!

Friday 20 April 2012


I'm amazed at the amount of comments on that last post! Thank you for all of them, I love a good debate whether opinions are the same as my own or not!

But pissed mails from an ex-girlfriend have kind of been pushed from my mind after discovering that Ryota's brother has had a brain hemorrhage at the ripe old age of 25...

He's in Australia at the moment on a working holiday and had said he'd had a headache for the last 10 days (must have been a shocker of a headache!). I actually feel a bit guilty, Ryota's mum was going to go to Australia and I said it was ridiculous, he wasn't a little boy... Oops.
 But to be fair, he has a track record of sleeping a lot and being generally lazy so I thought it might be a bit of 'away-from-home-stress' and that it would man him up to get through it by himself. The details are sketchy but I'm guessing he'll have to have surgery to stop the bleeding. I may be going for an unexpected trip to the gold coast for translating duties tomorrow but being pregnant and all I'd prefer not to.

Ryota's brother can be a lazy shit but he doesn't have a bad bone in his body and I really hope he's ok, being in hospital in a foreign country is scary shit and I really feel for him. I'd been here for 7 years when I got my tonsils out and it still freaked me out a bit. I feel even more from him being in an Aussie hospital where people are not so understanding when someone doesn't speak English, I hope they go slow for him.

UPDATE: Little brother is in ICU. MIL is flying out tonight so keep your fingers crossed for him. I can't stop fucking googling the worst case scenarios. :(

Monday 16 April 2012

The old phone check

I think phone checking is quite common in Japan, my J-girlfriends all check their boyfriend's/husband's mobile phone regularly and demand to know what the fuck is going on if there are any hidden folders or locks. It's almost like neurotic, possessive behaviour is a sign of love and dedication here, rather than bat shit crazy, which is the first thing that comes to mind for me. I had a friend who got divorced from his J-wife, but 2 years later she would still make him bento every single day and leave it on his doorstep when he got a new girlfriend. I think that is just nuts, no!? My J-girlfriends felt sorry for the lady and said she must still really love him... Ummm ok.

Anyway, I've never been into phone checking for a few reasons; Number 1, it's an invasion of privacy. 2, it's a little bit fucking mental. 3, I'm not really the jealous type. And 4, Ryota is never out of my hair long enough to be physically possible for him to be cheating. He literally is home at 5:50pm on the dot every single night, rarely goes to nomikais and has very little social life apart from surfing where he comes home sun burnt and full of sand so I'm pretty sure that's where he actually goes. I remember one time he said he was going to the local hardware store and was gone 2 hours, when he got back I was all, "Sooooo hardware store eh, oh yeah!" as a joke, but he actually showed me the 400 different photos he had taken on his phone while browsing power tools so he could buy them cheaper on the internet... There's just no way he could be cheating, too much of a loser!

So all this said, not sure why I checked his phone... OK, I am sure, I'm a curious fucker. Not about cheating, but I think snooping is just in my nature. My Dad is a customs officer and I'm sure that's where I get it, but if there is something to be snooped, my nose will be in it, as long as I know I won't get caught in said snooping. Also, Ryota's been bitching to me about his co-workers on a regular basis but I had a sneaking suspicion he was all chummy with them by phone and mail and then just waits till he gets home to dump all his frustrations on me.

So when he went out running yesterday and left his phone sitting there I had a little peek and was shocked and amazed at what I found. No co-worker gossip, BUT I did find emails from his ex-girlfriend and I swear to fucking god they were EXACTLY the same as some of the mails that have been passed between me and my ex-boyfriend at drunken moments. Well, exactly same except they were in a different language of course... I had actually felt guilty about the odd drunk text to my ex, so knowing Ryota was dabbling in it himself was actually quite comforting!
Basically, there was one mail that she sent him that said something like:

"I'm sorry I'm really drunk and you shouldn't reply to me, but I was just thinking about how much I miss you and want to kiss you again. I know we're both married to different people but I can never forget you..."

Drunken and harmless, but I was almost squealing with excitement at this sudden scandal injected into my otherwise dull life! I was trying to guess his response before I scrolled down, because Ryota has trouble writing a fucking birthday card message let alone a response to some heavy shit like that. He was very gentlemanly and dignified though, his response was some thing like, "It's OK I'm drunk too... (HIGHLY unlikely I think he was just trying to make her feel better!) I often think about you too... It's hard to forget the past..."

His reply was so awkward and choppy, I almost wanted to re-write it and tell him what to say to the poor girl. Then there were a few the next day from her apologising and other random ones where he said he was thinking about something they did together or a funny memory. All pretty damn innocent, but in my world of work, sleep, eat, try-not-to-damage-child, this is juicy!

I'm hoping she'll get on the piss again and send another one, I'll have to do random  phone checking more often!

So, do you phone check?? Ever found anything?? Would you use it against him/her if you did?? I'm so fucking hungry for gossip after this tiny taste!